KURAN KANAME: User Guide and Maintenance Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own KURAN KANAME unit. This manual will ensure your survival and maximum utilization of your unit, because honestly, why the hell would you buy a masochistic&sadistic Pureblood vampire who is older than the history in your history books?

Technical Specifications:

Name: Kuran Kaname. Will respond to "Kuran-senpai", "Kaname-senpai", "Kaname-kun", "Kaname", rather happily to "Brother", rather irritably to "Kaname-sama", and rather lividly to anything Ichijou Asato addresses him by.

Age: 19 | 10,000+

Place of Manufacture: Ancestors, Inc.

Height: 184cm

Weight: 71kg

Length: He's not a Pureblood and a Kuran for nothing…

Your KURAN KANAME unit comes with the following:

One (1) beige trench coat

One (1) Night Class uniform suit and pants

One (1) red tie

One (1) dark button-down long-sleeved shirt

One (1) black pair of slacks

Sixty (60) tin containers of blood tablets

Programming

Your KURAN KANAME unit is equipped with the following traits:

Leader: Is your life in disarray? Do you need a constant fixation so you can keep going? Well, here it is. Er, he. Your KURAN KANAME unit is very proficient in being leaders, as he has been living alone for a long time, surrounded by people who are quite frankly worshiping him more than being his comrades, except for the ICHIJOU TAKUMA unit. Instead of nurturing friendship, he is looked upon as the head. And he's the President of the Moon Dorms, so unsurprising there, right? He is very, very respected in the vampire society, as he doesn't abuse his power or over-exercise his rights as a Pureblood.

Brother: This kind of equates to 'babysitter.' He has a rather obsessive (though seemingly harmless) love for KURAN/CROSS YUUKI units and will generally do anything—including things he would normally not do—to ensure her safety and happiness. Your unit will probably want to do one of two things: lock her up in a closet safely forever or set her free and let her have her liberation.

Sadomasochist: As mentioned before, he is a sadist and a masochist.

Solitary: KURAN KANAME units are very secretive, but they make one objective clear. Protect KURAN/CROSS YUUKI units. He will be more open to KURAN/CROSS YUUKI units than anyone else.

Removal of your KURAN KANAME unit from Packaging

This is pretty important, actually. To do so swiftly and efficiently is the best approach. Your KURAN KANAME unit generally does not appreciate being woken up in the mornings, because that means he has just gone to sleep. The best thing to do is wake him at sunset, when it is the generic time for him to get up from class. However, you must do so carefully. Therefore, included in this manual are different methods to waking up your unit and removing him from the package safely. –These approaches commonly require another unit's help. Please hope that you don't have a skinflint neighbor.—

Ask your neighbors nearby for a ICHIJOU TAKUMA unit and request that he help wake up the KURAN KANAME unit for 'another beautiful night of class. Don't you want to see Yuuki? She's just downstairs beyond the gate.' This will wake up your unit rather quickly—the problem is getting your neighbor to relinquish his/her ICHIJOU TAKUMA unit for even a minute, as he/she will have grown very attached to the unit. (ICHIJOU TAKUMA units are very popular.) Your unit will come down the stairs. From there, take his hand and reprogram him if you'd like.

Have a CROSS YUUKI unit attempt to wake him up. It ends well. You don't need to know what happens after. Just reprogram him after he sits down calmly and dignified.

Get a KIRYU ZERO unit to aim Bloody Rose™ at the large packaging crate. Your KURAN KANAME unit will sense The Hooded Woman's presence within the gun and open the crate almost wolfishly to see if she is there. She will not be. Make sure you have the means to comfort him later. KIRYU ZERO units are commonly happy to comply with your request of aiming Bloody Rose™ at KURAN KANAME units, and other Night Class units. While he is distracted with trying to get Bloody Rose™, you can take the chance to grab his hand and reprogram him.

The worst method. The one that you inflict on KURAN KANAME because you are a sadist. Make a ICHIJOU ASATO unit stand by your KURAN KANAME unit's crate and say something creepy, like, 'Let me drink your blood…' This will ensure KURAN KANAME is awake, but also disturbed to the extreme and slightly shaky. Note: this is the best way to get him to be frightened. As he is shaking in his crate and ICHIJOU ASATO walks away cackling, you can reprogram KURAN KANAME, but treat him gently and hold his hand. From there, his reprograming panel is in his palm.

Reprogramming

After successfully getting your KURAN KANAME out of his crate, you can decide to reprogram him to any of the following modes.

