Katawa Shoujo Blooper Reel, a katawa shoujo fanfic

Katawa Shoujo Blooper Reel
by Cyberchao X

CCX: Inspired by the omake of "Be My Heart", this is a "blooper reel" working on the conceit that the characters are in fact actors, although aside from Hisao they really do have their disabilities. That doesn't necessarily mean that they'll act the same off-camera. Disclaimers are as usual.

…Well, at least I get to break the first-person. Also, an apology to any Shizune fans—because she only speaks through sign language, which would be subtitled (when it's not being translated through Misha), the bloopers from her route would largely be very similar and generic—mostly Misha either going into a coughing fit after having to do another one of those over-the-top laughs or getting her "Shicchan"s and her "Hicchan"s mixed up. Just imagine various scenes like that interspersed throughout the blooper reel. (Hell, one of her "bloopers" is actually in the game, as it were. "Wait, I'm Misha!") Though she won't be totally left out.

From "Antiques and Pie"

"As absurd as it sounds, perhaps we should just… look around?"

Hisao quickly replies. "And will you be doing that with your ears or with your hands?"

Lilly pauses. "…I'm glad to see you've regained your sense of humor about my disability, Hisao. That said, you're an ass."

"You were the one who pointed out the absurdity of it!"

Hisao and Lilly enter the antiques shop. As they work their way to the back, Lilly bumps into one item and trips over another. "You suck at being my guide, Hisao," she says as she picks herself up off the floor.

"No, the set designers suck. Also I think the shopkeeper may have actually moved that last piece into your path after the take started."

"…Really?"

"…Yes, and I suspect he was put up to the task by someone with considerably more job security than himself." The camera pans around to a silently snickering Shizune. Misha signs to her that that was rude, but she too is struggling not to laugh.

Lilly sighs. "SHIZUNE!"

From "Dandelions"

"Yeah. Twice, actually."

Rin picked up a script with her foot. "This is ridiculous…"

*take 2*

"Talk. It's 'talk' strange things."

"That doesn't make sense!"

*take 3*

*take 4*

*take 5*

"You just look so sad all the time and become upset so easily and it makes me confused and I really don't remember much about yesterday except that you came to my room and that's why it might be because of me so if it's because of me I think that I know why, it's because people don't really like talking to me and you might be the same and that would be sad I know that people and I'm talking about others than Emi too always say that I'm strange and that I talk strange things so I thought I'd try not to say strange things but that just makes me more and new and strange and colorful and that was not a good word but maybe you understand anyway and odd things so if I want to say something I don't really know how and then the words are not the same as the thoughts because something goes wrong on the way out but it's not like the thoughts are really the thing I should be saying it's more like the idea of the thought or the thought of the feeling or the—FUCK!"

*take 6*

"Rin? Rin, are you okay?" Hisao wraps Rin up in an embrace. "Okay, whose bright idea was it to make that line so damn long?"

Rin's grinning. "I'm fine Hisao." She plants a sudden kiss on him.

"…Damnit I was really worried about you!"

"Heh…couldn't resist having a little fun with it." Then her head drops back into Hisao's lap, briefly appearing to fall unconscious but quickly continuing, "But I do need a break. And a…bottle of…water."

"I swear, I'm going to kill that scriptwriter." The camera focuses in on Rin's obviously pleased grin as she rests upon Hisao's lap.

"Can we go back to shooting my scenes while Rin's resting?" Emi asks, as she brings Rin a water bottle. Hisao refuses to move Rin, however, and the armless girl sticks her tongue out at the jealous legless girl.

From "Spring into Action"

"Hi."

"Oh, Hisao, is that you? I thought that I smelled something delicious cooking, and wondered who it might be."

[What is she saying?] Shizune signed. Hisao translates, and Shizune looks delighted. [All of this food was cooked hours ago, but for someone as slow as yourself, who can't even turn in a piece of paper without being a week late, I guess your perception of time would have to be a little different!]

"That's… not very nice." A frown crosses Lilly's face in response to a reply to something she didn't hear. "Ah, sorry. I'm just having a late lunch here. The Student Council president cooked everything."

"Is the Student Council president here right now?"

"She's right here."

"I apologize, I didn't notice. Normally her level of presence is much higher. I was not aware that the Student Council serves lunch outdoors, why wasn't I invited? I think that it is good to have enough free time to be able to do things like this, however."

