Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers Generation 1.

Author's Note: What happens when a plot bunny is riding a sugar high? The owner of that plot bunny has a processor crash after unsuccessfully trying to organize a bazillion story ideas all at once. Siro, I blame you for giving me those "super sugary carrot cookies" to feed it. XD Lol not really. After all, I am the one who gave them to it. -_-

"Bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny-!"

"I get it, your a bunny! Be quiet already!"

"Transformers energizer bunny sex sixsome!"

The author whines. "I hear nothing! Lalalalala~!"

"Nanananana~! Prowl, Jazz, Optimus, First Aid, Ratchet, and Ironhide together baby! Nom, nom, nom, nom on their lubricant all day long!"

"Siro!"

Warnings: Um...Does plot bunny abuse in the author's note at the bottom of the page count as animal abuse...? Never mind.

Standard mechxmech. There are many pairings in this chapter.

"This chapter is pure crack and is filled with sex hungry mechs."

Warning (Warning is now a sentient being) gives me the following look: o.O What is this author talking about?

"Yes, I am well aware that this whole story has been about sex hungry mechs and that the author notes are pure crack."

The author has gone psycho, Warning thinks in awe.

"Warning, I have a question for you. Am I becoming Red Alert?"

"Yes."

"Now ask if I care."

"Do you care?"

"Not in the slightest. ROFL, Warning! ROFL!"

"Um...woof?"

The author gives Warning a look (o.O) before laughing so hard she busts a gut.

"Ratchet!" Warning yells.

Ratchet hits the author over the head with a wrench to prevent further damage.

Warning sighs before turning to the audience. "Please forgive the inconvenience the previous events have caused. Have fun reading the crack chapter."

~0~

After First Aid was released from Prime's capture, he kept his silent word. Prowl had the unfortunate experience of waking up from a short recharge on his tied to his berth so that Jazz could have his wicked way with him, during which they proclaimed their undying love for each other after what felt like a millenia to anyone else.

Red Alert was easier to coax into a break. First Aid simply coaxed Prime into telling him that there was a decepticon bunker a hundred miles from base and that he was sending him to check it out because Jazz was "researching" other bunkers with Prowl and Bumblebee was traveling to another base with Sam for the solar cycle. Although it wasn't the base that Red Alert knew of in military terms. Optimus also told Red Alert that Inferno was guarding the security room even though he was really waiting to jump Red Alert the moment he entered the 'decepticon base' (aka a huge cave in the middle of nowhere). Red Alert would also be conveniently trapped in the cave with Inferno after a rockslide blocked the way he had come in via Cliffjumper and Trailbreaker. Trailbreaker also had a crush on Cliffjumper so the 'mission' worked out for the four of them since Cliffjumper and Trailbreaker had been ordered to stay outside the cave until Inferno gave the cue to let them out...which would most likely take at least a solar cycle after Red Alert arrived. If the pairs weren't coming back bonded, they at least had to come back having got in an interface.

After that was said and done with, First Aid hit both Optimus and Ratchet over the helm with a wrench and dragged them to Optimus' office for punishment. He tied Ratchet up in a corner of the room, put a vibrating mechanism similar to an egg in his valve, a vibrator within his spike, and had him watch him 'face Optimus senseless into his own desk with those oh-so-helpful bonds. By the end of the solar cycle, Optimus had passed out from being 'faced so many times and Ratchet was begging behind the rag that had been shoved in his mouth. First Aid removed the gag so that Ratchet could speak temporarily.

"You son of a glitch!" Ratchet groaned out as optic fluid trailed down his face.

"Glad to see that you're enjoying yourself, Ratchet," First Aid said smugly with a grin. "I'll be happy to stop the torture if you give Optimus and I our masks back."

"Frag you!"

"Soon, Ratchet. I promise. Now..." First Aid licked away Ratchet's tears. "Do we have a deal?"

"Yes!"

"Good." First Aid quickly put the gag back in Ratchet's mouth before replacing the vibrator for his own spike. He dipped his fingers in the lubricant that was dripping from Ratchet's valve. He sucked on them sensually and only removed the rag when Ratchet moaned and overloaded again. He removed both Ratchet and Optimus' bonds before laying on the floor in a sexy manner as he waited for his loving mechs to wake up. When they finally did, he grinned at them both. "Now mechs, you aren't going to let me get away with my previous actions, are you? After all, you are my superiors."

