A/N: So after re-writes of re-writes of re-writes, I finally have a final (very long) chapter! A huge thank you to barbex, Curls101, Danie-Dono, and Pint-sized She-Bear for your reviews last chapter, as well as those who have favorited and followed this story to its conclusion.

-14-

Shepard is only a few feet away, so close to catching her. Alice came up to her and ran, begging Bran and Shepard to play tag with her. Jane readily agreed. Now here they are, with Alice leading her on a chase throughout the colony, the flowers that tangled themselves in Alice's hair from rolling down the hill earlier flying off her long ebony hair in a whirlwind of orange and white petals, the name of this native plant Shepard escaping her for some reason.

Everyone seems to shift perfectly out of their way to let them pass. The high-noon sun is baking Shepard, soaking her face with fine beads of sweat. The fountain in the center of the colony, a popular place for socializing among both children and adults, beckons her to dip her head in to cool herself, but she resists the siren call. She calls for Alice to slow down, but all she gets are the light-hearted giggles of an innocent child ringing in the air as her answer.

Alice leads her to her family's home, her parents inside and welcoming Alice with open arms. Even Bran made it to the house, standing by her father, engaging him in philosophy. Her father smiles at her entrance, the same inviting and kind smile that is distinctivelyRobert Shepard. Bran smiles at her too, more hesitant, but she sees the true meaning in his eyes. He likes her too. If only they both had the courage to act on it.

Her mother comes up to her, asking her to go out and retrieve fresh fruit. Shepard takes the basket from her mother's hand. It feels like a block of lead around her arm, but she doesn't say anything. She'll do this small favor for her mother. She heads to the door out to their modest-sized field, picking enough fruit to fill the basket.

Distant screams carry through the air as she walks back, the sun now hidden behind sinister black clouds that crop up from nowhere. She picks up her pace. She doesn't want to be outside anymore. She needs to be home.

She sees her father's body first, the shotgun wound to the gut and the caved-in head. Then her mother, body riddled with bullets. Bran has a single shot to the head, nice and clean. Only Alice remains, but she is badly wounded, her now adult body clutching onto the broken and battered body of her son. It isn't much longer until she collapses against the wall, the life fading from her eyes.

The basket falls to the floor, the fruit rolling across the floor. Shepard opens her mouth in a scream, but no sound issues forth, no matter how hard she tries.

The blood from the bodies seeps onto the floor and runs towards Shepard, pooling at her feet. Everyone's eyes are cracked half-open and lifeless, yet they're still glaring in her direction. They blame her for not doing something. For leaving.

"Look at what you've done to them, Shepard. Their blood will always be on your hands!" Shepard whirls around to see Margaret Talbot, blood seeping through multiple gunshot wounds to the chest, staining her shirt until there is no other color except that of blood red.

"I couldn't save them," Shepard weakly argues, her voice working again. No, this isn't right. Alice and her son are alive, she remembers now. They're safe, they survived. But she cannot deny the sight in front of her.

"Couldn't?" She points an accusatory finger down at the bodies of her parents and then of Bran. "Or wouldn't?"

"No!" Shepard covers her ears. "Why are you tormenting me? I saved the colonists! I saved Alice and John! I brought them to the Citadel! They're safe!"

"Is Alice's father? Is my husband? Am I?" Talbot continues to throw accusations, wanting to make Shepard suffer the guilt even more. "Think of how many you let die, Shepard, because you failed to act sooner!"

Shepard has still not uncovered her ears. "Please, stop...I didn't want to kill you, I swear! I didn't want anyone to die!"

The blood continues to rise inside the house, covering the bodies. It is now up to Shepard's knees, rising faster and faster by the second until she is literally paddling through it to get to the door. Talbot doesn't even try to fight the rising sea of blood, letting it pull her under.

Shepard runs out into the field. She can hear the ground crumbling underneath her, see all of Mindoir engulfed in flames. She doesn't want to fall. She doesn't want to burn.

She soon bumps into something solid, which immediately wraps itself around her, encasing her in a protective cocoon, murmuring in his dual-toned voice that never fails to calm her, "It's alright, Jane, I'm here."

"Garrus." She shuts her eyes to block out the excruciating screams rattling around in her head, focusing on him. Only on him. Knowing, trusting, he will keep her safe.

Her eyes quickly snap open when his embrace tightens to the point it is almost painful, suffocating. She let out a whimper when his talons penetrate her skin even through her civilian clothing.

"How could you do this, Jane?" He is practically squeezing the life out of her now. She tries to pull away, but she suddenly is limp-less and weak in his hold. "How could you let me die?"

She tilts her head up at his words, a horrified cry crawling into her mouth at his decayed form leering down at her with his Marauder-like eyes.

"No! You're alive! I saved you!"

The repulsion on his face only strengthens. He might as well have stuck a dagger in her heart. "Look at what following you brought me. I regret ever having loved you." He twists the dagger deeper into her.

Shepard finds the strength to shake her head hard. "No, Garrus, please!"

The fire from the rest of Mindoir finally catches up with them, the ground shifts beneath their feet, now on a circle of land that hasn't dissolved. Mindoir continues to burn in the distance. The shadows surround them, taking the shapes of her Reaperized crew, even a husk version of Anderson, and the rotting corpses of her parents, Bran, Alice, John, and Talbot. And the Earth child. Always the child.

Another shadow appears beside Garrus, who is holding Shepard over the edge of the circle, ready to drop her into the fire below.

