Oh my maple...I'm alive... I can already see the pitch forks and bonfires and all that other lovely stuff waiting for me... Ladies and *cough hack* I know your out there don't hide *hack hack cough cough cough cough* gentlemen I present to you chapter 19 of Perfection... read the chapter then kill me after hehe.

Bollocks

I wake up to finding myself in my bed and I drift back to sleep slowly then quickly jolt awake. I look around in a slight craze then throw my blanket off of me standing up quickly, my heart beating out of my chest. I have a strong dizzy spell and collapse onto the floor feeling light headed, my head throbbing painfully against my skull. I let out a quiet scream and Francis walks through the door with breakfast and puts down the food, lifting me up.

"Arthur mon cher please rest. You have a fever and you need to sleep, all stress is getting to you," he explains shaking his head. He leans down and kisses me softly on my forehead resting my breakfast beside me.

"What about Matthew and Alfred? Are they ok? Where are they? What happened?" I shoot questions at him quickly not giving him a chance to speak. He rests his finger on my lips and smiles softly.

"Mathieu went to the hospital and is now in his room sleeping. As for Alfred I called the school and said that he was sick. He's in Mathieu's room sleeping with him. Now I demand you to rest you need sleep," Francis says softly. I look at him then at the door letting out a shaky breath.

"Ok then," I say silently letting out a tired sigh. I ease myself slowly into the pillows my mind plaguing about Matthew and Alfred. Francis notices this letting out an exasperated sigh. He sits on the bed and slightly shoves a spoonful of oatmeal with mix fruit into my mouth.

"Arthur I'm telling you not to stress because then you will get worst. Which means you will be useless to both of the boys now please rest for us," he begs me softly. I sigh and bite my bottom lip playing with my hair gently. I look at Francis nodding my head and chuckle softly.

"Can you please check on them?"

"Arth-" Francis groans but I cut him off.

"And if they are awake can you send them in here so that we can take a nap like one big family," I finish softly giving him a tired smile. Francis lets a soft smile escape his lips and he chuckles.

"That sounds like a fine idea," he says softly kissing me lovingly. I blush deeply and push him towards the door scowling at him. He chuckles and leaves the room. I sigh softly, playing with the sheets between my fingers letting my mind run. Is Matthew ok? Is Alfred coping well? I chew on my bottom lip and look out the window seeing the sun covered by gray clouds reminding me of home. Maybe we should move back to Europe. Maybe they are safer there well at least for a little while. I look at the breakfast left for me and eat the rest of the oatmeal quietly sipping some earl grey tea. I hear shuffling glancing up I see Francis carrying Matthew with Alfred shuffling behind. He rests Matting gently onto our bed and Alfred crawls beside him lying down. I smile at the two resting down my cup and cuddle Matthew holding him close to my chest. Francis climbs into the bed beside him and holds Alfred. The two boys yawn softly drifting back to sleep tears beginning to slip down my cheeks. Francis gives me a worried look but I shake my head before he can say anything.

"I'm just happy that they are here safe in our arms," I murmur kissing Matthew's head. Francis nods his head in agreement. I listen to the calm breathing from the boys my eyes beginning to droop softly. The last thing I remember seeing is Francis smiling at me with a tear slipping down his cheek.

Sacre Bleu

I watch Arthur finally drift asleep and wiping away the tear escaping my eyes. I sit up and kiss Arthur, Mathieu, and Alfred's forehead walking downstairs my mind far away. I look outside seeing that it's starting to rain and I sigh softly. It's been three days since I've taken Mathieu to the hospital and this is the first time Arthur has woken up fully. His fever is still a bit high but at least it has dropped significantly. When he fainted after we found Mathieu and Alfred, for second I thought I lost him. Also there's Alfred, he has been a complete wreck since that day. He hesitates to touch Mathieu but he has a mental breakdown when Mathieu is not close to him. I look at the fridge and sigh softly. What shall I make them for lunch? Soup should be good. But what soup shall I make?

I sigh softly and look at the time seeing that it's ten thirty nine. Well I guess I can do a little grocery shopping and maybe get Mathieu some maple candies. I smile a sad smile and grab my keys writing a quick note if anyone wakes up before I'm back, then I head out the door as quiet as I can.

As I drive to town I realize that I cook when I'm upset. I've always hear Arthur say that but I never believe it until now. I chuckle softly and park the car heading into the grocery store sighing. Hmm it looks like they changed the floor plan again. I maneuver around the food gathering some items and look through the store trying to spot Mathieu's favourite candies, smiling when I see it. I sigh in triumph and head to cash paying for the food heading back to the car. Should I bake as well? I can make some puff pastries and breads. I haven't made crème brulee in awhile. Maybe I'll make some scones and white tea for Arthur while I'm at it. I think to myself walking to the car resting the groceries into it and head inside. I sit in the driver's seat and look forward seeing a church in front of me.

