Doctor Pyro, Report to the Emergency Room

"This is wrong," Piotr sighed shaking his head. "We should not do it."

"Hey, lighten up homme. It's not that bad," Remy said. "Compared to a lot of stuff we've done this is nothing. Besides, it's not like we're planning to go and hurt anybody."

"Speak for yourself," Sabertooth grunted. "I could go for ripping some limbs off."

"Well if you do at least the poor blokes wouldn't have far to go," Pyro quipped as the Acolytes strode through the front doors of Bayville General Hospital. "What are we doing here again?"

"We're here because Magneto wants us to acquire all the blood samples we can from the hospital's stores," Remy explained. "Though why he wants a bunch of random blood samples in the first place is beyond me."

"Probably to run tests to see what kind of dormant mutations he can find and make use of," Sabertooth growled. "He's done it before."

"Oh yeah. Now I remember," Pyro nodded. "Any reason why we're getting blood here and not from a blood bank?"

"Because blood samples here have more complete records," Remy said. "Though personally I think Mags just wanted to get rid of us for a few hours so he could recover from his headache."

"That is why you are having trouble remembering things due to the empty aspirin bottles he threw at your head," Piotr reminded Pyro.

"Ah, so that's why my noggin hurts," Pyro said rubbing his head. "Maybe we can find more aspirin in the hospital to make it feel better. Let's go!"

"Hold on there, mon amis," Remy pulled Pyro back by his collar. "Hospitals tend to frown on random people just wandering around their turf. We gotta blend in."

"How are we going to do that?" Piotr asked.

"Easy," Remy smirked jerking his thumb. "See that bunch of interns just walking up?"

"Oh yeah," Sabertooth grinned. "This is gonna be good."

Fifteen minutes later the four Acolytes were strolling through the hallways of the hospital, all of them wearing light blue medical scrubs. "Boy, are those blokes gonna be surprised when they wake up," Pyro giggled.

"I hope they do before that dumpster is taken out," Piotr groaned. "Did you really have to throw them in there?"

"Why not? That's where I put the guards we found in the security room," Sabertooth growled. "You just better not have let any security cameras catch me doing that on tape.

"Don't worry. I disabled the hospital's entire security system and destroyed all the shots they had of us," Remy waved. "Couldn't have gone better."

"It may have been better to have found bigger interns," Piotr sighed. "This shirt is too tight."

"No kidding," Sabertooth grunted tugging at his collar. He had also swiped a pair of latex gloves to cover up his claws. "And it's itchy."

"Sorry," Remy mocked. "Next time we 'borrow' clothes we'll make sure to ambush someone more your size."

"Yeah right," Sabertooth snorted.

"So where do we go now?" Piotr asked.

"Let's find a map. There's usually one near the elevators," Remy said. "We'll pair up. You two take the old numbered floors and Pyro and I will take the...Pyro? Pyro? Hey, where'd he go?"

"Oh no," Piotr groaned looking around. "Pyro is loose!"

"Figures," Sabertooth grunted. "This place better have good fire insurance."

"Do not talk like that," Piotr scolded. "Pyro would not set a hospital on fire that is filled with sick and injured people. Would he?"

"I don't know, but he'll probably end up wrecking the place anyway," Remy shrugged. "At least he'll provide a distraction to draw attention away from the rest of us."

"I hope so," Piotr looked around as nearby ladies gazed at him in his tight scrubs.

"We might as well all split up now," Remy said. "Check all the places where they might store blood samples and keep an eye out for Pyro while you're at it. Hopefully he won't cause too much trouble."

"Yeah, like that's gonna happen," Sabertooth snorted as the Acolytes split up.

Pyro had easily slipped away from his teammates and was wandering the halls several floors above. "Boy, what a depressing place. Nobody smiles around here," Pyro commented poking around. "Ya'd think they'd smile more with all these medical toys to play with...hey, a burn unit!"

Pyro followed several signs and stopped in front of a large desk. "Hey, is this the burn unit?"

"Uh, yes," An older nurse looked at him curiously.

