I own non of the Hetalia characters. But hey I own the story! Yea *pathetically raises hand* Hmm I wonder how it turned out. *rereads it*Oh gosh this is so depressing it's not even funny. All of you are probably wondering where the hell is the comfort don't worry it's coming. Oh gosh I'm so depressed. Shh a couple of these parts I can really relate to and know how it feels... I'm kinda in the same position but not really...

Any way off of not so important things please enjoy and not cry like how I did when I reread this. Oh Matthew if you were real you wouldn't have worry I'll definitely hug you and kiss you. I'll just comfort you because everyone's a douche for noticing amazingness. (My Canadian is showing...so obvious I'm a Canadian). Oh yea the song that inspired me was How to Save a Life by The Fray. (I don't own such amazing song so please don't shoot me)

Enjoy the fanfic!

Nobody cares about me. Everybody worries if he's not alright. No one notices me. He's always the centre of attention. I really need to pick up the slack.

I continue to look at myself in the mirror.

My hair is too pale. His is so bright and sun kissed. My hair is to weird. His is gorgeous. My skin is too pale. His has a healthy tan. My eyes are a ugly wash out purple. His are a wild beautiful blue. My uncontrollable curl makes me look stupid. His uncontrollable cow lick makes him look cute.

I touch various parts of my body picking out the things I hate about it.

Everybody wants to be around him. Does anyone even know I'm here?

I continue to make myself feel disgusting. I smirk.

Look at me compared to him. He's absolutely perfect while I'm just not. I'm chubby while he's muscular. I'm weak but he's so strong.

I can't stop myself from comparing. I use to be noticed by parents. He took every last recognition away. The French papa now is constantly talking to him. The British man now constantly cooing over him. No one wants to know about me or my life.

I'm impure. Disgusting. Ugly.

Nobody knows I was raped. No one doesn't care I was in an abusive relationship. No one. I gave up hope on myself. I gave up my body to different people to feel love. Also the man who raped me I have to see him everyday. Fucking teacher...

But oh no it gets worst from there.

A whole lot worst.

Love. Yes you heard me.

I love the perfection. I fell in love with him and now it hurts. It hurts hard. Not only is the perfection my brother but do you know how wrong that is on so many levels. He'll probably be disgusted by me. Hate me. Reject me. So I do what I do best, I keep it to myself.

A familiar pressure begins to form in my throat and chest. I need it to go away. I dig deep in my closet. They're everywhere but my best ones are in a black shoe box deep in my closet. I pull out my prize possession. I open the lid to be greeted by the only things that loves me. That recognizes me. That makes me feel loved. I take out my favourite carvers knife that I bought for art class. Now it's used for different reasons. I take it to the bathroom. I forget to fully close it. Stupid me.

I hop into the bath tub and I look at my already scarred hands. What should I do with them. Quick and get it over with? No slow and painful is the way to go. Well I don't care any more. It's not like I'm going to die anyway. Believe me I tried everything, but I am a country so it's impossible. I don't know why but I prefer cutting. It makes the pressure in my chest disappear faster. I hear the door bell ring but I ignore it. It's always for him not for me. Never is it for me. But I forgot that I did have someone coming over again.

I cut a vein and I cut it deep. I feel a rush flow through my body. This is my elixir. The lovely feeling slowly fades and I panic a bit. No I need this, my body needs it, my mind, my soul, my mental stability. I cut again and again. Feeling myself get higher and higher. Higher than the CN Tower. No much much higher. This use to be for punishment but mysteriously I've grown addicted to the rush, the feeling of being so high. I shiver and switch hands. Both of them have to look identical so I cut deep not caring about anything or anyone. No one cares about me. No matter how much I try I would never be able to be perfect like him. I would never be outgoing, and energetic. I'm smart as hell but not quick on remarks like him.

If I was him I wouldn't have gotten myself raped by my history teacher. If I was like him I wouldn't be bullied and beaten up. If I was like him I wouldn't have let myself get abused by me ex-boyfriend. If I was like him I wouldn't have sold my my body for someone to say I love you. When really they love the fact that I'm willing to give my body for them. I'm falling fast and dangerous in the black abyss. Some one anyone save me...sav...

I feel my thoughts begin to slow down as more blood spills into the tub. Soon I'll fade to wake up five to ten minutes later. Why couldn't I permanently stay dead. The sound of my blood dripping into the tub lulls me into a deep slumber. Calling me for the quiet moment of peace and warmth. As my body floats in the air and my mind fades in and out I hear a scream. A shriek. A cry for help.

What the hell.

