Looks like I'll be too busy this weekend to finish Sheld'iliad, but my rule is I have to finish at leat one thing a week. So here's a fun one-shot. Only one sentance in here is original to me but it's amazing the fun you can have with cut and paste. Enjoy!
Star Trek V- A Big Bang Reboot
EXTERIOR YOSEMITE - CAMPSITE - NIGHT
McCoy stands over a blazing campfire. A covered pot simmers on the coals. McCoy rings a triangle. He's slightly tipsy.
MCCOY
calling out
Come and get it! Come and get it!
Camera pulls back to reveal Kirk and Spock seated two feet away.
KIRK
Knock it.. knock it... Bones... Bones.. knock it off. We're right here. And we're starving.
McCoy grins and crouches beside the covered pot. He revels in their undivided attention. With a flourish, he whips the lid off the pot to reveal a steaming mess of beans.
SPOCK
Bi-podal seeds, Doctor?
McCOY
Beans, Spock. But no ordinary beans. These are from an old Southern recipe handed down to me by my father. And if you stick your Vulcan nose up at these, you're not only insulting me, but generations of McCoys.
McCoy ladles out the beans.
SPOCK
In that case, I have little choice but to sample your... beans.
Kirk tears into his. Spock tries a forkful. He finds the taste strangely exciting.
SPOCK
continuing
Mmmm. Surprisingly good. It does have a flavoring I'm not familiar with.
MCCOY
Ah, that's the secret ingredient.
Spock eats with enthusiasm.
KIRK
You got any more of that secret ingredient, Bones?
MCCOY
Be my guest.
KIRK
Thank you.
McCoy grins and pulls out a bottle of bourbon. Spock stops in mid-chew and McCoy fills Kirk's cup.
SPOCK
Am I to understand that your secret ingredient is.. alcohol?
MCCOY
Whiskey. Tennessee whiskey, Spock. You care for a little snort?
KIRK
Bourbon and beans, an explosive combination.
McCoy laughs
Think Spock can handle it?
MCCOY
Are you kidding? With that Vulcan metabolism, he could eat a bowl of termites and it wouldn't bother him.
SPOCK
As you are so fond of pointing out, Doctor, I am half human.
MCCOY
Well, it certainly doesn't show.
SPOCK
Thank you.
MCCOY
How do you like that - this guy never changes. I insult him and he takes it as a compliment.
drinks from bottle
Mmmm.
KIRK
drinks from cup
Ahhh.
MCCOY
You know, you two could drive a man to drink.
KIRK
innocent
What did I do?
MCCOY
What did you do? You really piss me off, Jim. Human life is far too precious to risk crazy stunts. Maybe it didn't cross that macho mind of yours, but you should've been killed when you fell off that mountain.
KIRK
It crossed my mind.
MCCOY
And?
KIRK
And, even as I fell, I knew I wouldn't die.
MCCOY
nodding at Spock
Oh? I thought he was the only one who's immortal.
KIRK
Oh, no. It isn't that. I knew I wouldn't die because the two of you were with me.
SPOCK
I don't understand.
KIRK
darkly
I've always known... I'll die alone.
MCCOY
frowning
Well, I'll call Valhalla and have them reserve a room for you.
shaking his head
It's a mystery to me what draws us together. All that time in space- getting on each other's nerves. And what do we do when shore leave comes along?
laughs
We spend it together. Other people have families.
KIRK
wistful
Other people, Bones. Not us.
They dwell on this thought for a moment. Then, Kirk notices that Spock has removed a sack from his backpack. Spock reaches into the sack and takes out a marshmallow which he attaches to the end of a pointed stick.
KIRK
What are you doing?
SPOCK
I am preparing to toast a marsh melon.
KIRK
Marsh melon?
Kirk and McCoy hide their smiles as Spock holds the marshmallow over the fire.
MCCOY
Well, I'll be damned. A marsh melon. Where'd you learn to do that?
SPOCK
Before leaving the ship, I consulted the computer library to familiarize myself with the customs associated with "camping out."
Kirk and McCoy play along, amused by Spock's dead serious approach to frivolity.
MCCOY
Well, tell me, Spock. What do you do after we toast the marsh - er, marsh melons?
SPOCK
We consume them.
MCCOY
I know we consume them. I mean after that.
SPOCK
Oh. I believe we are required to engage in a ritual known as the sing-along.
KIRK
That's great! I haven't sung around a campfire since I was a boy in Iowa. What are we going to sing? What... Bones, what are we going to sing?
MCCOY
thinking
How about "Camptown Races"?
KIRK
"Pack Up Your Troubles."
SPOCK
Are we leaving, Captain?
MCCOY
It's a song title, Spock.
KIRK
"Moon Over Rigel Seven"?
MCCOY
sings
"Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty..."
KIRK
"Soft Kitty"... I love "Soft..."
to Spock
Do - do you know "Soft kitty, purr, purr, purr- happy kitty?"
SPOCK
That song did not come up in my research, Captain.
KIRK
The lyrics are - are very simple. It's, er, "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.." The doctor and I will start it off, and then when we give you the signal, you jump in.
to McCoy
Doctor, if you please.
McCoy takes a hit of booze and clears his throat.
MCCOY
Don't say I didn't warn you.
McCoy starts to sing. Kirk joins in. Maybe it's the bourbon, but the two of them sound pretty good.
KIRK & MCCOY
overlapping
"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… Happy kitty, sleepy kitty… Purr, purr, purr.."
They signal Spock that it is his turn to jump in but the Vulcan merely regards them quizzically. The sing-along grinds to a halt.
MCCOY
sings
...Purr, purr...
KIRK
Come on, Spock. Why didn't you jump in?
SPOCK
I was trying to comprehend the meaning of the words.
MCCOY
loosing patience
It's a song, you green-blooded... Vulcan. You sing it! The words aren't important. What's important is that you have a good time singing it.
SPOCK
sincere
Oh. I am sorry, Doctor. Were we having a good time?
MCCOY
giving up
God, I liked him better before he died.
KIRK
All right, all right, let's call it a night, will ya?
MCCOY
overlapping
He just keeps after it.
KIRK
Let's go to bed and just let's get some sleep.
They prepare for bed.
LONG SHOT - CAMPSITE
Under a twinkling sky the three men sit around the campfire. Faint night sounds. Crickets. An owl. Then...
SPOCK
troubled
Captain?
KIRK
Spock, we're on leave. You can call me Jim.
SPOCK
Jim.
KIRK
Yes, Spock?
SPOCK
My mother never sang me "Soft Kitty".
KIRK
with a sigh
Go to sleep, Spock.
SPOCK
Yes, Captain.
KIRK
Goodnight, Bones.
McCOY
sighs
Goodnight, Jim.
They all lie down.
KIRK
Goodnight, Spock.
SPOCK
Goodnight, Doctor.
MCCOY
Goodnight, Spock!
SPOCK
Goodnight, Jim.
MCCOY
sighs
I don't know. I just don't know.
Ah, YouTube. If I was initiated into the inner mysteries of track synchs and dubbing this would be SO over you.