Weaver of Chaos here, again. I'll be honest, I never thought I'd be writing a Harry Potter fan fiction. I mean, I liked the story, to a point, and the things other writers have done here can be quite amazing, but I never considered myself a HUGE fan. Unfortunately for me, my brain took the decision away from me, and started forming this in my head. I hope you enjoy it, and any glaring mistakes I make, such as ages of characters are accidental, and I appreciate being informed of my screw-ups.

Disclaimer: I own nothing concerned with the intellectual property known as Harry Potter. There is no profit made by me for this story, and only the plot is mine.

Without further ado…

Sirius Black adjusted the charcoal grey sport coat he was wearing as he walked up the steps to Number Four, Privet Drive. How the Muggles could wear such restrictive clothing was beyond him. Luckily, having spent time with Lily and James after they all graduated, he had a much better fashion sense than oh, say, Arthur Weasley. Of course, he would have been fine with wearing a Troll's used loincloth on his head today. It was Sirius' first summer as a free man, and he was going to take Harry and his little friends on holiday to Norway.

He pulled out and checked his pocket watch, scratching his freshly trimmed beard absently. "Right on time." He muttered to himself as he reached out to knock on the excessively generic door of the obscenely normal home. Suddenly the door flew open and Sirius barely had time to duck a flying owl cage before a rather heavy trunk thumped into his chest.

"Boy! Where do you think you're going?" Vernon Dursley bellowed from inside. "Don't make me get my belt, you freak!"

Sirius winced when he heard that word, as he thought Harry had just been exaggerating his stories. He quickly put down the trunk and stepped inside the house, and into a scene of complete and utter chaos. Dudley was hanging from the ceiling in naught but his knickers, every inch of his skin shifting through all the colours of the rainbow. Petunia was being chased through the kitchen by brooms, mops, ladles, and even a cast-iron pan. Vernon, the man that was yelling for Harry, was trying to swat the household items away from his wife, without much success, Sirius noted with a smirk. 'He's well on his way to becoming a Marauder in his own right.'

"Don't strain yourself, you fat sod!" Harry yelled back as he came down the stairs, and with a flick of his wrist, a half-dozen paper canaries started fluttering around Dudley's head, easily dodging his attempts to swat them away. "Did you really think you could treat me like you have for the last 12 years and not have it come back to bite you in the arse?"

"You think you're offered the same protections as real humans, boy? You're a freak, a monster! They'll put you down like a rabid animal for this!" Vernon shouted, his face turning a violent shade of purple.

"How dare you!" Sirius roared, bringing the entire house to a dead stop, even the canaries had stopped flapping their paper wings. He stalked into the kitchen, looking every bit the cold-blooded killer that, until recently, the Wizarding World thought him to be. "Harry is your family, having lost both his parents, your own wife's sister and brother-in-law. Against my wishes, Harry was brought here, and you were told to bring him up in a loving home. Yet I walk through this door and see you Muggles treating him as though he were your own personal House-Elf! Now you threaten to have him killed? Put down like a rabid dog?" Sirius smirked, a devilish idea racing through his mind. "I could show you a rabid dog if you like." He leaned forward and was about to morph into his Grim form when Harry put a hand on his shoulder.

Harry had felt the familiar prickles of Magic that signified Sirius was about to change, but the last thing that Harry wanted was for him to have to deal with the authorities again so soon. He put his hand on the Animagus' shoulder and said calmly, "They're not worth it, Sirius. I got my revenge."

The tall man looked into the eyes of his Godson, and, while his face screamed how much he would love to see Sirius scare the Dursleys into oblivion, just like James would have, Lily's eyes stared back at him, a silent admonition, telling him that enough was enough. "You're right, I'm sorry Harry." He surveyed the scene again and whistled. "Quite the display you've got here. Been spending time with those Weasley twins, I take it?"

"Naturally." Harry smirked, matching James' goofy grin perfectly. "One last thing. Petrificus Totalis." He watched as Vernon tipped forward, his enormous frame crashing, face first, to the floor.

