Disclaimer: As much as I wish I owned a Tardis, or the BBC, I unfortantely do not. All rights go to their respected persons and production companies.

A Loki Odinson/Laufeyson tale of finding identity, and finding the Doctor.

Fandoms: Doctor Who/ Avengers

Main Characters: Loki/ Ten/Eleven ( with some Martha and Thor)

The words were repeating in his head, filling him with shame, mixing with the jealousy and rage already in his mind. He was lost in the struggle against himself, half of him screaming out in rage, the other wanting to curl into a ball and cry.

He loved his solitude, yet a part of him wished they had cared enough to search every corner of the castle until they found him, or even raid all of the realms for him.

But they would never find him here in his usual refuge. The room was beautiful, no doubt unused due to it's tendency of darkness. Despite it's large sunroof, shadows possessed almost every inch of the room, throwing it into the dark he welcomed so readily. No one would have use for the large room at the end of the servant's quarters, so dark and quiet, one he doubted even the servants knew about it. It held numerous secret passages he had already acquainted himself with, when he'd found the room years before; some led to antechambers and servants quarters, the others to the royal bedrooms themselves.

The rage burrowing inside of him was a familiar feeling, the usual outcry of injustice already something he had long learned to live with. Though, he had never before been so moved to express it aloud, that was a first. Color fled his cheeks as he recalled his words, his childish scream at his own father.

"YOU ALWAYS PICK THOR'S SIDE!" he had bellowed at them. In front of everyone, the whole court. His brother, mother, Sif, and his father had just stared at him, aghast. It was not like him to be so outspoken, or perhaps they were watching him bleed on the marble floors.

Just because he had screamed it, with a dramatic fury reserved only for a child of his age, it didn't make it any less true. The revelation was as painful as the wounds Thor gave him during their brawl, his bloodied nose and black eye. Just as he sat repenting his actions, he remembered how he had been punished, when Thor had started it, and left the fight with only a scratch on his cheek. He touched the soft spot of his eye where the bruise was forming, and still tried to ignore the truth.

Thor had been favored, that was the only way to explain Loki's scolding and punishment, when Thor had been the one to provoke him into the fight anyway. Then, Loki had fueled the small fire with his own words, fanning it into the furious flame of Odin's rage, one that resulted in his punishment. He sulked as he recalled his father's words, one week banned from eating in the grand hall with the rest of the family, fine he thought, I can live with that, I never want to see Thor again anyway. What was more painful was the ban from the stables, that meant three weeks of no riding, no playing Asgardians and Frost Giants with the other warriors and Thor. No fun was what it really meant. Father had called him reckless, careless, and the cause of the feud. No one had listened to him pronounce Thor as the catalyst for the brotherly fist fight. No one took his side against the old father.

He screamed loudly into the emptiness, before he slumped to the ground, his back against the wall. Silence answered him, dust caking off the windows, traveling through the air towards the other side of the darkened room. He hunched over, pulling his knees to his chest, he buried his face into his hands, trying to shrivel into a ball and disappear all over again. The injustice was truly felt, but he knew that next time he would not be able to speak against it, he would have to hold his tongue, to avoid penalty.

He tried desperately to fight the tears streaming down his features, but it was no use, they fell in small drops along his clothes, clustering on his knees, staining them with the salty taste of feeling unworthy. Those tears that had been apart of him for the last hour without faltering for a moment. He felt utterly alone and unwanted with no one to understand him.

He was so distraught, that he hadn't even reveled in their reactions when he had vanished from in front of of the whole court's eyes. He could imagine his brother and father's dumbfounded expression, Sif's confusion, and the warriors three chattering about the trick he had been perfecting for weeks. He had failed to even enjoy it, it had felt cheap, as it was a necessary escape to get away from them. He sniffled loudly and took solace of the dark solitude of the room no one knew about. Even the familiar whirring sound of his friend arriving did nothing to dissuade his negative spirits from abandoning him.

"Fancy a little trip then? To clear your mind?" the familiar voice called. He buried his face further in his hands, closing his eyes tightly, refusing to look, his dismissal muffled.

"Go away time man!" Usually he looked forward to these visits. The Doctor, who lived up to his name and always healed the sadness in Loki's heart. This time, he feared he was beyond saving. For what could possible make up for the discovery that he was unequal in his father's eyes?

"Come on Loki!" the Doctor urged, approaching, by the sound of his nearing voice.

"There's a planet made entirely out of jam!" he continued, with a broad grin that Loki couldn't see, still hiding in his hands. His voice was sing song, calling to him, trying to entice curiosity in the young boy.

He crouched down in front of the sullen eleven year old and touched him on the shoulder.

"I HATE JAM!" Loki lied through his teeth, not yet mastering his mischief and deceit. There was no hiding the strain in his voice as he tried the fib on for size.

"What's wrong, then?" the Doctor asked, resisting the urge to add 'tell the doctor.'

"You said you only pick the best," Loki sniffled remembering the same words from the first time they had ever met, 2 years ago, when the Doctor's time machine had stumbled by accident into Asgard, appearing right in front of Loki when he'd been sulking in the room alone.

