The Beginning of the End: Chapter 6

After I got back from shopping with Hanabi I took a shower and went to lie down in the bed. The little girl was a whirlwind of energy, talking the whole time and only stopping for air.

Exhausted, I was almost to sleep when I heard Neji's door open and then shut. I thought about the stunt I pulled sneaking out, and felt a twinge of guilt for putting that type of burden on him. Before I knew what I was doing, my feet were on the floor and I found myself in front of his door, hand raised to knock on it. I didn't know what I intended to say to him, or if he would even want to talk to me. Since that night, he's only spoken with me when it was necessary. None the less, I knocked, and for about 3 minutes, there was no response. My patience was running thin waiting on him to tell me to come in, and I was tempted to return to my bed and go to sleep. To hell with apologizing; he knew what he was getting into before he agreed. I'm sure Tsunade filled him in.

"Come in," he finally said, pulling me out of my rant inside of my head.

I slid the door open, hesitating to step in. I finally made it to the side of his bed where he was leaning back, seemingly relaxed. He quirked a brow at me as if to ask what I wanted.

"Neji, I wanted to, uh, apologize."

If he was surprised, it didn't show. Silence followed, and I thought he was ignoring me for a second. I stared intently at his face and watched as his expression turned from one of indifference to one of slight anger. I was taken aback and decided to wait for him to say something before I went on.

"Sakura, get out of my room."

Now, it was late. It was very late. Glancing at the digital clock beside his bed, it read 11:00 p.m. I had gotten out of my comfortable white bed to come over here and apologize to him, and he has the nerve to tell me to get out. Well now that I wasn't going to stand for.

"I don't think so."

His eyes darkened and he shot me a stony glare. I stood my ground, glaring right back at him.

"If you insist on bothering me with your presence, then you might as well say what you wanted to say."

Every muscle in my body was screaming to hit him, but I restrained myself and tried to re-gather my thoughts. I nodded, and bit back the snarky remark waiting on the tip of my tongue.

"I just, I wanted you to know that I feel really bad about the other night. I was out of line. I know you feel like I'm a burden, but, I promise, I promise I'll try to get better, and I'll leave you alone for good. I'll move out, and I won't be your responsibility anymore, and I won't be around to bother you."

The more I spoke, the more I realized how bad I felt. This man hated me and it was all because he had to baby sit a grown woman who acted like she was 15. I shouldn't be doing stuff like that. Even with that thought in my head, the guilt and shame I felt inside of me made me want to pick up a bottle and drown it out.

Neji's expression wasn't changing, but he stood up off of the bed, and stared at me. The way he looked at me reminded me of when I was 13 and begging Sasuke to go out on a date with me. He was annoyed. Tears welled up in the corner of my eyes, and I wanted to run out of there before they fell.

"Sakura, I accept your apology."

Stunned, I looked up at him, and his expression had softened. Something I hadn't noticed lost in my thoughts.

"Y-You do?"

He nodded, and relief washed through me. I wasn't sure why I didn't leave at that point and go back to my room. I stayed rooted in place, and waited for him to say more. I looked at him expectantly and he took notice of that and began to talk again.

"Before, when you said I don't know a thing about what you're feeling, or how it feels to lose someone, you were wrong."

My conversation with Hanabi popped back up into my mind and I remembered her saying there was more to him than I knew. My curiosity piqued, and I wanted to know more suddenly.

"What happened?" I asked him.

His body turned rigid and his eyes went blank for a moment, and we just stared at each other. When he spoke, his voice was laced with the most heart wrenching emotion.

"My father. He's dead."

I suddenly dawned on me why Tsunade picked him. Not many ninjas that I knew had lost anyone. Everyone had their nice little families and lived their happy little lives. Sure, they've lost comrades, but none of that took a toll on them like it did me. They weren't betrayed. I never expected him to tell me anything like this. He certainly didn't owe me any kind of explanation. So why was he telling me this?

"Neji, why are you telling me this?"

"Honestly, I don't know."

I nodded, understanding. I didn't know why I had spilled my heart out to Hanabi earlier, but I had, not knowing why.

"No, I do know," Neji said quickly.

Wary of his response, not knowing if it would be a sarcastic comment or something hateful, I prepared myself for what he was about to say.

"Because I wanted you to know that you aren't alone."

ooo

Neji's attitude towards me had changed a little after that night. It felt as if we had a connection; one of understanding.

Weeks passed, and I began to feel lonely again. Hanabi's dad had her working extra hard with training and etiquette lessons, so she was gone most of the day. Neji was off on missions or out training. Naruto still wasn't speaking to me. On top of all of that, my hospital duties had been suspended. Spending day after day inside of the Hyuuga Mansion got old really fast and as the days faded into weeks and the weeks faded into months, I was slowly losing my mind. I got to spend a couple of hours with Hanabi a week, and Neji was as stoic as ever. We didn't bicker anymore like we did before, but he went on pretending like we didn't have a relationship. Which we didn't, right?

ooo

"Sakura, how is she?" Lady Tsunade asked me with furrowed brows.

Concern laced her features and you could tell stress was becoming a close friend of hers.

"She's doing fine. Nothing has really changed about her attitude."

"And the alcohol, has she been drinking?"