"He definitely deserved that. Main problem, though, is that you're still an underage Wizard, Harry. As we speak, I'm sure an Auror is on his way to write you up a nice little fine and report back to his superiors that the Boy-Who-Lived thinks the rules don't apply to him."

Harry's grin only widened. "That's why you're here, Sirius. You walked in on the Dursleys here abusing me, and you felt that they needed to be taught a lesson. Unfortunately, you got a little carried away."

"Well, he did say that he was going to take his belt to you." Sirius mused. "I can't believe you would prank your own Godfather like this, Harry." He stated, barking with laughter. "Better put your wand away, Harry."

No sooner had Harry done so, than a familiar crack sounded outside the house. Harry and Sirius exchanged grins and walked to the door to see a young woman in Auror's robes and- "Pink hair? Nymphadora?" Sirius' laughter echoed in the entryway. When did little Nymphadora become an Auror?" He was about to walk forward and give his young cousin a great big hug when he was hit by a jelly legs jinx, sending him tumbling onto his arse.

"Why does every single person think that they can call me by that bloody name?" The woman stalked forward, wand still pointed at Sirius. Harry had time to get a fairly good look at her, and a good look it was. Her heart-shaped face, though pulled into an angry scowl, was a very pleasant sight, and combined with the pink hair, stirred feelings in the young boy that he did not understand, but reminded him of the time that Hermione hugged him before the end of the year and he felt two soft somethings press against his chest.

"That's Junior Auror Tonks to you, Mister." She saw something in the grin of the seated man, and recognition suddenly dawned on her. "Sirius? Sirius, is that you? What the bloody hell are you doing here?" She asked as she ended the jinx, helping her cousin to his feet.

"Well, if you read the news, a bunch of Hogwarts students managed to prove my innocence. And so, in order to pay them back for my freedom, I'm taking Harry and his friends to Norway" Sirius smiled, putting a hand on his Godson's shoulder.

"Harry? Harry Potter?" Tonks asked, finally noticing the slack-jawed boy that stood just outside the door. She looked him up and down. 'A bit skinnier than I thought he would be, and what's with those clothes? He looks like a homeless person.' She thought, silently appraising him. 'But, he's got the scar.' She looked into his eyes, a rich, emerald green, and almost seemed to get lost. Despite the awe-struck amazement that she could easily read in his eyes and on his face, she could also see a chilled, haunting loneliness lurking just behind the surface. She leaned in for a closer inspection, and when he made no signs that anyone was home, she called out to him. "Wotcher, Harry." She watched him snap his mouth shut, realize he had been staring, and begin to blush profusely. 'What a cute kid.'

Sirius noticed the whole exchange, and even noticed that Tonks' hair had shifted colors to a light shade of violet for a moment. 'Oh, I could have some fun with this. Tease Harry a bit and get back at him for putting me in this position in the first place.' "Hey, Nym- I mean Tonks," He started, trying to get her attention away from Harry for a moment.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe you could come with us." Sirius said, his face straight, not letting on to what he was thinking. "I know you've got your Auror duties now, but I'll be dealing with four children, and two of them are Weasleys, and I'm sure I'll need some help keeping them in line."

Harry recovered from his stupor and looked questioningly up at his Godfather. "Oh? And who exactly is going to keep you in line, Sirius?" The question caused Tonks to laugh, earning a slight blush from the boy.

Sirius held his hands over his heart and swooned. "You wound me, Harry. I thought I was playing the part of responsible adult very well."

"You're a bloody terrible actor, Sirius." Harry laughed, causing Tonks to giggle as well. Harry's cheeks lit up like a Christmas tree, and he began to study her boots. "S-so would you like to come?"

Sirius tried once again to look serious, and of course failing as he watched his Godson stumble over his words. "I think it would be a great idea, Tonks. It would give you an opportunity to help me get up to speed on family activities, I'm dying to know what Andy's been up to."