"Now everyone sees who you really are, Shepard. You're not a hero, just some colony girl who got lucky and was too busy cowering like a fucking child scared of the bogeyman to save her own parents." It is unavoidable to notice the gunshot wound to Zabaleta's head, a piece of brain visible to the world, the blood coating his entire face like it is war paint.

"If I'd known who you were, I would have helped you," Shepard swears breathlessly. It is getting harder to breathe, with Garrus choking the life out of her.

Zabaleta lights a cigarette, blowing the smoke into Shepard's face, burning her eyes.

"It's too late for that." He jerks his head at Garrus, like he is one of his soldiers under his command, giving an order that must be followed without question.

No hesitation crosses Garrus's face, no regret in his usually warm blue-grey eyes at harming the woman he once said he'd be lost without.

Garrus follows it.

Shepard screams as he throws her over the edge. She plunges into the fire, the skin stripping away from her body upon contact. The pain is unbearable.

Even as she feels her life ebb away from her, she can still hear them, the voices of her crew and Anderson, of Zabaleta, of Talbot, of Bran, Alice and John telling her she failed them. All mixing in a terrible symphony that curls her blood. And before she hits the bottom of the pit, she hears those of her parents drowning out the others, wishing they hadn't sacrificed themselves so she could live, ashamed to call her their own...

Shepard jerked awake, breathing heavily, dried tears smeared on her fevered cheeks. Somehow, she hadn't woken up Garrus, whose arm was curled snuggly around her waist, his hot breath blowing through the snarled knots of her hair. Normally she would welcome the contact, but after that dream...

She carefully untangled herself and padded to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She twisted the faucet on, splashing the cold water on her face, over and over like that would wash everything away. Make it better, somehow.

She had actually been doing pretty well with the nightmares since she woke up a few days before. This was the first night they had gotten just as bad as usual.

She tried to brace more weight with her left arm than her right, spotting the black, blue and purplish mass still stamped on her shoulder like it was a piece of artwork gone wrong (or right, depending on one's tastes). Least it was smaller in size and less swollen.

She had convinced Dr. Chakwas that afternoon to take off those aluminum cylinder things that passed for a protective cast, along with the sling. She told the doctor it felt much better (even if that wasn't completely true). She just wanted the freedom of using both her arms again. After a battle of wills back and forth between the two women, Chakwas finally relented, but told Shepard it was only on condition she not do anything too strenuous with it or it would end up back in the cast and sling faster than she could blink and she'd mark Shepard as unfit to go out in the field.

She broke out of her thoughts when she heard a baritone voice still laced with sleep calling her name. She stepped out of the bathroom, spotting Garrus through her collection of model ships situated in their glass case, lifting himself up from the bed.

"Can't sleep?" He sounded a little less disoriented.

"And here I thought I hadn't woken you," Shepard said, attempting to shoot him a sly smile as she headed back to the bed.

"Not a chance. Heightened senses. Comes from all that survivalist training they made us go through back in the military."

And on Omega…

She didn't need to think about that either.

Shepard plopped back down on the bed, but just on the edge, back a column of tension turned away from Garrus. She wasn't ready to get back into bed just yet.

Her ears perked up at some rustling. A pair of arms wrapped around her waist behind her, pulling her into his warm body in an embrace that felt more like Garrus, not the one from her dreams. They couldn't seem to get enough of each other the past couple of days. Whenever they were alone, they always found an excuse to touch each other, arm or arms around the other. Part of her still wanted to make sure that she hadn't dreamt Garrus's survival. As for Garrus, she couldn't say what the reasons were for him, but maybe he wanted to savor every moment of having her in reach, in case things went south during the final assault.

Yet she did start when she felt his arms come around. Instead of initially feeling comfort or warmth, all she felt was that moment of dread before dream Garrus let go, but she forced herself to calm down and remember this was not dream Garrus. This was her Garrus.

"You should be resting," she said calmly, hoping he hadn't notice.

Garrus had recovered from the worst of the symptoms in a quick amount of time, but she could tell the experience had left him drained. After such a siege on his body, that wasn't a surprise. She just thanked whatever higher power existed the doctors and nurses could revive him and the salarian doctor finished brewing the antidote not too shortly after. She just wished she could have been there when he woke up, instead of fainting like that.

If he noticed the slight twitch, he didn't say anything, instead situating them so he was resting against the headboard with her settled between his legs bent at the knees. He swept her hair over her injured shoulder so he could plant a soothing kiss on the back of her neck, the hairs there tingling from the rough plates of his mouth touching them. "So should you."

Her head didn't hurt as much as before and she certainly had worse. She couldn't afford to rest, not when they were shipping out to Sanctuary the next day.

She turned on her side to press her face into the side of his neck, minding the angry, thin scar there, pushing away the unease the sight of it caused. "Just feeling a little wired."

He rested his head on top of hers, nuzzling it gently. "Bad dream again?"

So much for just trying to go back to sleep.

She pressed herself closer to him, relying on the warmth of his body to fight off the chill the dream brought back. "Yeah."

Silence crept on them for a brief moment before Garrus decided to break it. "Do you want to talk about it?" She could feel the rumble of his voice in his chest.

"Not demanding me this time?"

"Considering where it got us before, figured I'd try a new tactic. But I could always insist I won't let you go until you do." His grip tightened to emphasize his words, to the point his talons were lightly digging into the skin left exposed by her tank top.

She froze, a deep and violent shudder racking her body, the repulsed and remorseless face of dream Garrus flashing in her mind. This shouldn't have happened. She should have had some witty comeback, like she didn't see the incentive of leaving his embrace, not this.