[What is she saying?] … [If I were to invite you anywhere, you would just show up late.] But Shizune's words are outside of Lilly's perception, a fact that is by the second increasingly maddening to her. [Translate for me completely, please.]

"Well, actually, this was all cooked a while ago."

"Really? That's nice."

[Turn over here, it's very disrespectful to not look at the person you're speaking to. That isn't the way a prim and proper lady should conduct herself.]

"Half of what I'm saying is really what Shizune is saying. She doesn't like it when people don't look in her direction when she's trying to make a point. She's, uh, to the right of my voice."

"I'm sorry, such formalities slipped my mind completely. I forgot that the Student Council president is the type of person who would demand such respect and adherence to the rules at all times. I suppose student government requires you to keep a tight ship. Then again, she certainly has time for her own fun as well, so that must not be completely true."

[Student Council is not a dictatorship, nor a zero-sum game!] Shizune points at Lilly with her finger out like the barrel of a gun and snaps her fingers explosively, causing her to flinch and become visibly upset.

"Is that so? Then that makes it more impressive that you have been a part of it for so long, playing it as though it were one. I admire the fact that you are so tenacious. To manage it all, you must be so responsible as well."

[Not as much as I would like to be. You can't complain about yourself, though, can you? You're very responsible; actions like requesting a deadline to be extended and then running all the way through to the next deadline? That's the very model of responsibility!]

"Shizune is happy to hear that. But, apparently you're pretty responsible yourself, she says."

"Does she really?"

"More or less…" Lilly doesn't seem very happy. "We're not holding a cookout, we're just taking a little lunch break. We're actually out here building stalls for the festival."

[You wouldn't know, since you never go outside. Did you run out of tea?]

"Are you going into town? Shopping?"

"No. As I said before, I was just passing by, in case you did not hear. I would hate to interrupt the Student Council president. You're not doing anything now, but you must both be very busy. In any case, Hisao, I'm sure that the Student Council president will be able to find or make work for the both of you if she needs to."

[I'll devour you!]

"Yeah, very busy."

"Have a nice day, Hisao. Goodbye, Student Council president."

"…Shizune just gave you a gesture that even I can understand. Wait, Shizune, you know I can't actually understand you!"

"She says that gesture was directed at you," Misha says, off-camera.

"At me! What, for not giving Lilly an accurate translation? I'm just reading my lines! Shizune, this is in the script, you can see it—Misha, translate for me, will you?"

"Sorry, you're on your own, Hisao."

"Misha!"

From "Up, Down, and Up Again"

"So… did I blush?"

"I didn't notice. Did I?"

Emi shrugs, still breathing a little heavily. "Didn't notice either."

"Well, maybe we should—"

"—Have a threesome?" Rin asks with a hopeful tone in her voice, entering with her shirt already unbuttoned.

Hisao and Emi instantly start cracking up. "Wait your turn, Rin!"

"But that would mean forgoing the best part." Rin's still perfectly deadpan.

Emi starts blushing as Hisao says, "So that was how you ended up giving Rin your cold!"

"What? No!" Rin, meanwhile, is nodding sagely. "I've already told you I don't love you that way!"

Rin shrugs, a shrug that is entirely within character. "Girl can dream." Then she gets hit in the face by a thrown pillow, having nowhere near the agility to dodge one of Emi's strikes.

"It's that ass, isn't it? Maybe you'd like to do the honors of prepping her for our next scene," Hisao says, receiving a punch from Emi.

"Nah. Wouldn't be the same, since it wouldn't really be Emi. Or Hisao, for that matter." This line was of course not included on the blooper reel, because it ruins the magic—obviously, Emi and Hisao both used body doubles for "Storage Space".

From "Foot and Mouth"

"Put us together, and we've got all our limbs, get it?" Emi said.

"And all of our curves," Rin added, pressing a foot to Emi's skirt and earning a furious blush from the legless girl.

"Ah. So which ones do you have?" Due to her wearing the boys' uniform, it wasn't immediately evident that Rin's breasts were any larger than Emi's.

This lightened Emi's mood immediately. "He's got you there, Rin!"

From "One More Year"

"Thank you, Lilly. Thank you, Hisao."