"Great!" Pyro chirped. "So, which room do ya step into to go and let them burn you in it?"

"Huh?" The nurse blinked at him. "Kid, are you crazy?"

"Oh forget it. I'll find the room!" Pyro slipped around the desk and began peaking into the recovery rooms. "Wow! You got burned good!"

"Hey you nut! Stop that!" The nurse shouted and gestured to another nurse for help.

"Where's the burn room? I wanna feel the burn!" Pyro giggled zipping from room to room.

"Is that guy on drugs?" One of the burn patients asked.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Another patient muttered. "Whatever he's on, I want some!"

"Burn room! Oh burn room!" Pyro called out stepping into another room.

"EEEEEEEEEKKK!"

"Sorry, shelia!" Pyro zipped back out. "But those grafts look really lovely on you! Ah, this must be the room!" Pyro ducked into a small side room and shut the door. He whipped out his lighter. "Let the burning commence!"

FA-WOOOOOOOOOM!

"Yikes! What's going on?" Startled patients yelped as the small maintenance room was engulfed in flames.

"Oh no! We've lost power to all the surgical bays!" One of the nurses reported. "Thank goodness none of them were in use!"

"That was fun!" Pyro cackled strolling out of the destroyed maintenance room. "Bet people's faces are full of smiles after seeing those flames! Wonder what else I can do to help out?" He grinned while skipping off.

Remy smirked as he slipped out of one of the hospital's cold storage units with his pockets full of secured blood samples. He passed several female nurses and med techs and winked at them, getting a few smiles in return. These femmes seem pretty friendly, Remy thought to himself smugly. Maybe I can ask one to arrange a private 'examination' before we leave and...hello, what's this?

"Oh, you would not believe the amount of pain I am in right now," Principal Kelly's voice was heard coming from a nearby examination room. "Pain caused no doubt by those blasted mutants!"

"Uh huh," the nurse tending to Kelly hummed absently.

"Those mutants have caused me a whole world of hurt," Kelly ranted. "Either from their powers, their pranks, or the stress from reading the latest repair bill caused by the mutants' destruction of the school! Those mutants are dangerous. One of them shoots lasers out of his eyes for crying out loud!"

"Hmmm," Sounds of the nurse filling out paperwork followed.

"And that's not counting all the potential diseases mutants could have," Kelly went on. "I know for a fact one of them is blue and covered in fur. Who knows what kind of noxious diseases he could be carrying. And another mutant is always avoiding skin contact with people. I hear her skin is poisonous or something. She should be removed from school, kept in sedation and locked up!"

"Ah." The door to the examination room opened and the nurse walked out. "Okay, Mr. Kelly. Please wait here. The doctor will be with you in a moment."

"Okay," Kelly sighed. "Just so long as the doctor isn't a mutant!" The nurse sighed and left.

Oh, this is gonna be good, Remy grinned putting on his surgical mask and opening the door. "Hello Mr. Kelly! What seems to be the problem?"

"Huh? Oh, hello doctor," Kelly noticed him while sitting on the exam table. "My back is killing me and my head feels like it has a permanent migraine. A migraine caused by those stinking mutants!"

"I see," Remy nodded. "Let's start by checking your blood pressure."

"Okay," Kelly blinked as Remy fastened the cuff. "Shouldn't that be wrapped around my arm?"

"Hey, why use an arm when all the major arteries are in your neck?" Remy smiled. "Okay, let's pump this baby up."

"If you say so...urrrk!" Kelly began to choke as the pressure cuff filled up. "Accck! Doc...can't...breathe..."

"Hmmm, blood pressure seems a little high," Remy waited until Kelly turned blue before removing the cuff. Kelly gasped and nearly passed out. "Probably caused by too much alcohol consumption. How often do you drink, Mr. Kelly?"

"What?" Kelly wheezed trying to catch his breath. "Oh, not too often. Just whenever I feel too stressed..."

"So five or six times a day then," Remy made a note. "That could be serious. Better check your reflexes." He took out a reflex hammer. "Okay, just relax and act natural."

