a/n: I'm trying to keep this from Shepard's view as much as possible, but there will be some jumping around in time, especially at the beginning. Just a warning. Also, I don't own mass effect. I am also trying to not name Shepard. While I am imagining this as a possible future for MY Shepard, I don't want to take away from the feeling that it could also be a possible future for your Shepard. Every time I read a fic where Shepard is named, it kind of makes me remember that this isn't my Shepard, so I'm trying to avoid that. Oh and yes this is a Shenko fic. Because they make me squee. One important thing to note: In this telling, the Quarians were wiped out by the Geth.

Beyond all odds

She hurt—everywhere. But that's how she kew she was alive. They had tried to convince her, but she had one. She saw the truth—because of him. She tried ot move, but couldn't. At least she could breath, she thought as blackness washed over her again.

Light blinded her and strange sounds filled her ears. She heard voices, worried, but indistinct. A few stood out—familiar, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. Only one word stuck with her before the darkess came again: Shepard.

Voices again out of the darkness, but more clear this time.

"Don't leave me again, Shepard." The voice said. It was gruff, weary, worried. A pressure on her hand; a bruch against her forehead; a cress of her cheek.

"Don't you dare leave m."

She didn't want to but she didn't know if it would be her choice anymore; she didn't know if she wanted to make another choice. So many choices—all of them so difficult. She was so tired. Surely the universe wouldn't mind if she slept for a while.

"Don't, Shepard. Don't leave me." the voice said again,b ringing her back to thought. She couldn't respond. She couldn't make her mouth move or squeeze the hand holding hers. She could do nothing. And slowly, the darkness took her again.

She opened her eyes. She was standing on the Citadel, a battle raging around her and a... being before here. She could barely hear his words, but she knew he—it-was offereing her a choice. She feelt herself limp forward.

'Best option', she thought, 'only option for peace—to end this'. She kept going forward. Her head was foggy and the light hurt her eyes.

'Like one of Kaidan's migraines', she thought.

Kaidan.

She stopped as her breath caught. She looked to her right, at her other choice. Her left was a non-starter. She turned.

'I'm sorry, Tali', she thought as she pointed the pistol. 'I wish I had seen sooner.'

She pulled the trigger.

'Sorry, Joker.'

She felt a dampness on her cheek that could be tears or maybe blood. She didn't know, nor did she care. She pulled the trigger again and again, seeing the flames rise.

'I'm so sorry, but I can't put him through that again.'

The gun fell from her hand as the world around her exploded.

A cough and mumbled words, a tingly brush of fingers on her arm brought her awareness. Her eyes opened slowly to be greeted with a dim light—a soft yellow glow in the distance intermingled with the green and amber of the monitors beside her. Slowly she turned her head—so very slowly for it swum with a faster movement. Sterile white walls streaked with scorch marks surrounded her. Chunks missing from the roof in one corner. A chair by here bed. It's occupant's head resting beside her. Testing her arms she slipped her fingers from beneath his and slowly laid it on his mass of dark hair.

"Kaidan." she breathed. A beep sounded from somewhere in the room as sleep—a restful, peaceful sleep—took her.

The light that woke her was bright, directly in here eyes. She flinched as it was flicked away and then back.

"Well, Commander. It was a bit touchy for a while but I think you are finally back with us for good." The silver-haired doctor—Chakwas, she said to herself—said as she looked her over once more time before turning back to the monitors.

"Kaidan." Her voice was raspy, weak, dry, worried. The doctor held a stray to her dry cracked lips.

"Drink, Commander."

She did as ordered.

"Don't worry, Shepard. He's here, just exhausted himself looking after you. I had to give him a sedative to get him to sleep." The doctor glanced at a small sofa in the corner of the room, one that didn't quite fit the rest of the décor. She followed the glance—slowly—and saw him curled up like a child, a thin blanket tucked around him. She sighed heavily.

"Still couldn't get him to a decent bed." The doctor stated. "He wouldn't leave the room, except when I had to focibly have him removed so we could do some surgery. Gave Vega one hell of a black eye too, despite a broken arm." The doctor chuckled. She smiled weakly as the friendly face looked down at her. The good doctor smiled back, then took her hand, turned it over and pressed something cold, metallic, and round into her palm before closing her fingers around it.