Even if he hadn't noticed her reaction before, there was no way he wouldn't notice this one.

"What is it? What's wrong?" His voice was filled to the brim with concern.

"It's nothing, just…can you let go a bit?" she asked, her throat tight.

At her request, he lifted his talons off her waist, but kept his arms around her loosely, lacing his talons together. Shepard murmured her thanks. That helped her get a grip, remember where she was, who she was with, for the second time that night. In her cabin on the Normandy, with Garrus, the man she couldn't picture living her life without.

"Sorry, big guy, don't know what came over me." It had nothing to do with him, she hoped he understood that.

He replied by rubbing his mandible against her temple, with more hesitancy than usual. "You know, I meant it when I said we're in this together. You don't have to face anything alone anymore; I thought I made that clear enough on Mindoir. You can lean on me when you need it. I promise I won't drop you."

She knew he meant those last words in jest, but the deeper meaning behind it brought a lump to her throat she didn't think she could swallow back down. It made her more ashamed than she could put into words that she even thought for one second he would hurt her.

"I'm already leaning on you," she mumbled into his neck.

"Don't ruin my heroic moment of comforting you, Jane."

She really didn't want to talk about it, not after getting so heavy and becoming an emotional wreck on Garrus twice in a week. She had no interest in possibly a third sobbing session.

She raised her face to look into his eyes, overflowing with devotion and understanding and concern. He wouldn't judge her, think her weak or a coward. He would just listen and hold and comfort her, just as he did at the Memorial Wall. On the battlefield, there was no one she trusted more to be at her six. Why shouldn't that trust extend to other areas, to her dreams, her fears?

"I know it's foolish," Shepard began softly. "But I was back on Mindoir. First in my old house with my parents, Alice, John, and Bran. I went out into the field to get some fruit and came back to find everyone dead. Talbot confronted me, accused of failing them, including her, and that I didn't really save the colonists. They all disappeared under a sea of blood."

She forced herself to continue. She was half-way done. She had to see it through. "I ran out into the field. Everything was going up in flames, the ground crumbled beneath my feet. Then you were there, telling me everything would be ok. I let my guard down and you…hurt me. You said you were wrong to love me. Everyone appeared in a circle around us. The Normandy crew had been turned into husks. Then Zabaleta was there at your side, saying I was no hero and that I had been too late to save him. Then you pushed me over the edge into the fire. As I fell, I could everyone whispering accusations and my parents…" Her eyes brimmed with tears behind closed eyelids. "Wished they hadn't died to save me."

"You know none of that is true," he murmured into her ear, his breath tickling her earshell.

Shepard sighed tiredly. "I know. Deep down I know that, but this dream and the others like it feel so real and I hate how they make me feel so vulnerable afterwards. I hate how they shake me up and try to cast doubts in my mind." Like she didn't have enough to deal with during the day. "But then I start to think that there's some truth to them, that maybe I haven't done enough or made the right decisions. I was able to put all that aside for awhile, but it's getting worse the longer this war goes, the more people we lose, the more families are broken up, the more homes are destroyed." She buried her face into the crook of his neck. "It just feels like everything is hanging by a thread and we're so close to it snapping and I'm…afraid, Garrus."

Garrus didn't say anything for several moments, leaving Shepard to wonder if she should really have told him any of this, especially admitting she was scared. This was certainly more than she had ever admitted to, this level of insecurity.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared sometimes too," he finally admitted. "For you, for my family, for how this'll all turn out. But I still believe in you, Jane. I always have."

Shepard opened her mouth to question how could he hold so much confidence in her, but he stopped her with two talons against her lips.

He combed his other talons through her hair, working out the tangles. It didn't long to turn into a puddle of jelly against him at his soothing ministrations. "I followed you to Ilos not because I thought you would always make the right choices but because you had the courage and strength and fortitude to try. You saw us through and defeated Saren and Sovereign. Same with the suicide mission. You didn't shy away from making those difficult calls and you saw us through to stop the Collectors. And I will be by your side now against the Reapers, not just because I believe you'll see us through and still have it within you to make the tough decisions, but because this is our fight. And I don't regret any of it. Not for a moment."

His palms found their way on both sides of her face. She could feel the slight quaking of his hands. "And when it's finally over, we can retire somewhere quiet, out of the way, maybe on a sandy beach overlooking a Reaper carcass." She couldn't help but smile at the imagery, especially if it was Harbinger's carcass she got to take pleasure in viewing. "And start building a life together. I've known since Menae, that I was a one human kind of man. Given everything that's happened since then, that's only strengthened." Even he was having trouble keeping his voice steady. "Believe me when I say, no matter what dreams you have trying to convince you otherwise, there's no one I'd rather spend the rest of my life with, be bonded to, than you, Jane. If you'd have me."

It took a few moments for Shepard to find her voice and for her mind to compute where their conversation had taken them from where it began. She reached up to cup his face with both her hands just as he did, her hands getting little tremors. "Why, Garrus Vakarian, is that a proposal of marriage?"

"Didn't exactly plan on it being right this moment, and I know it's not exactly formal, but yes…" The hopefulness reflected in his eyes nearly crushed her. "If you want it to be."

Shepard wanted to. She wanted to believe more than anything that they would make it out of this war alive, have some type of future.

The hell with it, why couldn't she allow herself to pretend, hold onto that hope, even it wasn't for long?

She tilted his browplates towards her forehead. "More than anything," she breathed.