Hanako drops the chess piece as she thanks them and fumbles to retrieve it, then nervously gulps at her wine. "Hey, easy there, you shouldn't drink it that fast…"

"It is a party, H-Hisao…"

"That was my line," Lilly said, and Hanako instantly looked embarrassed, not that Lilly could notice.

*take 2*

"Thank you, Lilly. Thank you, Hisao."

Hanako drops the chess piece as she thanks them and fumbles to retrieve it, then nervously gulps at her wine. "Hey, easy there, you shouldn't drink it that fast…"

"It is a party, Hisao…" She eventually acquiesces and slowly follows Hanako's lead. "Since this is kind of a going-away party for you as well, I hope you enjoy your trip at least a little, Lilly. Hopefully your aunt will be okay.

"I-I hope your aunt is okay too, Lilly…"

"My, my, thank you both. I'll be sure to convey my thoughts to your family—your thoughts to my family…"

*take 3*

"Thank you, Lilly. Th-thank you, Hisao."

Hanako drops the chess piece as she thanks them and fumbles to retrieve it, then nervously gulps at her wine. "Hey, easy there, you shouldn't drink it that fast…"

"I-I hope your aunt is okay too, Lilly…"

"My, my, thank you both. I'll be sure to convey your thoughts to my family when I meet them."

"It'll all be fine in the end, Lilly. Don't worry about it."

Noticing that the mood has become sullen, Hisao tries to move things along. "Well then, should we start on the cake?"

"Yes, please!" Hanako's eyes light up.

*take 4*

"Thank you, Lilly. Th-thank you, Hisao."

Hanako drops the chess piece as she thanks them and fumbles to retrieve it, then nervously gulps at her wine. "Hey, easy there, you shouldn't drink it that fast…"

"I-I hope your aunt is okay too, Lilly…"

"My, my, thank you both. I'll be sure to convey your thoughts to my family when I meet them."

"It'll all be fine in the end, Lilly. Don't worry about it."

Noticing that the mood has become sullen, Hisao tries to move things along. "Well then, should we start on the cake?"

"Yes, please!" Hanako's eyes light up.

"…Again? You're not supposed to show that much enthusiasm on that line," Hisao says.

"Sorry…it's just such an appealing offer…"

"…This is fake wine, right?"

"It was supposed to be," one of the crewmen says.

"Oops…did I grab the wrong bag?" Lilly asks.

"Well, Shizune and Misha aren't even in the studio today, so it obviously wasn't another of Shizune's pranks…looks like this one's all on you."

"I'm still blaming her."

"You always blame her. And anyway, this wine is actually pretty high-quality; too rich to give to someone you don't like."

"Aren't you going to eat my cake, Hisao? Or am I not pretty enough for you?"

"You're…you're plenty pretty, Hanako."

"Even with my ugly scars?"

"Even with your ugly scars. Let's skip ahead to the part of the scene where you're supposed to be drunk; we'll call it method acting."

From "The Scene"

"It's Hisao!"

"Hi Emi."

"Hi! Are you, like, a representative of the art club or something? I don't see anyone else from the school here…"

"Umm… I don't know, really. I guess I am if that's the case. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Err…"

"You didn't think I'm interested in art? Is that it, Hisao?"

"No, that's not what I… well, maybe a little, if you put it that way. I mean, even though you hang out with Rin I've never heard you talk about art with her so…"

Emi huffs and looks around her, looking discontented. "It's true, I don't get it at all. But she came to my track meet so I thought it's only fair to return the favor." She leans closer to Hisao, trying to look confidential but only managing to look conspiring. "Do you get art?"

"No. No, I don't. At all."

Hisao shakes his head for emphasis, and Emi giggles and does the same. "Me neither! Hey, let's go up to Rin's atelier and fuck! Gotta be more fun than this stuffy exhibition."

Rin and Nomiya arrive at exactly this moment. "That sounds like a great idea," Rin says dryly. "Let's." Nomiya adopts an exasperated expression. So does Hisao.

From "Storage Space"

"I've got a confession, Hisao."

"Oh?"

"I don't ac—hee hee hee—actually w—woah! Wear gloves."

"That's okay, neither do I."

Emi's now laughing hysterically and blushing bright red, wanting to get mad at Hisao but too taken with the idea to do so. "Fine, but I better not catch an STD from one of the other girls."

