Selan stared at his father as if he'd just grown a set of cranial horns. "What?"

"Remember how I told you that I reverted to Gara's mannerisms from time to time?" Kirney asked.

"Yes," her daughter said hesitantly as she tried to process this new and totally unexpected information.

Her mother let out a protracted sigh. "Our commander, Face Loran, was trained to detect, analyze and categorize mannerisms of people. Whenever I reverted to one of Gara's traits I unwittingly sent out signs that something wasn't right about Lara Notsil. Face saw that, started wondering and asked for further information on my alias. During one of our missions against Zsinj's forces he realized who I really was and it all went downhill from then on."

"Your mother was Face's wingman and when he tried to keep her out of the fight she became worried. They forgot to switch to their private com channel so all of us could hear how Face said that he knew she was Gara Petothel …" Myn rubbed his face tiredly. "That's when my conscious self switched off. I have no recollection of what happened in the next thirty seconds … but of course I was told all the sordid details afterwards. My vengeful side took over and I fired a proton torpedo at your mother's fighter, almost killing Face in the process. When I came to my senses again I had detonated the torpedo a second before, but the damage was already done." He fell silent again.

Kirney was staring ahead, absently, but her voice was clear and strong. "Being found out was a strange experience. On the one hand it shattered the hopes and dreams I'd begun to have but it also freed me from playing yet another role. For the first time since the death of my parents I could really be myself, wasn't confined to the limits of a role I had to play.
"In a split second I decided to do something useful with the rest of my life, short as I thought it would be. I didn't think I'd get a chance to undo some of the damage I'd done as Imperial agent if I returned to the New Republic. Running and hiding wasn't an option, either, my conscience wouldn't have allowed it. So the only viable alternative left was to go undercover again … this time as myself and working covertly against the Empire. So I made contact with Zsinj's forces, pretending to be the loyal agent they thought I was, while my true goal was to gather intelligence on Zsinj and his operations until I could sabotage their operations enough to bring him down once and for all."

Selan gave a low whistle. "Wow …"

"When we returned to the Mon Remonda I felt like the biggest idiot of the universe," his father continued quietly. "Intellectually I knew I had serious issues but I was desperately trying to avoid facing them. I didn't want to realize how kriffed up I was …" He gave a self-deprecating shrug. "I tried to resign my commission there and then but Commander Antilles wouldn't hear any of it. He gave me a nasty dressing down, picked me and my faults apart and made me face what kind of mockery of a human I had turned myself into. Each of his words was a punch to the solarplexus … but they finally woke me up to the realities of my problems."

"Did they throw you out?" his daughter asked worriedly.

"No, they didn't." Myn shook his head. "I don't know why they didn't but Antilles dressed up what had happened as an accident. Of course I was pulled off duty for a while so I had time to ponder what had happened and why. And I realized that I was missing your mother. Badly. I constantly caught myself thinking of her … There was still anger because of her role in Talon Squadron's destruction, but the more time passed the more I began to mourn what hadn't come to pass, to wonder what could have been if …" He swallowed the lump in his throat. "And then your mother managed to get a message through to us …"

"I knew Zsinj wouldn't trust me completely," Kirney answered the curious stares of her kids. "I knew he'd test me to measure my loyality … and one of these occasions I ran into Wraith Squadron. Outwardly I pretended to be the Imperial agent who had escaped capture and who was now gleefully pointing this out to her former squadmates. While I was flying a TIE Interceptor and shooting at them."

Myn kept staring ahead. "But your mom was much more clever than any of the Imps. She'd dialed down her lasers and used them as transmission medium for a pre-recorded message."

His wife nodded. "In that message I explained what I was planning, what had happened … and I said goodbye to your father. I didn't think I'd ever see him again. I thought sabotaging Zsinj's Super Star Destroyer would be the last thing I'd do in my life."

