Chapter Four

Scorpius Malfoy:

Being a nice person is the weirdest fucking thing I've ever done.

Did you know it's practically a full-time job? With Rose, it was actually pretty easy. For some reason, she didn't annoy me that much. I actually liked being around her. She was cool. I have no idea why I picked on her for so long.

But everyone else? Bloody hell.

Don't get me started on first years. Those pesky little brats are always running around and getting lost and practically begging to be hexed. They pissed me off like no others. I was getting pretty good at resisting by the end of fifth year, but then in my sixth year, there was a new crop of them, wide eyed and looking like they were having the time of their lives. It was torture, not being able to shut them up with a flick of my wand.

And then their pets. Everyone's pets. Does every single person who doesn't have an owl need to have a cat? It's ridiculous! I don't know how many cats I've tripped over because I had to resist from kicking them out of my way. Why would anyone want nasty, hairy creatures that scratch people?

Yep, being nice was definitely a full-time job.

And it was weird.

But like I said, by the end of fifth year, I got used to it. From April to June, Rose became something like my guide. She showed me how to "be the better person", or some shit like that. Instead of picking on people whenever they annoyed me, she made me take it out on the Quidditch pitch. I never thought of Quidditch as an outlet, but it quickly became one.

I became so thankful for this over the summer when I went home.

My parents had always fought, and it was getting worse. When I was little, they didn't fight at all – at least, they were better at hiding it. Or maybe I got used to it. All I know is that I came back from a full year of being at Hogwarts without any fighting and then my parents could barely have a decent conversation without arguing.

And how could it be worse, you might ask?

My parents ceased speaking to each other indefinitely. They would be in the same room and not say a word at all – just sit there silently, awkwardly. I don't even think they were sleeping in the same room anymore. When I came home, they began speaking again – to me.

I was the mediator.

It was awful.

I couldn't believe the things my parents would say about each other. I avoided thinking about it when I could. Most of the time, I'd end up dodging my mum and dad, taking my broom and flying somewhere in the forest. I took a Quaffle sometimes and practiced my Chasing. Most of the time, I just flew around, biding my time and wishing I didn't have to go home and deal with this.

Letters from Rose was definitely the best part of my day. My friends weren't exactly into writing, much; mostly, we exchanged a couple of notes so we could figure out when we were hanging out. Her letters were comforting, even if they weren't really about much. I could tell she was happy, and it always made me smile.

And that's about the time I knew I liked her.

Bloody perfect, don't you think?

I fancied the girl I'd picked on non-stop for the past five years. What, was I going to get a cat next? I don't think I'd ever truly fancied a girl before. I liked girls who liked me (and there were quite a few, mind you). I took them to Hogsmeade and snogged them at Madame Puddifoot's or Three Broomsticks – wherever they wanted to go. I wasn't picky.

It was so bloody difficult to read Rose's feelings. I knew we were friends, but I always felt like she was holding something back. Or hiding something.

And yet, I felt like she was the person I could talk to about my parents. I hadn't told any of my other friends – probably because they wouldn't understand. Their parents were the kind that gave them gifts and sweets because they cared, not because they felt guilty. Their parents weren't always busy dealing with each other. They had normal parents, normal lives.

But what confused me was that Rose also had a normal life – a huge family – and I told her. But I was so envious of her. I had a feeling some of her cousins hated her because of me. Perhaps I'd always been envious of her, and it was so easy to lash out at her when I saw all her cousins.

And yet, I found myself spilling the beans.

Right before we were about the leave for the holidays, I told her what I hadn't voiced out loud to anyone, not even my closest friends in Slytherin. I told her, indirectly, the real reason I'd been spending more time with her and didn't go to Hogsmeade and why I'd been feeling so shitty lately. I told her something that I was afraid to say out loud, because maybe then, it was going to come true.

It just felt that much more real to me.

And when I kissed her, I knew my feelings were real, too.

"Hey, Scorpius."

I spun around and scrambled off the windowsill, a hand leaping into my hair. Rose's lips twitched into a smile upon seeing my nerves. "Um. Hi."

"How were your holidays?" she asked, sitting down on the sill.

"Um, good." I mentally cringed. I was so articulate.

But could you blame me? We kissed the day before holidays started. The best kiss I'd ever had. It wasn't even a full-out snog, we just kissed, and it got my heart to speed really fast like in a Quidditch game. I walked her back to her common room and kissed her again, and the same, insanely amazing feeling happened again.

Then she left, and we hadn't written each other for the entire holidays.

Awesome.

"Did you go home?" she asked. I shook my head.

"No, I stayed here for the holidays."

"Any news?"

"No."

She bit her lip and hesitantly put her hand on top of mine. "I'm really sorry about your parents, Scorpius."

"Me too."

"If you ever want to talk about it, you can talk to me."

I smiled. "Thanks, Rose."

We didn't talk about the kiss.

She didn't seem to be mad at me. She didn't seem to want to kiss me again. She blushed a lot, but honestly, most of the time she was just her normal self. It was me who was being driven absolutely mad by not knowing how she felt.

But Rose was the one who found me when I got the letter. The one that I knew was going to come eventually, and I was just biding my time – maybe trying to kid myself. She was the only other person who read it, and she was the one who held me and whispered her childhood stories to me and kept me calm all night when all I wanted to go was go to Hogsmeade and get smashed.