"Nothing you wouldn't already have had before this thing started."

Emi gets angry, then moves to absolutely furious at the implication. "Despite what Rin keeps trying to tell you, our relationship has always been strictly platonic!"

From "A Pound Sterling"

"It's just lunch. Nothing special."

"Look, man, under the bridge. See this bridge? You're under it. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do to get intel. I just want to make sure you don't end up too far under the bitch. Bridge." He paused. "Freudian slip."

*take 2*

"It's just lunch. Nothing special."

"Look, man, under the bridge. See this bridge? You're under it. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do to get intel. I just want to make sure you don't end up too far under the bridge."

"You're losing me, Kenji."

"That's okay, lots of people get lost. That's why I'm here to help." The duo walks down the path. "Just be careful around her, okay? She looks all harmless on the outside, but I've heard shit. Bad shit. You know the Student Council, right?" He seems to involuntarily shudder as he says the words.

"Yeah, Shizune and Misha are in my class. I seem to have dodged the draft, though."

"Good man. Good man. But this blonde? She was there. In the Student Council. Right. Damn. There."

"I see. And?"

"And she's not there now." A pause in the conversation. "Seriously, think about it. Something must have gone down."

Hisao stops walking and thinks about this. "I guess you have a point. I'm not really seeing how that really affects me, though."

"Okay, now field this one. Lilly's foreign, obviously."

"Obviously."

"Now, what nationality is she?"

Hisao pauses again. "To be honest, I don't know. Maybe English? They like tea."

"You're not thinking. Luckily, you have me here to think for you."

"Gee, thanks."

Kenji brushes off the quip. "Now answer me this: who has lots of social power, is filthy stinking rich—you know all blondes are rich, right?—has a long history of disputes and used to belong to a much larger organization?"

"The Roman Catholic Church?"

"…Well, okay, there's that."

"…The United States?"

"…What? That doesn't even make sense."

"The British Empire was fucking huge when the US was under their rule."

"Yeah, but doesn't America have like a huge national deficit?"

"Yes, but what does that even mean, really?"

"…I have no idea."

From "Delirium"

Hisao starts humming "Rock-A-Bye Baby" during the scene in which he's comforting Rin, then winces in pain as she kicks him in the groin. She starts laughing shortly after that. Once the pain subsides, though, he starts laughing too and says, "I guess now there is something wrong with my tackle," which only makes Rin laugh even harder.

From "Reverse Escapism"

Hisao stands up to leave, but Rin shows no signs of rising up from the floor. She lies inanimate, as though all life had been sapped from her. Little wisps of smoke float about her, memories of the cigarettes they shared. Hisao grasps her by her short remnants of an arm and tries to pull her up. She complies, standing with some help from him. "Are you going to stay here overnight?"

"I have to. I haven't painted much in three days. I have to find out how I can start painting. Maybe the smoke helps."

"Just take a break?"

"That's no good. I have to do it. If I can't paint any more, I will be destroyed for real."

"Maybe you're just burned out. You've been working pretty hard."

"That would be bad. I wonder if this is it for me. I wanted to see how far I can go. Maybe this is it. The end."

"You just have artist's block. It's not a big deal."

"That's the word for when you can't paint, right? I've had that before. Never like this though. I pick up a brush then I want to put it down right away. And then I do. Three days. It's like I've forgotten how to paint. I didn't think that was possible. Like, more impossible than Emi growing wings and a tail." Hisao starts cracking up, and the director calls cut. "Did I mess up the line?" Once Hisao stops laughing, they try it again.

*take 2*

"I have to. I haven't painted much in three days. I have to find out how I can start painting. Maybe the smoke helps."

"Just take a break?"

"That's no good. I have to do it. If I can't paint any more, I will be destroyed for real."

"Maybe you're just burned out. You've been working pretty hard."

"That would be bad. I wonder if this is it for me. I wanted to see how far I can go. Maybe this is it. The end."

"You just have artist's block. It's not a big deal."

"That's the word for when you can't paint, right? I've had that before. Never like this though. I pick up a brush then I want to put it down right away. And then I do. Three days. It's like I've forgotten how to paint. I didn't think that was possible. Like, more impossible than Emi growing wings and a tail." Again, Hisao starts breaking out into hysterics. "Hisao, I'm trying to be serious here. For once," she added, acknowledging her tendency to go off script to make the rest of the cast laugh. She double-checks the script. "I didn't flub the line."

