WELL FRIENDS IT HAS RETURNED!

THE HIGHLY AWAITED SEVENTH CHAPTER TO THE RANTS OF THE MIGHTY ATHENA

*dodges the missiles and bullets and stuff*

I know, I know, I'm horrible and awful and all-around a REALLY bad author who keeps her readers waiting and I really hope you guys haven't COMPLETELY abandoned me, but if you did, I understand.

Anyway, this chapter was brought to you through the culmination of some parts of ideas from the following sources: Waddleagent9, Marooo, Shealovesbook, PJOFANGIRLFOREVERANDALWAYS666 (who asked for more humor chapters), and the lovely Guest reviewer who I hope reads this and enjoys it.

I tried to throw as many things in here as I could, because I've kept you guys waiting FOREVER and there really is no excuse, but I was kinda limited considering the fact that this is still in chronological order.

ANYWHO! I'm going to try and throw you guys some one-shots for the Ship Weeks, and of course we've got Percy's Annual Birthday Fic coming up. You can check out some newer one-shots on my profile, but there's nothing SUPER EXCITING on there yet... hopefully that'll change in the next few weeks, but guess what's coming up?

*moment in the dark filled with scary noises*

SCHOOOOOOOOOL!

So please don't kill me if I suddenly drop of the face of the earth again. I've just been so BUSY.

I'M SUPER SORRY GUYS, REALLY I AM!

As for Forest of the Dead... *ducks head and runs away to hide* That's... happening?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own PJO at all... well, maybe I do, considering how long it takes me to write anything.

ATHENA didn't particularly like Camp Half-Blood. Mainly because she had to deal with Dionysus whenever she went there, but partly because she was always expected to do something whenever she showed up, like perform miracles or teach the Ares kids to read (granted, those two things were synonymous).

But now... now Athena could rightfully hate Camp Half-Blood and swear never to go there again.

Because Percy was there now.

Sure, he had defeated the Minotaur his first true day of being a demigod and gone on a quest across the country and stopped her dad and Poseidon's latest family crisis. And her daughter unfortunately seemed to like him. Which meant that if Athena did kill him, she'd probably be receiving some very vitriolic hate mail from some people. And it also meant she'd have to fill out a lot of paperwork, considering he was now in the Camp Half-Blood registry.

Athena's hands were tied-literally. Hermes had decided to enchant one of her favorite rulers to turn into magical pink fluffy handcuffs.

But that was beside the point; the point was that Percy had officially infiltrated Athena's life and was probably never going to leave.

Since she couldn't smite him, she decided to do the next best thing; smite his father.

"Ow!" Poseidon cried when Athena appeared in his throne room and gave him a-literal-shock. "What was that for?"

"HAVING SUCH A STUPID KID!" Athena yelled.

"Triton?" Poseidon asked. "Yeah, I know that he's not the smartest godling in the ocean, but that doesn't mean you can come in here and yell at me about it!"

"What?" Athena asked. "No! Not Triton! I meant that imbecilic demigod, Percy Jackson!"

"Ooooohhh..." Poseidon said. "Would you believe me if I said that he wasn't my son?"

"No."

"Carp," Poseidon said, frowning.

Athena flopped down onto one of the seaweed-lined couches. "It's just so hard, you know? Wanting to smite your archenemy's child, but not being able to."

"Hmmm..." Poseidon suddenly was wearing fancy black glasses, a suit, and scribbling on a notepad. "Tell me how you feel."

Athena rolled over to her back. "I feel... confused. I've been hating on sons of Poseidon since ancient times. I don't know if I can just... stop, you know?"

"I see." Poseidon looked at Athena over folded knees and the glasses. "What do you think you can do about this feeling?"

Athena perked up. "Smite him?"

"No!" Poseidon sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Besides that!"

"Smite some mortals?"

"Without smiting anything!"

"Oh," Athena muttered. "I don't know."

"Right," Poseidon said. "I think you need to come back for appointments every week. I believe you have an inferiority complex."

"What?!" Athena exclaimed. She glared at Poseidon. "Okay, first of all, you aren't actually a psychiatrist. Second, I am better than everyone, so I don't know where you're getting your information."

"Carp," Poseidon muttered, flipping through his Godly Psychiatry for Dummies book. "Well, the book says that the next best thing is to go and deal with your problems; face the day." He clapped his hands.

Athena blinked. She wasn't sitting on an underwater couch anymore. Instead, she was in a hard-backed wooden chair, staring at Percy Jackson face-on.

