Author Note: I own nothing. I am merely having fun with the comic characters we all know and love. =P I only own my OC, Cash and again he's really minor. Bruce Wayne is obviously Batman I'm just writing him as if he weren't.

Good Day, Gotham!

Chapter 1: Wayne Family Analysis

"My children...I have unfortunate news." Bruce Wayne greeted them all in the foyer of the manor as he almost never did. Bruce liked his space, his distance and most of all his time. He didn't like such pauses in the day to be social but all 8 of his children were standing there awaiting his words as inheritors to such a fine will as the Wayne one would to the master of the house. Now allow me to clarify, there is no Batman. There is no ultimate villanious peril befalling Gotham City- nothing beyond the typical ecnomical collapse or Occupy movement that plagues most of the States's big cities. Nothing like that. Bruce Wayne is a man of power because of his father's corporations and for that, his late father is to be respected- portrait kept up on the halls of Wayne Manor. Bruce's mother sits idly by sipping late afternoon tea as she watches the production unfold before her. Her son has promised her a trip to the opera tonight. Grandma Wayne wears a camisole and long but elegantly tailored silver gown beneath it for this very purpose. Her long black hair done up in elegant bun behind her masterfully shaped face. She eyes each of her grandchildren with care and concern for even Mrs. Wayne knows as she tells this story that altercations in time and present have made her son as successful and woe begotten as he is. "Your mother and I are divorcing...I will be marrying again."

The lack of shock doesn't fall short of those in the room. Only the youngest male red head at the end of the line of children glances at the youngest dark haired boy beside him. Grandmother Wayne smiles at this youngest although he is adopted he has been accepted into the family with hardly a falsfied bit of concern or worry. She loves him as she loves those that are born to the fine woman on Bruce's right. Selina Kyle. She is the type of woman Grandmother Wayne never accepted. Crude, hispter loving trash who came from the poorer sides of town, the wrong sides of the track and then below the waste level considered acceptable. Tonight for the opera Selina wears a black dress similar to a tube top as it's so short. Her leather jacket over it hardly covers much to leave for the imagination. Unacceptable is all Grandmother Wayne can consider as she sees Selina as the bastard mother of 4 of her 8 grandchildren. Dick, the eldest eyes his mother first with curious tenacity.

"Really?" he asks casually. Perhaps because he was their first child and being 24 years old Richard Wayne had the inheritance currently in his name. Richard, or Dick as he liked to be called would rarely be seen without a smile or relaxed expression on his face. Even as a child as Grandmother Wayne recalled did Dick ask for his father to allow him to go to the circus everyday for months. Bruce was to busy to go himself but he never told Dick he couldn't. "Really mother? You bored already?"

Selina cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow threateningly at her son, "Oh, it's not me, sweetheart." she smirked to the side at Bruce, "We divorced weeks ago."

Timothy Wayne, the third youngest beside his brothers Jason and Dick quickly spoke up to his mother as well.

"Then who? Have both of you been keeping it from us?"

"Isn't it obvious Timmy boy." Jason scoffed, smirking at his mother's obvious fallen expression the second he opened his mouth. Jason was the closest rebelion wise to why Grandmother Wayne never wanted her son to marry a skank like Selina Kyle. Jason was too much of what his mother should never be. He had run away more then she could count on all of her fingers, lived for days at a time in the slums and in retrospect had many callused thug looking friends in the parts of the city Grandmother Wayne would never fathom going. One white dyed streak down the middle of Jason's head of hair gave the impression that like most things he didn't want to be proud or charming like his father. He disliked all that he had inherited from his old man, and as the second son consistently competeing with the likes of Richard probably only made that worse.

"Pops has been seeing someone new." Jason sneered fully as he eyed his father, daring him to admit that he was as much a playboy and fickle bastard as the paper's announced. The proud strong firm look Bruce Wayne regularly composed himself only bitterly sent Jason a dark look before he responded.

"I have fairly as both Selina and I considered our divorce finalized." Bruce shrugged. Selina turned to him to the straighten the tie along the white collar of his tux. "Oooh, well that seems right then." smiled Steph blinking down the line at her brothers. Jason's sneer fell to just a disgusted twinge of a look. Steph was the brightest smiling light of all the children. Although Grandmother Wayne knew that as a daughter Steph was more a bastard then the others...Steph's bright smile and charming nature came from her mother a young woman who Bruce had been stationed as a possible wife. Silver St. Cloud, had been the lovely young woman, blonde like Steph's own lovely blonde hair now. Silver had been wed only three months prior to the running politican for the mayor's office. Unfortunate that daughter and mother were too far apart now. If only Bruce had tied the knot, had been Grandmother Wayne's wish.

