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February 14th, Valentine's Day. A day of passion and devotion. A day to show those who you love that you care. For some it's a reminder of their loneliness, or of what wasn't meant to be. Eric Cartman on the other hand...

"It can't be this hard!"

Cartman was pacing in his room, while chewing nervously on his thumbnail. He furrowed his brows as if he were deep in thought. "I have to get him something good. He might let me use the gag next time we-"

Kenny quickly lifted his head from Cartman's pillow. "Whoa Cartman, I don't need to know dude."

Cartman has found himself in a dilemma. He has been Kyle's boyfr- um...fuck buddy for a year now, and the brunet didn't know what to give his Jew for Valentine's Day. Kenny rolled his eyes at his anxious friend. "Just get him a box of chocolates." He suggested. "Bitches love chocolates."

"Kenny, I can't!" Cartman yelled, ignoring the blonde's last comment. "I have to get something that says I care but not too much. You know what I'm saying?"

Kenny snorted. "Dude, Kyle will be surprised you even remembered Valentine's Day at all."

"I know, that's why I can't give him any sentimental crap."

Kenny eyed Cartman from his messy hair to his mismatching socks. "Who knew that under all those layers of fat, rested an over analytic spaz?"

The brunet boy fell onto his bed and sighed. "I'm not fucking fat Kenny."

"So you've told me thousands of times. You need to start a blog about that shit."

Cartman suddenly leaps off of the bed and runs towards his Macbook. "That's it! I'll tweet Kyle a happy Valentine's Day! It isn't too thoughtful, and it shows that I kinda care." Cartman begins to type so fast that Kenny's getting dizzy.

"I'm kinda worried man. I never said shit about Twitter. You're thinking a little too hard."

But Cartman wasn't listening. He was too busy composing a Valentine's Day message for Kyle. Kenny leaned over his shoulder.

69INGCHIPMUNKS well here we are joo. an entire year. can't believe it. thought your dumbass woulda done sumthin stupid. i can't believe that i actually like

"Goddamit!" Cartman swung his clenched fists above his head, accidentally punching Kenny in the jaw.

"What the fuck! Cartman!" Kenny hollered.

Cartman hardly noticed his hurt friend. "Fucking Twitter won't let me send my tweet!"

"Is that any reason to dislocate my goddamn jaw?"

The brunet teen hardly looked sheepish. "Grow a pair McCormick. Just walk it off."

Kenny growled while massaging his jaw. "So what's the problem now?" He asks. Cartman angrily slams his palms against his desk. "It keeps showing me this damn error message!"

Kenny leans over and closes the message examining Cartman's tweet. He then sighs. "Twitter has a one hundred and forty character limit dumbass."

Cartman looks appalled. "One hundred and forty characters! The fuck is this?"

"Why don't you say I love you?" Kenny suggests.

"No!" Cartman pouts and crosses his arms. "That makes me seem to girly and needy and shit."

Cartman was acting like a two year old. He was really beating himself up over this. "This is for you Kyle." Kenny muttered before tackling Cartman off of his computer chair.

"-the fuck are you doing!" Cartman grabbed Kenny's hair. Kenny grimaced and pinched Cartman's hands, whooping when the neo-Nazi let go. He then stood up and kicked Cartman in the balls.

The hurt boy rolled into the fetal position, clutching his crotch. "Fuck...you Kenny." He said, behind gritted teeth.

Kenny sat down at the computer and typed up a new message for Kyle.

69INGCHIPMUNKS happy V-Day joo. luv you.

As Kenny clicked send, Cartman recovered and stared at the tweet in horror. "You poor son of a bitch! Now Kyle will think I got a pussy or something."

Kenny rolled his eyes and directed his attention towards the laptop. "Cartman, you got a reply."

Cartman's head shot up as he walked towards Kenny. "Well click on it!" He said, impatiently. The teen clicked on the alert, grinning smugly as he read.

kylesux Thanks, love you too. P.S. you spelled jew wrong asshole.

Kenny turned towards his shocked friend. "Do I need to say I told you so?"

Cartman simply glared at Kenny. "Next year I'll just get him a fucking card." He muttered.

This is just the first of many Kyman oneshots that I wrote while dealing with major writer's block. Don't expect the next chapter of Someone Like You any time soon. Sorry for the (insert mistake made here), I've been totally out of it these past few weeks.

Keep calm and review on.

•Breathlessly•