The Organizational Problem

Chapter 1: Who and What is Everybody?

In the Castle that never was, in the Meeting Room that Never Became, a group of fourteen pairs of eyes, four pairs of which belonged to women, four pairs to men, two to a pair of kittens, three pairs belonged to a set of children, and one pair to stuffed toy like animal, had all assembled into individual chairs, some reaching the ceiling of the white, cylinder shaped room.

When the kittens had finally reached their seats, which took some time, what with no other living entities helping them up, a silver-haired woman, the one with the top seat, said in a high, agitated voice, "So let me get this straight, Vexen, we're going to have to live in unfamiliar bodies, and we can't stop until we find an antidote?"

A girl with long, blonde hair, wearing a black cloak, stuttered back in a crackly voice, "Y-Yes Superior. Until then, we have to make due with our new bodies. And as for the sphere, we're certain that it will be easy enough to obtain within the next few months." The plushy like animal, now known as a Moogle, who sat in the third highest seat, spoke next.

"Are you kidding me, Vexen? A few months? If I go out on a mission as a Moogle, I'll end up getting raped by those perverted Synthesis Moogles! *Kupa* And I'm not even sure if Moogles mate! I can't stay like this for a few months! *Kupa*" Though he screamed this, his Moogle voice was soft and pleasant to the ears.

A boy with long, combed back, almost whitely-blonde hair, maybe eighteen by the looks of him, spoke up at the Moogles complaint. "Oh, grow a pair, Xaldin! We all have crap to deal with, and being a Moogle isn't the worst thing that someone's been turned into."

"I mean look at everyone! Xemnas, Vexen, Saix and Marluxia are freakin' girls now, I got turned into a dude, Xion, Zexion, and Luxord are seven, and Roxas and Lexeaus are cats! Seriously dude, if you don't stop complaining, I'm gonna cut the little red ball off you head and make you eat it."

Xaldin the Moogle then proceeded to shut the hell up.

Xemnas, the silver-haired woman in the top seat took up the conversation. "So, I must ask, as I was not apparently aware of how we came to our current situation, Axel, Xigbar, you and Demyx seem to be the only ones that have nothing wrong with them. So, why did I wake up this morning to find that some things were amiss?"

"Honestly," Said the red-haired man with emerald eyes, "If nothing happened to us, how the hell would we know, Superior?" His voice was sharp and on edge, like he was ready for anyone in the room to start a fight.

"Okay," Xemnas said, obviously annoyed with her (AUTHORS NOTE: I WILL BE WILL BE USING THE PRONOUN OF THE GENDER EACH MEMBER IS AS OF THIS POINT IN THE STORY.) subordinates answer, "let me rephrase that. Who here knows what and how we were turned into our current forms?"

Everyone in the room heard a small "meow" and all stared at the dirty-blonde tomcat that resided in the second lowest chair in the room.

I know, said a voice. Though it was not said, everyone heard the voice. It sounded like the voice of Number XIII, Roxas.

I know what happened to us.

"Alright, how are you doing that Roxas?" asked the blonde Vexen, her voice brimming with wonder on the voice inside her head.

Gypsy Magic.

"No. Really, how are you doing this?"

Hey, Xigbar, remember that one time me, you, Lex, and Xion, went to Agrabah to hunt down that Gypsy?

"Yeah, that thing nearly killed me." Said a man with long black hair tied in a loose ponytail, and had an eye-patch over his right eye, that might have been Xigbar.

Well do you remember what that Gypsy did to us right before we killed it?

"Yeah, it hit us with a purple beam of light, and afterwards, we could project thoughts to people… oh yeah. That's how he's doing it Vexen. Gypsy Magic."

"Enough mental explanations! Just tell us what happened, Roxas."

Rightyoh. Well, you were a dude yesterday, right Superior?

"No," Xemnas said sarcastically, "I've been a lady all my life. Yes I was a man last night, R-Tard."

Last night, after everybody went to bed, I had to go potty, so I woke up Xion to tell her how bad I needed to go-

"You woke up Number XIV just to tell her that you needed to use the bathroom?"

Yes. Yes I did, isn't that right, Xion?

The little girl that sat in the lowest chair with black hair nodded to the kitten. "Uh huh, Mr. Spikey-hair always tells me when he needs the potty."

See? Now, as I was saying, after I went pee, I decided that Vexen needed to go, too. So I got a bowl of warm water from the kitchen-

Vexen interrupted "You were going to try to make me pee? What did I do to you?"

For starters, you interrupt me when I try to tell funny stories.

"Vexen, stop being mean to Roxas." Xemnas butted in. Vexen stared in disbelief at the ignorance of the Superior.

"But that little bastard tried to make me pee!"

Nuh uh! Successfully made you pee.

