How to Babysit a Super Toddler

A/N: Dedicated to the lovely people in the Domestic Avengers tag on tumblr. You are all wonderful, scheming, unfair people and because of that, I cannot resist writing this.

Also, for those of you who aren't into StevexTony, no worries! This is a story about Thor and Loki, not Steve and Tony, so don't be intimidated by the coupling if you're not into it. Just enjoy the misfortunes of our favorite Odin brothers as they try to babysit a toddler. ;)

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"I've changed my mind. I'm not going."

Tony sighed. This was the third time in the last hour. "Steve…"

"No, Tony. You can't convince me otherwise. This is a bad idea. Peter needs us."

"Peter will be fine," Tony responded, glancing down at the eighteen month toddler sleepily propped up in his husband's arms. "Pepper is here, Thor is here. Hell, Nick Fury is just a phone call away and can have the entirety of S.H.I.E.L.D. at our doorstep if anything goes wrong. Trust me. He's safe."

"I just don't feel comfortable leaving him behind," Steve sighed. "Especially with him here."

Loki looked up from his cereal, recognizing that he was being addressed. He warily took in Captain America's look of distrust and thickly swallowed a mouthful of Cocoa Puffs. Thor stepped up to defend his brother, talking through his mouthful of pancakes.

"Fafer fook fuway fis fowers-"

"Ah, I'm sorry, but could you say that in English this time?"

"Fafer fook fuway fis fowers-"

"Thor, swallow."

Thor swallowed his food. "My apologies. Father took away his powers. He is just as human as I was when I first arrived upon Earth. He will do no harm, I assure you."

Steve pulled a face. "I would feel better if Bruce or Clint were here."

"As would I, but they're unavailable at the moment, so you'll just have to trust us," Pepper said lightly, taking a sleepy Peter from Steve's arms. The toddler protested lightly, but settled when he recognized who was holding him, plopping his head down on his Godmother's shoulder sleepily. "Don't worry, Steve. We've got everything under control. Just go and enjoy yourselves."

Steve cast a worried, unsure glance at Tony who nodded encouragingly. Just three years before, Tony and Steve tied the knot between them in the presence of their most trusted friends. Their companionship was something that nobody questioned, and had seen for years, and known that it was only a matter of time. What truly surprised them, though, was that Steve had managed to convince Tony to adopt their beloved son, Peter. What they came to realize, though, was that Peter brought them all closer, and even though the little boy was Steve and Tony's, they all thought of him as their own. There was never an absence of love in the Stark-Rogers house.

Yet, no matter how much they loved their son, being super heroes and parents at the same time put a strain on their relationship. Their friends noticed their short fuses and snappy retorts and decided to take things into their hands for a while. Or at least, Pepper did. Now they stood by the door to their home, bags packed for a private vacation to the Cayman Islands, courtesy of Stark Cruise Lines, trying to convince Steve that it was okay to leave their toddler in the hands of their friends for a week. Steve kept Tony's gaze for a long moment, eventually coming to a decision with a small sigh.

"I don't want to get any phone calls telling me something went wrong while we're gone," Steve warned. "But if you must, my cell number is on the fridge. There are fresh diapers in the basket beneath the changing table. He goes to bed at eight, and takes a nap sometime around two every day. Don't let him sleep past four on his nap or he'll be cranky and refuse to eat dinner until bedtime. He's a little hard to handle at times, so somebody must have an eye on him at all times. Don't let him run off on his own."

"Steve, I know," Pepper reminded him with a small smile. Steve eyed her for a long moment, nodding reluctantly when he seemed to find what he was looking for in her reassuring gaze. He gave a small sheepish smile.

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried."

Tony rubbed Steve's shoulder reassuringly, letting a grin pull up at his mouth. "Everything will be fine, Wonder Boy. Just trust them," he said. "Meanwhile, our plane is waiting for us, and I know I'm getting antsy for some sun, sand and overly salty water irritating my skin." Steve ignored his husband as Tony stepped toward Pepper, reaching out gently rub Peter's back. "Hey there, big boy," he said with a gentle smile as Peter stirred lightly, blinking heavily. "Daddy and I are going to go away for a while. Can you be good for Aunt Pepper for a week? I don't mind if you're a terror for Uncle Thor, just don't have him try to cook for you. I want my stove in tact when I come back."

"Tony," Steve criticized lightly, stepping forward as well. He gently smoothed down Peter's brown hair, something pulling at his chest at the sight of the sleepy boy. He opened his mouth to protest the trip again, but Pepper caught his look.

"Tony," she warned softly.

"Okay, time to go," Tony said quickly. "Kiss him good-bye, we're not spending another twenty minutes wrestling with your emotions when we have beaches waiting for us."

Steve leaned in to kiss Peter softly on the head, and brushed back his hair a few more times, hesitating. Tony dipped in for his own parting kiss upon the boy before turning to push Steve out the door. Steve attempted to say a few more instructions to Pepper, who merely smiled and waved as Tony hustled his husband out the door. When the door slid shut behind them, Pepper let out a relieved sigh.

"I thought they'd never leave!"

"They may still return. They have not driven off yet," Loki supplied unhelpfully.

"Well, lets not jinx that," Pepper said. She shifted a dozing Peter higher in her arms. "I'm going to put Peter to sleep. Finish up your late breakfast, or lunch, or whatever. I'm putting you both in charge of Peter while I go to the company today. It'll only be for a few hours. Do you think you can handle it?"

"You wish for us to watch the young child in your absence?" Thor confirmed. Pepper nodded. "Then it shall be done."

"Good," she said with a smile. "He should sleep for most of the time, but if he does wake up, just give him a little food if he's hungry and keep him entertained for the rest of the time. Keep your eye on him, because he can and will get away from you."

"How hard is it to keep watch upon a small child?" Loki inquired with a touch of disdain. Pepper gave him a small, secretive smile.

"You'd be surprised."

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!