Congratulations! You have decided to become an Avenger. Well let me tell you, you are one step closer to your goal. By following our six step program, we guarantee that you will be a smashing success at whatever Avenger you chose to imitate, excuse me, become.

First things first; we don't want to break you in too hard. As a safety precaution, we have a few guidelines/questions you should ask yourself before proceeding onto the hard core SHIELD procedures.

What is my reason for becoming an Avenger wannabe? If it has anything to do with fame, glory and public recognition, then perhaps a pamphlet on becoming Tony Stark would be better suited to your needs.

How do I look in spandex? Spandex, while not crucial to the Avengers initiative, does play a rather large role in the image of SHIELD agents. Uniform complaints may be taken up with the Director.

Am I opposed to being maimed, beaten, kidnapped, held hostage, shot at and other forms of abuse and torture? If so, bow at now. There is a Justice League initiative currently taking submissions.

Do you play well with others? See Tony Stark pamphlet.

Do I have a traumatic childhood/shady past/touchy topics of conversation? You'll fit right in.

Name at least one special ability you possess not given to you by a radioactive spider, vat of toxic waste, battery, and or super human steroids. (For super human steroid given ability, see footnote on Steve Rogers.)

Am I prone to intense bouts of anger/aggression/depression/selfishness/nihilism/ forgetfulness/self absorption and general human behavior? SHIELD is currently working on integrating group therapy sessions into part of their insurance policy.

In a life or death situation, would I A) Choose the greater good, B) Save myself, C) Sacrifice a friend, D) Sacrifice myself, E) Run screaming. One of the first lessons at SHIELD initiative is that of team work. Again, see Tony Stark pamphlet.

Do I have a catchphrase and or theme song? Consult with Director on trademarking.

What are my favorite colors/themes/motto and shirt size? Note: Spandex is skin tight, so it is best to go up a few sizes.

Please read and consider each question carefully before proceeding onto chapter one. Questions and or complaints may be lodged at the Strategic Homeland, Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division, Washington DC.