A/N: Thanks to all who have commented and followed this story collection. If you're interested in my original works, I have set up a newsletter. Just privately message me your name and e-mail address, then I will add you to the list. There's also the opportunity to become a test reader for my debut novel too.

Regardless, thanks for your support.

x tromana

Title: Agony
Author: tromana
Rating: T
Summary: An investigation into the detrimental side of a relationship.
Characters/Pairings: Jane/Lisbon
Notes: Spoilers for Season 6

Agony

Teresa Lisbon knew who she was. She could hold her head up high, wear her badge with pride. The law was something in which she could intrinsically trust. In the past, she had grown up in the chaos and insanity of an abusive family. There had been nothing she could do to save her father from himself.

Instead, she had made her peace by saving her brothers. It was the very least she could do. She'd been powerless to stand up against her father. Now, things were different. She could save people, save lives, make a difference in the world.

She was half convinced that the law itself was her personal gift from God. She could trust in it almost as much as she trusted Him.

Sam Bosco changed things, though. He was the first person to make her question the difference between the law and morality. Sometimes, the law didn't have all the answers. Sometimes, you had to accept that something else needed to be done in order to exert the greater good.

At the time, she would have fiercely denied it, but deep down, the act of rebellion had almost thrilled her.

xxx

Getting away from Sam Bosco was the best thing she could have done. At least, that was what Lisbon told herself. It felt dangerous being around him, in more ways than one.

He appreciated her spirit, her dedication for the job. He'd honed her and made her what he was. But Bosco had also used and abused her moral compass too. He'd lead her to believe that covering up a heinous crime, one that should have sent him straight to death row, was the right thing to do. Morally, it may have been the case, but the law said otherwise. To this day, she still wondered if she'd made the right decision.

To this day, she still doesn't know whether or not that was the precipice of the slippery slope that led her to her current predicament.

Regardless of the fact, she took a step back and joined the CBI. It was under the tutelage of Virgil Minelli where she found herself again. He believed in the Law as much as she did. Through his eyes, she could see it as a living, breathing thing.

Her career flourished, she had her own team. Their case closure rate was decent. It was exactly what she'd hoped for when she'd fled to California as a girl.

That spark of rebellion was hidden, obscured by her righteousness, her concept of morality and the Law. Little did she know that it was merely a cinder block, just waiting to be ignited.

Bosco wouldn't the one to do so. Nor would Virgil Minelli, of course.

The man responsible was just waiting in the wings.

xxx

Teresa Lisbon never wanted Patrick Jane to join her team in the first place.

She'd immediately recognized him for what he was, a sad and broken man. The truth was, he reminded her far too much of her father. That haunted look in his eyes was just far too reminiscent for her to bear. He had no place in law enforcement; he needed space to breathe, space to heal.

Instead, he was focused on the mere concept of revenge.

Revenge was something which had blighted her past. The memories of Bosco and what he'd done scratched at the back of her mind. It was an annoyance, an irritation, something which she'd believed she had long since forgotten about.

But that was irrelevant. The truth was, Jane scared her, just a little. He was a threat to everything which she had built up in California. She had a shrinking suspicion that he would end up pulling the rug from beneath her feet and turning her whole life upside down.

Besides, she knew of Patrick Jane and she knew his story. He was a victim, not a law enforcement officer. He needed to leave the professionals to do their jobs.

It was too late, though. Minelli accepted him with virtually open arms. He encouraged the madness.

In the end, Lisbon had to grudgingly accept that there was something about him. In silence, she admitted to herself that he might just prove to be useful. In addition to that, unlike her father, Patrick Jane was very much still alive.

There was a possibility that she could save him from himself.

xxx

The years flew by and the closure of the Red John case still felt like a distant dream.

Jane had become an integral part of her team, but his wounds were still distinctly visible. Lisbon worried; she'd found herself worrying about him more and more as time progressed ever onwards.

Everything about him seemed contrary to what she stood for; he was not the Law. He was more like a wolf in sheep's clothing.

And yet…

And yet, she almost liked it. He challenged her. Nobody had done that to her in such a long time. Patrick Jane seemed to have practically reinvented the wheel when it came to his upside-down methods of crime solving.

He may have still been hell-bent on the concept of revenge, but that didn't stop him from being a useful tool for her to use.

In addition to that, there was something else too.

She was almost seeing him as a friend. Just because she didn't entirely trust him, it didn't mean that she didn't like him.

After all, Patrick Jane was infectious, in a way. He was the kind of person who could convince the Devil himself to give up evil deeds, if only Jane wanted him to.

Teresa Lisbon knew that the people around her were growing concerned, but she brushed their worries aside. She knew what she was doing.

At least, that was what she believed.

xxx

She wasn't entirely sure when exactly she had fallen in love with Patrick Jane.

Years ago, the very concept seemed completely laughable. Even a few months ago, she would have scarcely believed it if somebody had purported it as a theory.

The most rational part of her mind knew that they were damaging one another, and that they would end up pulling each other to pieces. She was still the Law and he was still the mourning husband, fueled by an innate desire for revenge. Those two concepts just couldn't sit comfortably together.

Maybe she was just a masochist; maybe she even liked the pain.

But, their friendship had grown to a strangely intimate level. She knew that he needed her, that she kept him sane. Lisbon even liked his reliance on her, in some twisted way. It made her feel needed, wanted, like no man had ever made her feel.

He'd ignited something inside of her.

Lisbon could only hope that a passing wind wouldn't land up blowing it out.

Or that they would merely spontaneously combust.

xxx

She didn't know what she'd had until it was gone.

Red John was over, six feet under, buried.

He'd been strangled to death; a horribly intimate death, one which couldn't be explained away.

Jane had done exactly what he'd needed to do. She had aided and abetted him. Teresa Lisbon knew that she was now an accessory to murder and had no idea how she was even going to start trying to clear her name.

Her knees buckled and she collapsed to the ground when she finally heard the news.

She wasn't sure what was worse, the loss of her career or losing Patrick Jane.

For some reason, she believed that the latter hurt the most.

xxx

It was almost two years to the day when she finally saw him again.

Even though the anger, the fury, the feelings of abandonment bubbled near the surface, it did nothing to obscure her sheer joy at seeing him again.

They may not have been perfect, they would never be accused of that, but there was still something special about them.

At least, that was what she hoped.

If nothing else, at least there was the possibility that they could endure the pain, together.