I stare at the at it for a long while then exit out of the car, unconsciously walking getting wet from the rain, and head towards the church heading up the stairs leading towards the small, cozy looking building. I enter quietly seeing no one inside and see a huge white cross at the front. I sit down on one of the benches and stare at the cross quietly my mind drawing a blank. I don't notice the priest walking towards me until he takes a seat and chuckles.

"My good man you look like you've been through death," he says softly, I snap out of my daze and look to see him. He looks in his late forties early fifties with salt and pepper hair, but what made me like him was the amount of love I see in his old grey eyes.

"It feels like I have but I shouldn't even be here," I say quietly scared that if I talk any louder I will be frowned upon despite the priest and I are the only ones here. The priest gives me a curious look and he tilts his head to the side.

"Why is that?" He asks me softly. I chuckle dryly and look back at the cross.

"Well you can say that I'm being an insult. I left the church when I found out I'm bisexual, then I abandoned my faith when I married my husband, so did he. We did it because we know that God will frown down upon us and think we are tainted. A man should not love another man, and a woman should not love another woman," I recite the last part as it has stuck with me for many years. I faintly remember when Arthur and I were younger we repeated those words. I look at the priest then look away feeling shameful tears in my eyes. "God will not help a man like me." I feel the priest continue to look at me and he chuckles. I blink turning my head to look at him with a confused look.

"I see you have become encounter with the Christens who say they are saved but in reality they are lost. Do not listen to them for they have read the bible with not an open mind which pains me. Nowhere in the bible does it say that God our father has marked off gays and lesbians as tainted or devils. God is a fair man who judge you for your actions and not who you love. He loves everyone as his own child, he knows you from the very beginning to the very end. It makes my heartache when I hear of people killing themselves off because the narrow-minded Christens and Catholics made them believe they are the spawn of the devil. My friend I know many people who have came to me weeping and crying because they are scared to come out ,or scared that God will smite them, or turn his back on them for loving the same gender or both genders. Please look in yourself. God does everything for a reason. He gave us the ability to choose. He gave us the ability to love anything, or whoever we want. If he really didn't want people to love the same gender or both genders he would have designed us to only love our opposite gender. So ignore what people say and remember that God loves you for you and he only wants you to be happy. That has been his desire from the very beginning. He will bless you and help you through your troubles you just have to have a little faith in yourself," the priest tells me. I give him an astonished look and my vision begins to blur as tears fills my eyes. I weep quietly letting his words sink into deeper into my mind. All the hatred and dread I've felt for thousands of years washing over me. The priest lays a hand on me giving me an encouraging smile.

"Peace and hope will come your way. Love will fill your family, and God will watch over you because you are his child, he will do anything to make you feel loved and safe. The miracle or help he sends to you might not come immediately but it will come. Remember that only his words matters not what others words are," he explains to me. I watch him stand up and give me one last encouraging smile heading to the hall quietly. I look back at the cross with a new view at it and go down on my knees slowly not doing this action in ages. I close my eyes slowly clasping my hands together sighing.

"Dear God, if you have not given up on me, if you really are listening to me right now I come to you for a selfish request, please help my family. I do not want them to suffer anymore, so please help them. I don't care about myself anymore I just want to see my family smile and feel free," I beg tears falling; I sob my mind drifting to my family. Then the weirdest thing happens. I felt like someone heard my pleas, a sudden urge to be by my family washes over me and I stand up shakily looking at the cross. Silently thanking God and the kind priest. I walk to the doors and see an umbrella with a note from the priest.

'I don't know when you will leave but I left this umbrella here for you so that you don't get wet. Also I left you some money to buy yourself something warm to drink it's not much but I hope it will do. I don't want you going home sick to your family. I hope to see you again and hopefully your family I would love to meet them.' The note says I see five dollars on the table I smile and go take out my wallet seeing an envelope. I put his five dollars into it and add one hundred dollar, I see his coat and I slip the money into his pocket taking the umbrella smiling.

I open the door to see that the rain has stopped and the most beautiful rainbow appears in the sky the sun coming out. I leave the umbrella inside the church heading to the car one last tear escaping my eyes.

Feeling free and light for the first time in ages.