"Wait a minute! I did not say five or six...OW!" Kelly yelped as Remy whacked him in the head. "Hey, you're supposed to hit me on my knees, not my head!"

"Good idea!" Remy whacked Kelly on his kneecaps.

"OW! OW!" Kelly grasped his knees painfully.

"Now we'll do your arms," Remy hit Kelly's funny bones.

"Aaahhhhhh!"

"Your nose."

"OW!"

"And all the vertebra in your back."

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Kelly wailed as Remy played his spinal cord like a xylophone. "YEOOOW! KNOCK IT OFF! OW! WHAT KIND OF CRAZY DOCTOR ARE YOU?"

"Patient's reflexes are far below average due to massive alcohol use," Remy made more notes. "We'd better schedule you for a whole battery of shots."

"WHAT?" Kelly yelped. "I don't need shots!"

"Hey, who's the doctor here?" Remy whacked Kelly on the head again. "You're looking at a full overall here, pal. We're talking shots, liver exam, kidney exam, heart transplant..."

"HEART TRANSPLANT?" Kelly screamed. "YOU CAN'T GIVE ME A HEART TRANSPLANT!"

"You're right. Can't replace what isn't there," Remy crossed it out. "I'll sign you up for brain surgery instead. Course we'll have to put you to sleep first..."

"YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PUT ME TO SLEEP!" Kelly howled.

"Wanna bet?" Remy swiped a bottle off a shelf. "Here, take some sleeping pills. About twenty outta do it!"

"NO! STOP...GAAAUUULLLP!" Kelly coughed as Remy dumped the bottle's contents down his throat.

"There. That should do it," Remy glanced at the bottle. "Oh wait. These aren't sleeping pills. These are laxatives."

"WHAT?" Kelly screamed. "AAARRRGGGHHH! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! YOU ARE THE WORST DOCTOR I'VE EVER MET! YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER ABOUT THIS! I'LL SUE! I...I..." Kelly trailed off and clutched his stomach. "I don't feel so good."

"Ah, the laxatives are kicking in," Remy smiled at the rumbles coming from Kelly's belly. "Well, no sense letting them go to waste. I'll put you down to also have a colonoscopy."

"Ohhh," Kelly moaned and began to turn green.

"Okay. Paperwork is all filled out," Remy grinned. "Let's get you on your way!"

"No...aaahhhhhhhhh!" Kelly yelped as he was lifted up and slapped onto a gurney. He was quickly fitted with restraints.

"All set! Out ya go!" Remy taped Kelly's charts to his chest and rolled him out of the room. He shoved him towards a large door. "Have fun taking the elevator!"

"WAIT! THAT'S THE STAIRS...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kelly screamed as he disappeared.

"Well that was fun," Remy laughed returning to the room and removing his surgical mask. He patted one of his pockets. "Wonder if the hospital will treat him when they find he's missing his wallet."

"Excuse me," An attractive blonde appeared in the doorway wearing a thin hospital gown. "Are you the doctor?"

Remy stared at her. "Why yes. Yes I am," Remy's smile stretched from ear to ear as he ushered the young woman in. "Please, have a seat!"

Piotr had found one of the hospital's many cleaning stations and was hiding in there to contemplate the morals of his task. This is wrong. These blood samples might be important to these people. I can not just steal them...

"Hey, you!" A nurse ran in wearing a surgical mask. "What are you doing in here?"

"Me?" Piotr froze and gulped nervously. "I am...um...just...um...washing up."

"Great! Come with me right now! We need help!" The nurse ordered.

"Uh, okay," Piotr mumbled and followed her.

"Thank goodness you're already washed up. There's no time to lose!" The nurse said.

"Um," Piotr fumbled for an excuse while still retaining his cover. "Excuse me, but I am only at this hospital temporarily. Maybe you should find someone else who is more qualified and..."

"Don't worry! It's nothing really complicated!" The nurse led him through several sets of doors. "We're just a little understaffed right now and need an extra hand to help out in the maternity ward."

"The what...OH MY!" Piotr gasped.

"AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGHHH!" A woman lay on a bed sweating while crushing the hand of a man whose whimpers told her he felt her pain. The look on the woman's face told him he clearly had no idea.

"That's it ma'am! Push! Push!" An obstetrician urged spreading the woman's legs wider and unknowingly giving Piotr a very good view. "You're doing fine! I can see the head!"

"Ooo," Piotr paled and looked about to faint.

"AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!" The woman screamed again.

"Well don't just stand there!" The nurse who brought Piotr in shouted. "Help us!"

"Right," Piotr gulped before setting to work.

"Well this is different," Sabertooth grunted stomping down one of the upper hallways. He brusquely shoved his way through a brightly decorated set of doors. "I don't think I've ever stepped foot in a hospital before. Sent a lot of folks to the hospital..."

"Hello."

"Huh?" Sabertooth blinked and saw he had wandered into one of the Children's Wards. A bald, six year old girl lay in one of the dozen occupied beds. "Oh. Hey kid."

"Hi." The girl looked up at him innocently. "Are you a doctor?"

"Eh, something like that," Sabertooth shrugged walking over. "What'cha in for?"

"I'm sick," The girl scratched at her IV line. "My blood is bad and I hurt a lot."

"Yeah, that really helps," Sabertooth rolled his eyes. "Lemme see your charts," Sabertooth glanced at them. Leukemia. Sabertooth's eyes narrowed and gazed at the rest of the kids in the ward. Most were bald and none of them were older than ten years old. He continued reading through the charts. Radiation, chemotherapy, bone marrow transplantation...

"My name is Clarice," The girl said. "What's yours?"

"Huh?" Sabertooth grunted. "Oh. Just call me Doctor Tooth."

"Doctor Tooth," Clarice giggled. "That's a funny name. It reminds me of the time I lost a tooth at school playing on the monkey bars."

"Ah," Sabertooth felt a rare moment of sympathy. He stared at her IV line.

"I miss playing on the monkey bars," Clarice sighed. "I get tired a lot and I'm not allowed to play or go outside anymore. Why can't I play outside?"

"It's the rules, kid," Sabertooth put her charts back. "I'll be back in a minute. I'm gonna get some medicine to put in your and the other kid's IVs.

"Will it hurt?" Clarice winced slightly.

"Na. It'll be red, but it'll heal your blood and make you feel all better," Sabertooth walked into a side room and rolled up his sleeve. He grabbed a handful of sterilized needles and syringes. Good thing I know my blood is type O-negative...

"Okay everyone. Settle down," A large intern addressed a crowd of seated patients in a lightly furnished workout room. "We'll get started just as soon as the doctor gets here."

"Hello everybody!" Pyro walked in. "Is everybody happy?"

"Hey, what's up, doc?" One of the patients waved at him.

"Doc? I'm not a doc..." Pyro stopped. "Wait, yes I am. I'm a doctor. Yeah, that's it!"

"Okay," The intern blinked as Pyro went to a nearby coat rack and put on a white coat. "Doctor are you feeling alright?"

"Of course I am!" Pyro grinned. "I'm a doctor, aren't I? So, what's going on here?"

"Well, we were waiting for you to arrive to give these people their first session of physical therapy," The intern began.

"Physical therapy?" Pyro scoffed. "We aren't gonna do any physical therapy. We're gonna do pyro therapy! It's much better!"

"Pyro therapy?" One of the patients blinked. "What's pyro therapy?"

"Why it's very simple," Pyro grinned. "To be in the best of health you must mimic and commune with all the aspects of fire!"

"Really?" Another patient asked. "How do we do that?"

"Oh, it's easy," Pyro smiled. "You must be like a flame. Warn up slowly at first. Then start moving faster and faster 'til you finally feel the burn and go off like a rocket or shooting star!"

"Wow, that sounds great!" The restless patients looked on anxiously.

"Wait a second! I've never heard of this pyro therapy before," The intern protested.

"No worries, mate," Pyro waved. "You can demonstrate." He dragged the intern to one side of the room. "Now, do you like fire?"

"Well, kinda," The large intern looked confused.

