Disclaimer: We don't own the Avengers. Marvel does.

Warnings: Silliness, YouTube, discussions of [homosexual] sex, homosexual sex

Author's Notes: After seeing the movie, we realized we would honestly watch tons of movies of the Avengers just chilling and being weird. And so, we present a saga of the Avengers living together! Also, sex. We like that, so they often speak about it. And have it. And there aren't many Thor/Clint stories so we're goddamn writing one here.

Thor Discovers Technology, YouTube, and Homosexuality

"I do not understand. This thin... screen… holds hundreds of so-called videos?" Thor asked, staring at the computer that Tony had given him. They were relaxing on the couch of the living room in the penthouse of Stark tower. Tony could not for the life of him remember offering the penthouse as a group living space, but somehow all the Avengers had moved in.

"Millions, more like. We've been over this fifty times, Thor. You can type words there and it will spit back a bunch of videos you can watch," Stark responded with a sigh. "Look, here. We type in 'cat' and then push that button and you can tap any of those underlined words and watch a video of cats." God, it was exhausting, being a genius and having to explain every little bit of technology to Thor and Steve.

"I did not know that cats could play instruments," Thor said slowly, holding the screen at arm's length and glaring at it suspiciously.

"They can't, that's what's funny about it," Clint explained from behind Thor, wandering over to the bar to get a drink. "Hey, Tony, this is some fancy alcohol you've got here."

"I'm a billionaire, of course I have fancy alcohol," Tony said, contemplating running down to the R&D division of the tower to get away from all of these people who apparently needed every little thing explained to them. At least Steve had finally figured out that it wasn't okay to be racist. That was a nice lesson to have behind them.

"Tony?" Thor said, putting the screen down and digging into the pocket of his new jeans to pull something out. "Could you explain to me again how to use this strange telecone device?"

"It's a telephone, Thor," Tony said, walking over to the bar to take a much-needed gulp of bourbon. "Okay, do you remember anything about it?"

"I push on numbers to make it work!" Thor replied in his booming voice, proud that he had remembered that much of how to work the peculiar tiny human device. "Like this!" he added, mashing a finger down before frowning. "Is the screen supposed to crack and go black like that?"

"I swear, Thor, if you break a fifth phone I will not be getting you a new one," Tony threatened, taking the broken piece of technology from his Asgardian friend. "No more technology tonight. Let's all just… hang out."

"Hang…out?" Thor questioned, tilting his head, "On what would we be hanging? And why can it not be inside?"

Tony gave him a level stare, trying his best not to start banging his forehead against the nearby countertop in frustration. Instead, he gave his most charming Stark smile and tried to think happy thoughts as he launched into yet another explanation to help inform his clueless companion.

"Hanging out, my dear demi God, means spending time together. Having fun. You know what "fun" is right?" Tony asked, gesturing wildly with his usual dramatic flair.

Thor narrowed his eyes, unappreciative of being talked to like a fool.

"Yes, I am aware of the definition of "fun" Stark," the Asgardian said curtly, "But just what is it we are supposed to do to have this fun?" He turned back to the laptop on the coffee table. "Watch more videos? I find them rather amusing!" As if to demonstrate, he struck a key with his pointer finger the way he had been taught, causing the video to continue playing. "Oh look, this one just fell off of that table! What a foolish little creature!"

"Thor, my man, you are really strange sometimes," Clint chimed in, strolling over from the bar with a glass of expensive looking scotch in hand. He plopped down heavily on the couch next to Thor and raised his glass slightly to keep the amber liquid from spilling, "Scratch that, you're always pretty weird. Granted, you aren't from around here."

The Asgardian turned his head to look at the other, frowning. "Really? I thought I was starting to blend in rather well."

The archer paused in the middle of a sip to look at him incredulously.

"You have biceps the size of my head and speak like you want the whole world to hear you. That's not exactly what I would call "blending in" buddy."

"Oh," Thor replied, looking slightly put out, "Well I will just have to try harder then!" he exclaimed in a voice that was even more thunderous than usual.

Tony sighed, picking up his glass of bourbon and sashaying over to join the other two on the couch. "Hey lightening rod, I think you're backtracking a bit there." The billionaire squinted at the screen of the computer in Thor's lap, "Are you still watching those videos? Aren't you bored or something?"

"Of course not!" Thor answered, as if that were an impossibility, "Look how many there are! That one is even wearing a silly sort of helmet, how queer!"

"Hey, you know what makes these videos even more fun?" Clint asked, grinning widely and leaning forward as if he were about to relay an important piece of information, "Getting high!"

