Ok, I blame the internet for distracting me. But I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter so it should come quicker than this one. Well, it better.

Doll

I guess you could say I was happy. The nightmare of killing somewhat innocent teenagers was over. All that's left now is answering questions and lying to people which I've done for most of my life, especially the latter. Maybe, I'm still surrounded by dead bodies and I'm dying myself but at least I didn't have to swing my axe at anything else except for a tree in District 7.

A ladder drops down beside of me and I wince just at the thought of sitting up. I have to leave this place though because I promised people I would make it out alive. If only this were the last thing I had to do before it all became a life of ease.

"I'm coming." I tell the world who is probably either celebrating my victory or cursing my name for making them lose a bet. Well, all I have to say to them is 'Fuck you. I'm a victor now, bitches.'

The ladder swings slightly next to me, becoming just as impatient as the medical staff is above. At least, there better be medical staff up there unless the Capitol just doesn't want a victor.

That thought of healing is what forces me to sit up. I scream but the last part of my scream is blocked by my teeth clenching together. I'm not going back to putting on a fake show that I'm this tough girl because now I will toughen up. I've done things that careers wish that could and I wish I hadn't. But there was only one way to go now and it wasn't back to my past but forward into my future which just so happens to lie just above me.

"Damn it," I growl, my teeth still clenched together tightly.

Knowing what I have to do, I lunge at the ladder. My fingers brush against the woven rope and I quickly latch on, my lower body still lying on the ground but my torso lifted onto the ladder.

God, I'm going to bleed out if I don't hurry my ass up. Victors never take this long on television but usually most of them come out of the fight with only one major injury or a few scratches not a giant gash in the side of their body.

Just when I'm about to start dragging my legs up the ladder I freeze in place. So maybe they thought that I was far enough up the ladder that they don't need to wait on me anymore. Ah, finally, some peace.

As I float upwards, I realize I'm still bleeding heavily. Jaxx had cut through my shirt so I could see that the skin around my shredded flesh was ghostly white at the moment. I'd seen that color skin many times on lumberjacks in the woods who had happened to be in a falling tree's path. Most of them didn't make it out without broken limbs or some didn't even make it out at all. Let's hope the Capitol's medicine is as good as people say it is.

When I arrive in the hovercraft, I'm surrounded by doctors, everything but their calm eyes hidden by a mask. Normally, I would struggle a bit against this but I know they need me alive so I relax. These people have to keep me alive otherwise they'll die along with me. At least, that's usually how the Capitol deals with people who 'defy' them.

"Put her on the bed." I hear from just behind me. The voice is calm and casual as if they are answering a question about themselves. I wonder how many victors they've had to cure over the years.

I remember a couple of years ago, a victor was looking just as bad as me. I believe he had to face it off with the girl from 1 and it was obvious she was going to win. Well, that was until he managed to rip one of her eyes right out of its socket. All of the little kids had left the room in the community home except for Jaxx, me, and a couple of the older kids who are now moved out of the home. In the end, the boy outsmarted the girl by dodging her axe, letting it fall down a cliff. Jaxx was sure she was going to push him off the cliff with the axe until I saw something come back over the cliff. The axe. The cannon boomed just as the axe planted itself in the District 1 girl's head. I believe the boy's torso was basically torn to shreds when the hovercraft arrived. I saw him on the tour though and he looked fine. If these are the same doctors who took care of him then I should come out of this ok.

Apparently I am struggling too much so they put me out of it rather quickly. I hear sounds, maybe voices, but it's just nonsense so I try to focus on the blurred movement above me. I feel like a blob of clay and they are just molding me back to perfection. As clay, I don't feel very important or any need to really fight my perfection operation.

I start to wake up from my dreamy clay sleep and felt like a vegetable. I was lying on a bed and I could feel that they had took away all of the grime ad filth I had managed to collect in the arena. In a way I felt clean but I also felt used. Of course, I had no choice in them 'perfecting' me so I guess I was used in a way but in their minds it was for the better.

I slowly sat up, allowing my bones to stretch. I felt like an old woman by the way I had to adjust so much just from sitting up. I cracked my fingers and neck but everything else was just going to have to adjust or get over it. I needed to know what the Capitol has done to me, yet again.