"First Aid," Ratchet growled.

"You have been a very naughty mech," Optimus continued huskily.

"Teach this naughy mech a lesson," First Aid cooed before giggling 'innocently' when they shared a three way kiss. "Ride me until I can no longer stand."

"With pleasure," Ratchet growled as he turned him over and smacked his aft. First Aid yelped before groaning when Ratchet stuck one finger in his already wet valve and another in his spike, fingering for sensor nodes. Optimus lowered himself to the floor. Ratchet unceremoniously dumped First Aid on Optimus. Optimus took advantage of that and gently lowered First Aid onto his spike. First Aid wiggled around when he was ready and Optimus refused to move despite his whimpers. Optimus kept him still by wrapping his arms around him. Ratchet, in the meantime, sunk into him from behind. The pair teased him further by licking and nibbling on hidden cables and playfully tickling his sides until he was begging for mercy. Ratchet growled in First Aid's right audio, knowing that that always turned him on, while Optimus licked his left audio.

"Ready," Optimus whispered huskily.

"Set," Ratchet grumbled.

"Go," they said in unision before pounding into First Aid.

When they all overloaded and First Aid passed out, Optimus and Ratchet pulled out of Aid. Ratchet was standing up just as First Aid came to. Optimus smirked at First Aid. "Good morning, First Aid." First Aid blushed when Optimus kissed his nose. He was about to retaliate when one of Optimus' hands found a cable to play with, making him moan.

"I think that someone is up for round two, what do you think, Ratchet?"

"Only on one condition."

"What would that be?"

Ratchet shifted his eyes to the right twice as a hint to move. Optimus obliged and moved so that he could put his weight against his desk. First Aid was sandwiched between his thighs and held to his chest by his strong arms. Ratchet put the vibrating egg in First Aid's valve and turned it on low to torture Aid. First Aid moaned behind the rag that had been placed in his mouth while he was out cold. Ratchet subspaced the remote before grinning with his hands on his hips. "Wait here and hold him down until I come back with energon. I want to make sure that we make every dirty fantasy that our naughty mech has a reality and then some."

"So I'm just supposed to sit here while you go get energon?" Optimus asked teasingly.

Ratchet winked. "You have the vibrator if you get bored."

Optimus rumbled low in his chest in appreciation when Ratchet swung his hips in a sexy manner as he walked out of his office. Optimus waited until the door was closed again before he whispered huskily in First Aid's audio, "you will be 'faced senseless for two solar cycles. One for each of us that you tortured. By the way, Aid..." Optimus licked his audio. "You look sexy without your mask on."

Primus himself couldn't have been more right.

~0~

Author's note: "What the hell?" First Aid yells.

"Aid!" The author hides behide a chair, smiles sheepishly, and waves awkwardly. "Um...Hi First Aid."

"Why am I in a threesome with Optimus and Ratchet?" First Aid says deadly.

A sweat drop appears over the author's head. "Um, well...You see...Well, um, look, it could be worse," the author finished somewhat confidently.

"How?" First Aid had a wrench in his hand.

"Well...you could be in a group interface with Optimus, Ratchet, Hot Spot, Groove, Blades, Streetwise, Jazz, Ironhide, and Prowl..."

First Aid looked like he may have a processor crash. "What did you say?"

"Uh...It was all the plot bunny's idea!" Yeah, that's what I said, thought the author before running out of Optimus' office.

"Bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny-" First Aid hit the bunny over the head with a wrench. The bunny tilted its head in confusion as it finally came out of its sugar high. "Bunny?" It said before falling to the ground. Fantasies of autobots interfacing swirled in a comic circle above its head.

"You are aware that you just knocked out the one being that could change your current situation?" Ratchet said teasingly.

"Scrap," First Aid swore before moaning.

"Mechs who swear under my command get punished, First Aid," Optimus said teasingly before engulfing Aid's spike in his mouth.

The author appeared again hesitantly after hearing their previous conversation. "Hey! What am I, chop liver? Who do you think writes the stories? Bunnies don't type!"

"Ratchet," First Aid moaned.

The author fell to the ground as a wrench collided with her head. The last coherant thing that anyone in the room thought was by the author and First Aid at the same time: Primus hates me...

~0~

The author giggles. "I hope you all enjoyed the final crack chapter of First Aid Requires Aid! Thank you all for reading, reviewing, favoriting, alerting, etc. Until next time, my lovely readers!"