"No…no, you didn't. Ah… Rin, I'm sorry. It's just… even in these dramatic scenes, you say such silly things!"

"…You're picturing Emi with wings and a tail, aren't you?" Hisao nods, and Rin can't help but laugh a little as well. "Okay, let's try this again."

*take 3*

"I have to. I haven't painted much in three days. I have to find out how I can start painting. Maybe the smoke helps."

"Just take a break?"

"That's no good. I have to do it. If I can't paint any more, I will be destroyed for real."

"Maybe you're just burned out. You've been working pretty hard."

"That would be bad. I wonder if this is it for me. I wanted to see how far I can go. Maybe this is it. The end."

"You just have artist's block. It's not a big deal."

"That's the word for when you can't paint, right? I've had that before. Never like this though. I pick up a brush then I want to put it down right away. And then I do. Three days. It's like I've forgotten how to paint. I didn't think that was possible. Like, more impossible than Emi growing wings and a tail." This time it's Rin who can't keep a straight face after delivering the line. "Damnit Hisao!" she manages between the giggles.

From "United Nations"

"…Bush-Cheney? Seriously, Misha?"

"Eh? Is there something odd about my outfit?"

"…Never mind."

"…Aren't I supposed to catch a fish in this scene?"

"Well, of course you can't catch a fish," Akira says, laughing. "As we all know, there's something wrong with your tackle!" Hisao groans at the call back to Rin's introduction.

From "Piracy on the High Seas"

"Hey, we need to talk. These rooftop shenanigans of yours, man. They've gotta stop."

"What?"

"Your running around on the rooftop with the limbless wonders!"

"Yes, that's certainly a good way to describe them…"

"I wasn't even finished with my line."

*take 2*

"Hey, we need to talk. These rooftop shenanigans of yours, man. They've gotta stop."

"What?"

"Your running around on the rooftop with the limbless wonders! They're women, man! You'll get yourself killed running around like that!"

"At least I'll die happy. It's not the running I'm worried about."

"…Hisao, that type of innuendo shouldn't be used here. My character is a huge misogynist, remember?"

*take 3*

"Hey, we need to talk. These rooftop shenanigans of yours, man. They've gotta stop."

"What?"

"Your running around on the rooftop with the limbless wonders! They're women, man! You'll get yourself killed running around like that!"

"I don't follow."

Kenji sighs and adjusts his glasses, before what could be understood as an attempt at explaining himself patiently. "Look, we're friends so I'm telling you this for your own good. But if I were going to kill someone, I'd do it by throwing them off the roof and making it look like an accident."

"You do kill someone by throwing them off the roof and making it look like an accident. Me."

*take 4*

"Hey, we need to talk. These rooftop shenanigans of yours, man. They've gotta stop."

"What?"

"Your running around on the rooftop with the limbless wonders! They're women, man! You'll get yourself killed running around like that!"

"I don't follow."

"I see."

"Good! I'm glad we've had this chat. Loan me 500 yen."

"I'll have to look into this 'craftiness'."

"…What do you see in them?"

"Dude. You really need to ask?"

"You know, when I signed up to be the comic relief I didn't expect to be a misogynist nutcase.

*take 5*

"Hey, we need to talk. These rooftop shenanigans of yours, man. They've gotta stop."

"What?"

"Your running around on the rooftop with the limbless lovelies—wonders! Damnit, now you've even got me thinking about them!"

"Too bad. I'm not sharing."

"You'll have to pick one or the other one of these days."

"Heh, not if Rin has her way."

"…Get out." The camera stopped rolling. "Seriously?"

"I'm not sure. She might really be bi, or maybe she just likes teasing Emi. Or maybe she doesn't want me to get in the way of their friendship so she's willing to share. One of the three."

"Lucky bastard."

"Yeah, but Emi wants no part of that arrangement and Rin's too smitten to back down completely. Let's just get it right on the next take; the next scene involves Emi, Rin, and rain."

"I'm game. You working on their routes means more time off for us."