"Shouldn't pick me then" he continued in a defeatist manner, his reply interrupted by his own sniffling. He opened his eyes and looked through his hands to the doctor's red shoes beside his own feet. He looked up and was startled to find the doctor sitting right beside him, legs crossed as he leaned against the same wall.

Loki's wiped his eyes, red and swollen, illuminating the intense self pity he held within.

"I'm not worthy," Loki added in a whisper, as if afraid that it really was the truth.

"Now whoever in the world told you that?" The doctor asked in a gentle voice. "You know in all my 700 years I've never met anyone who wasn't worthy?"

"So maybe..." Loki's voice picked up with a hopeful quality, he played with the words. He watched a speck of dust as it floated through the air, coming to settle on the ground beside the Tardis.

"I'll be king someday?" he asked, so earnest that it almost broke the Doctor's two hearts.

The doctor didn't have the strength to tell the poor hopeful eleven year old the truth. Loki's eyes brimmed with hope and motivation as he watched the doctor, patiently awaiting his response, one that he hoped would make all his current dreams come true. Loki was wishing for that one word that would prove he was equal to his older brother.

"Wouldn't you rather see the future for yourself?" the Doctor asked instead. He knew he was treading into dangerous territory with the question itself, and searched for something else to say. Loki's eyes glimmered with a sudden curiosity as he nodded excitedly.

"Or" continued the doctor, his mind racing for something more interesting than the future to offer the young God.

"Would you rather see-" the doctor cut out mid-sentence, feeding Loki's curiosity, hoping he would pick this option over the future, if not perhaps he would lie and said the Tardis misdirected them. There was no way he was to show Loki what he could become, a variation of the future the Doctor still wished was possible to avoid.

"No, that wouldn't interest you, I mean of course it would interest you, but it's far too dangerous-" the Doctor added a flare, leaping to his feet.

"I can handle anything!" Loki countered, his eyes ablaze with curiosity. "What...what is it?" he asked, alert. His tears already dry, excitement replacing the forgotten sorrow.

"Well, I've never taken anyone there before," the Doctor continued, his mind searching through a catalogue of planets for a place to take the child.

"I know everyone thinks Thor is stronger but I'm smarter! I can do it!" Loki jumped up suddenly, an energy surging through him.

"I helped you fight those weeping angels!" Loki reminded the Doctor.

"Yes, I remember Loki, and your fog helped us escape, it was incredible," the Doctor beamed and Loki mirrored his smile in a matter of seconds.

Loki's sadness had dissolved into an urgency to travel.

"Can I steer?" he asked, racing into the Tardis. He was already at the controls when the Doctor entered.

"Loki this has to be our last trip for a while," he started somberly.

"Why?" Loki asked distracted, making noises with his mouth as he mimed steering the time machine.

"I may have a way to find Rose," the Doctor confessed, coming towards to boy. He didn't expect Loki to understand, not really. Sometimes the child was filled with wonder, and an energy that was intoxicating, but other times, he feared for Loki and his course. He wondered if he would be strong enough to face his adoption, his brother's overbearing shadow. He hoped for the best, and had seen an outcome of either one. True wickedness had to be chosen, the Doctor knew. He had already overstayed with the child, hoping to steer him onto a better path, sacrificing his own searches for Rose to mentor the boy.

He hoped to lead Loki into a world of escape, to show him unexplainable happiness and the reality of the world, so that he would be able to cope with his demons. The weight of wanting to see Rose, the urgency of trying to find her was eating away at the Doctor and he could wait no longer. He waited patiently for Loki's response, hoping his own actions would not drive the boy to the madness the Doctor could see in him.

The Tardis kicked into motion and the sound of whirring filled the air. They could feel the machine work and contract, jetting off to their destination.

"Good job old girl!" Loki shouted up towards the console, a giant grin on his face.

"Loki, did you hear me?" The Doctor asked, once they were flying through the vortex and the humming had become a soft music in the background. A buffer for the awkwardness that threatened to come in between them and ruin their trip.

"Yes" Loki paused for a time, listening to the Tardis work. He played with a switch suddenly, looking away from the doctor as he found his words. The Tardis groaned and lurched forward before Loki hurriedly released the switch with an apologetic expression.

The Doctor wondered what Loki would say, if he would understand, if he even could understand. Then, Loki surprised him.

"You love her right?" Loki asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes." The Doctor admitted. Loki made no movement, as if he hadn't heard him at all.

"Then you have to go!" Loki said suddenly, with a nervouse energy. His eyes darted to the Doctor for a second before he looked away just as suddenly. Then, he gained back his confidence and stared at the Doctor, his voice steady.

"But-" he bit his lip, his green eyes ablaze with some emotion the doctor couldn't trace.

"Will you come back?" he asked softly. Tears threatened to escape him at the thought of losing the one friend he'd truly had in the last two years.

"You have my word Loki of Asgard, I promise I will come back" he spoke just as the engines came to a halt. The fear and anxiety moments before dissolved into a sudden energy and Loki raced to open the door, his face suspended in awe at the sight that greeted him.

Loki Odinson would never see the Doctor again.

tbc.

Thank you for reading!