I Dreamt that You were Dead

I dreamt that you were dead, today.

I woke up and I was crying, sobbing that you were gone.

I dreamt that you were in the hospital after a terrible accident caused by me. If I had only been paying attention to the road…

The doctors hurried the both of us inside, but I was fine. They wheeled you away from me in a hurry. They were talking in fast voices, but I couldn't hear them. I was dazed from the crash and confused as to why they wouldn't let me go with you. I was scared for you. I was scared I'd never see you again. It would have been my fault…

I stood there, looking to where they had taken you; I stared at that door for what felt like hours.

What time is it now? God, I was asleep for a while… It's been hours since I remember what I was doing last…

They finally came back. Some nurses had checked on me from time to time, I think… But the doctors came back and said that you were alive, but that you weren't okay. They said you were asking for me. I felt tears slide down my face. The tears that had been threatening my eyes since they took you away.

I ran to where they were holding you. I ran to the side of your bed and I wanted to take you in my arms and scream that I was sorry, but I knew I couldn't. So I grabbed the sidebar and stared at you. Like a fucking idiot, I stared at you in awe and said nothing. I felt like such an asshole… Don't look at me like that, I know I'm crying.

You said something to me. It's hard to remember what it was… And the longer it is I take, the more the memory of the dream slips away. I know you said something like, "It's okay. I'll come back. I'll come back… for you."

I'm choking up, I'm sorry, it was just so… real. It's hard to think that you were…

A-anyway… You said something else. It was too quiet to make out, too muffled and slurred as your eyes fluttered. They fluttered and closed and I yelled for you as the machine by my head flat-lined. The long, incessant, sickening beep in my ear was deafening. I yelled and yelled for you as they dragged me away from you so they could try to resuscitate you. My sobbing became worse, and worse the more they tried and my cries of your name became less and less intelligible until I was just screaming, screaming until the head doctor called a time and told me he was sorry. But how could he be sorry? How could he be sorry to your true killer?

I'm fine, don't touch me. I'm not finished, yet.

The intern who was holding me pulled me from the room. He'd get scolded harshly for not pulling me away sooner. He'd better. That asshole let me stay in the room until I saw you die.

I'm talking like he's someone actually working at the hospital… I don't fucking know who works at the hospital.

He pulled me in the hallway and blocked the door. He told me to just go home. Go home, there was nothing to see.

Did he not realize that my best friend had just died in that room?

The other doctors and nurses walked out like they had somewhere more important to be. But what were they going to do with you? What about you?

One asked me what I was doing there. He said I had been dismissed as being okay, or something. I wanted to swear and throw my fists at this man because you were dead and he didn't care, but all that came out of my mouth was, "I don't know," but I did know, I do know what I was doing there. I turned and left the way I came and I walked home. I walked, with tears streaming down my face the whole time, but it felt… It felt like I didn't know why I was crying. I got here, home, and I remember… I remember my mom asking what's wrong. I said nothing and I came up here. I saw the clock, and it said 9:41. I fell on my bed and I was crying…

It's 10:08? Jesus, what was I thinking, sleeping for this long… We were supposed to go to Stan's at one. I'm okay, I am. I just.. I wanted to get that out of me. It was too real. It was frightening… Where'd I put my keys?

What do you mean they're in my car?

Kenny… Where is my car…?

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