"Hey, yeah, that's right; you already got a girlfriend out of this project! And I'm sure she won't be terribly pleased to hear about this…"

Kenji gulped. "Back to work. And don't you dare tell." He turns to the crew. "That last take had better not be on the blooper reel!" (CCX: Hmm…)

From "Stripes and Solids"

Hanako aims the cue at the cue ball and completely whiffs. "S-Sorry…I'm not really very good at this…"

"It's okay. We'll reshoot the take as many times as you need."

"I-It's okay…you don't have to be afraid to laugh. It is pretty funny…"

"I'm not very good at pool, either," Hisao admits.

From "Things You Can Do"

"Speaking of hard work, isn't that a huge workload for you too? It's such a big painting and all."

"Oh, I'm not old and bitter enough yet to think like that."

"I guess you aren't."

"You guessed right. Legs hurt, though. They feel like slugs. Slugs made of sea slugs."

"Because of the position?"

"Yeah, I like doing it in a horizontal position more, if you know what I'm talking about."

"I'll bet you do."

Rin smirks. "You're jumping ahead a couple of acts, sweetie."

"Seems like the art club is full of interesting people."

"Not really." Rin fails to catch the sarcasm.

"No?"

"Just like I said. They are not very interesting. I usually don't have much interest in people who are not interesting. Maybe you have."

"Maybe."

"But that boy is interesting. Maybe I am like that boy, or maybe you are. Maybe everyone is. Doing things you can't do, just because you can."

"You're a deep one."

"Maybe, but you're not supposed to find that out for another two acts."

She gives a suggestive grin, and Hisao loses it. "Quit trying to seduce me, Rin Tezuka!" he cries out mockingly.

From "Bizarre and Surreal"

"A girl? A cute one?"

Hisao pauses to consider this. "Not exactly cute, no."

Kenji slugs him. "Wrong answer."

"Chill, Kenji, we need to shoot the scene both ways. We thought you'd prefer if we got this one out of the way first."

"Oh. Sorry, man." (CCX: Well, that answers that question.)

From "Little Wing"

"Hey, strange to see you three together like this."

"It seems to have been quite the day of coincidences; Emi and Rin decided to eat on the roof just as Hanako and I decided to."

"You stole it! This spot was ours!"

"Simmer down, you can't steal a place in the school." Hisao plops down beside Lilly, creating a semicircle.

"I think she is right."

"You too?"

"The butterfly is her accomplice."

"You've got butterflies in your head, Rin," Lilly said. "A whole swarm of butterflies."

"Flock," Hisao "corrected".

"No, I think it's 'swarm'."

"Just go with it."

"If you all worry about it, I have to worry about your worrying. If… that makes sense."

"Actually it sounds like you took a page of Rin's script."

"…It does, doesn't it?"

A shout from off-camera. "I don't talk like that!"

"She said 'script'! You have to admit that your dialogue gets very repetitive!"

A long pause. Lilly's head turns towards something, and Hisao turns around to see Rin approaching. "Stop saying such strange things," she says simply, and Lilly starts giggling. Everyone had already witnessed Rin's troubles with her ridiculously long monologue.

Hisao doesn't laugh, but he does smile. "I'm not sure how we ever get anything done with you around."

From "Blue Period"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, of course."

Emi furrows her brow, licking her lips as if to prepare for something. "Why do you care so much about Rin? I mean, you probably hang around her more than I do, and we even slept in the same bed sometimes until, er, lately."

"After she banned you because you ravaged her hair?" Hisao can barely keep it together. "Can we rewrite this line? I just can't picture Rin banishing Emi from her bed, especially not if there was any 'ravaging' involved." Emi grumbles.

From "Things You Can't Give Up"

"I don't think I'm that much of a distraction! Besides, I'm sure she'll forget about sleeping and eating properly if someone's not there telling her to do it. Sometimes she's like that, gets completely fixated on whatever and drops everything else. It really makes me worried, you know. Is she going to be all right?"

"Such friendship. Speaking of that… I don't even know if I should be saying this, but it's been bothering me. How do I put it…? Rin said that she doesn't really see you as a friend… or something. And I really can't figure why she would say something like that. You two seem to be so close."

Emi doesn't seem to be too shocked, but it gives her pause for a moment, and her perpetual smile flattens into a more difficult expression. "Ahaha, is that so? I guess I'm maybe more like a big sister or something to her."

"Excuse me? Big sister? You?"

