Castle,

You've always loved words. You create beauty and truth with words, you give power to thought and magic to ideas with your words.

I know that I've taken a lot from you, been unfair and cruel to you. Please know that I am sorrier than I can say. It has cost me dearly. All I have left to give you are my words, the last bit of my story.

That day, on that rooftop, I nearly died. I nearly died and all I wanted was you. When I was pulled back over the brink I thought it was you, and when I saw that it was Ryan I felt betrayed, that you hadn't saved me. Then I realised that I had no right to feel that way, that the reason you weren't there was because of me. I had pushed you away. And in that moment I decided that this was my fight, and I had to do it alone. You had said you were done, I had experienced just how dangerous it was, and I had no right to pull you back in to that, to ask you to die for my cause. So I arranged it with Gates that she would tell everyone I died. I would disappear and fight my fight in the shadows, like the 'Dragon' I was chasing.

Please don't blame Ryan, he was bitterly against me leaving. I've been in contact with him a few times and he always tried to persuade me to come back, or at least to let him tell you the truth, but I wouldn't let him. Esposito never knew, I was gone before he was conscious again.

The time that I've been away really showed me the meaning of being lonely. I have often felt alone, but rarely felt lonely before this. And despite myself I couldn't resist coming back to you, like a planet returning to orbit around it's sun. You need better locks, Castle, they're far too easy to pick. I came back many times, just to be near you, and let your nearness warm me for a while. You never knew it, but you helped me through the last few months. I don't think I could have survived it without knowing that you were still there. Solid, and vital and alive.

The details aren't important, but it's over, the dragon is vanquished. The public will never know the truth but I do. And so did he, in his final moments he knew that lives cannot be taken so casually, that truth will always be sought, and brought out in to the light. In the end I was better than him – he died by his own hand, but I realised that his death wasn't the end of the story. The end of this story is here, the errant Knight returning to the Castle. Home.

I don't expect you to forgive me, or to love me anymore. I lost that right. But I hope that, like you closed the book on Nikki, you can close the book on this chapter of your life with peace.

Ryan will know how to contact me, should you ever want to.

Always,

KB

Castle read the letter again. When he'd woken alone he had assumed he was dreaming, but the letter on his dresser was proof otherwise. He'd read it with a pounding heart, unsure he wanted to know what she was going to say but desperate for any small part of her. Now, confusion swirled round him. He wanted to shake her, and then kiss her and never let her go. But a much larger part of him was feeling angry, and that was the part that was winning. Angry that the last 14 months had been for nothing, angry that she had had the comfort of seeing him but he had been denied the same. And angry that she had run headlong into danger again, but without any one to have her back.

"Dammit Beckett."

Wow, so yeah... It's been a while! I totally lost the plot bunnies, but one of two have come hopping back recently. This isn't over yet, although I don't think there'll be more than one or two chapters, but I hope you enjoy, if you even remember what this is after all this time!