September 7th 2002
The sun kissed her skin, the breeze billowed sending her long blonde hair flowing everywhere. The male hand she clasped tightly into hers made the moment feel real to her. Nothing in her life ever came easily, but him. He had been easy to fall for, easy to love which scared her tender heart. A heart that had been bruised on more then one occasion but never broken. Juliet O'Hara was never broken. But right now facing the truth she was afraid that once he left she would be. Broken beyond repair. How had independent and strong willed young woman like herself get herself so entangled in a man was truly unnerving? Juliet had prided herself all throughout her high school years to never become dependent on a man to make herself happy. She didn't date often none of the boys did anything for her, till she met this man. She met him when she happened to go to the carnival for her birthday with a bunch of her friends. One look at him and she was smitten. One look at him and she had known that he could change her forever, and yet the fear that had always encompassed her hadn't come.
She turned her head and lifted her free hand up when a strand of her golden blonde hair stuck to her wet lips as she continuously licked them in nervous energy. She flicked the strand behind her ear, and she lifted her blue gaze from her feet to the sky. It was beautiful the sun was setting, creating a romantic backdrop. The ocean water cascaded against the shoreline softly, and the birds chirped someplace nearby. Juliet's feet were bare she had taken off her flip flops back near where they had parked before coming onto the beach. She shifted her eyes from the beautiful scenery to an even more beautiful sight even though he'd pretty much balk at being considered beautiful. Her heart fluttered as she looked at him. His lips were moving, but she didn't actually hear the words just the rumble of his voice was music enough. She knew she should be listening she always listened to him but right now she couldn't stop basking in the moment. She wished she could freeze it and revel in it. They were happy, they were falling in love, but they weren't meant to be.
Tears filled her eyes, and she wished them away wanting to cherish this moment without allowing the ugliness of the real world to force itself onto them. But she couldn't, one lone tear made a trek down her soft cheek and she could do nothing to prevent it from being followed by another.
"What's wrong Jules?" she hadn't realized he had stopped talking, hadn't realized that she had abruptly stopped walking with him. He was a few steps ahead of her and was looking back at her. He walked towards her and brushed away her tears with his fingers. Her eyes closed, wishing the way he said her name didn't affect her the way it did, but it did anyways. No one ever called her Jules, she hated nicknames, but from him it was special and she felt incredible. She reopened her eyes and she stared up into his handsome face. Shawn Spencer had came into her life in a flourish and had taken her heart with a quick smile, and a flirty comment.
"I don't want to lose you." she whispered knowing he hated to talk about the sad ending of their young love affair. But quickly the end of September was closing in on them and she was off on her way to college to get her degree in criminology so she could become a cop. She had told everyone in her life that nothing was ever going to get in her way of becoming a cop, and then she met Shawn and she was more then willing to give up her dream of being a police officer for him. He was her new dream. He moved in close to her and he placed his hands on her neck and forced her gaze onto his hazel orbs. She swore those beautiful eyes of his were what captivated her the most the first time she saw him.
"Don't think about it like that." he whispered leaning his forehead against hers.
"How can I not Shawn? You came into my life when I least expected it and now I can't imagine my life without you." she felt a renewed sense of sadness deep in her heart as she lifted her lips to his and captured them into a searing kiss. His lips were gentle against hers, but she didn't want gentle. She wanted to make it damn near impossible for them both to say goodbye to one another. His big hands lifted from cradling her face, to her hair entangling his fingers in the long golden tresses as he sought control of the kiss she started. His tongue swiftly entered her mouth and it was a welcome. She never been kissed by a man like this before him and she never wanted another man to kiss her again. She only wanted Shawn Spencer's kiss. When she felt like her lungs were going to explode from lack of oxygen he pushed away from her. Juliet closed her eyes as she gasped in raggedly breaths not wanting to see the look in his eyes.
"Jules you are young still." she quickly opened her eyes in anger. She poked her finger into his chest.
"So? You think because I am eighteen now and just freshly graduated a few months that I don't know what I want? I know what my parents said about the age difference between us but its really not that big."
"Juliet I am twenty three years old and I have no sense of direction all I do is drift from place to place. They know it, and I don't blame them they just want to protect you." he tried to look away but she refused to let him. She caught his chin and forced his gaze back to her.
"I have been taking care of myself since I was young I don't need anyone to protect me." she snapped refusing to allow him to let her parents win. Her mom and dad never took a direct role in her life. She always had her older brothers to lean on especially Ewan. He was always there for her, he was the one that had given her the courage to go for her dream of being a police officer.
Shawn slowly sat down in the sand facing the ocean water. Juliet smoothed her white sundress with her hands, and followed him down sitting next to him, and silently watching him. The wind blew through his longish brown hair. She leaned her body into his and he continued to stare out as the sky was beginning to darken around them.
"Jules soon college will be starting for you, and this summer will be a distant memory for you." he said quietly and she immediately shook her head. "You will be just starting the rest of your life Juliet. My life is screwed up and you don't need that, you need to concentrate on school and becoming that police officer you want to be."
"I don't care we can make it work."
"How Juliet? How can we make it work? Besides, once you go off to college I am leaving Miami."
"What?" she would never see him again. Panic bubbled up, just the thought of never seeing Shawn again nearly destroyed her.
"Jules I never should have stayed in one spot for so long. I never did before and I shouldn't have now. It only served to hurt you." he looked down towards the soft ground they sat upon. Juliet blinked rapidly hating that he could so easily make her cry. But he could, he had power over her that no other person in her life had. He had the power to hurt her.
"So you're saying that being with me was a mistake?"
"No Jules that's not what I meant. I just meant you would have been better off never meeting me. My dad is right about one thing I screw up everything in my life and that would include you." She watched the side of his face, she watched the way his lips tightened. He was so wrong. He was everything she had ever dreamed a man could be. He never pushed for anything, he never made her feel insecure about her lack of experience with men. He never even forced her to have sex with him. The thought had crossed her mind multiple times since being with him, having him be the one. Everything they felt for one another was real, and she wasn't about to let him say that she was better off to never have met him.
"Shawn." she said quietly waiting for him to look at her. His head tilted to the side and his big hazel eyes bore into hers and she hoped like hell that her eyes showed how she felt for him.
"Yeah Jules?"
"I'm falling in love with you." she said with absolute certainty, she watched as the shock filled his expressive face and his mouth slackened. She thought she'd feel self conscious but not one insecure thought filled her, other then happiness at the absolute shock of her statement brought to him. His gaze softened on her.
"I know the feeling." he whispered and turned to look away from her. Her heart raced, did that mean what she thought that meant? Juliet got to her knees and sat in front of him as she stared down at him. He looked into her eyes.
"Don't leave Shawn. What if we can make this work?" she asked. Her eyes searched his. He shook his head in denial. "We can make it work Shawn. I know we can." she pleaded as she picked up his hand and held it between hers. She brought it to her mouth and kissed the underside of his palm.
"Stop Jules we can't."
"Why not?"
"I'm not that good with relationships. Any relationships really, the only one that has lasted is my friendship with Gus. Nothing else works."
"We've worked."
"You need to concentrate on school." he said ignoring her comment. Shawn tried to withdraw his hand but she refused to let go.
"I can juggle my school work with a relationship Shawn."
"Juliet you are so young." she rolled her eyes.
"Nice try, that's my parents talking now. I might only be eighteen but I know what I want when I want it. And I want you Shawn." she let her blue eyes widen hoping he could see the sincerity in them. He looked away first.
"I can't do this Juliet. I never meant to get involved with you. You were too beautiful, too smart, too funny, you were just too everything Juliet. The more I hung out with you the more I wanted to be with you, and it scared the hell out of me. It still scares the hell out of me. I need a simple girl Juliet. One that knows the score we have sex and fun and that's it." she blinked hard hating the rush of tears that filled her eyes. She didn't want to cry, because she didn't believe a word he said.
"Maybe that was the you before, but not the Shawn I know. The Shawn I know was falling in love with me as much as I was with him." he shrugged his shoulders. "But you are right about one thing, you did get involved with the wrong girl Shawn, but not for the reasons you think!" she said lifting her head in defiance. He stared into her eyes but said nothing. "I am strong, and I am independent, and I fight for what I believe in. I go for what I want without backing down. I also know that when I feel something I feel it deep and forever."
"Juliet…" she shook her head refusing to let him speak a word in edgewise. She brushed her fingers against his soft full bottom lip shushing him, his words ended. She brought her mouth to his, nibbling softly first at his bottom lip, then settling her mouth fully on his as she continued to hold his hand in hers. She let her other hand fall down to his rapidly beating heart and rested it there. His hands were cradling her face as the kiss started out tender, and turned passionate. He pulled away and pushed her back slightly away from him. "Why are you making this so damn difficult?"
"Why would I make it easier for you, for both of us to let this go?"
"Its for the best and you know it Jules. Its for the best that we go our separate ways now."
"You really honestly think I will ever forget you Shawn?" anger burst inside her so bright. Well he didn't know her very well if he thought that!
"I didn't mean for this to happen." he whispered and like that her anger died instantly. She knew he didn't mean for this to happen. She couldn't even blame him neither one had been really expecting to fall in love with each other. They weren't supposed to be a forever deal, they both had agreed to just date and be with one another till September. She found him fun and intriguing and then it turned to be something more without either one of them ready for it.
"I know you didn't." she said quietly knowing he wasn't going to stay. He motioned for them to get up and to get going, and she realized why, it was growing dark out. She allowed him to help her stand and she brushed the sand off her dress and her bare legs, as he did the same. He grabbed her hand and they began slowly walking back the way they had come. She had only a few weeks to soak in every moment with him and cherish every smile, or laugh, or kiss they shared. Tears welled up in her eyes but she refused to let him see them. She held his hand tightly inside hers and looked up into the sky and saw the stars. They twinkled up at her, and suggested to her to make a wish. She eyed Shawn and closed her eyes, making her heartfelt plea and hoped one day it would come true.
author's note: okay so I have to know what do you guys think? Is it good, bad, so horrible I should burn it? Well thank you for reading this, and I thank Susannanass and Sarah for getting me to even get this far with this story.
~Stacey