"I'll check with Shack." She was about to apparate when her face scrunched up. "Oh, bugger. I was supposed to find out why there was so much magic going on here." She marched through the door, past Harry and Sirius, and into what she could only describe as, "Bloody hell."

Sirius scratched the back of his head in his best impression of a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. "Yeah, sorry about all this. I came to pick up Harry so we could go to Gringotts, and when I walked in the door, I saw big tubby here beating on the poor boy, 'little' tubby here getting in kicks where he could, and Mum tubby whacking him with a wooden spoon."

Harry lifted his shirt slightly, showing off the bruises that had been inflicted on his scrawny frame during the first week of the summer holiday. Tonks looked at the boy's torso, noticing that he was very malnourished as well as quite tenderized. "They did all this to you?"

Tucking the ratty shirt back into his too-big trousers, Harry nodded meekly. "This and more. They've been horrible to me all my life."

Tonks stood over Vernon's frozen form. "I'm sure Madam Bones would be very interested in hearing that story sometime soon, Harry." With that, Tonks wound back and kicked Vernon square in the crown jewels as hard as she could. Harry stood there wide-eyed, while Sirius was slack-jawed. "Darn, I am just so clumsy, I went and tripped." She said in her most innocent voice. "You two go on ahead, I'll clean up the mess and obliviate these monsters. I'll meet up with you after I report to Shack."

Sirius held in his laughter for once, settling for a lopsided grin. "Alright. Meet us at Gringotts in an hour, there's something you'll want to see." With that, He picked up Harry's trunk and the two of them stepped onto the waiting Knight Bus.

"You wankers are lucky I can't hex your bits off." Tonks said to the Dursleys as she set about her work.

After nearly a half an hour, Tonks finally stood outside Kingsley Shacklebolt's office. She knocked on the door, and when he bade her to enter, she did, taking a seat in the chair opposite his desk.

"Well, Junior Auror Tonks, tell me; what was causing the large amount of Magic at the Dursley residence?" He asked, not even looking up from the stack of parchment on his desk.

Tonks' brow furrowed in anger, and her eyes flickered with an orange tint. "When I arrived at the residence, Sirius Black informed me that when he arrived to retrieve Harry Potter for a holiday to Norway, the entire Dursley family had been beating him with various objects. Lord Black is highly protective of the young Mister Potter, as he is Harry's Godfather, and when he saw the scene, he began to jinx and charm the Dursley family." Tonks' face finally broke into a smile. "He had the boy hanging from the ceiling with his skin charmed to turn all the colors of the rainbow, it was bloody brilliant." She noticed that Kingsley had raised an eyebrow questioningly. "I-I mean, I reversed the spells and obliviated the Muggles, letting Lord Black and Mister Potter continue about their business."

"Very good, Tonks. If there is nothing else, I will expect the full report on my desk in the morning." He stated, shifting the pile slightly.

"Two things, actually, Sir." She always hated formalities. "The first is that I wish to open an investigation into the living conditions of Harry Potter. I understand he was placed there by Albus Dumbledore for some reason, but the environment was highly abusive. I've seen the bruises on his stomach, Shack."

"I'll have paperwork filed to do so. The other thing?"

"I was wondering if I could take some time off to join Harry and Sirius on their holiday. Sirius has asked me to help him get up to speed on family affairs, and Harry is Harry-Bleedin-Potter."

Kingsley managed a smirk at that. "What's this, Junior Auror Tonks? Are you telling me that you are fancying a thirteen year-old boy?"

"That's not what I meant at all, Shack." She stuttered. "I mean, every little girl would dream about having the Boy-Who-Lived swoop in and carry them away. But he needs people to talk to, Shack, from what I saw in his eyes today, he'll be at St. Mungo's asylum ward by the age of 17."

"Touching." He replied, face once again stoic. "Request denied."

"Oi, that's not fair!" Tonks shouted from her seat.

