Incomplete

Inspired by the song "Incomplete" by Backstreet Boys. I was listening to this song and I feel I wanna write something with this song.

This songfic is what I think is going on in Syaoran's head when he left Sakura behind.

Disclaimer: Sakura and Syaoran are CLAMP's properties, I just like to play with them :)

Syaoran's POV

I stepped into my home. I should feel relief and happy that I was coming home, but I just couldn't help it to feel empty. This was not my home anymore for a long time since I got a different place to come home to. In Japan. In Tomoeda.

Empty spaces fill me up with holes

Distance faces with no place left to go

Without you within me I can find no rest

Where I'm going is anybody's guess

My four sisters cheered when they saw me. They ran to me and showered me with hug and kisses. I should feel annoyed. I used to be annoyed with them when the treated me like a child. I know, technically I was still a child, but I was already mature enough to feel love or heartbreak. And it was just not right to be treated like a child with this condition. But at that moment, I just didn't care to what my sisters did to me. Or said for that matter. I was just too tired to deal with them in that moment, after I had to deal with goodbye. To Sakura.

I tried to go on like I never knew you

I'm awake but my world is half asleep

I pray for this heart to be unbroken

But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Mother assigned me to train days and nights, so I could be prepared to take control of the Li Clan when the time came. That's all I did. I never knew if I could take over mother's role as the leader anymore when the time came. No matter how hard I trained or how prepared I would be, my heart would never be here. My head would never focus on that role because all of my energy was like always flying to Japan.

I used to train with my sword every time I felt like I would explode. It helped me to focus my attention and my energy to the dummy doll that was my opponent. It helped me feel that I could channel all my anger and my feeling through my sword. And it felt so satisfying to see the dummy doll become scattered around (because it really didn't have a chance to survive after I finished with it). It felt as if I was so powerful that I could stand a chance to win in the real world. I felt so weak with no power to control over the feeling that I had to went through.

Voices tell me I should carry on

But I am swimming in an ocean all alone

Baby, my baby

It's written on your face

You still wonder if we made a big mistake

When the time went by, my sisters started to notice that I was not there all the time. I often visited La-La land when they didn't talk to me. They asked over and over again what I was thinking (as if I would say something to them!). I never answered their questions, but somehow I thought that they found out. Maybe it was from Meiling. They started to try cheering me up with holidays. They persuaded mother to let me take days off so I could get a rest and be relaxed. It was not working.

They took me to movies, but all I wanted to see was her face. I really missed seeing her smiling at me. I really wanted to see how she was always full of cheer.

They took me to festivals, but all I really did was remembering how Sakura made me yukata for the festival. She made me yukata even though it hurt her fingers. It just reminded me how selfless she was.

They took me to park, but all I remembered was Penguin Park where Sakura cried on my shoulder. It was another moment that she showed that she really cared for other people's needs first. She thought about Yukito and Touya's happiness before she thought of herself.

That was also what I tried to do. If only I just did that, what would happen? If I let her go then, what would really happen to us? Maybe she could have found someone else and be happy after I left or maybe she still mourned after me because she realized her feeling too late?

I shook my head trying to erase those thoughts. They really just made me more miserable.

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go

I don't wanna make you face this world alone

I wanna let you go (alone)

Every time I entered my bedroom, thoughts of her come to my mind. Memories started to flow through my head as I caught the sight of Sakura the Teddy Bear that I put on my bed. I always fell asleep looking at the Teddy Bear. In a way I looked at Sakura every night, just not the Sakura I longed to look at.

Years already went by. I knew I shouldn't have asked Sakura to wait. I really should have just let her go. I never really knew when I could be done with all of this. If I could be done with all of this, because the truth was being done with this was same as being done with my life here. I should not hold her back like this. But I just couldn't let her do, because letting her go just made me feel like letting half of myself died.

I'd try to go on like I never knew you

I'm awake but my world is half asleep

I pray for this heart to be unbroken

But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

I couldn't hold it anymore. I had to see her. Time was not healing my broken heart, it just made me feel worse. The pain was not only infected my heart, but also infected half of myself. Somehow I felt as if half of myself died slowly. It felt like I was losing a part of myself.

Incomplete

A/N: So.. what do you think? Please let me know what you think.

I just changed a few things.

Thank you for your time reading this story. I hope you'll give more time to review it :)