Hisao puts his hand on top of his head and then hers, as if to measure and re-confirm their heights. Emi playfully slaps him on the wrist and sticks her tongue out, looking annoyed. "Hey, that's hitting below the belt. I thought you were more of a gentleman."

"Sorry, I just couldn't resist. Too easy."

"But I am serious. Besides, I'm a year older than Rin is, or even you, for that matter. So there."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I missed a year of school when I relearned to walk and run with these legs."

"Oh, right. That makes sense."

"Anyway, it's true. She's just so cute that I want to pamper her. I've always wanted a little sister but, well… I guess I ended up never getting one. It's a little bit hard to talk with Rin, so I guess I never really tried. I like her a lot though, so hearing that she said that doesn't make me happy. It's not like I can really argue, so maybe that's just how it is. We are really close, but maybe it's just not in that way, you know?"

"Yeah, I think I get it loud and clear." Before Emi can get mad at Hisao, he continues on in a passable, though not great, imitation of Rin's voice, "Onee-chan…please help me. I'm feeling really lonely and need something warm between my nethers, but I can't masturbate because I have no hands."

Emi breaks into hysterics. "…Okay, yeah, that sounds like Rin."

"It does not! My voice sounds nothing like that! Besides, you know that's not true."

Emi looks nervous all of a sudden. "Let's get back to filming, shall we?" Hisao looks intrigued.

"Emi's walked in on me more than once. She knows I need no help with that. Want me to demonstrate after we get off tonight?" After a moment, she realizes the double entendre and adds, "Or before, as the case may be?"

"Dear God, Rin, I knew you were flexible, but that?" Rin nods, and Emi starts getting mad.

From "Minor Discord"

"This has important ramifications, you know. If she really is connected to people like them, and we're smart about what we do with this information, we could turn this into our greatest weapon against the Student Council."

"Kenji, Lilly isn't in the Student Council."

"…Shut up."

From "A Brief History of Thyme"

Misha and Shizune stop signing at each other and look at Hisao in unison, both having exactly the same look of disapproval. In one fluid motion, Misha's hand suddenly extends high above Hisao and comes rocketing down. Before he can even hope to react, his head is sent onto the desk, then onto the collapsed remains of the desk. "Owwwwwwwww!"

"Whoops! Sorry, Hisao! That wasn't supposed to happen!"

"No kidding. Who the hell skimped on the props?"

"I don't know what happened!" an apologetic crew member said, with a demeanor befitting of Yuuko. "These desks should be sturdy; they've been appearing in this studio's movies for over…50…years…"

"…Maybe they should try replacing the set dressings more than twice a century."

"…Yeah…you're probably right…"

"Is there a scene you guys can shoot that I'm not in? I need an aspirin."

"Of course you do," Misha says, smirking. It takes Hisao a little while to remember that aspirin is also supposed to help prevent heart attacks, so he looks confused at first.

From "The Other Green"

"The afternoon light works pretty well. I was afraid it would look too flat but it's not like that at all. I think it's actually pretty interesting. I wanted to see what it looks like in dim light. Do you think it's flat?"

"Eeeh well, paintings tend to be flat."

"Not like that flat. You know, flat. Like some people are, no substance, no meat where there should be some. I know a few girls who—"

"Okay, I get it," Hisao interrupts, but both are giving the camera an aside glance and suddenly start giggling.

"Like you're one to talk, Twiggy!" Emi shouts from off-camera.

Rin tries to puff out her chest in response, but nearly falls over, bracing herself against the wall…which is covered in wet paint. "Ugh…I think we might need to pick this scene up later. You up for lunch, Hisao?"

CCX: Yes, this fic represents a move from being a pure Hisao/Emi shipper to supporting a Hisao/Emi/Rin OT3—and the scenes with Emi from Rin's route really support this, as seen above. As for the Kenji/Hanako, obviously that doesn't extend to any other fic, but the choice for which girl to put Kenji with if he's not going to be a misogynist—which actually makes sense because it's made obvious even in-game that he doesn't hate all women—was obvious. Hanako's the one girl among the five that he never has a disparaging word about. It seemed like a good choice.

…Come to think of it, even with her route being represented copiously, Rin's route has probably got a bunch more bloopers that wouldn't be included in this written form because they're pure corpsing. The "Reverse Escapism" blooper would be just one particularly good example.