"That's not good enough!" Pyro scolded. "You gotta love fire! Want the fire! Be the fire!"

"Okay, okay! I'm the fire!" The intern snapped.

"Great! Now feel the fire inside you," Pyro chanted. "Feel it next to you. Let the fire burn before harnessing it and take off!"

"Oh, this is ridiculous! There's no such thing as pyro thera...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The intern yelped as Pyro discretely pulled out his lighter an ignited the rear of the intern's clothes. "YEEEOOOWWWWWW! OH IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" The intern shrieked and ran off.

"Whoa, did you see how fast he went?" The patients chatted, impressed. "Pyro therapy really does work!"

"Yes it does!" Pyro grinned addressing his audience. "And soon you too can be in the same great shape as he was! All you gotta do is be the fire! Are you with me?"

"YES!" The crowd roared.

"Do you feel the burn?" Pyro urged.

"YES!"

"And what is it you want?"

"FIRE!"

"Alright!" Pyro grinned maniacally at the frenzy he had worked the patients into. "Let's do it!"

"Oh yes," The young blonde woman panted as she lay face up on the examination table. "Right there. Keep going. You're so good. Don't stop. Yes...yes..."

"Keep it down petite. Someone will hear you and want me to attend to them too," Remy commented as he stood next to the table massaging the woman's ankles. "What did you do to get such tightly wound muscles?"

"Well I am on my feet most of the day," The woman sighed as her muscles loosened under Remy's ministrations. "I'm a physical trainer at the Bayville Fitness Center. Ever been there?"

"Sorry. Can't say that I have," Remy said moving to her lower legs. "Though you do look kinda familiar."

"Maybe I should ask my sister if she'd be interested in giving me massages," The woman thought. "She's pretty good with her hands. And she's a nurse."

"A nurse?" Remy could not keep the grin off his face. "Maybe I should make a call and have her join us."

"Oh, she doesn't work here," The woman explained. "Though she did say she would meet me at the hospital today. And she's not exactly a nurse. She's a dental hygienist."

"That's nice," Remy nodded. "Wait, she's a what?"

"Knock, knock," The examination room door opened and Denise walked in. "Hey Marina. Sorry I was a little late and...YOU!"

"YOU!" Remy blanched in horror.

"YOU STINKING, LOW-DOWN, WOMANIZING CAJUN!" Denise screamed recognizing Remy. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER?"

"Nothing!" Remy yelped leaping back from the table. "I'm doing nothing!"

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT GARBAGE!" Denise yelled at him. "YOU HAD YOUR HANDS ALL OVER HER WHILE SHE'S LYING DOWN IN A NIGHTGOWN!"

"It's not what it looks like!" Remy backed against the sink in fear.

"Yes it is," Marina supplied, looking confused.

"WHAT?" Denise shouted. "WHY YOU...!"

"Sorry! Getting an emergency call to report to the sterilization unit!" Remy tried to sneak out of the room. "Don't want to pick up some strange disease before going into surgery!"

"I'LL SHOW YOU SURGERY!" Denise grabbed a large, sharp pair of scissors and some forceps off a tray. "I'LL PERFORM AN 'OPERATION' THAT WILL ENSURE YOU REMAIN STERILE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Remy ran to save said life.

"GET BACK HERE YOU THIEVING IMPERSONATOR!" Denise roared chasing after him. "WHEN I'M DONE THE ONLY THING MY SISTER WILL BE ABLE TO PICK UP FROM YOU ARE PIECES!"

"MEDIC!" Remy screamed.

"Well that went well," The nurse working in the maternity ward sighed as the latest mother cuddled her newborn. "Not bad, rookie."

"Ohhh," Piotr moaned, having helped the nurse and obstetrician fully with the delivery.

"Come on. Got a call. There's another baby on the way," The nurse pulled him out.

"No. Not again," Piotr groaned.

"Hey, pull yourself together big guy," The nurse said leading him through a nearby cleaning station. She quickly helped Piotr wash up. "Don't worry. It's not a regular delivery this time."