"...we can't reallly complain either way" Cass, the other girl around Steph's age was the only daughter of Selina and Bruce. Her eyes stuck dead ahead with vacantly cold expression that matched both Tim's and the youngest son Damian's. To Grandmother Wayne this daughter in her thin slim jeans and matching leather jacket was most mysterious out of her grandchildren. Cass never asked for anything from her and during holidays present picking neared impossible. Only Stephanie knew what her sister liked and now they only shared one playfully indifferent nudge at each other's arms.

"Is there a point to this?" sneered the spawn of Bruce's most recent encounter. Only Grandmother Wayne had to accept this child as her grandson more then the others. After meeting young Talia Al Ghul there was no doubt in Martha Wayne's mind why her son had been tricked into such relationship overseas. Why she herself had not been welcomed to the wedding. It was beyong Grandmother Wayne and also consistently irritating to see young Damian- so much like a little Bruce- suffer so discreetly at his parents soulless actions. His upbringing worried Grandmother Wayne the most. Damian cocked his head to one side and made the familiar clicking sound with his tongue pressing the top of his upper lip. His annoyance and ill behavior always catching Grandmother Wayne's attention. She glared to side off her chair and over the tea cup in her hands at their main butler Alfred. He stood before the nearby door awaiting the conference of the young masters and ladies with their father to be over. Alfred instantly felt her gaze and quickly moved to get her cup from her and refill it.

"Your mother and I have rekindled our relationship." Bruce says stiffly.

"TTt..." Damian doesn't seem remotely interested. He glares at Bruce before turning back around out of the group, "Tell me when you have something worth listening too." he leaves the conference then with no further sentiments.

"DAMIAN!" Bruce barks but it's done. The youngest of them, the red head looks up at the older woman with similar red hair, they share a nod. The boy ginger follows Damian out, "Colin! Stay here!" orders Bruce but he's gone too.

"Father." the female with red hair long enough to press into the midlength of her neck just nears him, "I understand the dramatics of your announcement." Grandmother Wayne can only smile to herself over her newly poured tea as her eldest granddaughter speaks wisely. "But this..." Barbara Wayne named after Martha's mother only heightens her expectations on the other children. "This is just ridiculous."

"You could have told me you know?" whined Richard from behind her, "I mean c'mon Dad. I live here." Barbara just shook her head at her brother's interference but gave her father a long look before sending a darker one at Selina.

"And he may be your lover but...he's our father."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"This is Vicki Vale! Reporting Live!"

If he had to hear those words one more time he was gonna kill himself. Well, maybe not actually kill himself. But pretty damn close. Slowly lowering his head down on the plane's seat and letting out a long widening yawn. His mom just had to travel for work, why couldn't she be a good housewife or accountant or something. A news reporter was as bad as a model. They went everywhere because she couldn't stand to keep him in a house by himself.

The field was good for him, apparently. Not that he had any fast dreams for reporting. The whole thing was a bore.

"I am standing on the sidelines of a collapsing society."

...and what was she doing to help it? Just reporting didn't change things. Ugh, his mother was only picked to do the news because she was pretty. Some people even said she looked like Marilyn Manson...before the look change. Thankfully he looked more like his dad. The director called cut on the practice interview that she was editing through in the front of the plane. If his mother, Vicki could get a interview with the pilot she would even in midflight.

"yes, I want all of that but cut that part where my hair looks tousled. Thanks, Lance. You're the best. Yes. Yes. I know next story second we hit Gotham." she's returning back to her seat which is unfortunately right beside him. He shook his head trying to look sharp as he took a seat beside him. "Aren't you going to be happy, baby once we hit Gotham again?"

"Yeah, school. Fun." he could barely keep his eyes open. Was she mad?

"I'm gonna let you skip this once." he eyed her cruically from this perfect left angle, back pressing into the window of the plane. Blue tinged clouds flipping back as the private news plane buzzed over Bludhaven, continuing north.

"What's the catch?" he muttered eyeing his mother carefully. Vicki broke into a bright smile that most people only saw when she heard a winning story.

Cash Vale however knew to rue the days his mother made that face. They usually entailed things like crossdressing, self promoting, or other wickedly named schemes. Some women really should not be allowed to be mothers. "I need you to cover a story for me. Get me the in."