They had moved me into another hospital room but it was more clean and precise then the complex one in the hovercraft. Actually, it didn't have any equipment in it other than some machine feeding me something through an IV. The rest of the room was just plain. All the room included was a couch, a few mirrors, and a few decorations on the walls as if they made it seem like a room to be happy in. This room is for those who escaped death, not for someone to have a happiness freak-out.

Speaking of freak-outs, I glance at myself in one of the mirrors and gap at myself. The doctors must have really enjoyed playing with my body because they had really dolled me up. They had gotten rid of the blemishes on my face and I was shocked that they managed to get rid of those heavy bags that have been under my eyes for as long as I can remember.

My body looks fragile. I'm like one of those porcelain dolls that the rich kids of 7 plays with but every time the kids bring them outside they bring back a tattered shred of the remaining doll. Maybe the Capital is just another rich kid and I'm on of their many new dolls. Lovely.

Other than the doll-like fixings I noticed that they 'enhanced' me. I never was curvy seeing as how I could barely grow a stomach let alone curves but now I looked much more 'womanly'. In a way, I was glad to look more grown but I didn't like that the Capitol had done it for me. It made me sick to think of what happened while I was in my clay dreamy state. My hospital gown did mask the curves a bit more so I knew they were more dramatic then I was seeing at the moment.

Great, I'm going have those disgusting Capitol men drooling over me. They are always gawking at girls whenever they win and sometimes before the games too. I bet I had very few admirers before the game, if any, as it wasn't my angle. Now I have no choice but to look like this.

"Isis?"

I turned from the porcelain doll in the mirror to Liam, my mentor. He looked like he hadn't slept much and I see that eventually my bags should come back if Liam had got the same surgery I had. Liam didn't look like he could be like me, smoothed over and clean. He was far too, dirty and rugged for that.

"Liam," I say simply, not sure what to say. He wasn't exactly there for me, like ever. I didn't even get a single sponsor gift.

"Glad to see you again," he sat down on an older-looking couch and looked at me intently.

"Are you? I certainly didn't see much from you during the games. I may have needed help when I was paralyzed or when everything was falling apart for me Liam. I needed something, anything!" I was seriously pissed and it scared me how angry my voice was.

This was the first time I was allowed to let it out I guess. In the arena it was all hush, hush but now that I'm free I'm allowed to let it all out. I could lay my feelings on the table and my feelings for Liam caused me to turn into a pissed bitch.

"I really didn't see a need Isis. I thought you'd be happy for the lack of help from us." Liam looked a bit shocked at how angry I was too. Even though he is some 'genius' I can't see how he thinks not helping me would make me happy.

"How is no support at all in the arena good, Liam? Please explain to me how people were dying all around me that you couldn't send me something simple to just push me along. Damn, a fucking piece of bread could have given me hope. I felt like people out here hated me, Liam!" I was talking with my hands now, using big gestures to show my anger. It was all instinct though so if he was hurt by something I would have to deal with it later.

Liam slowly got up as he was too sophisticated for anger or yelling I suppose. Obviously, I don't give a shit about how I need to be a good calm victor. It's seems silly to be a killing machine on television and a mellow person the rest of the time. I wonder how they can all stay so tame.

My mentor glides over to me swiftly and gets in front of me. He better watch himself, I'm in bitch mode and sometimes my hands like to make out with people's faces. I try to calm down a bit though since I knew Liam was either going to blurt out a dumbass answer or he was going to tell me some genius thing that will make me feel stupid.

"Every tribute gets sponsor gifts, Isis, unless they are hated. But those who do usually grow dependent on them. Now, some tributes who got sponsor gifts win but if I had given you a sponsor gift every time you hit a bump on the road you would expect them and it would be stupid to think we would have enough money left over for near the end of the games and you hit a bump in the road. Besides, the gamemaker's are very pleased with us that we had so much leftover sponsor money and you always want to be on their good sides. See, smartest move for us as I see it."

I look down and think about it. In a way, I see that he could be right but something was nagging at me. Liam probably knew I was going to ask him it too so I just blurted it out without thinking.

"But I've seen you give sponsor gifts to other gifts the last few years. Why didn't you didn't do it for them too? I mean, you had four years to think about a strategy and if you just now thought of it then you're kinda pathetic." I smiled slightly to ease any tension just in case it did take him four years to think of that strategy.