"I told you to shut up Vexen. If you don't shut up now, I WILL give Larxene permission to be mean to you." The Ultimate Threat, Larxene. That shut up Number IV real quick. "So, Roxas you were making Vexen piss herself, well, himself, at the time.

Oh yeah, after he pissed himself horribly," he paused for a second and took a peek at Vexen's face. It was furious, alright. I went back to the Kitchen, but not before I took some blackmail photos. But, when I went back to the Kitchen That Never Has Been, I felt something wrong, like there was another presence there.

"I want a present! Can I have a kitty?" shouted Xion happily. Roxas jumped from his seat, over a large, eight foot gap, and landed in Xion's lap. She started scratching the back of his neck, and soon, everyone started hearing soft purrs coming from Roxas.

As I was saying, he said, as Xion's petting became slower, it felt like there was another person in there with me. So I looked in the pantry, and nothing was in there, so I decided that it was just me, but I was wrong. As it turned out, Zexion was trying to read I guess, and when I opened the cabinet that he was reading in, I guess he messed up what it was he was doing, and poof, in the morning, we're all like this.

"So what you're saying is…you have absolutely no idea what happened. Is that it?" asked Saix shyly.

Yes. Yes it is.

Many people that day did an anime drop out of their chairs.

"Well then," said the Superior, "I guess that this meeting is over. Everybody, we have one week until we start assigning missions again, so learn the abilities and limitations of your new bodies. Roxas, Lexeaus, Xion, Zexion, and Luxord will be excused from missions until we attain our old bodies. Roxas, you're in charge of the children if everybody else is gone. Understood?"

In a relaxed voice, Roxas responded with his mental thought transfer capabilities, Yeah, sure, whatever, cookies, Namine, cookies, I'm on it Superior.

"Lexeaus," She continued, "I want you to keep the roaming Nobodies in check and to keep the Castle safe with that raw power of yours. You have the Thought Sharing Capabilities as well, correct?"

Yes Sir. Leave it to me.

After a bit of help with the kids and kittens, everyone went to exit the Meeting Room That Could Be to start preparing for their new jobs.

Xemnas paused before she opened the door to let the others out. "And everybody, tomorrow I'll call in Namine to come help out. If you're having trouble with your body, talk to her." Everybody gave a nod, and they exited.

The Next Morning, In The Living Room With A Slightly Used And Uncomfortable Sofa That Possibly Is

Xemnas picked up the cordless telephone and swept through the speed dial list, aiming for Namine's cell number. She passed a Jerry, a Hugh Heffner, a Sean T, two GameStop's, one Sora, and eight different pizza chain numbers before she finally found Namine.

"Who here could possibly know Hugh Heffner, and why are there eight different pizza chain numbers on here?"

She hit the grey call button and after five rings, cheery high female voice answered.

"Hey there, this is Namine, who is this?"

"Hey Namine, it's Superior. I need a favor. You mind?"

"No," She said, "Of course not. Your voice sounds a little high, are you okay?"

"Yeah, just having a bit of an… out of body experience, today."

"Um, Alright. I'll be right over, Xemnas." And they simultaneously hang up their phones.

Xemnas paced around the room a few times. It was almost noon and the only other person up besides herself was Zexion, and he was reading. Then, she got to thinking… What would someone here be doing with Game Stop, Sora, several pizza chains, and Hugh Heffner?

She was still pondering this almost twenty minutes later when Namine came in.

"Ah, you're here. I need you to make breakfast for us this morning, Namine." Namine gave her a confused stare for a few moments before she realized that Namine didn't know what had happened to the organization.

"Are you Xemnas' sister?" Namine asked, obviously confused and expecting a male Superior.

It took Xemnas a moment to realize that this was one of the first times that she had been called a woman.

"No! It's Xemnas, you dumbass."

"Oh… Why are you a lady?" Namine seemed to have accepted the Gender Transformation quite well. "Did everyone else get their gender swapped?"

"I wish so. It'd be a lot simpler to find a cure if everyone had the same illness, but no. Two of us were turned into cats, three were transformed into children, one of us turned into a Moogle, and five of us had our genders switched. We're not sure what happened, but that's why we called you in. We need you to help us out until everything reverts back to normal. Will you do it?"

Without even thinking, the almost white-blonde haired teenager agreed, "Yeah, I can help out a bit. But I do want to know one thing: Who're the kittens and kids?"

"If it's Roxas you want to know about, he's the blonde tomcat. And the orange one is Lexeaus." But before she had gone on to explain who the other cat was, she was already running off to fetch her beloved Number XIII.

"I think that I'm going to regret calling her." Xemnas said to herself with a sigh. "Still though, how did Hugh Heffner get on my speed dial?