Thor looked at him, obviously confused, "We must go into the air to make them more fun? That is very strange."

"No, Sparky, that's not what he means," Tony said deprecatingly, taking a sip of his drink and closing his eyes, "I remember when I was at MIT…."

"Stop right there Stark," Clint snapped, pointing at the billionaire, "If I have to hear one more story about you and your damn MIT degree, I'm going to shoot an arrow into my own foot! One of the exploding ones."

"Well you don't have to be so rude about it," Tony huffed petulantly, crossing his arms.

"I still do not understand," Thor said, interrupting the little argument, "What is this "getting high"? I am curious."

"Don't let them talk you into that stuff Thor. Those two are horrible influences."

The three jumped in surprise and turned their heads to look at Bruce, who was now leaning against the counter, arms crossed.

"I'll never understand how someone who turns into a huge green giant can sneak up on people like a damn ninja," Tony said, narrowing his eyes at his fellow genius, "And I will have you know I am a brilliant influence."

"Brilliantly depraved, perhaps," Banner replied dryly. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his old, worn out jeans and walked over to stand behind the couch. "What are you all doing anyways?"

"Well, apparently we're watching goddamn cat videos," Tony said, rolling his eyes. "Guess they don't have those in Asgard."

"How do they get these videos on this computer?" Thor interrupted. "Is there a group of people who film cats for a living?"

"No, regular people film them and then upload them," Clint explained. "We did that sort of shit for fun in college. We'd make videos of us doing funny things and then post 'em online."

"So… we could make one and make it go on the computer?" Thor asked slowly. "Tony? I would like a cat, please."

Tony sighed. Yes, he was a billionaire and, yes, he could most certainly afford to support the Avengers, but he wished that they didn't rely so much on him. "Fine, I'll buy you a cat, but only to teach you about the responsibility of having a pet."

"Let us go to the cat purchasing store!" Thor boomed, standing up. He was in regular clothes rather than his cape and hero suit, so he was all ready to go.

Pressing a finger to the corner of his eye to make it stop twitching, Tony nodded and grabbed his wallet. "Let's go, lightning boy. Let's use quiet voices, though, okay?"

"Clint refers to those as inside voices," Thor informed Tony, voice a little softer than usual. "But then he tells me to use my inside voice even when we are outside. I do not believe he is as smart as you, Tony."

"No, he is not. I went to MIT, and he went to some state party school," Tony said in his usual superior tone. "And I graduated when I was seventeen. Do you have school back in God-land?"

"No. All of our learning is from parents and others of our elders. Mostly we just learn the history of our people and how to be a warrior," Thor explained. "Those who do not show promise in warrior training when they are young are sent to apprentice with cooks or weapon makers, so they can learn a trade."

"Sounds cool," Tony said, getting into the driver's seat of one of his many convertibles and waiting for Thor to get in on the other side before speeding off toward an area he knew to have a pet store.

An hour later, Tony and Thor returned to Stark tower and went up to the penthouse again. Thor was carrying a tiny orange and white kitten in his gigantic arms, pulling a little trolley behind him that had the litter box, litter, food, and toys. "Look at my cat!" he boomed, sitting down next to Clint and making him pet the animal. "I have named it Harry Potter because I saw that movie and I enjoyed it greatly! It is my favorite movie. Except for that Notebook movie that made me cry. I believe that is my favorite."

"I still can't believe you cried when we watched the Notebook. Your biceps are too big for you to be a movie crier," Clint said, smirking. "Anyway, while you were gone, I got to thinking… we should play truth or dare or never have I ever! Bruce and Steve and Natasha all went to dinner somewhere, so it's just us. We can learn secrets about each other! I like knowing everyone's secrets."

"Truth or dare? What is that?" Thor asked, petting Harry Potter gently and looking confused.

"Basically, we each ask each other truth or dare. If you pick truth, the asker gets to ask you anything and you have to answer. If you pick dare, you have to do whatever they tell you," Tony explained. "What are we, twelve?"

"It sounds enjoyable! Tony! Truth or dare?" Thor asked, smiling brightly. This game sounded fun to him; he felt like he didn't know very much about the others.

"Truth," Tony responded after a moment's deliberation. Truth seemed like a much safer choice; Thor would probably make up weird dares that might not be possible without his Iron Man suit.

"What is the lowest, uh, what do you call it…" Thor leaned over and whispered quickly with Hawkeye. "What is the lowest grade you ever got?"

Tony sighed. "One time, I got an A minus. It was horrible. I was beyond ashamed and had to get good and drunk to try to forget about it. Okay, Clint. Truth or dare?"

