So this past week (I think...) was the one year anniversary of Its Zuko Against the World! so we'd thought we'd do something really special. This is the Christmas special of Zuko, and its something we've been wanting to do since we first wrote this. Its not an actual chapter and has nothing to do with the stroyline; its just a nice little story about love and family. So hold onto your socks, cause theyre about to be blown off in this special installment of Its Zuko Against the World!

Zuko awoke freezing cold; something he wasn't used to back in the fire nation. He looked at the calendar on the wall beside him. Underneath the picture of Aang posing provocatively with a candy cane and the the words "Mr. December," he saw that the date was December 24. Christmas Eve. He snuck another glance at "Mr. December" and shuddered, looking away.

He ran his hands up and down his fluffy chest- pardon me, I forgot to mention that he was wearing a sweater. It had a picture of Appa smiling so proud and stuff. GranGran had knit it for him out of strands of string and broken dreams. Speaking of Iroh, he was sitting by the fire all cozied up to what he thought was Momo. It was not lil Momo. It was Gran Gran.

Zuko ignored everything and everyone and got up. Where was Katara? He ran out of the room and tripped over Toph. He fell face first in the snow.

"Hey Fire Nation! How you likin da snow, Gurl?" A group of water tribe warriors and TyLee laughed at him.

Katara appeared behind Zuko in a flash. "TyLee, you giggle one more time, and I will excuse you from the dinner table." She picked up Zuko and wiped the snow of his sweater. "I know it must be hard for you to adjust, but we'll only be in the South Pole for a couple more days. I couldn't really refuse Grangrans offer to stay down here for the Holidays."

"Yeah, well I could've happily refused being your significant other, sweetit." Zuko said under his breath. Toph kicked him the retina.

"I heard you."

"I DON'T CARE WHATCHA MAMA SAYS CHRISTMAS TIME IS HEEEEERE!" Aang was whistling.

"AANG SHUT THE MOMO UP." Iroh said making GranGran's bones rattle.

"Anyway... Are you excited for Christmas? Did you get me a really awesome present?" Katara asked sweetly.

Oh Fire God. He forgot to get Katara a Christmas present! How could he be so stupid? "Uhhhh... Yeah, sweetie... It's awesome." He stuttered.

"Oh great! I got you one too!" She hugged him. "This is gonna be the best Christmas ever! I gotta go help GranGran with dinner. BYE!"

"AANG! I NEED YOUR HELP!" He yelled as soon as she was out of earshot.

"Yeah buddy! Sure! What's the snuff in your butt?" Aang giggled.

Zuko slapped him. "What you get ma girl fo holiday gift?" He said. He was a master in the language 'slang'.

"Shiiiiiii I got yo ho-" Aang started doing it all wrong.

"No. Just speak." Zuko commanded.

"I don't like to brag but I got Katara a really swell gift." Aang said with a smile. "After working hard hours in the knitting factory where I knit factories, I managed to earn enough money to travel on down to the Penny Store. It was there I saw it. The mightiest yoyo I ever saw, next to it however was Katara's present. A handheld mirror. I know she know's how beautiful I think she is, it's time she saw for herself." Aang said, tearing up.

"That's nice. I'm stealing it from you and giving it to her from me." Zuko said.

"Hey wait a second. That is not a fair thing." Aang said emotionally.

"Don't worry buddy baldy boy. I'll give you the present I was going to give her."

"OH NEATO!" Aang yelped happily handing him the mirror which had been conveniently holding all the while.

"Thanks." Zuko said, leaving.

"Hey, where's your present?" Aang asked darkly.

"Oh, it'll be here tonight. I had it shipped from Virginia." Zuko lied. Zuko lied to this poor bald man, however, as I always say: 'Karma's a Toph.' Zuko didn't notice the engravement at the bottom of the mirror. Kataang was all it said.