I simply shook my head no. "But to be honest, I'm guessing that's because I've taken all of her bottles."

Lady Tsunade nodded in understanding, and stood up from her chair behind her desk, walking to the window and staring out at the streets below.

"Your honest opinion Neji?"

I didn't know if I should say that she was doing better, or if she wasn't changing at all. A small part of me wanted her to stay. After the night she came and apologized to me, she was in my thoughts all day long. Whatever I did reminded me of her. I often fell asleep thinking about her pink hair and green eyes that were slowly regaining the life and happiness that was there once upon a time. My dreams were filled with her. Sometimes she'd be smiling, sometimes she'd be crying and I'd comfort her, and sometimes she'd just stare at me. I found myself avoiding her, trying to get her out of my head. But it seemed the more I dodged her presence, the more anxious I was to see her face and the more I wanted to see her. Try as I may, she remained inside of my head.

"Neji?"

Lady Tsunade's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"I don't think she's ready yet."

Stupid. That was really stupid. To be honest she was getting better. I think Hanabi was really making her open up. I could tell she was more relaxed, but she still hadn't completely opened up to me. I wanted her to be my friend. I wanted her to think of me the way I thought of her, but another part of me wanted to run and keep running until she was out of my life for good.

ooo

Tonight I dreamt of Neji. For some reason I can't stop thinking about him. During the day I wonder what he's doing. I wonder if he's with friends and then feel envious that he wouldn't classify me as a friend. Then I wonder if he's with another girl, and then feel jealous because a part of me wanted to be close to him. I admitted to myself I had feelings for him. How? No clue. I barely spoke to him, he seemed to be avoiding me, and the more I tried to get his attention, the harder he would push me away. Maybe apologizing to him was a mistake. At least we still talked to each other, then. Granted, it was always arguing, but it was contact. Contact was what I wanted from him.

I was slowly losing my mind. I felt isolated and sometimes, more often than not, I would have a burn inside of me to just drink. I had long since acknowledged that I needed to quit. I didn't want to, but the stupid, coffee-haired, stubborn ass living across the hall from me seemed to find every damn bottle and take it from me, pouring it down the drain. I wanted to go back to the hospital and start working again. I wanted to get out of the house, and I wanted to see Naruto.

Naruto was someone I tried not to think about. It pained me to remember the way I talked to him, how I so easily tossed him to the side like he was nothing to me. But the truth was he meant a lot to me. He was the anchor that held me in place, the one person that came running to my defense even when I didn't deserve it. He was the only one who kept his faith in me, just like he kept his faith in bringing back Sasuke. Naruto is gone now, though, and it killed me in a different way than Sasuke leaving. This time I was the one who made him leave, and fuck did that make me want a drink.

ooo

In the middle of the night one night, I woke up with a start, and felt that something was wrong. My thoughts immediately went to Neji, and I wanted to go to his room to see if he was ok. I got up, not bothering was caring about what time it was, and went to his bedroom door and walked in without even knocking. Neji was awake, and he stared at me as I walked in.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"No, no. I just can't sleep."

"So you bother me?"

It had been the first time in a long time since we had spoken more than three words to one another. If felt so good to hear his voice, so I did everything I could to keep the conversation going.

"Yes. You're awake anyway. Not like I was disturbing you or anything."

"You didn't find out I was awake until after you walked in, rudely, I might add, without knocking. You had every intention of waking me up."

"Yeah, you're right. But you are awake, so technically, no harm done."

"Yes, harm done. I'm trying to sleep."

"I don't want to sleep alone."

My words shocked me, and it was apparent they had shocked Neji, too. I didn't plan on saying something like that, but I silently applauded myself for the bravery and found myself wanting him to say okay so I could climb into his bed and feel his warm body close to mine. He didn't say anything, but he slid over, and held the covers up. I tried to hide the smile that came to my lips, but it didn't work as planned. I slid under the covers and turned on my side so I was facing him. He laid down, then, too, and faced me as well. Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep into the most peaceful night of sleep I had gotten in my life.

ooo

The next morning, I woke up to the feel of a warm arm holding me tightly against his chest. I glanced up at a still sleeping Neji and felt my cheeks warm up slightly. I tried to move out of his hold gently, so as not to wake him up, but every time I moved, his grip only tightened, and I got closer to him, if that was possible.

"Neji," I whispered.

Nothing.

"Neji," I said a little louder.

Nothing.

"Neji!" I said even louder.

Still, nothing. I sighed, giving up, and decided to just lay there.

ooo

I heard her say my name quite a few times. She sounded irritated, but I wasn't ready to wake up yet. I was perfectly content lying in my bed with her wrapped up in my arms. Eventually she stopped saying my name and was quiet, relaxing against my chest and nuzzling her head into the crook of my shoulder. I grinned, despite myself, and pressed my face against her soft hair.

I wasn't sure what had gotten into me last night, but I wanted her to sleep with me just as much as she didn't want to be alone. I knew this was wrong in every way possible. She was fucked up and I was even more fucked up. But inside of my mind, I could see us together. I didn't know what she wanted, and I wasn't sure I could stand it if she didn't want me the way I wanted her. But for now, just this once, I let myself be content with this moment and didn't worry about what feeling was wrong or what feeling was right. I just simply let it be.