"Truth. I'll need to drink more before I agree to any dares from you guys," Clint said as he took another gulp from his glass.

"Well… have you ever kissed a man?" Tony asked with a smirk, sure he was going to mortify the archer with that one.

Clint burst out laughing. "Do you really think that's going to embarrass me?" he asked once he got his laughter under control. "Tony, those of us who didn't graduate college when we were seventeen used those four years to experiment. I've kissed men and even had sex with them."

Thor's eyes were as wide as dinner plates. "You have had relations with another man?" he asked in a hushed, awed voice. "What does that feel… I mean… why would you… well, uh, how does that work?"

"Oh, Jesus," Tony sighed, getting another drink from the bar. If Clint was going to start explaining gay sex to Thor, he needed to get more inebriated.

"Well, Thor, you know how regular sex works between a man and a women, right?" Clint asked, waiting until Thor nodded before continuing. "So with two guys, one sticks his penis in the other one's, you know, butt. You have to stretch the guy's butt with your fingers first so it won't hurt. The guy who puts his penis in is called the top, and the other guy is called the bottom."

Thor nodded, signaling that he understood. "And that gives you joy? As much joy as having relations with a woman?"

"Yeah, definitely," Clint said. "I mean, I really like it. And there are some guys who prefer it to fuckin' girls."

"Are you one of those guys, Clint?" Tony asked curiously. "Are you gay? Or bi? Or a big slut who'll sleep with anything with a pulse?"

"I'm not a slut, thank you very much. I was in college, but now I'm not," Clint said cheerfully. "Well, I guess I like both pretty well. I go more for guys, but…"

Thor was looking at the floor, lost in thought. "Do you believe I would enjoy it?" he asked Clint. "I would really like to enjoy life to the fullest here on earth."

"Well, you want to experiment?" Clint asked with a teasing smirk. His eyes went wide in shock, though, when Thor nodded earnestly. "Y-you want to have sex with me?"

"I would like to try. It might be fun, mightn't it?" Thor asked, giving Hawkeye a hopeful, innocent smile. "Come with me," he boomed, grabbing Clint's hand and dragging the archer with him, the human sporting a small, confused smile.

Tony just stared as the two disappeared from the living room and into the elevator, probably going down to Thor's apartment one floor down. What the hell was going on? Whatever. He didn't care. He just got up and grabbed the entire bottle of bourbon and sat on the couch, flicking on the gargantuan television to watch Top Gear.

In the elevator, Thor gave Clint a huge smile. "I am so glad you are agreeing to teach me these things," he said happily. "I am very curious. And you are rather good-looking!"

Clint laughed happily. "You aren't that bad yourself. I've gotta say, though, that was kind of out of the blue. Not that I mind, of course, just… didn't expect it."

"Well, I did not know before that men could have relations," Thor explained, pulling Clint into his apartment once the elevator got to the right floor. "So, uh, how does one go about doing this on Earth? Customs on Asgard are rather… discourteous."

"Kissing, groping, then… go for it. Would you prefer to be on top or bottom?" Clint asked, holding Thor's hand happily and making him slow down to a normal walking pace to go into the Asgardian's bedroom.

"On top! That is the man's position," Thor boomed, closing the bedroom door behind him. After a look at Clint raising one eyebrow, he hastily backtracked. "Not that you, being on bottom with me, would be less of a man, Clint. Sorry, that was rude of me to imply that."

Clint laughed. "It's okay," he told his soon-to-be-lover. "I know how you feel. It's easier to be on top the first time if you've been with women before." He looked around Thor's room; he had never been there before. "This is a nice room, Thor. I'm diggin' the bed."

Thor grinned proudly. "I bought it. At a store!" he explained happily. "And I put it together. Tony's a little mad, though. I had to get a second one because I tried to put the first one together with Mjolnir. It turns out that wood cannot withstand the power of my hammer." He shrugged. "Anyway. Do I need to get undressed now?"

Sitting down on the bed, Clint shook his head. "No, Thor. Just… lie down in bed with me and let things happen, okay? We don't need to plan everything out. Is sex in Asgard really… utilitarian? I mean, is it just do it under the covers and go?" he asked, trying to understand where Thor was coming from.

"Yes. It is simply for procreation, though it is enjoyable. I suppose that does not apply here, as we cannot procreate," Thor said thoughtfully, lying down in his bed and toing off his shoes, letting them drop onto the sheepskin he had next to his bed as a rug.

"Well, let me introduce you to human gay sex," Clint said, grinning widely and lying on his side, looking into Thor's eyes with a happy little blush. "It has no purpose other than feeling good."