Kingsley cleared his throat, silencing the young woman. "You can not go on holiday, because you have a mission of utmost importance. One, that if you complete, will bring you to full Auror status." He pulled a piece of parchment from the middle of the pile he was working on.

"You mean no more crap duties after this?" Her now Crystal blue eyes sparkled.

"Indeed. As you may be aware, there was an incident at Hogwarts near the end of the year involving Dementors. A number of the persons-of-interest involved in the incident will be leaving England for a short time until the situation is resolved. You are responsible for their safe journey to and from their destination. Here are your orders." Kingsley handed her the parchment.

She looked it over, her eyes growing progressively wider. "This is-"

"It is, Junior Auror Tonks. And if I am not mistaken, you are to meet your charges at Gringotts in less than fifteen minutes. I highly suggest you get yourself mobilized."

"You're a right arse, you know that, Shack?" She said, a playful glare set on her face.

"Perhaps, but I am also your superior." He grinned wide as she took a step back. "Besides, this was all your cousin's idea. Now, I suggest you hurry, lest you miss your meeting with them at Gringotts."

"Oh bugger!" She cursed before running out the door to the Floo Network.

Ignoring the people that stared at her as she ran through Diagon Alley, Tonks skidded to a halt in front of Gringotts. She looked around but did not see Sirius or Harry. "Probably inside, already. She stepped inside and saw Sirius and Harry being led away by a Goblin, and that Harry had on a new pair of blue-jeans and a maroon button-down t-shirt with gold trim that actually fit. 'So that's how they spent their hour.' "Harry, Sirius, hold up!"

"Told you she'd make it, Harry, now pay up." Sirius laughed as he palmed the three Galleons Harry grudgingly gave him. "Hurry up, Tonks, you're gonna love this."

When she joined the group, she gave a slight wave to Harry. "Wotcher, Harry. So, what are you up to this time, Sirius?"

"Just a few things to take care of as the Head of House Black, and we're going to take care of Harry's inheritance as the Last Potter at the same time, hopefully."

"Director Ragnok will see you now." The Goblin said as he opened a large golden door.

"Thank you, Griphook." Harry responded as he walked through the door behind Sirius and Tonks.

Harry, Sirius and Tonks took their seats across the desk from a large Goblin that was adorned in many golden necklaces, bracelets and rings with shimmering gems. Piled high on the corner of the desk were ledgers, folders and various parchments ready for the day's business. "Good morning, Lord Black, Auror Tonks, and if I'm not mistaken, Lord Potter."

Harry looked up to meet the decorated Goblin's gaze. "I'm not Lord of anything, Director Ragnok, I'm just Harry."

Ragnok grinned, his sharp teeth glittering as heavily as his adornments. "Well, 'Just Harry', I am proud to inform you that the seal that had been placed on your parent's will shattered earlier this morning, leaving you with the title of Lord of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Potter, as well as a number of vaults, properties, investments and businesses." At this, Ragnok took half of the pile and placed it on the other side of the desk, muttering something about contracts that everyone missed. "However, we will address those matters on a different day. The only thing you must do at the moment is to place a single drop of your blood on this box here to receive your House of Potter Ring." He pulled a small black box and an ornate golden dagger from his desk and set it in front of Harry.

Harry picked up the dagger and pricked his finger, wincing as he watched the blood begin to gather as soon as he set down the blade. The droplet fell from his finger and hit the top of the box. However, instead of splashing as it should have, the blood simply seemed to fall into and through the lid. There was a small red flash, and the top of the box began to simply dissolve. "Wicked." Harry mumbled, no matter what he saw in his life, there was always something new about the Magical World that would fascinate him. He looked at the ring, seeing the simple, yet ornate crest that seemed to melt into the band. He picked it up and placed it on his finger, feeling a sudden rush of magic that left him a tad light-headed. He also noticed that his new shirt and pants felt a bit tighter than they were when he had first gotten to Gringotts.

"Interesting." Sirius mused. "Looks like your magic was a bit blocked up, Harry."