This shouldn't be happening! Seven years of being careful is going down the drain. No, no, no.

"Matthew wake up now. It's me Feliciano. Why did you do this to yourself? We were suppose to go to the park and paint with Lovino," the Italian country wails. Crap I forgot, I was so caught up in myself that I forgot about my painting date with Feli and Lovino. I'm so freaking selfish. I try to open my eyes but they have grown to heavy.

" My baby!" A British voice cuts through my mind.

"Mon petit Mathieu!" A French voice yells.

"Mattie!" The perfection cries out. I someone lifts me out of the tub and rests me on the bathroom floor.

" Oh bloody hell there's so much. Francis there's too much. Francis my baby!"

" Italy go call 911. Alfred go and get some sheets to stop the bleeding. Arthur mon cher calm down I can't have you passing out right now."

All hell breaks out and I'm still trying to open my eyes. I feel pressure on my left arm and now on my right.

"Francis it's soaking through the sheets. That's too much blood! No country has bled so much!" The British man continues to panic. I hear sirens and someone running down the stairs. Before I can properly put two and two together I someone once again picks me up and lay me on something stiff. I let out a tiny weep and everyone and everything stops. I try and finally manage to open my eyes and I become horrified by what comes into my view.

Blood is all over the floor and tub also my French papa and Feliciano are soaked in blood. My British dad eyes are red and puffy while tears continue flowing down. And my perfect brother. Oh Alfred he too has my blood smeared on him and I see pain, fear, and sadness on his face. I flinch and try to move my hand to reach out for him but something is really wrong. Really wrong. A panic feeling wrack through my body.

I...I can't move.

My eyes widen on this discovery. My mind shuts down and the pressure from earlier makes its appearance again. I try to move again but I am once again shot down by my muscles. Oh god I'm paralysed! I make cries of frustration as I continuously try to move my body. I'm not being restrained but it feels like it. Hot burning tears begin to flow down my cheeks. No if I'm paralysed I won't be able to get any relief. I begin to hyperventilate as my panic becomes more feverish. Fear immediately shows on my family and Feli's faces but I ignore it. Something has to move. SOMETHING! Please oh god something. A strangle scream erupts from my mouth and I lash out some more. Nothing won't move.

"He's having a panic attack," someone yells. I feel my arms and legs being restrain but that makes me feel more scared. Get off of me I need to move my body! I panic even more and more strangled screams echoes in my house.

"I-I...I-m...p-paral-lysed...K-kill M-mee! K-killl m-ee," I manage to choke out. I don't hear anything any more, I don't even notice my dad picking me up and resting me on his lap. I don't hear one of the paramedics telling my dad to put me down. No I continue to jerk and cry.

"Matthew, you're okay," a soothing British voice tells me. I feel another pair of arms wrap around my restless body.

" Oui mon petit, you're okay. You can move," a French voice tells me. I feel gentle, light circles rub on my back. My screams begin to grow quieter. Now replace with tiny shrieks.

"You're safe in you're papa and my arms. Oh darling you're safe. We're right here. Everything is okay," dad continues to tell me. I feel myself being rock back and forth and my screams stops completely.

"That's a good boy. See you're okay mon petit. Papa and dad are protecting you. You're just fine, okay," papa tells me. The room is so quiet, all I hear is nervous breathing but I don't pay attention to them.

" Okay young lad look to daddy."

I don't and I feel a gentle hand touch my face.

"Matthew look at me now," the voice comes out a bit more stern. I turn my head gently to see green eyes threatening to cry again. "That's a good lad, look you just moved. You're not paralysed."

"Oui mon petit now you're going to go to a place where they're going to stop your hands from bleeding , okay honey? Now nod if you understand."

I nod gently and I feel myself place back on the stiff mattress. I turn my head gently to look at the people who just notice me after so long. Do you care now because you feel guilty or is it all a show? I stare at them for a while longer but my eyes once again grows to heavy. Before I knew it I fell into a dreamless slumber.

GAH I'm in a depressing mood so I created this. Another chapter? Yes or no? Comment your answer and I won't write the next chapter unless I have at the minimum of 12 comments saying yes. I know that's mean but hey. Oh yea HAPPY FATHER"S DAY! Even though probably no fathers would read this...

Anyway goodnight everyone. It's my last week of exams YAYAYAYAYAYAY! *parents shoot me*

"Shut up it's almost 11 in the night! Go to damn bed!"

*Silently whispers* yayayayayayayayayayay! Night everyone wish me luck on my last exams!

Thanks for commenting, faving, and also just reading this. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!