Divorce is something that you might be able to see coming, and for some people, when you see it approaching, you learn to accept it and try to deal with it. I wasn't that person. I was the guy who stayed in denial for four months until Easter. I was the guy who stayed numb while he moved half of his things into his mum's new home and the other half into his dad's new home. I was the guy who avoided the Malfoy Manor as much as he could and didn't say goodbye to his childhood home.

I was the guy who took it hard.

Rose helped me through that fit when I came back to school, too.

The rest of sixth year was spent on trying to resolve this issue with my parents and trying to get used to the fact that I didn't have parents who loved each other. When I say Rose and I didn't talk about the kiss, we talked about everything but the kiss. We stayed up all night sometimes, way out on the Quidditch pitch, just talking about stuff.

It's funny when you think about it, how Rose Weasley became my best friend.

Spring of seventh year was when everything felt different.

It marked two years of being nice to people. Two years of being friends with Rose. Two years ago, when I was beat up by three of her cousins – beat into my senses, maybe. Two years ago, when Rose asked me what was wrong with her, and I realized I'd done something horribly, horribly wrong.

And decided to fix it.

"I think we should celebrate," said Rose. I raised an eyebrow.

"Aren't you worried about NEWTs?" I asked.

"We can take a night off."

"We can? Ow!" I recovered from her small tap at the side of my head and grinned at her, putting down my books in the grass. It was actually a nice day in April, and we'd decided to go outside to study. Clearly, it brought on odd, non-studying tendencies in Rose.

We had to go outside more often.

"So how do you want to celebrate?" I asked, lying down next to her. She folded down the page in her textbook and put it aside before turned to me. She was smiling, and I was reminded again of how I should just pluck up the courage and kiss her again.

And then actually talk about it this time.

"I dunno," she said, shrugging. "Kitchens?"

"We always go to the kitchens."

"But there's ice cream cake in the kitchens."

"True," I said, laughing. Rose definitely had a sweet tooth. "What are we celebrating, anyway?"

"One year."

"One year of what?"

"Or two years."

"Of what?" I asked impatiently.

She thought for a second. I couldn't tell if it was on purpose to infuriate me, or she was actually just thinking it over. "I think a lot of things have happened in the past couple of years."

I nodded. "Yeah. That's true."

"I know for myself, I've really come a long way from who I used to be," she said softly. I understood; she told me a lot about how she felt before we became friends. It made me feel horrible, but she tried to reassure me that I was a huge part of how far she came from being the scared, helpless person she used to be.

"You'll make it through anything," I told her.

She smiled. "I think you've come a long way, too."

"I'm nice to people, now!" I said, laughing.

"Yeah, you are," she said, "but you're more than that, you know?"

"I am?"

"I know you took your parents' divorce really hard," she explained gently, "but you made it through. You understand people better, now. I think you've really... I dunno –"

"Matured?" I suggested.

Rose nodded, biting her lip. "And we still have a long way to go. In the world outside Hogwarts." She looked up at the sky, as though it would give her answers. I could tell she was nervous.

"Life wouldn't be a bitch if she didn't screw everyone over," I said, shrugging.

She laughed. I loved that sound.

Hell, I loved everything about her. Her laugh, her eyes, the way she got cranky in the morning, how sweet she was, how she focused she was when she was studying, how she never took Quidditch seriously (though it was admittedly annoying, sometimes), how she told me how she snuck more books out of the Hogwarts library than was actually allowed.

But don't you dare tell her I said that. I wouldn't hear the end of it.

"Ministry's going to be tough," she said. We were both going for training – me, in the sports department, her in the magical law enforcement department. "I hope I don't get kicked out on the first day."

I snorted. "You won't."

"Unless I throw up on their shoes."

"Or arrest them by accident."

She laughed. "How do you arrest a person by accident?"

"I'm sure you'll find a way," I said, grinning. "They may arrest you if you wear the glasses, though."

"Shut up," she retorted, pushing at my shoulder. "Contacts are annoying to wear all the time."

"Excuses."

"They are!"

"Don't worry, Rose," I told her, not really knowing what I was saying. "You look…"

The words caught in my mouth and she froze, blinking at me with her big, brown eyes. I pushed her fringe back, leaning in closer. This was it. I had to kiss her. I couldn't chicken out this time. Her breath hitched just as I pressed my lips to hers.

Fuck.

The whole feeling when it's like you're on top of the world? That didn't go away.

If I was remembering correctly, it was even more intense than the last time. I pressed closer to her, my hand gripping at her waist to pull her against me. She sighed softly against my lips, tentatively wrapping her arms around the back of my neck. I felt like there was buzzing, like someone had cast muffliato around us and we were the only ones in the world.

She was the one who pulled away.

"You were my first kiss, you know," she whispered, biting her lip. "Last Christmas. When you kissed me on the windowsill."

I kissed her again. "Why didn't we ever…"

"I dunno." Rose blushed. "I guess I just figured, at the time… you needed a friend more."

"I guess you're always right," I teased, kissing along her jaw.

"I guess so."

"Rose," I said, straightening a little, trying to speak seriously, "I know I'm not the nicest person around, and I was horrible to you, but I really…" I trailed off, trying to shake off my nerves. Instead, I kissed her again.

"You like me?" she asked teasingly.

"A bit," I admitted, and she giggled as I kissed her nose. "Be my girlfriend?"

"I dunno." She traced her finger along my jaw. "It's a little risky."

"Life's all about risks."

"True." She looked into my eyes. "But I trust you, Scorpius."

"You do?"

"Yeah." She smiled and leaned over to kiss me. "We all have to mature sometime."