Choices

A Tenzin/Lin Fic

Disclaimer: I own nothing, etc., etc. Also, this is unbeta'd so please forgive any typos I have missed...

Pema didn't steal Tenzin. Lin made a choice.

Lin had been making excuses since they were teenagers: "I have to focus on my earth-bending training...I just started the police academy...let's talk about this stuff after I graduate...I can't possibly settle down while I'm still a just rookie on the force..." And all these excuses ended with: "You know I have my mother's legacy to live up to."

Tenzin never showed his disappointment. He would simply caress her cheek and tell her that he couldn't wait to start their lives together...to start their family.

And that would be the part when Lin's stomach would inevitably twist and tighten...almost like she was preparing for a punch to the gut. She always pushed the feeling away, kissing Tenzin sweetly and telling him that it was okay because they had their whole lives ahead of them.

But Lin wasn't a rookie anymore. She'd been rising in the ranks of the police force for the last 3 years and it had been over 10 years since the pair had first started dreaming of a future together. More and more it felt like they were now living in the future they had talked about long ago when they were younger – Except that they still hadn't gotten married, because Lin had been putting off making the choice. Lin knew it wasn't fair to make Tenzin wait for her anymore, not now that they were both getting older.

It had just felt like a future with Tenzin didn't have a deadline and everything else did, so Lin kept putting everything else first. It had taken years before she understood why she had been avoiding settling down with him. As long as they had been planning to be together there had always been a feeling of dread within her. She feared the "what ifs" like "What if none of their children were airbenders?" She knew that would devastate Tenzin. And all the time off she'd have to take from the police force just to have one child would be a sacrifice that Lin didn't know if she'd ever be ready to make. How many children would she really be able give him? She was terrified of regrets.

Lin knows that if she tells him why they shouldn't be together he'll say none of those things matter - That their love for each other would conquer all. Tenzin would fight for their future, so Lin had to stop giving him a reason to fight - she had to let their love die.

Lin made the choice.
To stop trying.
To let go.

It was like choosing to stop watering a plant and waiting for it to die of thirst.

She throws herself into work fully. She loves that every unsolved case is a puzzle that needs to be solved. Tracking down leads takes a lot of time and Lin falls asleep at her desk more than she falls asleep in her bed. When she leaves the station, it's usually to talk to a witness or look for clues at a crime scene. She lets the work consume her. With every note Lin writes apologizing to Tenzin for once again cancelling their plans, she tells herself that maybe she wants her own life too much to share it meaningfully with him.

Lin is surprised by how long it takes Tenzin to notice the growing distance between them. The hurt and confusion in his eyes make her secretly wish that she was a normal person, unburdened with the responsibility of carrying her mother's legacy along with the expectations of everyone she meets and the countless others she won't ever meet - those faceless people relying on her to keep the city safe and those nameless victims for whom she seeks justice.

The metal bending prodigy never regrets who she is, but in these moments she laments it.

But even then he doesn't demand that she stop her work to save their relationship. He knows that it's important to her and important to Republic City. Tenzin tells her that he accepts that work will always come first. Then, he simply says he misses her and kisses her forehead tenderly. A flash of pure guilt and Lin shoves him and makes a joke about trying to catching criminals faster. She laughs in order to cover up the fact that her heart is breaking with the crystal clear awareness that Tenzin deserves so much more than what she is capable of giving him.

Lin didn't want to choose the police force over Tenzin. It chose her. Or, at least that's what she told herself until her mother calls her a coward. Her mother was right, of course. Lin trusted in her future as Chief of Police, but didn't trust that she could make Tenzin happy. And then her mother yells at her that some things are more important than the expectations of others. The Legendary Toph Bei-Fong is telling her daughter not to choose her legacy over love.

But, Lin doesn't choose her mother's legacy over love, she chooses it because of love. She loves Tenzin too much to let him settle for being second in someone's life.

After Lin meets Pema for the first time at the Air Temple, she actually hopes that it will be Pema that Tenzin will choose over her one day. The admiration for Tenzin shining in the young woman's eyes is so pure and innocent. Lin is struck with the feeling that Pema is exactly the kind of woman who would be able to fully support Tenzin and make him happy in a way that she never could. Pema would be able to put Tenzin first and give him the life he deserves.

So when he finally tells her of his feelings for Pema she is relieved and heartbroken at the same time.

Lin walks away without a word. There is nothing to say because she actually chose to walk away years ago.

She has been expecting this moment for almost two years.

Lin made the choice.

Lin wanted Tenzin to be happy.

All she could think as she walked away was that it really hurt to get what she wanted.