"Thank goodness," Piotr sighed.

"It's worse. There's been an umbilical cord prolapse," The nurse said urgently. "We're doing a caesarean instead."

"WHAT?" Piotr yelped as they entered the correct room. "Wait! What is a caesar...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Okay, we've relocated to this recovery room due to the power loss in all the surgical bays," A young nurse addressed a burly intern. "Where's the doctor?"

"Did somebody say 'doctor'?" Pyro appeared with a big smile on his face. "So, where's the patient?"

"Right here," Another intern wheeled in a gurney with a patient strapped to it. "We got a real emergency case here. Some nut tied this guy to a gurney and pushed him down the stairs!"

"Ohhhhhh," Principal Kelly moaned painfully having somehow remained conscious. "Stomach...hurts..."

"There, there. You're safe now," Pyro grinned slipping on his mask. "Let's cut him up!"

"Here are his charts, doctor," An intern held up Kelly's crumpled records. "He's signed up to have a colonoscopy later today, but according to this he's supposed to have immediate brain surgery."

"WHAT?" Kelly yelped. "NO I'M NOT!"

"Better give him some anesthetic," The nurse noted.

"Good idea!" Pyro grinned and whacked Kelly on the head.

"OW!" Kelly shouted.

"Doctor! You shouldn't hit the patient with your hand!" One of the interns scolded.

"You're right. I'll use this!" Pyro picked up a rubber mallet.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Kelly yelped as he was whacked repeatedly.

"Doctor, stop it!" The nurse looked at Pyro appalled. "You're supposed to fix his brain, not flatten it!"

"Hey, don't talk to me like that. I'm the doctor," Pyro said throwing the mallet away. It broke and shattered a nearby TV.

Pyro grabbed a skin marker and began drawing on Kelly's scalp. "Okay, we'll make the first incision here. Next, we'll make the second one here. And the third through twenty fourth ones here..."

"Why are you drawing on his stomach?" One of the interns asked. "Shouldn't you be marking his head?"

"Hey, if we're gonna remove his brain matter we might as well do a few other things while we're at it. Save time," Pyro grinned with a crazy look in his eye. "So, after we remove a lung or two to free up some room, we'll put in a new appendix for easy reference purposes. Then we'll add some silicone, a hair dryer, a cactus, whatever this stuff is..."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Kelly shouted. "THIS IS INSANE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! AND I DON'T NEED BRAIN SURGERY!"

"Ya know, he's right," Pyro reported. "Surgery won't help this bloke. He's too far gone. Forget it. Not gonna happen."

"Thank goodness," Kelly sighed.

"We'll just have to amputate instead," Pyro grinned maniacally holding up a large surgical saw. "Say cheese!"

"WHAT?" Kelly screeched.

"Doctor you can't use that!" The nurse blanched as Pyro readied the saw.

"You're right. What am I thinking?" Pyro pulled out his lighter. "Gotta sanitize the blade first."

"Yikes!" The interns yelped as the saw was set alight.

"And of course a little rubbing alcohol to help it slide in," Pyro reached for a small squirt bottle.

WHOOOSSSHHH!

"AAAHHHHHH!" The nurse and interns screamed as flames leapt from the blade. Several fires quickly sprang up as the nurse and interns fled from the room in terror.

"Hey, come back here!" Pyro spun around bumping the gurney with the saw. "We got a patient to operate on!"

"WATCH IT!" Kelly yelped as the gurney rolled towards the window. Unfortunately, Pyro had hit the lock on the gurney that released its removable stretcher. "NO! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP...YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kelly screamed as the gurney hit the wall, broke the window and sent him sliding out still strapped to the stretcher. "AAAUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

CRASH!

"Hey, where's the patient?" Pyro noticed Kelly's absence and looked around. "Patient? Patient? Huh, he left! Oh well, better go find another one!" Pyro laughed maniacally as he skipped out of the rapidly burning room.

"AAAHHHHHH!" The traumatized nurse and interns ran down the hall. "Help! There's a fire in the temporary surgical bay!"

"Forget that! There's an emergency in the children's pediatric ward!" Someone shouted.

