CONDOM

Humor fic.

Rated T to be safe.

Features baby!Tsuna and teen!Giotto

AU: Little Tsunayoshi's unorthodox first word gets his older brother Giotto into a whole heap of trouble. Family fluff. Crack fic? OOC-ness is present, you have been warned!

"Isn't he adorable?" squealed one skinny thirteen year old boy with unruly blond hair in a very unmanly fashion. He rubbed his cheek against the fluffy brown locks covering the baby's scalp. So soft! Wide brown eyes blinked up incomprehensibly at him, a small gurgling sound escaping the tiny pink mouth.

A taller teenager with reddish-pink hair stood dumbly not too far away, mouth agape out how incredibly out of character his best friend was acting over his baby brother. While he did agree the baby looked extremely cute (not that he admitted it out loud), he did not expect Giotto to become such a… a… ARGH! He was so dumbfounded he didn't even know what to call it. Fine. He didn't expect Giotto to shift into 'Super Overprotective Unmanly Spazzing Older Brother Who Dies From Cuteness Overload' mode: in other words, the SOUSOBWDFCO mode. It was terrifying and he wanted to run away. But he was frozen to the spot by the sheer aura Giotto was emitting. God help him.

"Giotto…" said their friend Asari Ugetsu, sweatdropping when Giotto ignored him in favor of hugging his baby brother to his chest and nuzzling him. "Giotto, I think you're squishing him."

The teenager let out a loud gasp and immediately held out his baby brother in front of his face. Gigantic watery brown orbs stared at him, small baby lips curving downwards with a trembling pout. His nonexistent self-control just dropped into the negatives. Both G and Asari took a few steps back as Giotto exploded into a gush-fest about the utter adorableness of his baby brother.

"I think we should wait before we tell him about what we found on his girlfriend's couch the other day," muttered G.

"You mean the, ah, the condom?" grimaced Asari, spitting out the last word as if it were poisonous.

"Yes, the condom. I'm pretty sure it wasn't his, either," replied G. They stood there awkwardly as they waited for Giotto to come back to his senses.

Little did they know that Tsunayoshi had somehow picked up the C-word from them, even though Giotto was blabbing in his ear and the other two were quite far away. It must be the Hyper Intuition ability that the males in the family were born with.

Several months later the Sawada family was sitting at the table eating dinner. Nana brought little Tsunayoshi from her room, where his cradle was set up. She sat him down in a tall chair with a plastic white tray, before she went to get his baby food.

Iemitsu leaned over to talk to his son (or at his son), and laughed loudly. "Tsuna! You need to be more manly!" he said. "When you grow up, you should have muscles like these." He expertly flexed his arms in front of little Tsunayoshi, who watched him curiously. Giotto resisted the urge to enter a squeal-fest in front of his father. It wasn't befitting of him.

"Shouldn't it be about time he said his first word?" asked Nana, settling in the opposite chair and unscrewing the lid from the baby food.

"That's right. Come on, Tsuna, say it with me. Daddy!" he said loudly.

Tsuna just stared.

"No, no, no, say 'Giotto'," insisted the blond teenager, shoving his father to the side. "You can do it Tsuna, repeat after me: Gi-ot-to."

Tsuna blinked, tilting his head to the side cutely. Giotto had to exert an iron will over his mind before he could melt into a puddle of goo.

"Tsu-kun, please say 'mommy'," said the ever-gentle Nana, giggling when Tsuna opened his mouth to take in the spoonful of baby mush she was feeding him.

He pushed the goop around his mouth a couple times, then swallowed. What happened after that was entirely spontaneous and very, very unexpected, "Conm!"

Time froze in the kitchen as everyone stared at the cheerful toddler. Giotto was the first to snap out of his daze, and hesitantly asked, "T-Tsuna. What did you just say?"

"Conm!" chirped the brown-haired toddler. "Conm! Conom! Con'om!"

Nana and Iemitsu slowly turned to look at Giotto, whose face had become a pasty white color. They looked at Tsuna, and back to Giotto. Then they looked at each other.

"Is he trying to say… what I think he is?" asked Iemitsu quietly.

"I think… he is," replied Nana, equally as quiet as her husband.

In unison they turned to their teenage son, who was ready to run for his life.

"GIOTTO!" thundered Iemitsu, mentally giving Tsuna a hearty congratulation for being such a natural player at this early stage of life. "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING TO YOUR LITTLE BROTHER?"

"It wasn't me!"

Giotto fled.

"Get back here, young man!" Iemitsu gave chase as Nana watched from the doorway, still shocked by Tsuna's first word. She could almost feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Her poor baby boy, so cute and sweet and kind, was already corrupted. Oh cruel world!

In the background Tsuna continued to happily chant, "Con'om! Con'om! Con'om!"

The End

Um. I have no excuses. The idea came to me randomly while I was in the shower. And I couldn't resist. It was totally plotless, yes I know. I have no idea when babies are supposed to say their first words. I think I fail at crack fics, OTL.

Review anyway? :3

EDIT: Fixed a slight mistake.

MangaFreak15