Maple, Hockey, Love

I wake tiredly smelling food and I glance at the clock over mama's shoulder seeing that it's twelve nineteen. I see my crutches leaning against the wall near the bed and I slowly slide out of bed entrapped from mama and Alfie's arm. Clinging onto my crutches and ignoring my aching wrist and awkward cast, I hobble out of the room heading very slowly down the stairs knowing papa is cooking. Once down I go to the kitchen seeing papa cooking with passion in his eyes something that I haven't seen in a long time.

"Bonjour papa, I see you are well," I say softly sitting down in a chair feeling a bit tired from going down all the steps. Papa smiles at me and rests a small paper bag in front of me. I open it to see maple lollipops, toffee, hard candy, and maple nests inside, I look up at him.

"I expected you to wake up early so I made you a mocha," he says bubbly, I giggle at his excitement and nod my head as he places the hot drink in front of me.

"Merci beaucoup papa," I thank him quietly and sip the tea he rests a scone beside me and continues cooking, "What are you cooking papa?"

"Oh I decided for lunch to make Arthur and Alfred chicken noodle soup and for us spiced squash soup with a light salad," he answers smiling at me. I giggle and nod my head seeing Mr. Kumajiro.

"Oh Kuma have you eaten?" I ask him quietly as he crawls towards me I lift him up resting him on my lap giving him a worried look.

"I fed him and gave him some water," papa says, I let out a relief sigh and look at the ground.

"Je suis desole papa I shouldn't have went to the park. I thought that I can talk it out with Mark and Justin but I guess that," I trail off, I play with my hair and I feel papa hug me tightly. I look up at him with a surprised look and see him smiles at me.

"The most important thing to me Mathieu is that you are safe and well. I just want you to be happy that's all I want. I love you so much and I want you to know that," he says softly to me, my eyes begin to water a tear slipping from my eyes. I smile hugging papa back tightly.

"I love you so much too papa. I love everyone," I whisper, papa chuckles and pulls away from me.

"If you love me so much do you want to help your old man powder some pastries?" He asks teasingly love in his eyes. I nod my head quietly our early afternoon drifting to making desserts.

I still feel absolutely scared and guilty but when mama and Alfie come downstairs a bit later and help us. I momentarily forgot about my insecurities and bask in the feeling of being connected with my family.

Well then...heyo... I can already feel the glares coming my way and the angry mob ready to attack. I have not been updated for many reasons but the main reason is that I'm preparing for everyone I am sending out my applications so that I can hopefully enter the world of graphic design, animation and writing. I've been a ball of nerves, stress, and butterflies. I went to the doctor because I was forced to, I fainted and fell down my stairs my mom catching my baby brother from falling from the bed and then catching me by one leg from falling down all the steps. So I had an EEG and soon an MRI and I am now talking with my guidance councilor and doctor. So far I've been diagnosed with a couple things and the longest problem has been solved. I have anemia so that has explained my life finally yay.