His eyes brightened and his mandibles flared widely, imitating that of a human ear to ear grin. "Good to hear." He gave her a thorough human kiss for good measure. "Don't most human proposals involve giving a ring? Getting down on one knee?" he asked when he finally pulled away, a little breathless.

Of course he would have researched that. She couldn't help but find that incredibly endearing.

She kissed him gently on his scarred mandible. "I got everything I need right here, Garrus. Besides, my practically penniless father proposed to my mother while out for a walk and giving her a pebble, promising he'd give her a much shinier rock and all his love and protection for the rest of his life if she married him. Even when he could afford a ring, she always kept that pebble in her jewelry box." Who knew where that pebble was now? Even if it had survived the fire, it probably got lost in the ground when they constructed the Memorial Wall and put all those graves in.

Garrus squeezed her slightly. "How do you think they would have taken it? Their only child marrying a turian?"

"My mother would have been nervous at first," Shepard replied automatically. "She wasn't xenophobic or anything, just she hadn't had much exposure to aliens. Neither of my parents had, really, but they both knew a lot about the histories of the different races. She probably would have uneasy about how militaristic and strict turian culture is. And my mother was always easily unnerved. Not surprising given how abusive my grandfather was to her and my grandmother. But I have no doubt that you would have had her eating out of the palm of your hand in about fifteen minutes."

She could see it now, Garrus being the model of chivalry, offering his help to her mother, getting doors or chairs, dishing out compliments left and right.

Garrus slanted his head, his brow rising in a cocky expression that had become all too familiar to her. "Only fifteen minutes?" he drawled.

Shepard couldn't stop herself from snorting. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Vakarian. Your charm's powerful when you turn it up, but even you have limitations."

"Not entirely sure I believe that, the things that I've gotten to come out of your mouth, but that's for another time. So what about your dad? Would've chased me away with a shotgun on the porch?"

"Actually, he would have liked your sense of humor. He believed that was an important quality to have. As placid as my mother was, she also had a good sense of humor. And he would've liked that you served in the military and C-Sec. He always did admire the military, his grandfather having served. But in the end, I think my parents would have just been content to see me happy."

"I wish I could have met them."

A wave of sadness overcame her when the realization hit that would never happen. "Yeah. Me too."

Garrus kissed her again, this one meant to be more comforting. She wrapped her arms around his neck, disregarding the soreness in her shoulder. Though the kiss was meant to reassure, she felt the familiar tingling throughout her body, the blood pooling in her lower belly. From the quickening heartbeat she felt in his chest and the longing resting in his eyes, there was no question he felt the same.

Despite the constant bed rest, neither of them had had the energy for more than tender embraces and kisses. Even before Mindoir, it had been too long. Long enough.

Shepard quickly found herself being lowered onto her back, Garrus taking care to lay her head and hurt shoulder on the pillow, while never breaking the kiss.

They left off talking for quite some time.

They weren't leaving the Citadel until the afternoon and Shepard made sure everyone left the ship to enjoy those final hours (especially people like Traynor, who had hardly left the ship since it docked almost a week before).

It had definitely been a good morning, one of Shepard's better ones. She didn't have any more nightmares (Garrus was a miracle work in many ways, it seemed) and woke up feeling fairly rested with messages waiting for her and Garrus.

Shepard had sent Alice a message, just checking up on her and asking how she was doing. Alice finally replied. She was adjusting as well as could be expected. The scientists and their families had been very welcoming and friendly. She had tried getting John to play with some of the other younger children. It didn't really take the first time, but the second time had gone better than she thought it would. He still didn't talk too much to them, but he didn't completely shun away from them either.

When Garrus saw who sent him a message, he went still as a board, like he had gone into shock. Only when Shepard caught the last name of the sender did she understand. His father and sister had made it off Palaven. They were ok. Shepard hugged him close to her chest, allowing him to bury his face into her neck as he processed the news. Even though she had never met Garrus's family, it still made her feel just as relieved as it did for Garrus. He didn't deserve to go through that type of pain, not so soon after losing his mother to Corpalis Syndrome.

After Garrus composed himself, they headed down to the med-bay for their check-ups with Dr. Chakwas, who said they both were improving quite nicely. They tried their best not to look chagrined when she saw the bite mark on Shepard's uninjured shoulder that had not been there the day before and give them a stern look. The third degree they would have gotten if it had been on her bruised one. At least they had been intelligible enough to realize that.

Tali invited Shepard out to brunch to some eatery that served levo and dextro food, just the two of them for some much needed girl bonding time. Garrus had promised, with an air of exaggerated reluctance, that he'd find some way to occupy his time. Shepard had left him with a languid kiss and a vow from him not to engage in any shooting contests without her.

The eatery was surprisingly busy for a weekday morning, with a lot of turians and asari as its patron, though Shepard did spot a couple of humans and a salarian. It made it incredibly easy to forget there was a major war going on.

"I remember passing by this place during my pilgrimage. I was so hungry, but I hardly had enough credits to buy just plain nutrient paste, let alone an actual meal," Tali remarked when they took their seats, completely unfazed at being the only quarian there.

"Well, I'd say you've come quite a long way since then, Tali," Shepard said, taking the menu from the server's outstretched hand, thanking him quietly.

"More than a long way. I wouldn't have believed it, if you'd told me three years ago I'd be an Admiral and there'd be peace between the geth and quarians, that they'd actually help us rebuild on our homeworld," Tali said in wonder, while also taking her own menu from the server.

"You deserve it, Tali." She truly did. No one cared about her people more.

"But you made it all possible and I'll never be able to repay you enough for that."

