AN / A random oneshot. I love writing oblivious Natsu.

Revised: 22/04/14

It all started with yet another guild brawl (since, after all, that's where most things did begin in Fairy Tail).

"Face it, Natsu! I'm more of a man than you'll ever be!"

Natsu offered the older man a scorching glare in return for the insult, lobbing a fireball at his face. "Yeah right, iron head."

Halting with his attacks momentarily, Gajeel landed on a table and straightened up, tilting his head to the side to allow the ball of fire to sail on past and hit some other unfortunate mage behind. Folding his arms over his chest, the dragon slayer cocked an eyebrow with a smug grin. "Oh yeah, do you even know how to become a man?"

Natsu paused in the midst of sending yet another fire ball across the guild hall - leading many of the Fairy Tail members caught in the cross-fire to sigh in relief - and blinked in stunned silence, staring at Gajeel with a vacant expression. "…Huh?"

Figures. Gajeel snorted in amusement. "And you think you're on par with me. At least I've slept with a woman-"

On the other side of the guild, Levy flushed and promptly began choking on her drink much to Jet and Droy's panic (and slight suspicion).

"-so in terms of manliness, I'm ahead of you there, dork."

Glaring even more intensely, Natsu pointed a finger in Gajeel's direction and yelled fiercely in response: "You're the one who's ahead of yourself! I'll have you know I've slept with Lucy plenty of times!"

Silence.

All chatter and sound ceased in the guild hall, as all eyes snapped around to focus on the pink haired dragon slayer.

"You… have?" Gajeel asked, eyes bulging with shock. The idiot had gotten laid? And more times than him?

"Of course." Natsu replied, folding arms over his chest in triumphant. "I sleep with her all the time!"

Erza spluttered incoherently whilst Gray tried to get rid of the disgusting images trying to infiltrate his mind. So far, no success.

"Several times a week in fact!"

Mirajane finally fainted from over-excitement, causing many of the male members in the guild hall to rush to her rescue.

"I'm way more of a man than you!" Natsu shouted, grinning ear to ear with hands placed on his hips and looking very much like the cat who got the cream.

Cana burst into voracious laughter, unable to contain it any longer. Meanwhile, Gajeel stared on at the younger dragon slayer, eyes bug-eyed and lips parted in silent shock. The pink haired dolt got satisfied more times than him – even though he was the older here and supposedly the more badass. What would Metalicana have say to him if he saw him in this moment?

The studded mage quickly walked off whilst muttering to himself, intending on sitting down somewhere alone to have a long, long sulk.

Meanwhile, left by himself, Natsu finally noticed the many pairs of eyes on him.

"…What?"

Cana smirked coyly. "So did you at least use protection, Natsu?"

Natsu blinked. "Protection?"

Everybody's mouths dropped open. A pale Mirajane who had finally come around, fainted once again, images of babies floating throughout her head.

"N-N-Natsu!" Lisanna yelled, staring at him in horror.

"What?" He asked, frowning in confusion as he glanced from one face to the other. Why were they all glaring at him so suddenly?

"Protection is manly!" Elfman roared. He went ignored (as always).

Erza glared angrily at the younger boy, unsheathing a sword and swinging the sharp end in his direction. Natsu swallowed nervously as the tip of the blade hovered over his collar bone, wary of making any sudden movements. "If Lucy gets pregnant, I'll kill you-"

"Shouldn't they get married if they're having a child?" Wendy asked innocently, oblivious to the murderous atmosphere.

Erza paused for a moment in consideration before nodding. "Very well, you two can marry… then I'll kill you."

Natsu processed this for a moment. "Lucy's pregnant?"

"Well if you didn't use protection, then maybe!" Lisanna cried, slapping him around the head for good measure. "Geez, Natsu."

Natsu stood silent for a moment, taking this in. Then, without a word, he turned and ran out of the guild.

A moment of silence followed before Wendy spoke up. "So… Lucy-san's pregnant?"

"Dibs on Godmother." Erza stated, expression passive.

"No way am I being Godfather of any child of Natsu's!" Gray cried, who had somehow removed all articles of clothing on his person.

"I can't believe you said that out loud!" Levy wailed at Gajeel, arms flailing as they stood off to the side.

"What? It's not like I said names!" Gajeel protested, folding his arms with an unconcerned frown.

It wasn't long before names of the kid were being argued over and another brawl started out all over again…

"Lucy!"

She slammed the door shut.

"Hey Lucy! Open the door!"

With a grumble, Lucy begrudgingly opened her door once again to the eager looking Natsu stood on her doorstep. "You're not sleeping in my bed again-"

"Will you marry me?"

A pause.

"W-What?"

Bringing out a silver ring, Natsu kneeled down and took her hand, staring up at her with earnest eyes. "Please?"

The blonde stared at him in horror, face glowing red and heart thumping wildly inside her chest. "W-W-What are you saying? Do you even know what you're asking?"

"Of course." He replied, expression serious. "I never really imagined getting married so young but…."

Lucy swallowed.

"I think any child we have should grow up in a stable family."

"C-Child?" Lucy shrieked.

Natsu continued to nod as if oblivious to her panicked reaction. "And don't worry, I'll help with feeding it and um… stuff." Whatever else it was that kids did.

"I'm only seventeen Natsu!" The stellar mage ripped her hand out of his grasp before using both to shove the fire mage away from her. "I'm not ready to have kids!"

"B-But Erza's already said she's going to be Godmother!"

"What!?" Lucy screeched, voice gaining more octaves as the conversation went on. "Why the hell are people acting as if I'm already pregnant?"

"But aren't you?"

"NO!"

He stared at her. "But… we didn't use protection…"

Lucy's face was now practically flaming. From anger, frustration or embarrassment, she couldn't decide. Probably all three.

"Natsu..." She gritted out through clenched teeth, hands forming into fists at her side. "In order to get pregnant you need to do certain… things." A pause. "And I haven't done anything near that to risk getting pregnant." Hell, she hadn't even gotten past first base with a guy yet.

He frowned, as if disappointed. "Oh… I was kinda excited at having a kid, I could teach him a bunch of cool moves."

Slapping a hand on her face, Lucy sighed in exasperation at his antics.

"I know!" Grinning suddenly, Natsu stepped forward - invading her personal space whilst he did so. "Let's get you pregnant right now!"

Silence.

A few minutes later, the entire town watched as the fire dragon slayer flew threw the early evening sky, Lucy's yell of 'Lucy Kick!' echoing throughout the streets.

…

Just another normal day for Fairy Tail huh?