Please, please in the name of all that is holy, don't. take. this. seriously. If you do, I will laugh: long and loud and clear. So just, please don't. I have no clue as to where Piiko got the idea for this pairing but it's pretty dang funny. I can't read it whole way through without cracking up, so if you can accomplish this feat you have a stronger will than I.

Also, my sincere apologizes to Tolkien: your characters and story don't deserve this. As anyone will tell you in these things, Lord of the Rings as well as Elrond and Treebeard are property of one JRR Tolkien. And again I say, I'm sorry!

It's almost sad to say this, but this is by far the funniest thing I think I/we've ever written. But that's on account of Piiko being on the phone as I'm typing this and fueling the fire. So if anyone gets blamed for this, it's her. And she's laughing.

So without further ado:

Tree Hugger

A co-production of Piiko and MiniBrock

Elrond adored the forest. A common trait among elves, of course, but his affection was for something—someone—unique.

It was an exceptionally beautiful day to be traveling the forest of Mirkwood. Normally he kept to his true home of Rivendell but it being such a lovely day had brought out the urge to go visit with someone near and dear to his heart.

Elrond was visiting an old "friend."

Rays of sunlight slashed down through tree branches and a feeling of euphoric giddiness swept over the Elf. He was suddenly struck with the idea of skipping. Skipping was probably the most undignified way of traveling he'd ever know but for some reason it seemed appropriate. Elrond was, for the first time ever, in a skip-py mood.

So off he went.

The sweet winds of beauty swept through his long, chocolate colored locks. His heavy robes flowed around him like ripples in the sea, and a bright smile was plastered across a pale face. Shadows danced all around and he laughed: long and loud and clear.

Then suddenly, he stopped. Still grinning like a kid at Christmas (though I doubt Middle Earth has Christmas, bah humbug!) he leaned against a sturdy tree to catch his breath.

"So," a deep voice rumbled. "Harrumph! It has been so long, Elrond."

Twirling around to face the tree that had spoken to him, Elrond positively glowed. "Beloved!" He cried, "It has been so long! I have missed thee so!"

"Humph," the mighty tree said, encircling Elrond with his branch-y arms. "I had thought you'd been away so long that you'd become as one of us."

Elrond giggled, "I could never stay away from you, you studly oak you." And the elf cuddled closer, letting out a blissful sigh. Never before had being in the arms of his one true love felt so…perfect.

Pulling back slightly, the elf found that he was staring to the most picturesque pair of beady black eyes he'd ever seen. Suddenly, he felt enraptured. So beautiful, and the Ent had always promised to be and his alone. Elrond felt as though a miracle had been bestowed upon his unworthy being by some higher power that he could never thank enough. The gift of Treebeard's love was worth more then anything in all Middle Earth to him.

Just then, Elrond felt a gentle, leafy touch under his chin. Treebeard brought his wooden lips down to meet Elrond's. Elrond kissed back tenderly, thinking that Treebeard's kisses always tasted of sweet syrup-y sap. It was, to be plain and simple, heaven.

And they stayed that way for some time before Elrond realized he must return to his duties as Elven king. Another sweet, lovely kiss was stared betwixt the happy pair before any tears were shed.

"I wish I could stay," Elrond whimpered, "But…But I—"

"I understand," Treebeard said, accepting the fact but not at all happy. "You have your place and I have mine. But never forgot that I love you."

Elrond had tried so desperately to hold back the flood of tears that stung his glistening eyes, but the final declaration of love had simply torn his heart from his chest. In a fit of despair he leapt in the Ent's comforting arms and cried his little heart out while a familiar feeling branch-hand patted his hair.

"It will be all right, harumph." The Ent cooed, shushing the broken man in his arms. "Just remember that I'll always be with you."

And in the moonlight Elrond bid his love one last good-bye before slipping off into the shadows and returning home. The night just seemed a bit darker now.

- end