"What do you mean, 'blocked up'?" Harry asked, arching an eyebrow.

"He means that you just had something of a magical growth spurt, Harry." Tonks laughed, albeit a tad nervously. She couldn't help but notice that he had grown about seven centimeters and put on what seemed to be at least a stone's worth of muscle, making him look more lean than scrawny, like a runner. She fought her rising blush and smiled. "Looks good on ya."

Harry was unable to fight his blush, so he simply studied the new ring on his finger.

Sirius nearly fell out of his chair laughing, but managed to control himself finally. "Shall we move on to the next two bits, Director?"

"I believe we shall." The Goblin smiled his toothy grin once again.

"Very well." Sirius stood up and raised his wand so it was pointing straight up. "I, Sirius Orion Black, Head of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, do so reinstate Andromeda Tonks and her family into the House of Black. So mote it be." With that, the room flashed white as the magic accepted his declaration.

Tonks squealed in delight. "Mum'll be so happy, Sirius."

"I know, kiddo." He then smiled at Harry. "You'll like this one, Harry. I, Sirius Orion Black, Head of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, do so formally adopt Harry James Potter, Head of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Potter, becoming his Legal and Magical Guardian, and name him as Heir to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. So mote it be." There was another flash of magic, and Sirius looked down at Harry, who was positively beaming.

Harry finally felt he belonged somewhere, and was beyond words. The feeling only intensified when Tonks wrapped her arms around Harry's neck. "Congrats, Harry, welcome to the family!"

"A pleasure, I'm sure." He said with a lopsided grin. Family, that word sounded like heaven to Harry, and he'd be damned if he was going to lose that to anyone ever again.

Ragnok quickly shuffled through the parchments on his desk, having Sirius sign a few copies of certain things. Finally finished, He pulled a small red and gold bag with the Potter crest on it and handed it to Harry. "This pouch is a direct line to the Potter Family vault, Harry. Simply think of the amount you require and reach inside. I will warn you, however, that any other hand than yours that attempts to retrieve gold from this pouch, will find their hand missing." His lips curled into a vicious grin, truly loving the security measure he had placed on the sack.

"Thank you, Sir."

Sirius clapped his hands together and smiled. "Now that we've taken care of business, how about we head over to the Burrow and pick up the rest of our little traveling party?"

"Great idea." Harry smiled broadly. True, he had only just seen them two weeks ago when the term let out, but any time he spent with his friends and surrogate family was a good time, as it meant no Dursleys. 'Oh well, at least I won't have to go back there ever again.' He thought to himself.

Once they had left Gringotts, Sirius Side-along Apparated Harry to the front steps of the Burrow, and with a soft crack of her own, Tonks appeared next to them. They could hear what sounded like an argument from the other side of the door. Harry knocked on the door and after some more shouting, a rather frazzled Hermione opened the door.

"Oh, Harry, Sirius, you're finally here. You've got to do something, Missus Weasley's on a bit of a tear" She said quickly as she ushered them inside.

"What happened, Hermione?" Harry asked.

"Well-" She started, only to be interrupted by Molly throwing up her arms in frustration and storming up the stairs, everyone in the house being stunned into silence.

Everyone except the twins, of course. "Ickle Ronnikins decided to get in an argument with Mum." George started cheerfully.

"By the end, they were both yelling about who knows what." Fred continued.

"And it ended with Mum grounding him for the summer." They finished together.

"That's no good. You kids wait down here, I'll go talk to Molly." Sirius clapped a hand on a rather sullen-looking Ron's shoulder as he walked by.

"Ron, Mate, what were you arguing about, anyway?" Harry asked as he, Hermione, Tonks, the twins and Ginny made their way to the kitchen to sit at the table.

"It's nothing you need to worry about, Harry, but it looks like I might not be going with you guys on that trip." Ron sighed heavily. "And I was right looking forward to it, too."

"Cheer up, Ron. It's not all bad."

"Gred is right. You can be our official guinea pig for the whole summer."