"Just treat me to this brunch and we'll call it even."

"You're not getting off that easy." Tali skimmed the menu, remarking on the number of choices. "Have to make sure they sterilize it properly, but still the options, so much more than what I'm used to!"

"I don't neglect you and Garrus that badly on the Normandy, do I? I could always put in a requisition order for fancier dextro-based rations," Shepard said, partly teasing her, but totally willing to get better food if she wanted it. Garrus had never said anything, but that was not surprising. The man rarely complained about anything.

Tali waved away her offer. "Honestly, it's not a big deal. I'm usually not a big eater. And I've grown quite used to nutrient paste. It only tastes like gruel half the time now."

They kept the conversation pretty light over their respective meals. Eventually the conversation turned to relationships. Or rather, Shepard steered it in that direction.

"So, hear anything from Kal'Reegar?" Shepard asked innocently, resuming her role as the Normandy's Cupid.

Tali paused in pumping the scrambled egg into her suit. "Just a message asking how I was doing. Don't get ideas, Shepard. I heard from Liara how playing matchmaker has become a new hobby with you."

Shepard resumed cutting her syrup drenched waffle into eatable slices. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Tali sent her a look that clearly said she didn't believe Shepard for a second. "Anyway, it was good to hear from him. I had heard rumors about his unit on Palaven being in danger and I didn't know what to think. I wouldn't want..." It might have been the light, but Shepard swore she saw a slow blush rising on her face through her mask. "Oh, Keelah, Jane..."

Shepard gave her a knowing smile as she put a forkful of waffle into her mouth. Three for three. James and Ash, Liara, and now Tali. She was on a roll. "My work is done," she said once she swallowed. It was enough to plant the seeds. She'd let others grow them themselves.

"You'd better hope I don't get embarrassing vid footage of you or Garrus cause I would totally play it at your wedding reception. In front of everyone. Not that you're getting married," Tali said, getting a little flustered, assuming herself presumptuous. "I mean not now, I mean..."

"I'm sure you'll have the opportunity, Tali." Shepard cursed herself the moment she let it slip. It wasn't like Garrus and Shepard came to some verbal agreement to keep their unofficial engagement a secret, but it wasn't something she really wanted to share with the others, mostly because of the very high chance she wouldn't live to have it come true.

She was not prepared for Tali's lightening reflexes, her catapulting out of her chair and flinging herself at Shepard. "You mean he actually...I always knew he had some sense! I'm so happy for you both!" Tali practically squealed.

Shepard was pretty sure they got some curious glances thrown their way. Not that she didn't appreciate Tali's enthusiasm.

"Thanks, Tali," Shepard said, patting her friend on the back. "But it wasn't anything official. More like a verbal promise than anything."

That didn't seem to deter Tali one bit. "I fully expect to be a bridesmaid. And I could even help you plan. Not now, of course, but...later." If Shepard hadn't been paying attention, she wouldn't have heard it. The same uncertainty Shepard felt. Tali felt it too. But they'd pretend. They could live in that fantasy until the final battle.

"I'd like that, Tali."

As they finished up, their plates taken away and check paid, Liara messaged her, telling her to meet her at the tables outside of Apollo's when she and Tali were done.

"I'd better check on supplies again for the Fleet before we leave. I mean, Rannoch. Keelah, I'm never going to get used to that," Tali said as she pushed in her chair.

On their way out, she had to poke Tali in the arm at two occupants at a nearby bench seat, two certain human squadmates of theirs, getting quite cozy with each other over omelettes. Tali only shook her head, then asked if they should ruin the mood and go over there. Shepard decided to be nice and let James and Ash enjoy their brunch in peace.

There may not be many more moments like that.

Though the light on the Presidium was not natural by any means, it seemed brighter than Shepard had ever remembered it being, making the illusion of a sunny day seem even more authentic, bringing a spring out of Shepard's step that hadn't been there in quite some time. Amazing what gorgeous weather, even if it was manufactured, would do to a person's disposition.

Liara was right where she'd said she'd be, at the second to last table in the row of the tables on the lower landing outside the cafe, but Joker was standing around the table as well.

"I received reports of refugee ships from Tiptree landing on salarian colonies. I don't have names, but it was...mostly children. I'm sorry," she heard Liara tell Joker as she got closer.

"Well, Gunny...uh, Hilary, my sister. Gunny's a nickname she's had it since...she's only 15, so if it's children...then maybe I only lost my dad..." He gave a bitter sigh and Shepard zeroed in on the drawn-out look on Joker's face. "Kind of an asshole thing to hope for."

"Jeff, right now, take any kind of hope you can get," Liara tried to comfort.

Joker's face only seemed to tighten, as if he was trying to keep himself from crying. "Yeah." Then he noticed Shepard and pulled more of himself together. "Shepard. Sorry didn't see you there."

"Hello, Shepard," Liara said, the solemn note in her voice conflicting with the greeting but fixed smile on her lips.

"Your family's colony was attacked?" She hadn't known Joker had been a colony kid too. From the talks she had with him over the years, he had never mentioned it and he had always talked about his childhood days on Arcturus Station with his mother, who had been a civilian contractor, if she recalled.

"Yeah. Reapers rolled in about two weeks ago. Been trying to find out...something ever since."

"I'm sorry I couldn't find out more, Joker, I'll keep trying," Liara vowed, already scanning her abandoned datapad.

"It's fine, Liara, you don't need to worry about it right now. I need to go and meet EDI, anyway."

