Dedicated to Carly Carter. Thank you for being such an amazing friend. I wish you the best birthday ever. I truly hope you enjoy this piece as much as I have enjoyed writing it for you.

Authors Note: This story has spoilers to Lauren, although the storyline is similar I did not use all of the same information. This is my story and is reflected as such.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of criminal minds, however this story based on the characters is my original work.

Chapter 1

Here one minute

Gone another

It was only a matter of time

A permanent mistake

With endless consequence

A life that should not have been

Isn't missed or mourned

Never loved, Never wanted

A Nuisance, Inconvenience

Deliverer of pain

Infectious Misery

Removed from this world

As an act of sacrifice

Making way for greater joy

No one wanted her

Who she couldn't be

So no one be sad

When her life was taken

Returned by a gift

But wanted no more

Determined to set free

Those she loved

Knowing she could never

Find the forgiveness

She so desired

Gone this time

Free from the hurt

The scars unnoticed

On a broken soul

Everything is better now

With her final breathe

Cry if you must

Know she loved you best

Never wanted

Never loved

Never mourned

Here one minute

Gone another

It was only a matter of time

8 months earlier…..

It had been a few weeks since Ian Doyle had began killing her old team.

Ian...

…...his name still sent shivers down her spine. Upon hearing it she was brought back to a past. aA past she had fought hard to forget. But forgetting proved impossible when one by one her colleagues,her team, were dying. Especially when she knew she was next. A solitary tear found its way down her cheek as she remembered the call that began this nightmare.

Emily hadn't spoken to Sean McCallister, a former colleague at Interpol, in years. She was on a case when she saw his name appear on her caller ID. She felt a familiar pit rise in her stomach. She had distanced herself from the team. She couldn't talk to any of them, they all reminded her of him. Of the things she did. They all reminded her that she was so terribly alone in this world. Not one of them noticed she vanished, no one outside of her team knew she was undercover. She didn't have any girl friends to check up on her, she didn't have any family, she was the perfect agent. No connections and nothing to lose.

Emily was solid, fearless, and beautiful. All the tools needed to con, manipulate and extract. She was everything they needed her to be, everything except for who she really was.

When they had returned from the case she was itching to get off the plane. She ran through the cold rain to her car. She was going to meet Sean. It was going to be okay. She had to assure herself, he was just an old friend in town wanting a drink. Who was she kidding? She shook her head slightly. She hadn't reached out to any of them. But they hadn't reached out to her, either. This wasn't likely a social call, something was wrong, and it had to do with Ian Doyle.

Emily took a deep breath as she opened the door to the bar. He's in North Korea, he's locked up in one of the most secure prison's in the world. No one could escape from that. No one, not even him. This was a social call, purely social. Emily coached herself as she spotted her friend sitting on a chair at the bar. She felt the heat invade her porcelain skin, her heart beat harder against her chest, the familiar knot in her stomach rising to the surface forcing her to swallow to push back the nausea. And to keep steady. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's how Emily functioned.

She tried the usual pleasantries. 'How are you? How have you been?' But she couldn't wait. She had to know.

And then he said it, repeating it as her glazed eyes remained frozen.

Doyle was out,

...she was in danger,

…..her team was in danger.

She felt unsteady on her feet. Why now? She should have sacrificed herself to him a long time ago, she should have given the last of the information over and died. Emily Prentiss should have died in that car accident, not 'Lauren Reynolds'. It would have been easier then. It would have been easier if she didn't know what it meant to be loved. It would have been easier if she hadn't found a family, if for the first time in her life she didn't feel accepted for who she was. But it was too late. Emily would have to pay for her betrayal.

Emily walked out of the bar and headed home. She felt the bolts holding up her walls slipping down, she felt the water pooling in the back of her eyes, the fear building up. Thoughts began to race through her head.

Making love to Ian.

The look in his eyes when he gave her the ring.

The way she felt empowered by his touch.

The hurt when she was taken away …...a small purple and white flower falling from her hand.

She was snapped out of her head when she saw the long box lying against her door. He wasn't only out of North Korea, he was here. 'Let the games begin', she thought as she lifted the top off the package revealing the beautiful purple and white flower she had picked that day, the last memory of him leaning against the rail, the feeling of ultimate betrayal boring into her skull. She knew all to well …...this was

her

fault.

Emily walked around her apartment, gun raised, hiding wasn't his style, he was going to hurt her in every way he could before she finally would be able to rest. But she had to check, she had to know if he was there. After clearing each room and rigging the door to alert her for entry she paid much needed attention to Sergio. The cat had a way of calming her down. She felt her stomach rumble. She couldn't eat, she needed to suffer, it was her fault he was out, she knew people had already died. She knew each and every life taken during Doyle's revenge was her fault. She might as well have killed them herself. People were dying because she fell in love with a powerful international arms dealer, they were dying because she let her emotions dictate her actions instead of her training. People were dying because she let him see her unguarded, because she betrayed him, because she ruined a little boy's life, because she shouldn't have been born - others must suffer.

Emily poured a large glass of scotch, feeling the burn down her throat as she sat fighting sleep, knowing that what would come was all because of her.

What do you think? This is a really short chapter just to give you all a feel for the story. It's going to be several chapters long and the chapters will get a lot better I promise. Please review! I can't get better if I don't hear what you all think, good or bad. Quicker reviews equal quicker updates Enjoy