Introverted (default)

Uncommunicative (default)

Caring/Gentle

Obsessive

Suicidal/Depressed

Psychopathic (locked)

The KURAN KANAME unit arrives in his Introverted mode and Uncommunicativecomes as an addition to his normal stoic personality. He is generally like this towards his fellow Night Class students, and they are pretty much used to it. If you have a problem with his reticent, taciturn attitude, reprogram him to Caring/Gentle, if you will.

The Caring/Gentle mode is rather confusing to both Night Class units and KURAN/CROSS YUUKI units; KURAN KANAME has an odd—but reasonable—tendency to act warmly towards KURAN/CROSS YUUKI units, and he has no problem showing it before God and everybody. He is actually very afraid of losing KURAN YUUKI units but is willing to let her go when she wishes and encourages her to be herself. He has a sort of a cross-split personality disorder here, as shown through Obsessive mode.

The Obsessive mode is easily achieved when KURAN KANAME comes into contact with KURAN RIDO and they talk about KURAN/CROSS YUUKI. He will admit that he wants to lock her up and keep her all to himself—which is beyond Caring/Gentle and has crossed over into Obsessive completely. He feels this way towards anyone he cares about that much—which is a lot. It is associated with his fear of losing the second person he's loved so deeply that the knife is too embedded to pull out (The Hooded Woman, whose unit has not come out yet).

The Suicidal/Depressed mode is a very odd mode that our company insisted on adding, as it truly reflects KURAN KANAME's emotional deterioration. As he is a sadomasochist—but mostly a masochist—he is quite willing to die at KURAN/CROSS YUUKI's hands. It's quite easy to get him into this mode; just put him with an Emotionally Unstable KIRYU ZERO unit and he'll join in on the pity fest about how KURAN/CROSS YUUKI is destroying their states of mind. He is quite willing to throw anything away at this point to make KURAN/CROSS YUUKI happy that he will look considerably depressed and act significantly suicidal. Please do not let him near any of your household kitchen appliances—he will possibly cause GBH (grievous bodily harm) to himself with even a spoon.

The locked mode, Psychopathic, is tear-inducing to the extremely sensitive. Meanwhile, your KURAN KANAME unit will become extremely insensitive, much like a victim of the antisocial personality disorder, but he will still be very much charming and witty, perhaps more flattering to manipulate your emotions, but never angry or aggressive. He will seem rather arrogant, and he will often lie to you—though when has he ever told you the truth?—and when the time comes for his mental tightrope to snap, it will rebound and hit you in the face. It will be very hard to get him out of this mode, as it is locked, and will thus lock him in the mode, but the way to do it is have a KIRYU ZERO unit (who will unwillingly comply if you inform him that it is for the good of the CROSS YUUKI unit) stay in a locked room with your KURAN KANAME unit for several hours, during which you will hear unintelligible shouting, presumably in Japanese, and then unlock the door when the units are finished shouting at each other. KURAN KANAME may have smeared red on his cheeks from his 'tears', while KIRYU ZERO is uncomfortably patting him on the shoulder. Please note that the KIRYU ZERO unit should be in Gruffly Affectionate mode, which is locked.

Relationships with Other Units:

CROSS YUUKI: KURAN KANAME is always gentle and caring to CROSS YUUKI. He treats her like a younger sister and acts more open towards her than anyone else. He will not appreciate it if you cut their time together short and tends to abandon all other things to see her. He will get very angry if any attempts on her life are made. The possibility of a romance is rather large, since KURAN KANAME cares greatly for CROSS YUUKI, to the point of slapping his own classmate AIDOU HANABUSA for his foolishness.

KURAN YUUKI: When CROSS YUUKI reverts back to Pureblood form, KURAN YUUKI will become her new name. During this time, KURAN KANAME will become extremely possessive of KURAN YUUKI and will try to attempt not to be overly controlling. At this point, a romantic relationship is obvious, though rather incestuous. KURAN KANAME already loves KURAN YUUKI with all his heart—all that it takes is her reciprocation. Note: at first, KURAN YUUKI will feel like KURAN KANAME is babying her and treating her not like an equal, so she'll feel rather disoriented. But love will blossom, and if luck will have it, KURAN KANAME could possibly be an adoptive father.

KIRYU ZERO: KIRYU ZERO and KURAN KANAME usually hate each other's guts, but KURAN KANAME will, lackadaisically, give KIRYU ZERO blood if it proves necessary for KURAN/CROSS YUUKI's safety. They are known to be envious of each other for the other's relationship with KURAN/CROSS YUUKI, which is a case of 'the grass is greener', and KIRYU ZERO will not hesitate to nock his gun at KURAN KANAME's head. For all of you KZ/ZK fans out there, good news. KURAN KANAME actually is compatible romantically with KIRYU ZERO, but only at certain points, such as when he is in Psychopathic, Caring/Gentle, or Suicidal/Depressed, and KIRYU ZERO is in Gruffly Affectionate or Post-Traumatic Family Massacre.