"Huh?" he could only open his mouth, before realising the yawn was trying to sneak out. He'd spent three nights in Africa's sahara with her and now she wanted more from him? Ugh, this woman!

"It'll be easy, pussycat." she tugged his arm brightly. "You're perfect for it. You'll see."

"What?" asked uneasily as she continued to tug uncomfortably at his arm. Clearly she'd only had him for the sole purpose of having a assistant in cases she couldn't cover. He was a work plus not anything else.

"I need someone to get close to the Wayne enterprise." Cash winced in annoyance. Wayne, Wayne, Wayne. That name was all over the papers from here to Star City and Meteropolis. "The Daily Planet cover so much on Bruce Wayne and we have nothing." Vicki insists, "I try and I try but he avoids me."

"So? You expect me to get closer?"

"He has sons, honey. One is even your age! I know you can be very charming when you put your mind too it." Vicki pinched his cheek and this time he whacked her hand away. Brown hair flicking out of face as he'd tied it up and back with a hair tie to better sleep with the bangs out of his face. There was never time to get a hair cut. The blonde highlights hinted at his relation to the insane woman coaxing him now and yet he could only fathom the work this job would take. "and daughters-" she finally cut in then paused looking ahead at some of the newscast staff. Herold and Lance were her make up artist and camera director they both laughed quietly behind hands at his suffering. "In fact that might be better! You can make goo goo eyes at them and they'd fall for you!"

"Ma, no." he really wanted her to stop this insane plotting. He was not going to mess with a big family like that for the shits and giggles. "I can't seduce people for the lulz."

"You can do plenty honey. You just keep clinging to the coattails of my career." Right, because THAT made sense.

"Now I know why you named me CASH..." it really was all about one thing.

"you got it baby. Now get in there and show 'em what you got."

"what do I get?"

"Money." she said with a entirely straight face, "...and more probably..."

"Probably?" he gawked at her.

"If they like you I'm sure they'll buy us both a new apartment complex and car...maybe our own plane or that trip to Asia you wanted." ugh, seriously. "In fact they might just pay for your name change if you really hate CASH so much!"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Damian Wayne knew his mother well. He knew her probably better then anyone else in the world. Her eyes, cold dark and desolent were like his. Her skin tint, dark and arabian was like his. Her complex if not compulsive way of thinking was also his. Still he had moments when he was less his mother's son and mostly his father's. For instance in school he almost never questioned those that tried to get near him as anything but pompous conniving punks feeding off the parental gene passed around private academy's like Gotham High like the plaque. He's a Wayne, I must know him to be someone in this town. He was aware of his paranoia because their really wasn't a time Colin didn't remind him of it. "You're making that face again." Colin would say and Damian would just glare across the table at his step brother in annoyance, "What's it t you?" Colin would shrug, correcting the messy strands of auburn hair in front of his eyes. "I dunno..." his green hazel eyes fastening on Damian's cold ones. The cafeteria was alive and jovial except for these two who kept their constant uneasy stares up and around. Colin had spent most of his childhood in the American Orphans System while his mother had left him there unable to prove his father's legitametcy. Lucky for Colin, Selina Kyle didn't like seeing things thrown away uselessly. She had a soft spot for strays in particular- especially cats.

"Come to think of it the only thing me and that witch have in common are cats..." Damian muttered, knowing that even if it was out of nowhere Colin would understand what he meant. Maybe from being the youngest of the Wayne's or maybe just from putting up with enough crap from their mothers had created this nameless bound between them. Damian trusted Colin and knew his half brother did too.

Colin's eyes were bright as they glanced down over his food, "It's sad their breaking up I guess..."

"It's expected." Damian scoffed. His father...there father couldn't keep his hands off women. Gotham's infamous playboy and...

"It'll be your mom then..."

"Won't last." Damian exceeds charisma as girls pass their table. He's seen a few of them gathering notes. At first they didn't get it. They'd fold up the Hello Kitty pieces to give to him but soon they'd realise no dumb confession no matter how brave they thought they were being to give to him would make him like any of them back. He didn't trust women, young or old. Colin was there new target as they eyed and giggled over him, he'd been looking better since getting most of Tim and even some of Jason's hand-me-downs.

"But what if it does?" offered Colin still eyeing the girls as they pass. He isn't trying to berude by glaring after them he just has other things on his mind besides High School Romance. He's no Dick, that's for sure.