Liam looked down at me and smiled along with me and I knew that he didn't just think of it this year otherwise he might have glared at me or something. "Isis, none of them were strong. You saw them, I tried so hard to send them supplies but none of them could get out of the arena. They didn't see anything beyond the arena. In fact, I think they knew they weren't going to make it."

Liam's last statement made me look back down at the ground again. It's true, we haven't had any 'worthy' tributes in the last few years but I never thought they were obvious losers. Some looked tougher than me, worked longer at the lumber mill, or were just smarter than me. But unfortunately most of them hadn't made it to the top 10.

Liam sees that I have nothing else to say and starts to walk towards the door. But then I think about what usually happens next for victors.

"Liam," I quickly call out. He turns towards me and I ask "Don't I need to get ready? For the highlights tonight?"

"Yes, Volumnia will be here in a little while. Until she gets here you're supposed to sit here and be a good little victor but most of them just go roaming the hallways to meet up with their prep team and such." Liam looked around as if he was looking to see if anyone was listening when we both knew this room was wired to the Capitol "I'd be happy to bring them all in here seeing as how you've been through a lot and probably need some familiar faces surrounding you."

Liam smiled at me and walked out of the room with a smile still on his face. I guess he was happy to share his victor information for the first time ever. I was also the first female victor from District 7. I'm just all kinds of first aren't I?

As I wait for Liam to go get everyone, I ease back onto my hospital bed. The side of my body feels normal again and I thank the doctors for saving me from that pain. I still can't believe Jaxx turned on me so much in the end, it was hell he put me through. I got him though, in the end Isis Swift was the winner. My mind is full of guilt but I don't want to dwell on it because tonight I'll have to relive it all, ripping open the wounds I've pushed away until now.

"Isis!" Magenta's squealing makes me jump and I fight the urge to grab my heart to check if I was still alive. I hadn't heard any loud noises since leaving the arena and it felt like she was charging at me to kill me but instead she grabbed me into a hug.

"Hey, Magenta." I groan. Magenta was for Jaxx, not me. I guess she has to love me now seeing as how I won.

"Oh, Isis, I'm so glad to see you!" Magenta smiles fakely and I just nod. I'm glad I'm here to see her because otherwise I'd be dead.

Over Magenta's shoulder, I see my prep team. There's Mizar, Atlas, and Kern. They are smiling at me and I wonder if they were the prep team for Liam or if I was their first victor. I smile back at them even though we did have our difficulties involving my issue with strangers seeing me naked.

"Magenta, I think it's time I get ready for the recap." I blandly say. Magenta wasn't going to be getting much attention from me. She threw me away so I'm just returning the favor.

"Oh, of course." Magenta says, quickly adjusting her aqua wig. "I'll see you later Isis, be sure to be good for the prep team."

I roll my eyes as Magenta leaves and then the prep team finally steps forward. The three of them gather me into a group hug and I decide to hug them back. These people I could actually tolerate since they did cause me pain but without them I wouldn't have done well during the Pre-Games.

"Hey guys." I mutter through the various wigs I was mushed between. I guess I better get used to them seeing as how I'm the big old fancy victor girl now.

"Isis, we're so glad you won. I thought Elvira was a shoo-in for the victor but you showed them, didn't you?" It sounds like Kern is smiling when he says this but it doesn't ease the sting that I feel. They thought Elvira was better than me? Maybe I don't have as many fans as I thought.

"Turn a bit Isis, we're almost done." I follow Volumnia's instructions and slowly turn so that I am facing the mirror.

This was the first time I've got to see myself since Liam came in and I couldn't believe it but I actually looked better. The prep team had spent a couple of hours doing simple work since after my surgery they had already done the waxing and such. The prep team had given me bold red lips, shadow eyes, and had a dark blush under my cheek bones making me look like an exaggerated starving person that also happened to be a model. It was very realistic.

Volumnia had brought in my dress though and I had to say that I was impressed. It was a light blue strapless dress that was actually comfortable. The dress was to my knees and since it was loose I could easily move around unlike some of the tighter dresses I've had to wear before.

The only problem was they had given me 5 inch heels to walk around in. I don't know how Volumnia thought I was going to walk in them seeing as how she knew my hatred of heels but apparently it was mandatory.