He ran into an igloo and wrapped it as fast as he could. He pulled out a card and wrote a heartfelt message:
"Katara,
I love you lots. Whenever you get sad, just remember this song.
Life's like a road that you travel on
There's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There's a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won't haunt you anymore where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won't hesitate
To break down the garden gate
There's not much time left today, yeah
Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long
If you're going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long
Love, Zuko"

He snuck back into the house he was staying at and put it under the tree.

Zuko began to relax. He had taken care of his girl, who would most likely offer up her body to him after getting such a great present. The sky drew dark and after a while Iroh stood up and asked Gran Gran if she would like to join him in going back to his chambers. She replied "sure." it was magical. Unfortunatly Iroh had bunk beds which he shared with Ty Lee. Ty Lee was in for a rough night.

Zuko pretended to look apologetic but he didn't really care. As the day grew older Aang came in and started shouting "SANATA!" Until Toph sat on his face, not in a creepy way.

"Zuko will you tell me the Christmas story?" Aang asked.

"No. Go away." Zuko smirked.

"Come on Zuko the children are all aroused." Katara smiled.

"What? They are not aroused. Don't say that." Zuko yelled.

"Just tell them the story." Katara moaned.

"Oh my fire God fine." Zuko said standing up and tripping over the chair he had been sitting on. He got up and began:
"'twas the night before Christmas, and all through the fire palace, not a creature was stirring, not even a Toph. The stockings were hung by the Chimney with care-"

"HOW CAN A CHIMNEY HANG A STOCKING?" Aang interrupted.

TyLee punched him in the face. Then Zuko punched TyLee in the face.

Zuko continued. "In hopes that the sexy Firelord soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of a world being consumed by fire danced in their heads;
and Aang with his hair and I with my scar, had just settled down for a night at the bar.
When suddenly Aang made such a loud clatter, I sprang from my seat and PUNCHED AANG IN THE FACE." He paused and looked around the room to make sure everyone was still listening. They were, so he continued. "Away to Katara I flew like a flash, tore open her door and made a large crash.
The moon on the breast of my hot girlfriend was really hot so we made out."

"This is my favorite story." GranGran whispered to herself.

"SHUT UP, GRANGRAN, IM TRYING TO HEAR THE STORY." Sokka hit GranGran with his boomerang.

"When what to my wandering eyes should appear, was my sister, Azula, trying to interfere.
I pushed Katara on the floor, so lively and quick, I reached in my pocket and pulled out a brick.
More rapid than eagles, her minions, they came, and she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name: On Oscar, on Chad, on Janet and Mason! On Sam, on Yoko, on Ricky and Tyson!
To the window, to the window, to the wall, to the wall, now dash away dash away dash away all!"

Suki and Sokka had made popcorn and were enjoying it while Zukos story got more and more intense.

"And-"

"GAAAAAAAAAH!" Appa interrupted Zuko.

He took a deep breath and continued. "As-"

TyLee started choking on the popcorn and was coughing and it was just really rude.

"I-"

Iroh sipped his tea, loud and obnoxious.

Zuko grunted and punched Aang. "I BEAT THEIR ASSES WITH MY FIRE BENDING MERRY CHRISTMAS GOOD NIGHT."

"They oughta give a poison apple to whoever told that idiot he could tell stories. Haha!" said Snow White. WAIT WHAT? OH WRONG STORY LOL.

"Did you enjoy the story?" Zuko asked Katara.

"Yeah it was really inspiring and I loved the metaphor for beastiality-" Katara began.

"Oh yeah me too. Wanna go to sleep now baby Kat?" Zuko pondered.

"No, sweetie! I have to stay up all night with Sokka and Aang and wait for Santa!" Katara said. Oh my God shut up Katara. "Won't you join us?" Katara asked, but Zuko was already back in his chamber asleep. "Hey okay lettuce calm down." Katara said even though nobody was doing anything.

"Alright, Chester. You've had enough fun for one night." Aang said to Sokka.

"CHESTER?!" everyone yelled.

"It's a festive name!" Aang defended.

Then everyone fell asleep.

"DECK YOUR FACE WITH A GIRL NAMED HOLLY FARARARARARARARARA."

"I see Yoko made it." Sokka- I mean Chester- acknowledged.