"What's wrong? Are the kids alright?" An intern asked worriedly.

"Not if they get their hands on you!" Another intern warned fleeing the area.

"YEEEHAAAAAAAAA!" Shouts of kids' wild laughter filled the hallway.

"HELP US!" Several burly security guards crawled out a set of doors covered in medical gel.

"MMMPPPHHH!" A few more staggered out wrapped in bandages looking like mummies.

"YAHOOOOOO!" A stampede of fully healed and very energetic kids roared down the hallway making up for all their missed opportunities of physical activity. A few rode on the laps of mummified security guards as they raced each other in wheelchairs.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The kids cheered happily.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The guards screamed in terror.

"That's it kiddies! Go get 'em!" Sabertooth cheered trailing in the kids' wake.

"Help! Someone organized all the patients currently on life support and they're having a food fight in the cafeteria!" A nurse shouted frantically.

"AAAHHHHHH! THERE ARE SKELETON MODELS DANCING IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM!" Several maintenance personal shrieked running by.

"Huh, sounds like the Firebug has been busy," Sabertooth commented absently. "Hey, great somersault Clarice!"

"You doctors stop it with the scalpel throwing contests!" An intern was heard from a room. "What are you doing? Get that apple away from me! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Who put up a makeshift slip 'n slide outside the gynecology section?" Wails and bangs echoed up from the floor below.

"Ohhhhhh," Piotr moaned appearing around a corner.

"Aaahhhhhh!" An intern slid down the hallway before crashing into a wall. "Ow! I'm okay!"

"No," Piotr twitched and turned a very unusual color. "I will never be okay. Never, never, never..."

"Help! Some nut stole all the flowers from the gift shop and set them on fire!" A nurse fled from a room which rapidly filled with smoke.

"Is that polka music?" An intern blinked as the hospital's intercom system came on.

"Run for your lives! Someone is running around setting off bombs filled with dyed plaster of paris!" A doctor cried.

"Get this thing off me!" A pair of interns struggled to remove a blob of tomato pasta that had been glued onto another intern's stomach. "I don't care how you do it! Just reach around and yank it out!"

"Glup!" Piotr put a hand to his mouth before being sick in a nearby trash can.

"WHO FILLED THE RADIOLOGY DEPARTMENT WITH VANILLA YOGURT?" An intern swam out of an overflowing room while covered head to toe.

"Where did all these stuffed animals come from?" A bewildered doctor blinked.

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!" Remy rushed past with Denise hot on his heels. He had a very frantic look on his face. "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CRAZY FEMME!"

"COME BACK HERE YA BUM!" Denise yelled while towing a strange machine equipped with shock paddles. "I'LL GIVE YOUR VITAL ORGANS A JOLT! RIGHT BEFORE I TAKE YOU APART!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Remy screamed.

"Yayayayaya!" Patients with casts on their legs hopped down the hallways while dueling with their crutches.

"AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!" Several interns were swept away in a tidal wave of cotton balls and catheters.

"FIRE! FIRE!" A harried team of doctors rushed about brandishing fire extinguishers and water bottles.

"WHAT NUT DUMPED SOAP INTO THE SPRINKLER SYSTEM?" A few overhead sprayers automatically turned on sending bubbles everywhere.

"YAY!" Patients young and old alike laughed as they played among the bubbles.

"Ohhh," Piotr moaned clutching the trash can and using it for support. "Can't walk...too sick..."

"YOU WANNA STERILIZE SOMETHING YOU THIEVING CAJUN?" Denise yelled as the sprinklers soaked Remy. "WELL STERILIZE THIS!"

ZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPP!

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Remy screamed.

"YAAAAAAAAAY!" More kids stormed down the hallway plastering everything they came into contact with in stickers.

"Mommy?" A very muscular intern whimpered curled up in a fetal position while covered in stickers and footprints.

"HELP! SOMEONE IS STEALING AN AMBULANCE!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Pyro whooped maniacally seated behind the wheel. "Who says laughter isn't the best medicine?"

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution.