SUMMARY: Thor is not the average princess.

"Not the face! Not the face! Please!" Tony put his head between his knees and cowered pathetically at the foot of the stairs as the hammer-wielding boy in he dress advanced. That's a lot of frills, a voice in his mind commented airily. His frantically panicking brain wasn't giving much help.

"Who are you? Why have you come to my tower?" The boy in the frilly dress circled Tony suspiciously, hammer raised in warning. "Are you here to cut my hair?"

The cat on the ground hissed intimidatingly.

"Wait, what?" The short man with the goatee looked up in confusion. "I'm not here to cut your stupid hair, I told you, I was being chased, I saw your tower, and I climbed it. Period. And if you don't mind my asking, where is my satchel?"

"I know not where thy satchel is, but if you...if you take me out of this tower. I promise I will give you your satchel." He crossed his arms over his ample lacy chest and glared down with big blue eyes.

"Umm, let me think about it." Tony rubbed so goatee thoughtfully.

"How about no?"

He got a hammer to the face for the extra snarky tone.

"Ugh...are we done here?" He asked sarcastically as the 'girl' ran around in circles, doing random cartwheels and bellowing like a rhino at the top of his lungs. Roughly an hour had gone by and the boy was still prancing around the meadow, trailing his glossy shiny hair all over the place.

There was a nasty rip and Tony palmed his face. He was definitely too old for this. He peered out from behind his fingers and screwed his eyes shut again.

"Maybe you should invest in some pants next time..." He said sarcastically, only to back-pedal frantically when the blonde boy rounded on him with that hammer. "Just a mild suggestion, that's all..."

Ten minutes later, Thor, which the boy cheerfully told him his name was, jumped out of the bush with a happy skip and declared that he liked the feeling of pants better than dresses, though the dresses did feel breezier between his-

"Crazy girl!" The bird crowed loudly and Tony watched as the boy pried off his shoe and hurled the pink slipper at it.

Tony covered his eyes again.

He was definitely not going to steal again. Ever.

"Stay behind me." The captain of the Royal Guards held up a hand and gestured for his men to stand behind him. James Barnes held up his sword and pushed aside the branches.

A soldier behind him screamed. High and shrill.

"Really?" James turned to give the man a skeptic look.

He shrugged helplessly. "The tension was too much, sir."

"Okay, just a horse everyone. Nothing to worry about." He turned to go and stopped in his tracks. James turned around with a suspicious frown. "Wait a minute, just a horse...a fine breed too."

"Find its rider." He said and turned around to face the white stallion again.

"Gah!" James stumbled back when the white horse pranced forward, practically shoving its face into his. A wet slimy tongue rolled out and licked his face. The horse whinnied happily and nuzzled his neck.

"Okay...very friendly, big guy." He heard a loud huff behind him and saw his own dark brown steed advance with his expression set into a menacing frown. How in the world can a horse look menacing anyway?

"Rumlow, don't." He warned as he picked himself up. Something solid and warm pressed into his backside and James whirled around to see the white horse's muzzle inches from his ass. Said horse seemed extremely pleased about something.

Oh he did not just get groped by an animal.

"Captain! Wait! Don't kill it!" One of the soldiers shouted.

This was definitely Tony Stark's horse alright.

So, you want to see the lights? Why?" Tony asked as they trekked down the dirt path, his eyes straying to Thor's hair once in a while. He still could not for the love of God, figure out how it had remained spotless during the entire journey. His 'pets' were hanging back, the bird lazily circling the air and the cat jumping gracefully from rock to rock.

The boy flashed him a blinding smile and slowed to match his pace. "You know, every year on the night of my birthday, the neighboring kingdom would light up thousands of these lanterns. I always thought it could have been something special, that it could have meant something. I guess I just wanted to see them for myself..."

"Yeah? I've been to Asgard before." Tony said. Thor gave him a blank look. "Ah, I mean that kingdom. The one we're going to. They have a beautiful queen there. King, not so much."

Thor grinned broadly as he talked and Tony found himself genuinely smiling back. "The rumor is that they lost their firstborn son when he was just days old, and ever since then, the king and queen would light up thousands of lanterns every year to help guide their lost son back to them."

"Really? I hope he finds his way." Thor said earnestly, his eyes impossibly blue in the rays of the afternoon sun.

"Don't we all." Tony replied.

"Incoming! Incoming!" Clint squawked from the sky.

"I think I hear something! Sir, this way!" A voice echoed in the trees and Tony grabbed Thor around his sizable waist and dragged him to a small cluster of branches with some difficulty. The boy was heavier than he looked.

A group of men in black and gold uniforms came charging into the clearing they had been in just a few seconds ago. Tony glanced over at Thor, who was wide-eyed and clutching an armful of golden hair, and pressed a finger to his lips.

James Barnes, captain of the Royal Guards galloped past on his horse in a blur of handsomeness and great hair. Tony rolled his eyes so hard he sprained something. A white horse followed in his wake and Tony cursed under his breath and Thor looked over at him in confusion.

"That little TRAITOR..." He gritted out between clenched teeth. He pulled out a cord of some sort and stepped out of their hiding place. Thor watched in wide-eyed amazement as the man threw the cord, catching the white horse around its hind legs. The animal went down in a cloud of dust and Tony waited until the captain had galloped further away before sauntering over to his struggling horse.

"What have we here, Steve?" He crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at the horse. Steve snorted in annoyance when he saw his owner's face and stuck out a tongue.

"You little snot, you little jerk. Get your head out of the clouds, Steve. That's a man. You're a horse. You're not even the same species. Stop crushing on him." Tony said, pulling the cords loose. Steve jerked free and nailed him squarely in the stomach with a hoof. Tony toppled over like a sack of potatoes, clutching his middle and gasping like a landed trout.

"Don't hurt him, vile creature!" Thor thundered as he leapt from the trees, catching his hair in the branches and wincing a little, but he held his hammer firmly between his hands. Tony groaned loudly from the ground.

Steve raised a horsy brow and whinnied in disbelief.

Loki had felt a nagging prickly feeling in the back of his neck since sun up, and he finally caved in, heaving an exasperated sigh before disappearing in a puff of emerald flames. The tower seemed the same as always but something nagged in the back of his mind. Loki cupped his graceful fingers around his mouth and called up to Thor. However there was no answering blonde boy.

The window remained empty.

Panic set in and Loki bared his teeth savagely and ran to the secret door, his heart thumping in fear. There was no way. Thor would not disobey his wishes.

He flew up the stairs and burst through the trap door, his eyes scanning the room for signs of the boy. The room was empty. He tore off the covers on the bed and opened the closets, going through the clothes and throwing things everywhere.

Thor was no longer in the tower.

A foreign satchel sat in the corner and Loki approached cautiously. He kicked it over and a pink eyepatch and a diamond tiara spilled out.

Someone had been here. Someone had been here and took away his most precious treasure.

He gritted his teeth and whirled around, a dagger appearing in his hand.

Whoever it was, he was going to pay for taking what was Loki's.