Thor rolled onto his side to face Clint. "I do enjoy feeling good," he said cheerfully, waiting for Clint to initiate the kissing. He wanted to be on top but was not quite sure how to start.

Clint leaned in close to Thor and pressed his lips to the demigod's. He felt Thor smiling against him, so he opened his lips up to deepen the kiss, groaning a bit. God, the Asgardian was so attractive and a damn good kisser. He squirmed closer to Thor, pressing himself against the chiseled body.

Thor grunted loudly and wrapped an arm around the archer, pulling him closer. His instincts were taking over and he was forgetting his lack of knowledge and his inexperience.

Realizing he hadn't asked something important, Clint pulled back, panting quietly. "Thor? Do you… do you have lube and… and condoms?" he asked breathlessly, his cock starting to grow in his jeans.

"Yes!" Thor boomed excitedly, rolling over to rummage through the drawer in his bedside table. "Tony gave them to me. I believe he was being facetious, though, as he was laughing the whole time. But here they are!" he exclaimed, tossing a bottle of lubricant and a box of condoms onto the bed.

Clint's lips twitched upward. "Magnums," he said with a little nod. "Judging by the parts of your body I've seen… those are a good idea."

Thor smiled, obviously not understanding. "What are you referring to?"

"Um, your dick. Cock. Penis," Clint said, having to clarify his slang for his clearly confused man. "You know, magnums are for especially big and powerful ones and, well, everything about you is big and powerful."

Looking proud, Thor nodded. "Yes." He looked at the box and bottle. "So, do I need to use these now?" he asked, obviously not sure how to use them.

Clint shook his head. "Thor, we don't just do this mechanically. I'll be gasping and begging and helping you all I can when I'm ready for all that," he promised, then pulled the demigod in for a passionate kiss.

Thor pulled Clint in close and kissed him back roughly, feeling his penis hardening in his pants. He felt a jolt of pleasure when he rubbed his hips gently against Clint's, so he pulled the archer against him harder, grunting loudly. "Clint!" he moaned loudly, pulling his lips from the other man's to express how good he felt.

"Yeah?" Clint gasped, thrusting against Thor and reaching for the Asgardian's t-shirt and yanking it up and over the long-haired man's head. "Jesus, you're hot." He ran his fingers over Thor's rock-hard abdominal muscles and groaned happily.

Mimicking his bed partner, Thor pulled Clint's shirt off and then, making his own first move, went for the archer's pants, fumbling with his belt. It took a couple tries to make his powerful fingers slow down enough to undo the buckle, but he finally got it and moved onto opening the button and zipper. "You… you do not wear undergarments?" he asked as he started pulling Clint's pants down mid-thigh.

"Nope," Clint responded with a cocky little grin. "Do you?" he asked as he started yanking Thor's pants down. He gave a mock-sigh. "You do. I'd like to request you don't wear those again, if you want to repeat this." He kicked out of his pants while pushing Thor's down and letting the demigod squirm out of his.

Thor leaned down to suck on Clint's neck hungrily, more turned on than he had ever been in his immortal life. "May we begin?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Clint gasped, handing Thor the lube. "Put this on your fingers and start opening me up, one finger at a time."

Obediently, Thor took the bottle and squirted some of the liquid onto his fingers, giggling quietly at the feel of it before nervously moving one finger toward Clint. The archer rolled onto his back and spread his legs, motioning for Thor to climb on top of him. The demigod did, and he shyly moved his finger to Clint's entrance, starting to press the thick digit in slowly.

Clint groaned loudly. "Oh, yeah," he whispered encouragingly. "Yeah, Thor. Okay, move it around and then put a second one in with it." He gasped, hips jerking up a bit, when Thor obeyed, the Asgardian's two fingers stretching him open nicely. "Move 'em around like scissors," he instructed breathlessly. "And… try to find my prostate. Crook your finger and feel for a lump."

Not quite sure what he was doing, Thor bent his finger a bit, grinning widely when he felt a little bump and pushed on it. "So it is pleasurable?" he asked cheerfully when Clint let out a sudden moan and bucked his hips up.

"Yeah, very. Okay, add another finger and keep pushing on my prostate while you continue stretching me," Hawkeye gasped out. "Are you hard?"

"Extremely," Thor said with a huge grin, pressing a third finger into his teammate, looking down in interest at where his fingers entered, rather excited that he would be putting his penis in there soon. "Do I need to put on the comdon?"

"Condom, Thor," Clint gasped out with a breathy little laugh. "And yeah. Straddle me and I'll do it for you?" he suggested, grabbing a little foil square and ripping it open. Once Thor's erection was close enough, he pinched the tip of the condom and rolled the latex down the demigod's massive cock. "Jesus, Thor. Don't think I've ever seen anyone this big, much less fucked."

Thor smiled proudly. "That is a good thing, right?" he asked, needing to be assured that everything was going well. Clint's hands had felt so nice on him while the archer had put the condom on, and now Thor was ready for the main event. "Do I enter you now?" he asked, suddenly sounding a little shy.

"Yeah," Clint groaned excitedly. "Take out your fingers and rub all the extra lube onto your penis, then push in. Slowly," he added emphatically, worried Thor would get carried away and rip him open.

Thor nodded, pulling his fingers out of Clint's warm body and rubbing the liquid on them onto his erection. He lined up and took a deep breath before slowly pressing in. He let out a shocked grunt. "This feels very, very good," he moaned, looking down at Clint in amazement.

Clint managed a little smile. "Yeah. Slow," he reminded his friend, then brought his arms up, looping one around Thor's waist and lifting the other up higher to grip Thor's long hair and bring him down for a deep kiss.

Scared of hurting his teammate, Thor went as slow as he could, though all his body wanted to do was thrust in deep. Soon, his balls were resting against Clint's ass, and he broke their kiss to pant heavily, resting his forehead on the archer's. "Cl-Clint. This is wonderful," he gasped softly, supporting all his weight on one hand so he could use the other to softly stroke Hawkeye's cheek.

Panting loudly, Clint nodded. "Yeah. It'll feel even better when you start moving, though," he teased breathlessly, jerking his hips up a bit and moaning.

Taking the hint, Thor began to thrust in and out with small movements, not going as hard, fast, or deep as his body wanted to. He wasn't willing to risk putting Hawkeye in any pain. "Oh! Yes!" he grunted, burying his face in Clint's neck and kissing at it.

Clint loved Thor humping him like this, not kissing his lips. There was something unbearably hot about the larger man draped over him and fucking him like this; it felt almost animalistic. "Harder," he gasped out, jerking his hips up to meet Thor's. "Harder!"

Thor drove in harder, moaning in pleasure as he did so. "Yes!" he panted before attacking Clint's neck again with his teeth, nipping and sucking and marking the archer hungrily. He sped up his thrusts a little too, now going with pure instinct, doing whatever made him feel good.

"Thor? I need… fuck! I need you to reach between… ohgodohgod! Between us and stroke me," Clint moaned, rather amazed he managed to put that sentence together.

Eager to please Clint but not quite understanding what the man meant, Thor braced a hand against the mattress and pushed himself up to create some room between the sweat-slicked bodies and tentatively reached out his free hand to pet at Clint's abs, not sure why the man so desperately seemed to need this.

"No!" Clint groaned. "Wrap your hand around my… God! My cock and stroke," he explained, moaning loudly in relief when Thor did so, the Asgardian's strong, warm grip feeling amazing. "I'm going… fuck! I'm going to come!" he ground out just a minute later, bucking his hips up hard before coming with a throaty moan, covering Thor's large hand with his semen, some of it splashing onto the demigod's stomach.

"Clint!" Thor moaned, thrusting in hard and fast as the archer's body constricted around his throbbing erection. It only took him a couple sharp jerks of his hips before he let out an ear-splitting bellow and filled the condom. After riding out his explosive orgasm, he fell forward onto Clint, kissing feebly at his neck.

"So… you liked it?" Clint asked breathlessly a few moments later, once he felt coherent enough to form a sentence.

"Yes, I enjoyed that completely," Thor said, clearly drowsy but content. "Would you like to stay in my bed instead of going down to your apartment? I have an extra towel if you would like to shower," he added, remembering his manners. "But I would like you to stay. That was a wonderful bonding experience. May we do it again sometime?" he asked with a huge, hopeful smile.

"Of course. To both staying over, and to doing that again," Clint said, glad that had gone so well.

"I also enjoyed the kissing. Would you like to do some more of that? Right now?" Thor asked, kissing the tip of the archer's nose happily.

THE END.

A.N.: It was going to be just a fun little PG-13 rated thing but you know PORN. Plus one of us is now all into Clint/EVERYONE and Thor/Tony so expect that in the fics to follow. Hope you liked it! AND YES WE KNOW CLINT DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE. HE WAS ALL WEIRDO CIRCUS KID BUT SHUT UP GAY SEX. That's why this is posted in the movie fandom, not the comics one :)