"Listening to that message was by far the worst thing I'd ever had to endure, even worse than realizing that Talon Squadron was no more. Realizing just how badly I had failed, that I had blown the chance to be with your mother, that there had been real affection and real feelings … That was the first time in years that I cried openly and didn't give a tosh if anyone saw." He drew a shuddering breath and went on, his voice thick with emotion. "It took me a while to get out of that emotional hole but ultimately I was allowed back into a snubfighter cockpit. Just in time for the final battle between Han Solo's Task Force and Zsinj's forces."

"Did you really sabotage a Super Star Destoyer?" Selan asked with awe in his voice.

"Well … To be honest Tonin did most of the work, because I was under constant observation," his mother admitted. "He modified MSE-6 repair droids who sliced into data cables, gave us access to sections of the ship which were off limits to me or who were tasked to assemble near the ship's engines and wait for our signal to bring them offline.
"But while searching for weaknesses we could exploit Tonin came across a deck which was not on the plans. I got intrigued and asked Tonin to get us more information on that secret area. What we found was terrible," Kirney said and gave a shudder. "Zsinj had scientists do some pretty nasty experiments with sentinent species from all over the galaxy. That was part of several intelligence operations and while I did my best to collect, assess and evaluate data as quickly and as comprehensively as possible what I saw and read disturbed me so much that I nearly had to stop digging deeper. I'd never paid other species much attention before I'd joined the Wraiths, but what I saw there went far beyond any horrors I could have imagined. Surgical procedures being conducted without anesthetization, bodies being pumped full of volatile chemicals to modify the biochemistry … I was horrified by the black depths of evil a human could descend into." Kirney fell silent.

"But your mother had done more," her husband stepped into the breach. "In the message she'd sent to us she gave her own analyze on Solo's operations, what she guessed he'd do and what she had told Zsinj. Between that and some more tactical planning we set the stage for the final confrontation between our forces. We'd prepared an elaborate trap at one of the locations your mother had listed and Zsinj really showed up there with a considerable fleet. We jumped in, deployed fighters and began to pound his behemoth with all that we had … Unfortunately it wasn't enough and he managed to jump to lightspeed."

"Not for long, though," Kirney threw in as she wiped a surreptitious tear from the corner of her eye. "First I had Tonin remove a nearby star from the system's charts, then he adjusted the ship's course a little so that the star's gravity well would pull it out of hyperspace. And once that was done we unleashed the small army of MSE droids on the hyperdrives to prevent Iron Fist from escaping." She let out a protracted sigh. "And of course calling the Fleet and let them know where Zsinj was stranded."

"We were a bit down after Zsinj's escape," Myn took over again. "We were tired, not just physically from the recent combat but menthally because Zsinj always seemed to be able to get away once we had him cornered somewhere.
"But then, suddenly and totally unexpected for us, the bridge sounded another battle alert and the fleet jumped to hyperspace. Antilles came running and told us to gear up again, that Zsinj was stranded at Selaggis with a malfunctioning hyperdrive." He directed a small proud smile at his wife who smiled back. "I knew this had to be your mother's handiwork, even before Antilles pulled me aside and told me that she'd sent us the call. And when we dropped out of hyperspace again all fighters of the fleet were launched for a second round."

Kirney nodded. "The holonet message had told Zsinj that I wasn't loyal to him at all, of course, but the ensuing chaos gave me enough time to disappear from my post and begin my escape. The easiest way would have been to get to the nearest hangar bay, wait for the battle to start earnestly and then to hijack some hyperdrive-equipped ship and run as fast as I could. I didn't take it, though … I couldn't. There were beings on the ship which needed my help to gain their freedom."

"So you went to the secret level and freed the poor creatures held there," Selan guesses shrewdly.

"Yes, I did. I wouldn't have been able to look at my reflection in a mirror if I'd abandoned them to their death. So Tonin and I broke into the secured deck and freed those captives who promised not to harm me – starting with Kolot. Then we made our way for the hangar bay where we hijacked a Sentinel-class landing craft. Kolot and Tonin flew the landing craft while I hopped into my X-Wing and joined the battle. I blasted a few TIEs and then let one of them shoot at me."

Her daughter gave her a wide-eyed stare. "Why that?"

"I had to engineer my death, honey," Kirney explained. "The New Republic would never pardon what I had done, their legal system is so hypocritical, and Imperial Intelligence would never cease hunting me unless they believed that I was dead. So just before the missile hit my fighter I ejected from the cockpit, switched on the emergency transmitter I'd set to Tonin's individual frequency and waited for them to pick me up."

"When Antilles told me that your mother was dead it hurt," Myn took over again. "I mean I had weeks to get used to the idea of never seeing her again, but knowing for sure …" He drew a shuddering breath. "I felt as if fate had yanked away the ground underneath my feet yet another time, but I was determined not to fall into the abyss of mourning and self-pity again. It was hard … at least until the evening before we returned to Coruscant."

"What happened?" Alina asked, hugging a cushion to herself.

Her father smiled tightly. "That evening we had the traditional pilot's party to celebrate a successful campaign. I'd had a few drinks and, unused to drinking alcohol as I was, I got a buzz pretty soon so I withdrew when I felt the ship starting to spin around me. When I returned to my cabin I saw a light on the com console flashing. I thought it would be a routine message concerning my transfer to Rogue Squadron, because the Wraiths were to be transferred to Intelligence and I had absolutely no intention to work in that area, but when I hit the button there were several messages – among them a holo recording from Corellia. In my tipsy state it took me a while to work out that I didn't know a Kirney Slane and when I opened that message I thought I was seeing things, that the alcohol was playing tricks with my brain … because I thought the woman in the holo couldn't be alive.
"I watched the recording again and again and again, I didn't go to bed that night at all. Slowly I was beginning to understand that this wasn't a dream or a sick joke of my squadmates … this was very real. Part of me was overjoyed but part of me was not sure that any of what had transpired between your mother and myself had been real. Despite this conflict within I knew I had to go and see her again, to see if those feelings were real or not."

"I sent that message against every rule in the intel operative's manual. I mean I had managed to pull off my disappearance without a hitch and now I was jeopardizing my success because of your father, who had, after all, more reasons to hate me than anyone else in the New Republic." Kirney gave her children a small sad smile. "But I could not forget him. There was an aching void in my heart whenever I thought of him. So, after a little prodding from Tonin, I recorded that message and sent it, although I was pretty sure I'd never hear from him again. But a few days later, I'd just returned from one of my first trips as shuttle pilot, he was standing in my office … I couldn't believe my eyes."

"Nor could I," Myn threw in with a mischievious grin. "At least when I saw Kolot standing on the threshold to the living room behind the office. Thought I was still sleeping in my bed, that I was dreaming." The grin widened as he watched Kirney squirm. "Then your Mom suggested to 'make the dream worthwhile' so we took the day off, went window-shopping, watched some stupid holo-comedy and in the evening …"

"We don't need to tell them about what happened then," his wife interrupted him with a tiny glare, totally ignoring the howl of protest coming from her son.

"Spoilsport," Myn sighed theatrically. "Well, let's just say that the hangover next day was monumental."

"Yeah," his wife agreed with a half smile. "It became apparent that the feelings were still there, as were the sparks. So we gave it a try and here we are."

Myn reached over and took her hand. "Now you know the story. Our lifes haven't been neat and tidy, they haven't been picture-perfect at all." He looked his daughter straight in the eye. "You see, your Mom and I did have more than our share of heartache and pain before we finally found us and our place in life."

Alina swallowed. "I understand."

"But never forget: You must not tell anyone outside this family about what you have heard today. The only people who know apart from us are your grandparents, Uncle Voth, Aunt Zeena and, of course, Tonin and Kolot." Kirney was adamant. "If it were to get out both the Empire and the New Republic would trip over their own feet to make an example of me."

The kids exchanged a quick glance, then Selan answered for both of them. "We understand, Mom."

Kirney nodded, then cast a glance at the chrono on the wall. Almost an hour had gone by. "And now go and do your homework. We still have to make dinner."

The kids got up and moved towards the stairway. Myn called his son and said with a smirk "And your mother really means homework. Grand Admiral Zaarin can wait."

Selan gave a huff of exasperation and mumbled "Yes, Sir." Then he followed his sister to the first floor.

The End … (for now)