I Still

A songfic that's inspired by "I Still" by Backstreet Boys.

My playlist contents their songs and I think that this song will be suitable for Sakura.

This is what I think is going through Sakura's head when Syaoran leave her. It is kinda a Reply-fic for my other fic "Incomplete".

Sakura's POV

A few days had passed since Syaoran moved back to Hongkong. I tried to be back to my old self, but it was just so hard. Syaoran had always been there when I needed him, even though he was not always nice to me. He was just too kind for his own good.

Who are you now?

Are you still the same

Or did you change somehow?

He always worried about me when we were fighting for the cards. He would just help me through anything even though it killed him in the process. He would be there for me, I know he would.

What do you do

At this very moment when I think of you?

And when I'm looking back

How we were young and stupid

Do you remember that?

We were rivals once for the cards and for Yukito-san. But he still helped me with the cards even though he also wanted the cards. His presence just always made me feel calm. He was the one that made me believed that everything would always be alright. Now, he left me. I just didn't know what to do anymore. All the cards had been collected and changed to Sakura Cards. I should feel happy and relief, but somehow with Syaoran's gone, I couldn't celebrate it.

No matter how I fight it

Can't deny it

Just can't let you go

It was so hard this past few weeks. I had to endure so many goodbyes. With Eriol-kun left, I felt that there was no one that could give me good advices, like how to make a Teddy Bear (so it didn't look like Kero-chan), or how to realize my own feeling. I knew that I could ask Tomoyo-chan, but somehow it just didn't feel the same.

With Mizuki-sensei gone too, it felt like I lost a really good teacher, for school and for my magic. She always gave me good advices. But her leaving was not that hard to endure, seeing that we had said goodbye once before.

But with Syaoran, it was just different. I just didn't lose a friend when he left. It felt like I lose a part of my self. It felt like I couldn't be the same Sakura anymore. I really needed him to be by my side.

I still need you

I still care about you

Though everything's been said and done

I still feel you

Like I'm right beside you

But still no word from you

Everywhere I went, I always remembered Syaoran. It was like he was always around me wherever I went, whatever I did. Everything could remind me of Syaoran. Just by seeing my pencil case made me remember of my white day present for him. Just by being sitting in classroom made me wished that he would sit behind me. Just being in a badminton court made me want to compete against Syaoran again. All those things were just little reminders of Syaoran. There were more bigger things that sometimes made me hurt to remember it, but sometimes I just wanted to be surrounded by them. So, I could feel Syaoran.

Like when I went to fairs. I could imagine him just everywhere. At the shooting game, I remembered how Syaoran win all of the prizes, how he won the rabbit doll with Touya-niichan (even though the bunny ended up for Yukito-san).

Every time I was at the beach, I always tried to search for a cave. The cave was the first place that Syaoran really added my strength. Not by magic. But just being with me and fight beside me. Syaoran always gave me advices that could help me with my magic. He gave me advices and made me calm down even though he was vanishing. It was just make me realize that I could always count on him.

Every time I watch The Sleeping Beauty movie, I remembered how cute Syaoran was when he acted as Princess Aurora. I remembered how relief I was and how happy I was, when I could see his face again after the dark's gone. And I also remembered how hard Syaoran tried to become the princess (in that dress!) even though he was so embarrassed. It was just so funny and cute. I smiled every time I remembered this one.

Every time I went to Cake Shop (and I really often went to Cake Shop), I remembered how Syaoran warned me about Mizuki-sensei. Even though we were rivals back then, Syaoran was kind enough to give me advice.

The last but not least was the craft store. Every time I went to the store, it felt like Syaoran's presence was surrounding me. It reminded me of Syaoran The Teddy Bear. It reminded me of how he was so selfless and gave me the teddy bear even though he knew I liked Yukito-san back then. It reminded me of the unsaid promise to hold on to each other by giving each other the teddy bear.

Now look at me

Instead of moving on, I refuse to see

That I keep coming back

And I'm stuck in a moment

That wasn't meant to last (to last)

I knew that there was a chance that he wouldn't come back. But, I just wanted to hold on to him no matter what. And in a way, it was easier this way. So, that I didn't have to move on. So, I just could be my self that was pinning after him. But, in the other way it was just so hard to be that way.

I admitted sometimes letting go was so tempting. It was not like he was my boyfriend or something. But, somehow I felt like he was more than that. Like we were destined to be together. Maybe because, we really were.

No no

Wish I could find you

Just like you found me

Then I would never let you go (without you)

I wanted Syaoran to be here. I wanted him to hold me every time I cried. I didn't care what he would do, I just wanted him to be here. I didn't even care that he would fight with Touya-niichan or Kero-chan. I just wished that he could be here with me. So, I could see him. So, I could hold his hand. So, I could hug him. I needed to feel him embracing me again.

Though everything's been said and done (yeah)

I still feel you (I still feel you)

Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)

But still no (still no word) word from you

Why couldn't you call me? Why did you never try to reach me? It felt like I was holding on to lose thread. It felt like you didn't hold on to the other end of the thread. I needed you to hold on too, Syaoran. I needed you to make feel secured and safe, like you always did. I just needed to feel you, Syaoran. It's been years since you left.

A/N: what do you think? I know that it kinda feel more mature than Sakura's real age. But, I just like to think that she is being more mature because Syaoran left.