Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Thank you to Jen328 for beta'ing and ladysharkey1 and jadsmama for pre-reading.

This is pure silliness, and I hope you love reading it as much as I loved writing it.

"I had sex with Edward Masen."

I stood, breathless, outside my friend Alice's apartment.

She cocked her head to the side and squinted at me. "What?"

"You heard me! I had sex with Edward Masen."

"Like in a dream?" She asked, genuinely confused.

I bit my lip to hold in a sarcastic retort. "Would I be standing here at three in the morning, freaking out, if it had just been a dream? Let me in, now!"

I pushed past her into the entrance way as she said, "Bella, it's three a.m., I honestly have no idea how I'm even functioning enough to talk to you, let alone guess why you're banging on my door." She closed the door behind us. "Now, you slept with Edward Masen?" I nodded. "How the hell did that happen? He's old and wears polyester."

"Shut up, Alice! He's not old."

"He works with your dad, B. He's old."

"He's thirty-one."

"He still wears polyester and thinks busting underage drinkers makes for a fun weekend."

With a huff, I tried to find words to say. To deny what Alice had said, but I couldn't.

"Oh, God, you're right. How did this happen?"

I looked up at Alice, who was nodding off in the reading chair next to her television. "Shouldn't you be explaining that to me?" She glanced at me, raising her eyebrows expectantly.

I groaned again. "Jesus, Alice. I know how it happened, but why did I let it happen?"

She shrugged. "It's been awhile for you. Your lady business had some business that needed taking care of, I guess."

I didn't respond, and after a few minutes I thought Alice had fallen asleep, but she popped up and asked, "Where did this happen? Did you fuck and duck out of his house?"

My shoulders sagged, and I shook my head.

"You. Did. Not." I could tell she was holding in her laughter. "You ran out of your own apartment?"

"I didn't know what else to do!"

Alice doubled over, peals of laughter filling the living room, as I sat, ashamed.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. What are you going to do? That poor man was probably all excited that he got boned by a much younger woman-one who manages to look past the bad fashion decisions and crappy deputy job, and when he wakes up, he's going to think he's so bad in bed that he chased you out of your own place."

"If I ignore it, it will go away." I picked at a loose thread on my pajama pants.

"Ummm, I hate to bring this to your attention, but Edward Masen is not an 'it', and he's currently down the hall, sleeping in your bed." Shaking her head, she pushed off the couch. "That is not something that just 'goes away', Bella."

I cringed, contemplating going back to my apartment.

"I'm going to bed. Lock the door on your way out." Alice stood up and walked down the hallway to her bedroom. "Oh, and Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Was it good?" She smirked.

I thought back over the night and felt myself flush. He had been amazing—before, during, and after.

"I'll take that as a definite yes."

Without waiting for a response, she shut her bedroom door.

To be honest, Edward had been a lot of fun. We had ran into each other at the coffee shop in Port Angeles and had a pretty great conversation, which led to getting a drink, which led to him driving me home, which led to me dropping to me knees inside my apartment and giving him the single best blowjob of his life. After which, he thoroughly returned the favor.

I wrinkled my nose. I came across kinda of skanky when I thought of it like that. Pulling myself together and thinking as little as possible, I left Alice's apartment and walked down the corridor to my own. Opening the door as quietly as I could, I entered and turned to close it just as softly. I'd almost managed to get the thing closed when a voice behind me caused me to jump and slam the door—hard.

"Where'd you go?"

I turned to see Edward standing awkwardly in my living room, in nothing but his boxers, looking a little crushed.

My heart clenched at the sight, and I answered automatically. "I sleepwalk."

This was turning out to be the most confusing night of my life.

By the way, Edward is known as Polyblend around twitter and beta/pre-reading emails. You'll love him. Trust.

The chapters will be around this length, some get longer though. There are 11 total chapters, and the update schedule will be Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday.