Broken, Shattered, Destroyed, an avengers fanfic

A/n: Alright so I came up with this idea when I was listening to this song. This isn't really a song fic, but the song that this is to is up front so that you can read it if you want. The story is below it.

Movie: Avengers

Title: Broken, Shattered, Destroyed

Pairings: Slash-Rogers/Howard (Implied), Rogers/Tony.S

Warnings?: Angst, slash, implication of mature themes.

Broken, Shattered, Destroyed

He was nothing in his eyes, nothing but a weakling little boy that meant nothing to him, a broken boy. He wasn't perfect, not like Rogers. He would never be good enough for him, never be perfect. But hey, he wasn't so perfect because the man that was supposed to love him…never…cared for him. He was nothing but a shell, shattered, broken, destroyed… If only someone could save him from the darkness…

Perfect By Simple Plan

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I am Iron Man, but behind that shell, I'm nothing but a non-perfect person. That was what I was to him anyways, nothing but a boy that couldn't be perfect, not like Steve Rogers. He was perfect to him, is it sad I can't even call him my Father? He never was one to me anyways. I was always in the way, no matter what I did. He acted nice for the press and that was about it. At home, he made Mother cry, ignored me… He drank all of the time, and I could never see him smile.

I was nothing but someone in the way.

He never loved Mother; he loved someone else that he would never find. I would, and I would hate the man with all my life. He was the one thing that he and I could have a good talk about. I looked up to the man that he loved, and I even know now I can't always hate him. The love he showed for the man came down to me, and I understood that. Despite all of that, I was nothing close to being perfect.

I was so smart, but he never noticed. I was ignored in his world, and I was hardly even wanted. I remember walking around the offices, and wondering, why no one bothered to look at me. I was five then, and yet, I was still ignored in alone. No one noticed me. I walked alone, and I stood alone. No one was there, not until I had friends, but for the longest time, they weren't even there.

I remember asking once, asking mother about something. I had asked Mother what would happen to me when they were finally gone…all I got was a small smile and she took me to bed, not telling me what I wanted to hear. I asked him the next day, and all he told me was to leave him alone.

No one saw the broken boy that day, no one noticed the pain I was living in, and no one noticed the small broken boy hiding in the corner of his room, away from the world.

Perfect. Why couldn't I have been born like that? It would have changed it all, and I would have been loved by him…the love I so wanted. The love that I thrived for but I was never given. Even now, I'm not perfect, I will never be perfect. I hide behind a shell if metal; I hide behind Iron Man…so that no one will see me cry, break, and shatter into pieces.

I remember the day I meet the man, seeing him in person, the man that I was cast aside for. I forced a smile when I shook his hand, forced a smile when he was around. Those sarcastic comments I made to him? They didn't feel like anything at all to me. I tried not to show him how hurt I was when we argued, he would never understand how I felt. Take away my armor he wanted to know? What would he find? A man that was shattered, broken, and not perfect for the sake of his life. None of them knew, and I didn't want them to know.

They died when I was seventeen, that day, I broke even more. I was still a kid, broken, and thrown away. I felt like a doll that everyone used, more so the person that was my 'Uncle'. He didn't care; he could care less about me. It was just for the company...nothing more, nothing else. I would never feel loved. I would never get the one thing I wanted to feel so much.

I was told I had no heart, and after a while, I believed them because it had been shattered, broken, destroyed. And now, there was just a reactor keeping me from dying, a metallic heart. I was a hero, but I never felt like it. I had Pep and Rhodey there, but when I needed them most I didn't feel like they were there. It was that way because it was always like that, even if they are here now… I can't be perfect, and that means I'll remain broken.

The Merchant of Death; I could care less about the name. I didn't care, because it I did, it would shatter me more. Having the person that ran the company after my Father died betray me hurt as well, but I never showed it. I would just shatter more.

Perfect.

That was the one name I didn't have in the world.

"Take away that armor and what are you?"

I tell myself, that I am strong, but the question of that…it shatters me more. I tell him something else, exactly what everyone thinks of me, but my words are nothing but a lie… He doesn't seem to notice, and that is good, but he does notice the shattered look in my eyes. I will never tell him why though; I don't need to, because no one would ever understand what I am saying. My father caused all of that, and now I'm exactly what he wanted me to be, a broken boy. That was all I could be because I wasn't supposed to be, no I wasn't created perfectly. I would never be what he wanted, and I knew that…

No one knew that when I went into that void, I didn't care if I came out or not. I was wondering to myself…what happens if I don't? Will I finally just lose myself and finally be out of my pain. Suicide it was, and maybe that was what I really wanted to happen. I don't know…but I do know that I was going to save a world that was always going to think I was ice… That I was to be shattered and broken no matter how hard I tried to be perfect.

"Anthony." I force myself to smile and looked over at the leader of our team…his smile wide and bright…unlike mine. His smile falters and he frowns then. "Anthony, what's wrong? We won! Aren't you happy?" He asked and I force myself to keep smiling at him. I nod.

"Of course, we saved the world no?" I replied and chuckled, a broken chuckle to myself. I just wanted to be alone, I didn't want to see anyone at the moment because…I don't know, and I don't feel right at all. "I'm fine, seriously." I say as he narrows his eyes. He walks closer and touches my shoulder, looking at what I have in my hand. I pull it away and keep him from seeing it, my eyes closing. I bite my lip then take a deep breath. He hugs me tightly and I can't help but close my eyes and wish he won't break my heart like everyone else. Yet, I know it will happen. I slowly push him away and he blinks, questioning me with his eyes. I say nothing and leave the room…not wanting to look back.

He chases after me, but why? No one has ever bothered to question how I feel. No one has tried to understand me, but he is…he is trying to understand me. I don't want him to, because I'll only end up shattered, broken, and destroyed. That is how it always ends. He's going to be another person to judge me on being perfect. That is how it ends, always.

He grabs my hand and I turn around to look at him. My eyes betray how I feel, and I know he notices it all. He frowns and wipes away a tear that is just starting to come down from my eyes. He then looks up at me and smiles his famous grin. "Anthony, you know you don't have to keep hiding from us all. You hide it all from us, how you feel, what you think, and…what you really want to show." He is right, but I can't tell him that. If he wasn't holding onto my wrist so tightly I would push him away, and tell him to leave me alone to what I thought of everything.

Finally, I can speak, and I say it all, trying to push him away with my words. "You won't ever understand! No one ever understands me! No one knows what I've been put through in my past, and they won't ever care! I've been broken, shattered, destroyed by words! I can't be perfect like he has ever wanted me to be!" His arms were around me, and holding me close. My eyes closed and I took a deep breath. I was shaking; I hadn't even noticed that I was until he was holding me. I put my head on his shoulder, eyes closed, and trying not to shake.

"It's alright Anthony, we won't want you to be perfect, and we don't want you to be broken, shattered, and destroyed. We want you to be…you." His words, they were soft, sweet, and it made me hope if only for a moment, that someone could repair me. But, it was probably just going to be for one second before everything was once again back to me being broken, shattered, destroyed… He looked me right in the eyes, and suddenly I found his lips over mine. I groaned and fell back against the wall, the other holding me tightly.

This wasn't right and I knew it, but I didn't feel right to push him away from me. He was offering me the one thing I looked for in so many women that I could never find. Yet, here was the man I looked up to as a child, kissing me, and being there for me…despite that this wasn't right. He probably knew it as well, knowing that he wasn't supposed to be doing this.

We pulled away, panting, his forehead resting against my own. I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking him in the eyes. He took a deep breath before murmuring. "I don't want you to feel all alone, you have everyone here…and I promise you I won't break, shatter, or destroy you anymore. Anyone that tries to, they won't come back alive, I'll tell you that now." He murmured and I gave a weak smile…a weak but real smile. His smile was real as well… For once, maybe this wouldn't end badly.

And then…in the end, I destroyed my own heart. I shouldn't have made the time machine, because now he had the woman he had loved first back… Well, he didn't have who he loved first, because I would never want him to see that man again…and he was alright with that for me… But…in the end that didn't stop him from going back to her. I remained happy for him, but inside, I was broken, shattered, and destroyed for good.

I remember hearing something, but not knowing what it was as I flew around in my armor. I had left the Avengers, never going to go back. I had chosen what I wanted to happen, and I wasn't going to go back on it. I understood I had made a mistake, and I had ruined myself. No one noticed; no one had bothered to notice…just like that little boy hiding in his room away from the world. I was knocked down, hitting the ground. I managed to scramble away before the Avengers showed up. They took care of whatever it was quickly as I tried to re-boot the armor so I could get out of there.

I felt a hand clasp my metal coated one. I didn't need to look to see who it was, I didn't need to turn to face him, and I didn't need to think about him. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" His words were sad, but why? He had chosen her over me to begin with. I turned to face him then, and I let the facemask lift.

"Why? I don't have a reason that you wouldn't know." I replied, harsh, cold, everything I had finally given into. He looked hurt but how could he? He caused this to happen to me after all of this…faking his love…everything. Suddenly he kissed me, pushing me into the wall. I groaned, and my eyes closed. What was he doing? I didn't understand but…I didn't care. I moved to push him away but he captured my arms above my head. Slowly, he pulled away from the kiss and looked me right in the eyes.

"I'm sorry…I promised you something I was supposed to keep…but now, I will keep it." He pulled me close. "I can't let you be like this, broken, shattered, destroyed…"

I woke the next morning, smiling to myself. I didn't feel so bad right now. In fact, I felt rather good about this all. We were in a hotel room, and he was sleeping next to me, arms tightly around my waist. I sighed softly before kissing him lightly and his eyes opened. He smiled at me and then kissed back. Well…we had sealed a promise last night with what we had done, and I couldn't be any happier about it.

He promised I wouldn't end up broken, shattered, destroyed, and he did finally. After mistakes, everything came to a good end for us…I can only hope it will stay that way.

Do you see now dad? I can be perfect to those who want me. I don't have to be broken, shattered, and destroyed… We can't turn back time, but you can now see what really is true for me…and you can finally see that I was not just a doll to throw away.