So sorry this chapter took a while...
I don't really have an excuse but give me a minute and Ill think of one...
This story kinda fit together like some sort of retarded haphazard puzzle which is my fault cause I improvised.
Hope you liked it anyway.
On the bright side, I now possess a shirt with every swear word known to man on it.
I'm sure it will make writing Hidan waaaaaaaaaaaaay easier..
This final chapter is dedicated to XxAkatsukiFanxX who reminded me to hurry it up and post this!
Thank you.

After his run in with Sasuke, who apparently, took after his brother and was also a scary wannabe rapist type person, Deidara had fled Otogakure in terror.
It hadn't been easy he admitted.
On his way out he had crossed Orochimaru who thankfully, did nothing more than raise an eyebrow at the crying Akatsuki terrorist racing out of his super secret special hidden and impenetrable fortress.
Kabuto had cried out in fright and thrown a scalpel at him as he dashed past which very narrowly missed Deidaras head.
Curse those damn ninja for having such good aim.
And this was all AFTER he actually found the right way out again.
Orochimarus village was a labyrinth if he ever saw one.

No where was safe.
Although it was safe to say having one of the people you hate the most falling in love and trying to sleep with you was probably the most terrifying thing that had ever happened to our poor little Deidara.
And it probably scarred him for life.
Whatever the case, he now sat in the broom cupboard of the Akatsuki lair rocking back and forth while sucking his thumb.
This was how Itachi found him.

As the door swung open and the darkness faded into light, Deidara gazed up in horror at being found.
Gasping at having been cornered, he decided he could do nothing more than face his fate.
The silence between the Uchiha and the terrorist lasted for quite a while as they watched each other quietly, giving Deidara time to strengthen his resolve and accept the fact that later on that night he was probably going to be uke to the person he had always hated.
So strong was his acceptance of his fate that when Itachi opened his mouth to utter the words that Deidara was sure would inadvertently result in his inability to walk the next day, he didn't even flinch.

"Deidara, I'm breaking up with you."

The blondes head shot up in shock and he gaped at the Uchiha in question.
Could it be true?
Without realizing how he sounded, Deidara cried out in total disbelief,

"What!? Why!?"

Itachis eyes widened ever so slightly and he took a tiny step back at Deidaras reaction.
He had hoped that the blonde wouldn't be too upset by the sudden break up but apparently, he was.
Despite his (quite false) status as an evil criminal, Itachi hated hurting peoples feelings.

"Im very sorry… But I just don't think it's working."

Deidaras eyes started watering and before he knew it there were tears rolling down his face.
Tears of joy, obviously.
He had never heard better news.
Thinking he would be trapped forever in a prison of… In a prison… The blonde had almost completely given up hope of getting out alive.
Sure he could have fought the Uchiha but chances were he would end up in a Tsukuyomi.
The tears rolled down in streams and pretty soon, Deidara was sobbing with joy.
He pulled both his hands to his face to try and stem the tears.

Itachi however, gazed upon his 'ex-boyfriend' in shame.
He felt horrible having quite obviously made Deidara feel loved and now letting him down without a moments notice.
It was cruel to lead someone on so.
Itachi hated hurting peoples feelings, more than anything else.
Watching Deidara in hysterical sobs was painful for him to watch.
Hesitantly, he considered his relationship with the resident terrorist.
Deidara had actually been the best partner he had so far had, despite the short length of time they had been together.
And breaking up would make things awkward around the base.
Maybe… Just maybe he should stick it out – for Deidaras sake.
Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, Itachi decided changing his mind was probably in everyones best interest.

"I didn't realize this upset you so much…"

Deidara nodded, too filled with joy to tell the Uchiha that being in a relationship with him was what was truly upsetting and not in fact, Itachis sudden break up.
Nodding his head in misunderstanding, the Uchiha added,

"Then I take it back. I'm sure that given a little more time we can both be very happy together."

The blondes mouth dropped open and his eyes widened.
Oh you did not…
What a horrible thing it was to have your hopes raised so high and then shot back down so suddenly.
So devastated was he, that Deidara could not speak.
Instead he sat staring at the Uchiha in shock, his tears frozen in place and his chin touching the ground.
Itachi, taking Deidaras silence as a declaration of joy, moved forward and gave the terrorist a hesitant and very awkward hug.
The blonde gazed over his unwanted boyfriends shoulder and watched Kisame and Hidan walk into the room behind them.
They both stopped, pointed and tilted their head and frowned at the Uchiha.
Since when did Itachi hug?
Deidara, still having not moved, felt his tears begin again.
The hug ended when the blond sniffed as his sobbing threatened to return.
Pulling them apart, Itachi gave Deidara a small smile and a pat on the head before turning on his heel and walking away.
The terrorist gaped after him, still unable to move.

"Hey Blondie, what's going on? What was with the creepy man hug?"

Hidan, ever so nice enough to break the tension in the room, became the subject of Deidaras fury which was rained down upon him like the three horsemen of the apocalypse.
Punctuating each word with a blow, Deidara screeched,

"GET. THE. FUCK. AWAY. FROM. ME. YEAH!"

So that was the final chapter... Probably.
I know I said the same thing with Akatsuki vs Froggy and well... I lied...
Thanks for sticking with me, I hope you enjoyed and as always:
Leave your rates, reviews and complaints after the nonexistant beep!