Damian didn't have to say anything about that. His parents, were by birth just that. But their union meant nothing to each other. His mother used his father and in a way likewise. Dragging his tongue along his dry lips did Damian finally glared up at Colin, "What about your mom?"

"What about her?" frowned Colin. His mother had no real importance in this matter or ever. Gone but not forgotten, Damian supposed. Colin was less like her in how he handled things, maybe being dumped uselessly made Colin think he had to be more forward and honest in his approaches with people. He never backed off from Damian's bluntness. Not even once. "I think she wouldn't come back here even if they paid her off."

"Yeah..." Damian didn't know exactly how Colin's mom met their father but that really wasn't important. Ms. Sasha Bouredeaux would never be back for her son.

"As glad as I am we looked into it...we may need to intervene on this one too." Colin leaned over the table and watched Damian eye thegrime behind his short fingernails. He needed to stop biting them. "If your dad and mom are really getting back together-" Colin sounded like he was hoping they'd stay that way but Damian knew better. Grandmother may like them together more but his mother was a problem. She would never ever let anyone but Damian live in the manor with them.

"They need to be seperated." Damian snapped his hand down on the table and glared at his brother, "Now or never."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

I am in front of Wayne Manor.

The door bell rang and the door opened briskly. Cash honestly had been half expecting a butler but instead he came face to face with a young blone woman, "Uh...Hi." she looked him over once with a confused if not curious look.

"Do I know you?" she lifted one of her finely waxed strawberry blonde eyebrows. Cash opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off with a pleasant charming smile, "Cash Vale, right? From school?"

"Yeah, I go to the public university." he pointed behind him like Gotham Public University was right there. Man, he needed to cool his head. "S-stephanie Wayne, right?" she was one of the prettiest girls on campus and her name only made her ten times more popular.

"Yeah, sorry. I was about to head out. Do you have an appointment with my father?" she pointed at him expecting perhaps that he was here for a interview like his mom.

"No-no. I wasn't reporting." he tried to wave his hand in front of him but the wrist went kind of limp as air got stuck in his throat. How did he fail to lie here. Reporting was half lying from watching his mother that much was obvious. You faked confidence, curiosity and interest. "I just came to ask-"

Steph jumped up and down on one of her feet, uneasily like she had something to do or to run to the toilet, "Sorry! I really have to run...um, is there someone you wanted to see in particular or?"

"Y-yeah, I just thought I could-" he peered inside. She shook her head and closed the door a bit more to the foyer, "Sorry, without a appointment I can't really let you in."

Wow. Wayne and Secrets being synonyms is no joke.

"Right but I needed to see one of the guys-" crap, he couldn't remember their name. Who was the one closest to his age? 21...21... "Ah, Tim! I need to see Timothy?"

Steph looked surprised before opening the door a bit more then pointing to Cash's left.

"He should be in the garage working with Richard and Jason on their bikes. You know that, right?" she eyed him again curiously.

"Of course!" Cash laughed, bursting into a big smile. YES! He was going to pull this off. He could do this. "Thanks. Sorry to bother you."

"No..problem." Steph gave a small smile and Cash decided to leave first. If he kept standing their awkwardly she might think he'd break in or something the second she would look away.

Heading to garage, spoke with Stephanie Wayne; failed to get inside.

The garage was exactly as anyone would expect in a multi billionare's place and so for Cash it was awesome. Wall to wall motorbikes and little toys only fathomable to people like George Clooney or Oliver Queen. A black car with varying sides of it and cool jet black sliders slid out along the wheels themselves. If Cash had ever had anything like that he'd never let it just sit in a garage like that. Loud stirring sounds of wrenches and similar cracks of metal were closer to his right in the back of the garage. Quickly did the young Vale push past the oil spills on the cement floor and tiled brick walls of the garage to arrive at the small space where he could openly view the lifting bay for cars and bikes to be lifted into midair so Wayne's sons could play mechanic.

Officially hating these people.

"FU-" curses suddenly rang out as his presence was noticed and one of the guys seemed to have twisted the wrench to much below and had a shock when something in the car struck him back instead. He uncertainly stood there wondering how he was going to not come off as a creeper to these three who were now eyeing him curiously from their seperate positions around the car. The eldest who Cash recognized as Richard Wayne was sitting on a chair just watching the brother still cursing from pain holding his hand and glare at Cash for appearing. If Cash recalled Richard was the only son that actually appeared in his father's regular buisness announcements on live television. His mother had even had to shake both their hands a few times- even if he hadn't personally ever interacted with the 30-something Wayne.

