Fair warning: These are just sad excuses to post the Avengers-related lists that popped into my head. They are all completely dumb, and there is neither plot nor point to any of them.

Disclaimer: This particular chapter is Things I Don't Own central. Pretty much if it's capitalized I did not make it up nor own it.

(This one takes place between "The Chassis" and "Hit the Dance Floor," if you've read those.)

Tony heard trumpets blaring from the living room. Then a female voice said, "Hey, Steve, what's up? …Well, when you call, my phone shows it's you, and a special song plays." There was a pause. "I'm pretty sure you haven't heard it yet, but I'll play it for you later. Yeah, see you then. Bye."

"Really, Darcy? Your ringtone for Steve is 'Goody Two Shoes'?"

Darcy looked up at Tony, where he leaned against the wall. "If the shoe fits," she answered, straight-faced, and he rolled his eyes.

"Not that I care, but what are you doing in my home?"

"Waiting for Thor. There's a medieval festival up at Fort Tryon Park, and I can't wait to see his face when he sees teenagers dressed as fairies."

"Just make sure he doesn't go medieval on anybody."

She rolled her eyes. "Obviously."

"So is Steve the only one who gets a 'special song'?" He unslouched to make air quotes, and walked toward where she sat.

Darcy tossed her phone across. "Knock yourself out." He caught it and looked it over critically, noting the model and its dings and scratches.

"You need a new phone."

"Then make it so, Mr. Stark."

"Aye-aye, Captain Picard." He scrolled down her contacts list, but didn't see his name. "Where am I? I don't see me."

"You're the super-genius; figure it out."

Tony did not hesitate to flip her the bird. Then he pulled out his own phone and tapped the screen quickly. Darcy's phone suddenly channeled Ozzy Osbourne and screamed, "All aboard!"

"'Crazy Train'?"

"Figured the Sabbath song was probably played out."

"And I'm 'Antonio.'"

"Do you want to be something else? You can change it."

"Nah, it's not as bad as your name in my phone."

"Why? What did you do?"

"Hey, don't blame me. You're the one who got into the Patrón at Thor's welcome-home party and then decided you should show up in my phone as 'Drunk-ass Darcy.'" He held it up for her to see.

"I still haven't apologized to Steve for that night…"

Tony fixed her with a look. "I think you've made up for it. So. You've got Antonio and 'Crazy Train,' Steve and Adam Ant—what's his label, Esteban?"

She shrugged. He scrolled a bit before finding the name. "'Stevie Wonder.' Awwww."

It was her turn to flip him off.

"What's with the nicknames?"

Darcy stared at him and spoke with exaggerated slowness. "I have all the Avengers' numbers in my phone. In the unlikely event I lose it, do you want random fanboys or reporters calling you 24/7? Solution: instead of having 'Tony Stark' out there for the world to see, I have 'Antonio.'"

"Smart girl. Thank you for your consideration." She saluted lazily, and Tony turned his attention back to the phone.

"Why's Clint in all caps?"

"For unfortunate font purposes."

"I don't know this song."

"Hang your head in shame, you philistine. It's 'Birdland.' Maynard Ferguson version."

"Well, aren't we cultured. But you are not old enough to remember Uncle Brucie."

"My dad is, though."

He clutched at his chest in agony. "Right in the ego. Heh, 'Wild Thing.' Is this—is this my AI as one of your contacts? And you call him Jarhead?"

"What? He's an emergency contact-type person. Entity."

"Is that Sting?"

"Yeah, it was gonna be 'Englishman in New York,' but it's not as attention-getting as 'Message in a Bottle.'"

"Wait, let me guess what song you have for Thor. It must be 'Thunderstruck.' Of course it is. And the best you could come up with was 'Brodinsson'?"

"I was having an off day."

"Does it play the Russian national anthem when Natasha calls?"

"Natasha doesn't call, but if she did, it'd play 'Foxy Lady.' What? Don't tell me you wouldn't use it if you'd thought of it first."

"She must be 'HBIC.'"

"Oh, she definitely is."

"I don't see Pepper's number in here, unless it's under some fiendishly convoluted name."

"Nope, I just don't have it."

"Here. As another emergency contact-type person. I recommend saving it as Pottsie, in a subtle homage to 'Happy Days.' And maybe a nice little bit of 'Strawberry Fields Forever' as the ringtone."

"Thanks." Tony finished typing and then tossed the phone back to Darcy just as Thor emerged from his room.

"My pleasure. Now get out of my apartment."

When a courier delivered Darcy her brand-spanking-new Stark Industries phone the next day, the contacts list was already programmed.