Joker made to leave, but Shepard stopped him with a hand to the shoulder. "I'm sorry, Joker." She knew better than anyone, the insufficient nature of those words alone, but they were all she could offer.

"Thanks, Shepard." Joker's eyes lowered. "It's weird. I didn't live there that much, really only for vacations or until my mom's next assignment. Folks didn't move back permanently until Hilary was about two, but I was still born there and with my dad and sister living there, always considered it home. Imagine you'd know what that's like, with Mindoir and everything."

"I do." More than Joker could ever know. "You know if you need time, or don't feel like you can fly today, I'd understand." Not that they could really afford a delay, but she wouldn't begrudge Joker if he needed it.

"I'll be fine," Joker interjected emphatically. "When I'm in that pilot's seat, I'm ready for anything. Just need to go take a breather until then. Maybe in the form of a pint. Or two." Joker thanked Liara again and left the two women, pulling his cap further down so the rim covered more of his face.

"Goddess, this all just gets harder with each passing day," Liara said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"It won't be too much longer, Liara. We go to Sanctuary, we're one step closer to Cerberus."

Liara gave her a small smile. "I see you're back to your confident self."

Shepard plopped down in the seat next to Liara. "Not completely, but I'm getting there, now that Garrus is almost recovered."

"Speaking of Garrus, I hear congratulations are in order."

She wasn't expecting that. Tali couldn't have told her that quickly, could she? She knew Liara was a master information broker, but she wouldn't have put surveillance equipment in Shepard's cabin…would she? "How did you...?"

Liara fiddled with her omni-tool. "EDI already told me this morning."

Of course. "She really is a gossip."

"Actually, it was partly my fault. I asked EDI whether you were up yet this morning and she mentioned something about it."

"Still a gossip. Remind me to have a chat with her about that." Shepard hadn't really apologized to EDI about her attitude towards her before, not that EDI had seemed offended by being brushed-off. Now, though, Shepard would welcome the conversation about organic behavior. Mainly one about the values of privacy and secrecy.

"Anyway, you said you wanted to see me?"

Liara nodded. "Yes. I found out intel on Talbot and Zabaleta. Nothing really earth-shattering, more like verification, but I figured I'd ask, if you're interested."

In the grand scheme of things, this information didn't really matter, but Shepard had always been inquisitive. Inherited that from her father. "First about the attack. Did you ever find out if Cerberus was actively involved in pulling the Alliance marines out like Anderson and Hackett suggested?"

Liara shook her head. "As far as I can tell, no. It's more likely they intercepted Zabaleta's letter and the reply from Commander Youngsen, who did order the marines out of Mindoir. And there's no evidence he was threatened by Cerberus or turned to their side."

Shepard didn't know if it would have been worse for the man to have been coward and given into Cerberus pressure or for him to have been so ruthless. "So the fact he was killed in a Cerberus raid a week later?"

"For once, that seems to be a coincidence."

Shepard toyed with her hands. "So everything checks out? Everything Zabaleta and Talbot told me?"

"With Cerberus, it seems to. The transmissions from Cerberus did come from the Shadow Sea cluster."

"Which makes sense if they're using Sanctuary as a base of operations."

"Exactly. And the time signatures on them match."

"Alright." Move on to the next one. "Anything unusual with Zabaleta?"

"He seemingly had an impressive service record prior to Mindoir. Numerous accolades by his commanding officers, extremely efficient, but the ten year period after Mindoir, the citations started appearing in his file. Apparently the Alliance did try to get him help for his PTSD, but he was completely hostile to the idea."

Shepard banished the image of dream Zabaleta with his brain half-blown away. "He said they didn't care what became of him."

"It was more his parents, who were both former lieutenants, decorated for their own service in the First Contact War, if I remember correctly, insisted on the Alliance trying to get him help. When his discharge was being considered, his mother -his father had died by this point- wrote to brass, asking that he be given an honorable discharge. I believe Robert Talbot also vouched for Zabaleta."

They must have put some type of pressure or offered some incentive. Usually discharge decisions were not up for debate. That would certainly explain why he had still respected Lieutenant Talbot. "Were you able to track his movements during his six years on the Citadel?"

"The money he received from pensions and later his parents' will was evidently squandered quite quickly on gambling debts and large amounts of liquor purchases. The payments towards his apartment's rent kept on piling up, along with the eviction warnings. He was out on the streets within two years. From there, four years of on and off run-ins with C-Sec for drunken behavior in public areas, but he was never incarcerated for long. And that's if he didn't evade them, which according to the reports sent to me, was quite frequently."

"Until he got in touch with Robert Talbot about a month ago..." Shepard trailed off.

"I checked on Mindoir before a Reaper attack, despite being a so-called vagrant and drunken low-life on the Citadel for six years."

He had been a hard-ass and broken in so many ways, but he still went back to the very place that caused all of it. Whether it was more for him to find peace or because he genuinely cared, Shepard still hadn't figured out. Probably both. Not that it mattered now.

If Shepard had just found out who he was, she might have been able to help him...

No, it was too late for the what-ifs. With how deeply Mindoir affected him, he might have been beyond help. She could only hope in that final moment of his life, Zabaleta found the inner peace so desperately eluding him, like Talbot.

"Anything on Talbot?" Liara had been the only one Shepard had shared anything about Talbot's past to, only so she'd have an easier time tracking information. Talbot hadn't wanted anyone to know and though Shepard didn't owe the woman one iota, she still felt it was not something she needed to broadcast.