"We couldn't not invite her." Suki whispered.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, TEA LEAVES!" Iroh was rather happy and jolly, more so than usual.

"In the fire nation, we usually celebrate Christmas by burning thirteen virgins at the stake. But this works, too." Zuko explained.

"Toph! Where's your Christmas spirit?" Aang asked, wearing a sweater with a picture of Jared Padalecki on it.

"Im Jewish." She said simply.

This made the Gaang howl with laughter, until they saw Toph twerking with a menorah. Enough of that foolishness.

"TIME FOR PRESENTS!" Aang yelled. "Here you go, Ty Lee." Aang said, handing Ty Lee a neatly wrapped box with nails sticking out of it. "It's lotion! For late night snacks!" He explained.

"Aang, please don't tell me what the present is before I open it. It spoils the fun." Ty Lee said, ruffling his nonexistant hair.

"QUIET." Aang replied before running off, lathering Gran Gran with a shawl that he had knit himself!

GranGran didn't look happy one bit, though. "GranGran!" Katara hollered. "Where's your Christmas spirit? I know you're not Jewish!"

GranGran looked at her granddaughter with tears in her eyes. "IM PREGNANT." She yelled. Everyone dropped everything and stared at the old woman. Even Toph stopped twerking.

"RELL," Yoko broke the silence. "RIS HAS BEEN FUN. ILL SEE YOU RALL NEXT CHRISTMAS." And she ran out the door.

Iroh walked up and wrapped his arms around her. "I know you're scared. I am too, even though I'll probably leave you after it's born." Iroh said. Gran Gran turned around and kissed him full heartidly on the face. Then everyone got sick. To ease the tension Zuko decided to give Katara his present.

"Hi honey. This is what I got you this year for Christmas. I know it isn't much, but I hope you find the hidden meaning in this. You see Katara, I'm around beautiful people all the time. Girl's four times hotter, smarter, all around better than you. But there's something about you that intreigs me. I sort of long for you, Katara. I base most of my life decisions on you. If I'm gonna get a corndog I think 'hey. Maybe Katara would like one.' even though I'd never get you one it is truly the thought that counts. Katara I got you this mirror so you could see how I see you everyday. You're the most beautiful person I know in everyway except appearance. I love you Katara and I want you to know that-"

"WHY DOES IT SAY 'MARY CRISMUS KATAANG'?!" Katara interrupted.

"GOD DAMMIT, AANG." Zuko yelled.

Aang was dancing around the tree and being all weird, not paying attention to Zuko.

"Zuko, did you steal Aangs present?" Katara asked.

He sighed. "Yeah okay maybe. But only because I didn't think you would like any present I got you. Aang seems to know you better than anyone, so I guess I just thought that you would like his better than any of mine."

"Oh, Zuko Bear!" She cried. "I love you so much! It's okay that you didn't get me anything; stealing Aangs present is enough!"

Zuko had a sudden idea. "Oh! I did get you a gift. Hang on!" Zuko ran to the Christmas tree and picked up the present he had wrapped yesterday morning. It said "To Toph, Love Zuko." But Tophs blind and Jewish so she'll never even know it was missing. He handed it to Katara.

"Oh. Bifocals. Thanks Zuko." Katara said. Not meaning it.

"BOY, I WISH I HAD BIFOCALS." Toph yelled at Zuko facing the wrong way.

"WELL IT SUCKS TO BE BLIND." Zuko yelled, and then everyone booed. Zuko sighed "Come on Katara. Let's go test out Uncle Iroh's think latex condoms."

"Oh sure, just let me finish passing out presents." You can almost taste the annoying. After Katara finished passing out presents, she and Zuko went back into Iroh's room.

Just then Gran Gran's water broke. "FELIZ NAVIDAD!" She yelled.

But Zuko and Katara didn't care about that. All they saw was each other.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

"WHAT?" Yelled Toph.

Merry Christmas, y'all. And don't you try telling us it's July, cause its freaking Christmas.

Just remember, Life is a Highway.