AIDOU HANABUSA: AIDOU HANABUSA units are very doting and adoring on KURAN KANAME units. In fact, it gets annoying. Your KURAN KANAME unit doesn't really feel comfortable with it and is not afraid to give AIDOU HANABUSA a few slaps when he needs it, as well as telling him off, and doesn't even lay off the punishments. AIDOU HANABUSA is actually easily jealous of anyone else who has KURAN KANAME's attention. Especially you. So be warned if you find that your room is dismantled. As for romance…there's a chance, if KURAN KANAME is in his Caring/Gentle mode and AIDOU HANABUSA is in his Hopelessly Pining mode.

ICHIJOU TAKUMA: KURAN KANAME and ICHIJOU TAKUMA have been great friends for a very long time. When they were little, ICHIJOU TAKUMA was constantly there to smile at KURAN KANAME, and sometimes make KURAN KANAME smile as well. They used to be playmates, and KURAN JURI would attempt to have ICHIJOU TAKUMA influence KURAN KANAME with his sunny personality. They are brothers-in-arms, kind of, and ICHIJOU TAKUMA is the Vice-President of the Moon Dorms, as well as one of the few people KURAN KANAME trusts to a degree. The possibility of a romantic relationship is quite possible as well, if ICHIJOU TAKUMA is in Compassionate mode and KURAN KANAME is in Suicidal/Depressed, Caring/Gentle, or Obsessive, strangely enough.

SOUEN RUKA: SOUEN RUKA loves KURAN KANAME. She is beyond faithful to him, but he is more focused on KURAN/CROSS YUUKI than anyone else. The romantic relationship aspect is a go, if SOUEN RUKA is in Depressed So Let's Throw It All Away mode, aka Self-sacrificing, and KURAN KANAME is in Depressed/Suicidal or Caring/Gentle. Note that KURAN KANAME will still love KURAN/CROSS YUUKI, even if his heart is supposed to belong to SOUEN RUKA.

ICHIJOU ASATO: Now that's just self-explanatory. KURAN KANAME and ICHIJOU ASATO do not get along that much. ICHIJOU ASATO wants to drink KURAN KANAME's blood. KURAN KANAME hates ICHIJOU ASATO a lot and is faintly creeped out by him. If a relationship ensues, note that it will most likely be unwilling, and KURAN KANAME will show signs of being abused. Please, please, please, do not make KURAN KANAME go through such torture. We will revoke your rights of buying from our company VanpaiaNaito otherwise.

KURAN HARUKA: Even though KURAN KANAME was technically the cause of his first son's death, KURAN HARUKA still adores and loves KURAN KANAME. Please do not attempt to make a romantic relationship between them—it will simply not work and KURAN HARUKA loves KURAN JURI beyond platonic feelings.

KURAN RIDO: Either something akin to hate or bitterness, KURAN KANAME dislikes KURAN RIDO extremely, but will remain civilized with him, but momentarily, until KIRYU ZERO arrives on the scene to shoot his Pureblood-resurrecting ass. KURAN RIDO roused KURAN KANAME from his old slumber and sacrificed KURAN KANAME(II) to wake him. Romantic relationship wise? Don't try it unless you're into sadomasochism.

Cleaning

Your KURAN KANAME unit is perfectly able to clean himself, and doesn't like bathing with others. This is because of his childhood in ICHIJOU ASATO's house while KURAN HARUKA and KURAN JURI units left him to play with ICHIJOU TAKUMA. He will get very disturbed and break several things if you do not abide by his wishes to bathe alone. Ancestors, Inc. is not responsible for any injuries or destruction caused by the KURAN KANAME unit.

Feeding

Your KURAN KANAME unit generally ingests blood tablets. If you offer him blood, he will graciously accept, but only give him blood once every two months or he will automatically revert to Psychopathic mode. During the duration of two months, he will still need to ingest blood tablets.

Rest

KURAN KANAME is an insomniac, usually unable to sleep during the day. ICHIJOU TAKUMA will try to coax him into sleeping, but this will only make little progress. You, on the other hand, can get him to sleep if you tell him that you'll take him to see a KURAN/CROSS YUUKI unit the next night. Your neighbor will be pissed, but hey, your unit will be happy.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What do I do if he refuses to ingest his blood tablets?

A: Offer him blood and hope the attitude passes.

Q: My unit keeps saying something about 'I shouldn't have told her' and 'Why does ambition lead us only to death?' Then he turns to me and asks me some sort of an ultimatum-sounding question: 'Live to die or die to live?' What do I say in return?

A: Well, he's in Suicidal/Depressed mode. Don't forget that you can reprogram him. Many of our customers seem to forget, which is why it's in our FAQ, but… since you want the answer to 'live to die or die to live' which is a rather genius addition to his thought-provoking soliloquies-turned-asides, our beta team would suggest you answer 'die to live.' Say something along the lines of, 'You must die in order to qualify as living.' To which he will probably reply, 'I am not truly living then, am I?' You should reply, 'You've already died so many times.' If you're lucky and quite close to him, he will hold you close and mumble his gratitude for your putting his emotional distress into perspective.

Q: I think I've unlocked some sort of a new mode: he gets all interested in Zero! I don't get it!

A: What did you do?

Q: I took him to the bookstore and showed him the manga that he's in—and then he took one look at Zero and something weird happened. I don't know what. But when we went home, he immediately started researching Zero, demanding his name and his address, and I was thinking 'what the fuck is wrong with him?'

A: Oh, it's not a new mode. He's just in Obsessive and looking up Zero because he thinks Zero qualifies for being Yuuki's protector. Worry not; this is normal. As long as it's not Kaname acting horny about Zero, then it's not a new mode.

Troubleshooting

Problem: My KURAN KANAME unit keeps pulling out this blood whip from between his fingers and, like, what the hell? He whips it out whenever I don't feel like getting up in the morning so he can go to sleep!

Solution: We may have sent you a KURAN RIDO unit on accident. Our sincere apologies! Since you're lucky KURAN RIDO hasn't drained you dry by now, you may return the KURAN RIDO unit and receive a KURAN KANAME unit in exchange, or keep the KURAN RIDO unit for sadistic fun. Any injuries caused by the blood whip are not covered in insurance or warrantee by Ancestors, Inc. who manufactures the unit, or VanpaiaNaito Co. who sells it.

Problem: Kaname keeps falling asleep in the bathtub, and whenever I hear this sort of sliding-down-the-bathtub sound, I have to go in to pull him out of it. I can't reprogram him to any other mode, and he's not on Suicidal/Depressed either. Why does he keep falling asleep? And will he drown?

Solution: Things have become too hard for him and he is simply too depressed that he is beyond Suicidal/Depressed. This tends to occur when we have put too less serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. If you send him back, we will add more of these chemicals so he will not resume his depressing actions.

Problem: Er, I've unlocked a new mode, and I'm just wondering how to reprogram him? The panel on his hand won't, uh, reopen, and I'm stuck with a Seductive Kaname… At least, that's what he tell me the mode is called. He's rather obedient, but a bit upset whenever I'm speaking to other people—he tells me that he's too possessive and he's sorry after he's shooed off my friends—and he won't let me anywhere near boiling pots and hates it when I get cuts and gashes, refusing to drink my blood. I joked to him about cannibalism because it was part of my research paper and he threatened to chain me to the bed!

—Shit. Can't help you there. But do you mind telling us how you got to this mode? And your appearance?

—Well, I actually didn't read the manual and attempted to wake him up by myself, opening the crate, and he immediately woke up after hearing movement and nearly choked me to death. Then he stopped and stared at me, slowly releasing me from his chokehold and apologized almost profusely. I'm rather lean and tall, since I'm on my school's swim team, and I have this light, sort of straw-colored hair and grey-blue eyes. But why do you ask?

Solution: You might remind Kaname of The Hooded Woman, who was his first love. Maybe you should enjoy it while you can. But if you really want to reprogram him, you can open the panel easily by taking a screwdriver. Since you make him rather complacent, he'll be willing to abide. If you cannot open the panel manually and/or it truly bothers you, you can exchange the KURAN KANAME unit for any other unit of your choosing, as this is a new mode that we have never seen before.

End Notes

With care, KURAN KANAME can become your new lifetime companion until you die. Then, he will possibly become depressed if he has grown attached to you, but we will put him out of his misery then by erasing his memory card. Adding the right amount of care, compassion, firmness, and order, you two could be great friends, depending on compatibility. Ancestors, Inc. and VanpaiaNaito Co. sincerely hope that you will be able to get along well with the KURAN KANAME unit.

was bored, and I started looking at henneth-annun, a LOTR fanfiction site, and I came across the Maintenance Manuals. I noticed how Vampire Night didn't have any, so I was like: 'I'll do this,' and I started with Kaname because he was the first one that popped into my mind. Takuma, you're next! :D

The format belongs to Theresa Green; Vampire Night belongs to Hino Matsuri.