"Well said, Forge." The two pranksters laughed as Ron's face paled considerably. They continued laughing and plotting all the way to their room.

A loud thump signaled Ron's head falling to the table. "This kind of thing wouldn't happen to me if I had a theme song." He groaned.

"Seriously, Ron?" Hermione huffed, completely blown away by his lack of logic.

"Yeah, something that tells people about how bold, and brave I am." Ron's voice took on a dreamy quality, and he was looking through the window, obviously imagining himself as some kind of great hero.

'Brave and bold, huh?' Harry thought, trying to remember something he had heard or seen, and it suddenly hit him. Dudley had been watching the Telly, and a comedy about King Arthur's quest for the Holy Grail had been playing. With a smirk, Harry remembered the words quite clearly. "Hey, Ron, I think I've got a theme for you."

"Yeah? Let's hear it, Mate." Ron's face lit up like it was Christmas morning.

Harry cleared his throat and began to sing. "Bravely bold Sir Ron, rode forth from Hogwarts."

"I like the way this is starting out." Ron beamed.

"He was not afraid to die, oh, Brave sir Ron. He was not at all afraid, to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave Sir Ron." Harry's smirk widened as he watched Ron's face start to fall.

"Oh, I know this one!" Tonks exclaimed, joining Harry in his singing.

"He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp. Or to have is eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his knee-caps split, and his body burned away. And his limbs all hacked and mangled, Brave Sir Ron. His head smashed in, and his heart cut out. And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged. And his nostrils raped, and his bottom burned off. And his penis split, and his-"

Ron's face was stark white as he cut the two off. "On second thought, maybe I don't need a theme song. Couple a loons." He muttered the last bit under his breath, glaring at Harry and Tonks as they laughed, leaning against each other for support.

"That was funny, where's it from, Harry?" Ginny asked, more curious about why this older woman was so close to Harry than anything else.

"Dudley, my cousin, always has his Telly on way too loud, and I could hear it through the walls." all the mirth left Harry's face, remembering that place.

"You mean you've never actually watched it yourself?" Tonks was amazed, he had remembered that whole song from hearing it once through the walls. The kid was good.

"They never really let me watch anything with them. It's amazing that I even know what the Telly looks like." Harry laughed once more, but it was empty. "I know as much about Muggle shows as most Wizards."

Sirius took that moment to walk into the kitchen, and upon seeing all the solemn faces, decided he needed to make a joke. "Everyone's so lively, I feel like I just walked into a funeral."

"Sorry, Sirius." Harry said, reflexively.

"It's okay, Harry." He walked over to the table. "Ron, my boy. I'm sorry, but I wasn't able to convince Molly to let you come with us."

"It's fine, I kind of did this to myself." He stood up. "Well, I shouldn't keep you guys from your trip. Harry, take care of Ginny, or I'll bop you a good one when you come back." He laughed as he hugged his best mate. "Ginny, Hermione, make sure he doesn't cause any trouble. We should save that for school." He hugged both girls briefly. "Bring me back something nice, guys." He waved to them all before leaving the kitchen and heading to his room.

"Shall we?" Sirius asked as he pulled a battered and dented rolling pin out of his coat.

"We have to go outside first, Sirius." Ginny reminded him.

"Of course, little missy." He said, giving a playful bow. They all walked out into the yard. "Alright, everyone take hold." once everyone had grabbed the pin, he tapped it with his wand, and they all felt that familiar tug behind their navels as the Portkey activated.

Funny thing is, I had only planned on this being a one-shot. Harry goes to Norway, vague plot point happens, and he and Tonks get freaky. All that was supposed to happen in these nine pages. Friggin brain and it's over-active… thingies.

I purposefully glossed over the bank stuff, as most of it has been done in countless other fics, so I felt no reason to waste all that time re-hashing stuff you already know.

Next chapter will be most of, if not all of the Norway trip, and unless my plot runs away on me, or readers request it, the end.

Until next time, kitties.