"Right now, you both need rest. You understand, Commander?"

She nodded weakly.

"Don't make me sedate you too." The doctor quipped as she left the room, dimming the lights.

"Hey Shepard. Doc says you're back with us."

She feels her lips turn upwards at the light strokes of his thumb against her brow, the sound of his voice, despite its weariness. Opening her eyes slowly, she was greated with a smile as deep relief and joy passes over his features.

"So I hear." She croaked, her voice still uncomfortable in her own throat.

"Here." He sat her up slowly, gingerly and sat next to her, holding a glass of water to her lips. "Drink."

"How long, Kaidan?" she asked after drinking her fill.

"How long were you out?" She nodded in response, her hand squeezing the small object clenched within. She felt his hand slide over her shoulder and pull her gently into his side.

"Six months, give or take a few weeks. They all started to blend together after a while and I stopped counting." She went rigid against him.

Yet more time lost, she thought.

"But the important thing is that you are here now." he whispered softly to her. His lips grazed her ear as he spoke and she felt herself relax slightly. She turned her clenched handover and opened it to reveal a small, thin platinum ring. She winced slightly as his arms tightened around her.

"Remember when I gave that to you?" he whispered as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

She nodded, smiling.

"How could I forget?" she whispered back.

She was anxious, pacing, couldn't focus. She thought a walk might do her good. Opening the door, she saw him there, two glasses and a bottle of whiskey in his hands. His eyes met hers desperately.

"Just one quick drink and you can throw me out." He pushed his way past her. She could feel eh was brimming with energy, that he was just as anxious as she felt. Just being near him, she realized that the was exactly what she needed just then. That night together made all others pale by comparison—even the night before Ilos, to which she had clung so strongly. She gave herself completely to him: body, mind, and soul. She knew he did the same. As they lay entangled within each other's limbs, she felt herself going in and out of consciousness.

"I love you, Kaidan." She said, "but, damn, what took you so long? She was rewarded with a rumble of his chest as he chuckled deeply.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I'm not waiting any more." he said, amused, as he slipped from her embrace and from the warmth of her bed. She propped herself up, curious, but also appreciative of the view of his muscular body as he rummaged around in their clothes for something.

"I had been hoping to give you this earlier, but you so rudely interrupted me by sitting on my lap and sicking your tongue in my mouth." he said, sitting on the bed next to her. She smiled, a rare genuine smile, one reserved only for him.

"Shall I distract you again?" her smile turned mischievous as her hand slowly slid up his thigh. He captured her hand and held it tightly.

"Not jut yet." He purred against her lips before he pressed against them quickly.

"I know you don't want to think that we might fail—that you can't think that way, but I already lost you once... maybe twice. I don't want to take any chances this time. I want to be with you, and I want you to know that, whatever happens." He took her left hand and slid a small ring over her finger.

"I love you and I will forever."

"Kaidan, are you asking..." He cut her off with a finger on her lips. His stare was intense and torn.

"We can talk about it after we take care of the Reapers. I just wanted you to have this... just in case." he said in a whisper.

"But, don't you want to know an answer?" she asked softly.

"No... yes, but." he took a deep breath. Then he smiled. "Later. It's my insurance policy, so we both come back."

"hmm..." she felt a grin break out on her face as she pulled him back into bed with her, her arms snaking around his neck, her legs wrapping around him. "Guess I'll have to hold you to that." Her voice was raw as she captured his mouth once more.

He picked the ring up out of her open palm and fiddled with it thoughtfully for a moment.

"It was fused to your skin." he said quietly, spurring her to look at the darker band of scar tissue that surrounded on finger on her left hand—the finger on which that ring fit so perfectly.

"I never did give you an answer." she said softly. She felt him smiling behind her.

"Yes; you did." he replied as he slipped the ring back on her finger. "But I would like to hear you say it."

"Yes, Kaidan. The answer was always yes." She turned to look him in the eye as she said it. "Forever and even through death." She closed her eyes as he cupped her face tilting her head slightly. He kissed her with a soft desperation.

"I should go. Doc's not going to like it if I don't let you rest."