Richard Wayne doesn't seem interested in these toys.

The one holding his hand and giving glares to Cash that made him think he'd be run over by close to everything in this place, had to be the second eldest in here. Jason Wayne. Finally was the third eldest Tim Wayne, the one Cash had lied about but was closest to his age.

Target sighted.

"Heeey, sorry about that." Cash laughed.

"Who the fuck are you?" ah, Jason Wayne really wasn't at press conferences or in the publci eye it seemed for a reason.

"Ahh...sorry. I'm Cash Vale." finally he got the full shit out, "nice car." he added quickly maybe to try to appear less of a pain then he obviously was.

Or you mom.

"Vale?" Richard lowered the paper a bit then looked at Cash, "I didn't know Vicki Vale had a son?" His tone hinted that the name carried what it always had in Gotham since my mother picked up the microphone. Vale and nosy were as much identical as Wayne and loaded.

"Or a kid." mirrored Timothy finally speaking and sending Cash a few more looks that honestly made him more uncomfortable and feeling like he had actually killed someone had come here to confess. "You're really a Vale?"

Keep your cool. You are the reporter, here, remember?

"Yeah, well I exist." he laughed it off cooly. "Look I was wondering if any of you guys could help me out."

"We don't do interviews." snapped Jason suddenly less worried about his hand and more on Cash's presence. God, were they all so paranoid. Of course they should be. He was here for exactly what they thought.

"I wasn't going to say that...I was actually going to ask if any of you know how to actually drive these things." he admitted honestly looking ovewr at a nearby wall and even his jaw couldn't stay closed, "is that a segway?"

Thankfully Richard chuckled and put down the magazine he'd been reading then waved Tim and Jason to keep working as he got up to show Cash the segway. "Yeah, one of my dad's newest toys. Pity he never plays with a lot of the stuff in here. Mostly just takes the limo."

"Seriously?" Cash just stared around in awe, "How can no one use this stuff?" he kept a bit of distance between him and most of the bikes and the segway now as Richard took it off the wall. Who knew how many years he'd have of debt before he could pay all that off if it broke on him.

"Luckily Dad has us to play around so it's not a total waste." Richard smiled and gently held out the segway to him, "Go on then..."

"Uhh...no thanks." Cash lifted his hand and shook it, "I just want to look." if it broke, Cash could see it happening too. Riding right into a tree or something.

"Like we have time to play around." snapped Tim as Richard shrugged at Cash and got on the segway then began to ride it about the garage, turning well in between all the bikes and things. Jason was back under the car twisting things about as he muttered to himself in short curses and undecipherable mutters. Cash was pretty sure though he'd called his mother a whore a second ago.

"I know. I just got back from Africa with my mum's news team..." he admitted, "Thought I'd come and ask if you finished the major paper for physics?"

Tim blinked in surprise. Cash got why, it's not like he talked to him during class. Hell if anything he avoided guys like Wayne, didn't want him to think he needed to buddy up to someone like that.

And now look at me.

Tim frowned, keeping his eyes on Cash carefully. Sweat could have been dripping down from Cash's brow as long as that look was on him. Tim Wayne was not easily tricked and he had his best friends at the University were no different. Cash remembered meeting Connor Kent in the hallway once. He'd been freaky big and more so tempered. Cash had passed by him as fast as he could assuming anyone like Tim Wayne needed a best friend to bulk on the muscle. "Yeah, I finished it." is all Tim says before getting up. "Now why don't you beat it."

Cash nodded, not fooled. "Cool, man. Thanks for your help."

I don't want to be here anymore then you want me too.

"Hey forget him." Richard Wayne was back and parked the segway before jumping off of it. He smiled at Cash warmly and quite differently from anyone else here who greeted him. "Maybe you should come on by for dinner...Timmy will warm up to you."

"I doubt it. I wasn't trying to make him my friend or anything..just thought it couldn't hurt since we had the same majors." feeling particularly bad and disgusting for everything was Cash. He didn't really know how to explain feeling like dirt but it was pretty nasty. "I should head back anyway...got jetlag pretty bad." Cash passed Dick and waved bye to Jason who just flipped him off.

Wayne Family analysis: Assholes. (Except maybe Richard)

Review Please!~ Bright and helpful criticism is lovely. Thank you!~ Or you may lie and just tell me it was amazing. Whichever.