"I look great, Volumnia." I compliment her but then quickly say "But,"

"But?" she raised an eyebrow at me and I gulped. You aren't supposed to anger the person determining how you'll look in front of the entire country.

"But these heels are a little…..much. Like a lot much." I swallowed again and looked at her reflection in the mirror, expecting steam to explode from her ears any second.

"Look, Isis, I hated heels too as a child. I'm not very tall though so I basically have to wear them constantly. I'm sure it's the balance and comfort part you hate correct?" I nod quickly "Here, this is what my mother use to train me with."

Volumnia digs in her bag and I catch a glimpse of a few different heels. Maybe she expected me to argue with those bastards lying on the floor next to me.

"Here they are!" Volumnia pulls out a pair of heels.

They are maybe an inch shorter than the ones I was supposed to wear but the heel was clunky, instead of the usual thin stick I hate. The heels were white so they didn't exactly match my dress color like the old heels but white matches anything.

"Try them on, hurry, we only have half an hour till the show begins." Volumnia urges and I snatch the new heels out of her hands.

I lean against the wall and slip the heels on. I instantly notice the cushioned bottom on the heel. Oh hell yes! This is so much better! I quickly slip the other heel on and stand up.

"This is amazing, Volumnia! Thank you so much!" I exclaim, overjoyed that those other heels can torture someone else.

"You're welcome, Isis. Now, come on." Volumnia opens the door and we both walk out.

We reach the backstage rather quickly and I can see that Ceasar is just now coming out. Good, I don't want to be late. Since I wasn't early, I'm automatically escorted to the corner of the stage where I have to wait for Ceasar.

That's when I think about what I should look like out there. I don't want to look arrogant but I don't want to look scared. Most of my remaining 'angle' will come tomorrow with the interview but I know people will be watching me. This is the first time they'll see the victor so I should look confident. Yes, confidence is always good. Oh man, I'm screwed.

"Let's welcome to the stage, Isis Swift!" I hear my name and walk onto the stage. My heels drop to the bottom of my worry list as I see the bright lights and the roaring crowd. The sound is deafening but I remember to be a good victor by looking down at the crowd and smiling a bit.

Ceasar waits for me but holds out his hand. Ok, I just need to get to him and it'll all be over. I shake my head a bit, I can't lie to myself. I'm getting ready to watch my hell all over again.

I reach Ceasar, grab his hand, and take a seat. Let the hell begin ladies and gentlemen. We take our seats in the usual red velvet chair and I take a deep breath. Let's do this.

"Isis, it's wonderful to see you here today! How have you been since your victor?" Ceasar asks his pearly smile as white as ever. I wonder if his teeth are fake like everything else in the Capitol. Wait, focus, Isis!

"I'm glad to be out of the arena. It's much better here." I smile slightly but try to avoid eye contact with Ceasar. I don't like this, I wish I was all alone. The whole country watching me be this fake idiot was not my idea of fun or relaxing.

"Yes, I'm sure it was tough to go through. But you're here now, Isis. You are looking great by the way." Ceasar compliments me.

The next few questions are mostly just about the surgery I had and my clothes. It was all superficial stuff so I just forgot the confident 'angle' I thought of and left it to be just the boring, bland truth. But then the recap starts and that's when my palms start to sweat.

It begins at the reaping, all of the tributes reaping very short except for mine. I get to see Cossy again and how she was too shocked to volunteer. I'm glad she didn't, Cossy would have never survived. Liam was right though, I didn't look scared. It wasn't an excited look though, I just looked determined.

The reapings are over quickly and we switch to the Pre-Game crap. I don't pay much attention but I do hate how I have to see all of the tribute's faces again. Some of them had pure fire in their eyes of how they were going to win but yet I'm sitting here.

It's to the bloodbath all too quickly and I try to focus on myself. It doesn't work though because I get to see Tuscan die all over again. We never really talked much during the Pre-Games but you can tell on the screen that it took me back, seeing the boy die right beneath me. I quickly run away though and the screen focuses on the bloodbath once again. I bet my lack of killing during the beginning was very boring but it kept me alive.

The recap editors know better than to focus on anything other than me or too long so all I get to see is the flashes of blood flying, flesh being ripped open, and the cannons. Those fucking cannons will haunt me for the rest of my life, I just know it.

The scene switches to me running and running and running and then sleep running. It is rather boring, I must say, but I know the jungle is coming up. I know what lies ahead for me.