To be honest I want to get this out of the way because I do not care I consider the person's opinion and he or she is entitled to what they think but a few of my friends and obviously Jesse is really pissed. Anyway the comment that replies to me being pathetic and me turning Mattie pathetic and also I'm lying that is your opinion. Everyone can "grow up" but a true person grows more mature and that doesn't hit someone until they are older or have children. I have been told I am pathetic numerous of times but it wasn't until a month before summer break that I finally truly agree. Since then I've been feeling a lot better...weird but true. If I fail when I become an adult my family will support me. I learned this the hard way. I had to become mature fast and I went from being the youngest to my mom marrying my step dad and nine months later becoming a big sister and believed me I struggled since the day my mom came home with my sister. I know when to be mature because I have to be for my siblings, parents, job, and school sometimes but I am naturally childish. I love being around children because they are happy and crazy and don't care what adults think of them and I long for that feeling sometimes. After I fainted my mom asked me this, "Where did my daughter go, you aren't her my daughter is a happy, crazy, silly, loving girl and now she's replaced with a distant serious girl". I did not realize that I became such a dead person to my family. I did not realize that my family was talking amongst each other wondering why I looked down at stuff I usually do. I did not realize that me taking the advice my "friend" told me which is the exact same words you typed was causing me to go insane or depressed or sad. You really can't just go around saying that. As for Mattie in real life everyone is pathetic in their own way. In real life someone has to be a child to become an adult and in life sometimes that child has mature can't expect someone with a cutting problem to feel better and never cut again after they've been found out. You can't expect someone who has been raped to feel better when they are found out and trust anyone who walks into their lives. You can't expect someone with depression to become happy, you can catch my drift. Everyone who has a fault can not get better in the matter of seconds or minutes. If they do they are lying to your face. The reason why my story connects with people is because it's realistic. I'm tired of stories that writes off that a person gets better once their character is found out or say later on int the future this person sought out help and is now better it makes me feel disconnected from the story. My story is for people who wants to feel like they can connect with someone. Do you want to know why my Mattie is pathetic in this story it's because if you watch hetalia you see them put off Mattie as an invisible character. No one notices him and usually no one cares about him and I immediately related to him and I thought how can I make a powerful story that people can relate to him as well. Then I grandma told me to the write the truth and people will connect to my stories. So what Mattie experiences is not pulled out of my ass. Why? Because I wrote my feelings through him so that when someone reads this story they feel the pain, the happiness, the fear, the insecurity, the sorrow, the need, the want, the trials that my characters and especially Mattie go through, I'm writing down something that is not dead or just written words. When I hear that people cry, or can relate, or can feel Mattie's pain I feel amazing because I created a story that people can read and not pass off as another story they read. People read it and say this author is not bullshitting me about this character's feelings, this author is creating a story where in some way I can relate. I do NOT want to create a mainstream story or a fad book like Twilight. I could not connect to characters who sound mechanic or generated made or cookie cutter. I've read a few books and stories that have truly connected with me and I treasure them. So I will not change my story to suit your needs and I will not change myself to suit your needs. Three people who's words seriously matter to me in my life has said if I stay true to myself I'll make it just fine in the real world and they are God, my mom, and my grandma. You are telling a person with depression to cheer up when in reality a person in depression are the best actors/ actresses especially when their teenagers, they can fool anyone when they are ready and for the internet. Not everyone knows who I am so I can say my true feelings here sure I will get judged but more people are willing to encourage than hate when you are in a safe environment. So no I am not lying and since it's the truth yeah I'm pathetic but I realize I'm not the only pathetic person out there. So please don't look down on me for all you know I can have a serious mental disorder or disability or I could have killed myself from your comment because it really hurt when I read it so there is your small victory but I have won the war. I won't let your comment bother me. So here is some rules to not just mine but other author's stories to all the people who react before thinking: Do NOT read someone/my story and write negative comments on their real life that is extremely dangerous and rude. Do NOT come and read someone/my stories and say it's pathetic or horrid without giving valid reason. PLEASE think before you post just because it says you are anonymous doesn't mean that you can not be tracked down (my step dad can easily trace stuff online because he works with the police and other people if they know what they are doing can trace people) or that you will feel guilt after you post. Finally if you DON'T have something nice to say do NOT say it at all, this is something parents, adults, and teachers have told us many of times. I'm not mad and I don't want you to think I'm raging to you that is actually very last thing I want you to think but I have been shaking terribly while typing this. It's scary how comments can some times kill people literally. I do not support bullying or rudeness and I really did not care but I do not want anymore people typing comments like that again. It hurts.

ANY CHOCOLATE PIE moving onto happy things, I'm in a play and it's on next week eeeeekkkkkk and I was like the mafia and made sure Jesse and Kyle bought tickets to see their baby on stage hehe. Oh and I got my wisdom teeth and extra tooth pulled five in total...*Shiver*...also I'm in my most favourite class in the whole world ART! Give me a second to freak out *freaks out like crazy disturbing the piece in my house mom chucks pillow at my face*. After finally giving up on French (sorry Francis sorry Mattie) I was now able to enter animation class and art class and I am super happy because I have the top mark in both classes. *Dramatic sniff* I actually feel smart. Jesse has now calm down and got his girl panties out of his bum after my doctor's appointment and now him, Kyle, and I are looking forward to Christmas break drinking eggnog (best holiday drink ever!), eating candy cane, singing carols all the way, and waiting for Santa well Jesse is too mature for Santa but secretly he smiles when we freak out when Santa eats our cookies and we flip out yeaaaahh I love the holidays. Oh for Christmas I already have my present for a homeless man who's name is Dan who stays a few times in my neighbourhood since I moved to my location he's a nice guy and funny too. I'm so excited I got him a scarf, hat, gloves, blanket, and my parents helped pay for the jacket for him. I can't wait for him to open it. Oh and January Kyle, Jesse, and I are turning 18...Holy crap *shrieks and hides under blanket my mom glares at me* I'm so nervous and excited oh maple I wanna scream but then my parents will be pissed at me hehe. Le sigh I feel extremely giddy right now. So I finally updated so that I don't worry anyone anymore and I apologize again for this update taking a bijillion years. ANY SCHNITZEL ciao for now! Hehe