"There's even less on her, but I finally find record of a teenager named Margaret Winters living under Youngsen's care for a few months. She had been transferred from various Alliance centers since the age of 7 when she lost her mother in some type of accident. The details were kind of sketchy on what kind. Then she vanishes from the record books, until she shows up on Mindoir sixteen years later under the name Margaret Talbot, no mention of the maiden name."

"No record of the claims she made against Youngsen?"

"Nothing. If those she reported the abuse to were as dismissive as she said, likely they didn't even make a note of it. Or if there was, Youngsen had it removed." Liara's eyes darkened. "I know he was with the Alliance, I know what Talbot did, but I still cannot blame her for wanting the man dead. To do such a thing to a vulnerable teenager..."

"I know. Trust me, if the man were still alive, there would have been hell to pay. I doubt Talbot was his only victim." It didn't escape Shepard, the recognition that if she hadn't been lucky enough to meet people like Corporal Cartweiler or be taken in by her grandfather, that could have been her.

"Most likely not. Was it that human adage? 'Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely?'"

Shepard folded her hands on the table. "I know one asari that adages doesn't hold true for."

"Only because I've kept myself grounded with the Reapers. And now Thessia."

Shepard didn't know if it was wise to bring it up, with how much the fall of Thessia had torn Liara apart, but she wanted to see how she was coping. "We haven't really spoken about it since it happened. How are you holding up?"

Liara got out of her chair to rest her elbows on the nearby railing. Shepard followed suit. "It was...difficult, at first. It still is, but I've been keeping myself busy. Suppose that's all we can do." Liara turned to Shepard, concern flooding her eyes. "How are you doing? With Mindoir? It couldn't have been easy to see the colony like that again."

"It wasn't." Shepard took a moment to gather her thoughts. "At least the first time, it was rebuilt. Even though I never went back there, it did fill me with some comfort to know people were rebuilding. Now...who knows?"

"Would you ever consider moving back there?"

"Assuming we survive this..." Despite the bad memories, Shepard felt she could actually go back there now, if she needed to. "I'd provide assistance for rebuilding it, try to visit there more often to check on progress, but I couldn't picture living there. That part of my life is over."

"Farming life not for you anymore, Shepard? I was quite looking forward to Garrus learning how to plant crops," Liara said with a mischievous smile.

Shepard gave a genuine laugh. "That would quite the sight," she said, chuckling at the image of Garrus with a watering can and wearing human overalls.

The flashing of her omni-tool caught her eye and she opened it, finding an audio message from Garrus. She was quite popular today, it seemed.

Garrus wanted to meet her outside the docking bay to the Normandy. She sent him a quick reply, telling him she'd be waiting for him there.

"Better not keep him waiting," Liara replied, giving her a knowing smile. Shepard looked at her suspiciously through furrowed eyebrows, but said nothing about it, leaving Liara with a thanks for looking up that info.

It didn't take long to make it to the docking bay. She smiled at the sight of her beloved ship. She had spent time looking outside the docking bay window with Cortez, but this was really the first time in a long while she just took the time to stare at the ship that had become as close to a home as Mindoir had been. It may have been Cerberus built, but it was just as much an Alliance ship as the original. It truly was a thing of beauty, a symbol of resilience and daring in the face of impossible odds. They'd had some great times on the old girl and if a higher power truly existed and allowed for it, she hoped many more to come.

She didn't have to wait long until she heard the approaching footsteps and her favorite turian appeared right by her side.

"Want another rematch?" Shepard asked, assuming that's why he asked to meet there, though she found it curious he didn't want to meet closer to the cars. "If we do, may want to take it easy on me or Chakwas will have my head."

Garrus shifted his weight back and worth, avoiding her eyes. "Not exactly." His mandibles were switching between twitching anxiously and tightening against his face. Shepard's eyes fell on his right hand, which looked to be clenching something tightly against his palm. "I have something for you."

"You mean like a present? It is August, isn't it? It didn't suddenly become April when I wasn't looking?"

Garrus didn't join in on the banter. He looked too nervous to be able to do anything but just give her whatever it was he had in his hand. She hadn't seen him this nervous since their first night together before the Omega-4 relay (no matter how hard he had tried to hide it).

"No, it's for something else." He grabbed her closest hand with his left one, turning her so she faced him. "Close your eyes."

Shepard sent him a puzzled frown, but she did as he asked. What was with all the secrecy and being so nervous? Unless...the sudden thought got her heart pumping erratically. Had he actually bought her a ring?

When Garrus told her to open her eyes, her brain registered nothing had been added to the ring finger of her left hand. Her neck, on the other hand...

Her hand found its way to the amulet that rested on the hollow of her neck over her black shirt. Pure silver with a dark blue stone set in its center.

"It's beautiful, Garrus." She had never been big on wearing jewelry, even as a teenager, but she still appreciated the look of a fine piece. Even more so if it came from Garrus.

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck, a telltale sign he was still nervous. Was there more to this?

He grabbed the amulet in the palm of his hand again and pressed down on the stone, a holo-image popping up from its center, that of a human female with auburn hair and a turian with blue colonial markings whose arms were wrapped around the other and whose heads were nuzzling each other's.

"It's a holo-image of us," Shepard said breathlessly, stating the obvious. Garrus nodded, swallowing deeply, mandibles still twitching. Apparently not trusting his voice, he pressed down on the stone again, the holo-images of Garrus and Shepard disappearing, replaced by a human couple, with the same auburn hair as Shepard's, a silver cross necklace around her neck and a man with the same warm blue eyes and a sturdy arm around the woman's shoulders, both giving her encouraging smiles.

"I asked Liara to have this made a little while back. Then while digging around a few days ago, she found an old ANN report on the raid with your parents' pictures and thought it would be nice to add them. I figured you'd be alright with the holo-image of us, but both of us weren't entirely sure how you'd react to one of your parents. Or if that was even something you wanted. But I decided to give this to you with both holo-images. I thought it might be better than a ring." Garrus suddenly found the floor to be more interesting than her face. "But I also know how you reacted when you saw their images on Mindoir, so I'll understand, if you can't..."

Shepard couldn't tear her eyes away from the images of her parents. Last time she had seen them on Mindoir prompted an emotional breakdown. She felt the familiar sting in her eyes, but the tears didn't fall. She could almost hear them, their voices in her head, as if they were actually standing before her, telling her how proud they were of her and how happy they were to see her with someone, even if he wasn't human. She could see her mother reaching out to her, clasping her head against her chest like she did so many times when she was younger, whispering that everything would ok. She could feel her father lay a comforting hand and tell his dove that she could do this. She would win this war, like she did so many times before. She would survive.

This was the first time since their deaths she could hear their voices so clearly in her mind, without causing her grief.

Last time she hadn't wanted a picture of them, too afraid she wouldn't be able to let go of the past, but burying it hadn't done her any favors. Maybe, maybe this time would be different. Maybe if she had this holo, this acknowledgement of her past, it would give her a better sense of peace, alongside her vision of the future.

"Jane?" She hadn't realized she had blanked on him that long. He hurriedly pressed the stone to make the image disappear, mistakenly thinking the sight of her parents was causing her emotional distress. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have given it to you, I should have realized..." She didn't let him finish before pulling him into a deep kiss, her lips massaging his plates with everything she had. She didn't care if the docking area was filled with people or that she could feel some incredulous eyes on them. Let them look, for all she cared. All that mattered was reassuring Garrus he didn't screw up.

"Don't you dare say that, Garrus Vakarian. Nothing I get from you will ever be a mistake. This means a lot to me, really." She'd have to remember to thank Liara when back on the Normandy. "I love it." She kissed him again. "I love you."

"Don't ever think I'll ever get tired hearing that." His plates didn't look quite so tight as before at her declaration and his mandibles went slack with relief. He pulled her closer, hands on her hips, just as blissful ignorant of those around him, just focusing on the woman in front of him. "And I'm pretty damn partial to you too. Your hair, your waist, pretty much all of you."

"Just partial, huh?"

His next words didn't disappoint. "More than that, actually. I love you too. Quite a lot."

"Definitely good to hear," Shepard said with a wide smile, revealing her shiny teeth. "So what do you say we enjoy the rest of our shore leave?" Shepard asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Some target practice?" His talons brushed against the amulet, slowly moving up her neck to her cheek. "Or did you have something else in mind?"

Shepard pressed her head against his. "Why not both? Make Chakwas extra mad at me?"

Garrus offered her another wide grin. "I like the way you think."

He started pulling her towards the rows of skycars out past the security field and she followed without protest, the comforting weight of the amulet tightly clutched in her free hand.

She couldn't believe it was finally here. Her eighteenth birthday. Less a celebration and more a relief. Her grandfather's money was running out (rent was not cheap in the city, even for something basic).

She could finally do it. Enlist with the Alliance. She had filled out the initial application via the extranet, but she couldn't officially enlist until that day.

She had taken the shuttle to where the Alliance recruitment event was being held, since her apartment was all the way across town. Actually three shuttles. She had to transfer twice. Whole process took about two hours.

Now she was here, standing outside the center at five to noon, watching the people flow in and out of the building. They all looked so much more confident than she did, more physically fit.

Should she even do this? She was a farmer and grower. A farmer and grower's daughter, a farmer and grower's granddaughter. Should she even strive to be more than that?

She hadn't fully seen it, then, when she was on the Einstein, but it had been an eye-opening experience, to see the life of a soldier up close. There was just something so noble, so fulfilling, like a soldier was part of something greater by helping people and protecting the galaxy. She was in need of a purpose in her life and the Alliance seemed to offer that.

But would she even fit in? The shy and quiet colony girl being barked at with orders that had to be followed to the tee? Bonding with her fellow marines? Going through the rigorous training? Learning how to fire a weapon, kill another person? An alien?

She tried to imagine her father advising her again, but all that came to mind was that final image of him. She would have given so much to hear his voice one more time without that image of his dead body tainting everything.

She shook her head. She thought about them enough during her night hours. She couldn't think about them. Not now when she needed to be strong.

Her legs began moving of their own accord towards the building, not allowing her much time to think about it. She had to stop being so scared. She had to take this leap of faith, no matter where it took her, even if it took her to all corners of the galaxy or even the gates of hell itself.

A little voice inside her head told her she'd regret it the rest of her life if she didn't, without offering any real rhyme or reason, like she was meant to do this. The next chapter of her life was inside that building, the voice insisted, and she had to answer its call.

Without further hesitation, she opened the door to enter the crowded and stifling hot building and take her first step.

A/N: Thus concludes Old, Unhappy, Far-Off Things. It's been a fun ride with this story and I hope you all enjoyed it. I said this at the beginning, but again, thank you to everyone who gave this story a chance, by reviews, favoriting, following, or just plain reading it. Meant so much to me!

For those reading Taking Back Omega, stay tuned in the coming days for the next chapter (and if you haven't, I must take a moment to do some shameless self-promotion and suggest you check it out, see if it's your cup of tea). As always, comments are greatly appreciated.

~Lady Alila