"YOU!" Athena screamed, jumping out of the chair and waving her pink fluffy handcuffs at Percy (Hermes still hadn't given her the countercurse). "IF YOU EVER THINK ABOUT COMING CLOSE TO MY DAUGHTER OR ANY OF MY CHILDREN FOR THAT MATTER I WILL INCINERATE YOU!"

"What?" Percy asked. He squinted in confusion. "Is that Ares? Ares is a woman?" He nodded. "Actually, that explains a lot."

"Wha-I'M NOT ARES YOU IDIOT!"

Poseidon clipped Athena's handcuffs to the chair, forcing her to sit down. "See, now we're starting to talk! Alright..." He stopped. "Percy, are you okay?"

Percy was waving his hand through the air and grinning. "Look at the fluffy kitty!"

Athena looked at Poseidon. "Is it just me, or is he being even stupider than usual?"

Poseidon shrugged.

At that moment, Annabeth ran in. "Percy! There you are!" She stopped when she saw Poseidon and Athena. "Lord Poseidon! Mom! Um... what are you doing here?"

Athena would've answered, but she was too busy being distracted by Percy who was now crawling around on the floor and meowing.

Annabeth looked down. "Oh. Sorry about him... he kinda got poisoned by a scorpion and he's been hallucinating for the past hour."

"I thought you were going home for the school year," Athena pointed out.

"Oh, I am!" Annabeth said. "Dad's outside distracting Percy's mom and Matthew and Bobby are trying to climb Thalia. Wait..."

Percy had decided that his dad's trident was more interesting than the floor and the imaginary cat. "Pew pew pew!"

"Percy, that is not a toy!" Poseidon admonished, just as Percy somehow managed to turn Mr. D's PacMan machine into a toaster.

Annabeth walked over and took the trident from Percy as he yelled at her for taking his cookies. She handed it back to Poseidon.

"So, do you guys want to tell me-"

"ANNABETH I SWEAR ON THE BLOOD OF MY FATHER-"

"Ichor, Percy," Annabeth told him. "What are you doing here-"

"-THAT IF YOU DO NOT RETURN MY COOKIES TO ME AT ONCE-"

"Because it isn't everyday-"

"-I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR BOOKS AND POSSIBLY GROVER BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO LIKE HIS COMPANY."

"Percy no," Poseidon said. "We don't threaten to kill our friends, it's not nice."

"-that gods just randomly show up at Camp Half-Blood," Annabeth finished.

"Well, your mother seems to be having some issues with Percy," Poseidon said. "No, I don't," Athena muttered.

"Yes, you do," Poseidon said. "So, I thought I'd get them to sit down and talk their feelings out."

Annabeth nodded, looking a bit doubtful. "Considering Percy, I don't know how well that'll work, but we can try." She looked at Percy, who was perched on top of the bookshelf. "Percy, how did you even get up there?"

"I flew," Percy said seriously. "I'm like a pegasus, you know. A zebra told me so."

"What?" Athena and Poseidon asked.

"It's a long story-never mind," said Annabeth. "Percy, can you come down please? Lady Athena would like to talk to you."

Percy vigorously shook his head. "She doesn't like me."

"Yeah, but that's only cause she doesn't like your dad. You'll be fine, just come down."

"No, she doesn't like me, cause I did stuff."

"Stuff? Like what?" Annabeth asked.

Percy laughed. "Like... stuff. Stuff, Annabeth. Sttttuuuuuuuuffffff."

Annabeth looked at Percy like he was crazy (which he was) and then shrugged apologetically. "Sorry about him."

"Yeah, me too," Poseidon said.

"See?" Athena exclaimed. "THIS is exactly why I wipe sons of Poseidon off of the earth! They're all idiots!" She glared at Percy, who was humming something that sounded suspiciously like, "Kumbaya."

"But Mo-om!" Annabeth whined. "If you kill him, then there won't be any prophecy!"

"Oh good," Athena said, trying to wiggle out of the handcuffs for the fifty-sixth consecutive time.

"I like no prophecy," Poseidon agreed, then frowned. "Wait a minute..."

"No, you can't kill him," Annabeth said.

"Why not?"

"Yeah, why not?" Poseidon asked, looking genuinely curious.

"Poseidon, he's your son."

"Oh yeah."

"Because!" Annabeth exclaimed, "He's not just some annoying demigod who doesn't mean anything to the world! He's going to save it, you know that!"

"Or destroy it," Poseidon pointed out helpfully. Athena nodded.

"You're just giving her more reason to kill him, sir."

"Carp."

"Still... the prophecy doesn't necessarily say, 'son of Poseidon,'" Athena said. "It could be someone else."

"Like who?" Annabeth demanded.

"Like Thalia," Athena said.

"She's a tree, Mom!"

"Or it could be those two kids Hades is hiding away in that creepy hotel!" Poseidon offered. "Oh, wait, you aren't supposed to know about that..."

Athena opted to ignore him, mainly because Percy was climbing on Annabeth's shoulders and screaming, "I AM A HAT."

"Basically, you can't kill Percy, okay?"

"But I want to," Athena muttered.

"But you can't!" Annabeth turned to Poseidon. "Can you say something to her?"

"What?" Poseidon said, distracted by Percy, who had clung onto his legs and was singing at the top of his lungs. "Um... you can't kill Percy because... he's sick right now and... that wouldn't be fair?"

Athena stopped to ponder this for a moment. "That'll just make the job easier..."

"Ugh!" Annabeth threw her hands up. "No offense Lord Poseidon, but you're not really helping. Can you just leave?"

"Oh, um, sure," Poseidon said. He managed to get Percy detached from his ankles and thrust him at Annabeth. "Bye!"

"Good riddance," Athena muttered.

"Okay, look," Annabeth said, "I know that you don't really like him, and obviously there's some sort of history here-Percy, not now-but he's important, Mom! He's going to be the one to save the world, so we kinda need him... and..." She trailed off, biting her lip and looking at Percy as he skipped around the room and flung bits of paper everywhere. "And I like him."

"WHAT?!" Athena screamed.

"He's cute!" Annabeth said. "And he's nice and funny... I don't know, it's stupid!"

"YOU'RE GROWING UP THAT'S SO CUTE-wait." Athena realized she was starting to sound like Aphrodite and mentally threw up. "But... WHY HIM? ANYONE BUT HIM!"

Annabeth was giving her puppy eyes. "Pleeeeeeeeease don't kill him!"

Athena glared at her, but stopped when Percy cued in on the begging and starting shooting sappy orbs of green her way. "... fine. I won't kill him. For now..."

Annabeth threw herself at her mother. "Thank you so much, Mom! I promise I won't let him destroy anything!"

"Good," Athena said. "Oh, and by the way, you should be getting a new sibling in a couple of days!"

"What?" Annabeth said. "But... come on! We're already super full!"

"I let you keep Percy!"

"MOM!"

"Eh Macarena!" Percy exclaimed, wiggling his butt in the air and clapping.

Annabeth sighed and rolled her eyes. "I should probably get him back into bed or something. Nice talk, mother."

"Yes, it was nice to see you, dear," Athena told her daughter. "But if you even think about kissing that boy-"

"Mom!"

"-or doing anything I wouldn't do-"

"MOM!"

"-or start dating before you're married-"

"MOTHER!"

"Alright, I'll leave now," Athena said. "But I swear on my dad, if he touches ANYTHING OF MINE EVER AGAIN, including my children, I WILL INCINERATE HIM."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay. Whatever. Thank you for this and all."

"You're welcome," Athena said. She side-eyed Percy, who was staring at her. "Um... is he okay?"

"He just got poisoned by a scorpion, of course he isn't okay."

"Why are you wearing pink fluffy handcuffs?" Percy asked quizzically. His eyes lit up. "OH! I SAW THIS IN ONE OF SMELLY GABE'S PLAYBOYS!" He looked at Athena with raised eyebrows, smirking. "You naughty thing, you."

Annabeth looked horrified.

Athena looked at Percy. Percy looked at Athena. And winked.

"That's it. He dies."

In the end, it took fifty-three campers, Chiron, half the Party-Ponies, a dragon, five spears, one golden net, and the combined forces of Zeus, Poseidon, Hades, Ares, Hermes, Artemis, and Apollo to keep Athena from killing Percy as he waltzed through the camp singing, "Baby Got Back" at top speed while Athena chased him and screamed things in ancient Greek that caused three of the Aphrodite campers to faint upon hearing.

Athena hated Camp Half-Blood, alright.

But now the feeling was mutual.

And there you have it!

Hope you enjoyed that, folks! I know it wasn't the best in here, I will try to get something else up in the near future.

But for now, review!

AND REMEMBER SUGGESTIONS AND PROMPTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME AND APPRECIATED. REALLY. I DON'T WRITE ANYTHING FOR THIS WITHOUT YOU GUYS.