The numbing incident is shown in full detail. I get to see the panic in my eyes as the numbing from the vine takes over. I decide to look away until I manage to get up. I know that my thoughts were consumed with Althea and Jaspe as they had just walked by. That mutt will be what brings us together though.

I decide to kick off my heels and lean by into the seat, my legs tucked under me. I'm going to be here for a while longer so why not get comfortable. Ceasar doesn't seem to notice and I turn my attention back to the screen where the Chion is taking up most of the screen.

This time I get to see the animal's point of view, watching as it stalks me and then circles me. I look terrified. The Chion is chasing me quickly, the editor's wasting no time, and I get to see Jaspe kill the creature. This was before he was a selfish bastard, I guess.

I pick at my blue nail polish as I am forced to listen to me and Althea talk. It's too much to look at her so I just listen. Althea never did do anything malicious or mean, that must be why I was so crushed when she died.

I'm picking at my nail polish for so long I don't look up until Jaxx and Finch reveal their secret alliance. I watch as Marlene is killed by Finch then Jaxx joining her. It really was a perfect dramatic scene for the Hunger Games. Sponsors must have flocked to them afterwards.

I do smile a bit whenever it shows me getting my axe though. This was the first time in the games I saw hope in my eyes. I loved this moment and apparently so did Ceasar because he turned to me to shoot me another white smile. If only I could be instantly happy like him.

The editors chose to fast forward the time that Jaspe, Althea, and I spend walking and cut to the part where Jaspe abandons us. I feel the anger all over but I know Althea's death is coming. The sadness is already welling within me. Althea is about to die….again.

I watch as Jaspe says he'll never forget us and then runs off. Althea looks at me and you can see the desperation on my face. I was panicking in that moment, I had no idea what to do. Althea was already forming an idea in her head. She knew what she was going to do while I panic for answers. How can I watch this again?

This is when I notice my vision is blurred and I quickly look down. I didn't want to cry but the tears have already fallen. My make-up is running mean they will defiantly see me crying. I try to wipe away under my eyes as I listen to Althea dying, the speakers booming in my ears.

"Why? I've got nothing to live for so wouldn't this be easier? Easier for you to win, Isis." I hear and the tears come again. Please, make it stop.

I don't want this, I'm almost tempted to run off stage but I have to sit through this. I have to watch her die once more. It'll be over soon, Isis. I keep crying though and my hands come up black. People in the crowd are murmuring and I know that this act of emotion has not gone unnoticed.

BOOM!

I cry out when Althea's cannon booms. I never wanted them to see me like this. Everyone can see me, everyone can see me breaking down. I bow my head down and try to hide my face.

But then a hand finds its way onto my knee and I look up to see Ceasar. He is trying to comfort me but it barely helps. He is a part of why Althea is dead and why I have to watch this again. Damn Ceasar, why can't he just let me wallow in my grief?

I let Ceasar continue his 'comforting' but I don't look back at the screen until Finch, Jaxx, and I are waiting outside of the cornucopia. We were fools. I watch as the idiots go and fight while I abandon them. I probably wouldn't be here if I hadn't of cowered away that night.

Rather quickly, we are to the final battle. I have to look away several times but I watch as I become victor. Jaxx is killed instantly from my knife. The only way I could have done that was if Jaspe had taught me to throw knives, I had killed him only a while earlier though even though in the end he technically saved me.

The screen flicks off and I quickly swipe under my eyes. I could see myself on a screen just in the distance and I see that I had managed to do a pretty good job with the mascara wiping. My eyelashes weren't as long as they use to be though but hey as long as I look presentable I should be good.

Shortly after, I'm escorted up to President Snow. His naturally golden hair was really striking considering I hadn't seen many natural hair colors since I've arrived back in the Capitol. He wears a rose in his tux pocket and I focus on it, trying not to look in his eyes.

"Congratulations on winning, Isis." He says quietly. It's very professional, his voice.

"Thank you." I reply in a shaky voice, finally looking into his eyes. They made me cringe, how piercing they were. Shit, I see why this man is in charge of a country based on a death game.

As the President walks away all I can think about is how in a little while I'll have to go and party. Smile, dance, have fun. I really am just the Capitol's doll, they can do whatever they want with me and I have to oblige.