Summary : "You win, mia famiglia," his voice rang throughout the dining room. They should have seen it coming; When they first pledged the silent war on him without even asking for the reasons he held.
The long table stretched again the whole of the Vongola Mansion's dining room. With Tsunayoshi seated at one end of the table and his guardians by his sides, the dinner table was as noisy as ever.
Only, his precious guardians eyes weren't set on his at all. Rather, it was on Federico, the Ninth's son and also the man who sat on the other end of the table.
Looking up with warily, Tsuna eyed the huge gap between him and his guardian and the closeness between his guardians and Federico. The only ones who sat close to him, was Reborn, his tutor, Kyoko, his wife, and Kyouya.
It was all too far long ago. And yet he remembered it all. The night he'd returned after becoming the Vongola Decimo for two good years with blood on his hands. He remembered it all to clearly. The betrayed and disgusted looks from his guardians when they saw him. That scene would forever be carved into his heart. A mark that would never be removed.
The only ones who had treated him differently so, was them.
He'd ignored the looks sent to him and forced himself to walk, with the aura of a boss as taught to him, without faltering in the least bit. He wasn't going to break down in front of them. Letting them know that he'd been too pushed over the edge by the boss of the Sangue Famiglia and his far too often threats towards his guardians that he'd finally lost control and did the one thing that he'd hated the most was something that he would never allow.
Even at the cost of their bond. Because he knew that they would definitely do something they would regret if he did.
So long as it kept them in the light, far far away from the darkness that he had became, he would be fine.
He was the only one with tainted hands. And if getting them even more bloodied meant keeping theirs clean, then it was what he would do.
Stumbling into his room, he'd braced himself for Kyoko's rejection. After all, who would be fine with their husband being a murderer? Part of him actually hoped that Kyoko would stay away from him. She was his precious, the angel that brought light to his life. Bringing her into the Mafia was wrong from the start. But he did so because he was selfish and wanted to keep her by his side. Life as a Mafia boss taught him that the fighting and pain he'd experience as a teenager as a soon-to-be mafia boss was merely a tiny part of what Mafia really was.
Blood. Pain. Corruption. Greed.
Those words didn't even make up a miniscule amount of the words that came up to his mind when he thought about Mafia. The two years was hard. He spent each day handing out the simplest of the missions to his guardians and handling the hardest and darkest by himself. Every single action were made after a long consideration of how it would affect his guardians. Even bringing Kyoko out for a dinner took consideration of which boss might also be there and whose territory it had belonged to. If emptying the whole restaurant and filling it with guards wouldn't make Kyoko uncomfortable, he would have jumped at the choice instantly.
But what was hardest, was that after receiving threats, being mocked at by bosses with the intent of angering him simply for the sake of their amusement and having to force a nonchalant cover after watching certain sadistic bosses kill their men in front of him because they knew the life he used to have and wanted to taint him, he still had to smile at his friends as though it was nothing.
The only ones who knew, was Reborn and Kyoya. Reborn, simply because one could never fool him and Kyoya, because he was the one who followed him on such missions since he was never affected by these things.
He'd never told Kyoko about the things he seen but he figured that she had an idea about them because the way he was when he returned home looking as though he'd been through hell was always only seen by her, and her alone.
She had took them all in naturally, smiling at him gently as though she didn't mind.
He remembered thinking as he forced himself to walk down the hallways towards his room without trembling, that this was definitely the end. Even Kyoko would be disgusted by the way I am now.
He'd entered the room, watching as the excited smile she had for his return crumble away. He was ready. With his eyes close, he'd already brace herself for her to yell at him that she'd had enough and then storm out of his quarters.
But it never came. Swallowing painfully, he had forced himself to open his eyes and watched in shock as Kyoko stood before him with her everlasting smile. The smile that contained love. Love for him.
She had placed a gentle hand on his cheek. It was so warm that he found himself leaning closer to her touch, wanting to push away the coldness that froze his heart the moment Don Sangue stopped breathing.
"Okaeri, Tsu-kun.."
Those were the words she'd whispered to him. It was such simple words, but they held acceptance. Everything that he'd craved for from his guardians but only received looks of repulsion in return. And then he lost it.
It had became a blur by then. Losing energy in his legs and kneeling by her feet with his hands grasped tightly around her arms, he'd demanded to know with tears falling down his cheeks, Why? Why is it that you never run away? I don't deserve you! I'm just a monster! You should be leaving like everyone else!
And then the smile on her lips vanished.
At that, he found a sort of bitter satisfaction in his heart. She was finally going to leave. And then he would be all alone. And no one else would be tainted by him anymore.
The blow was hard. He'd never known that a small girl like her could slap so painfully. It was what he had ask for. But the pain in his heart was a thousand times more painful than the slap. A voice at the back of his head yelled at him, telling him that he shouldn't have done so. And he felt the pain triple in volume. But he forced himself not to regret. It wasn't right. Kyoko deserved someone better than him. Some one clean. Unlike him.
He found himself snapping out of his thoughts when the clanking of high heels leaving the room never reached his ears. He had then stared up at the auburn haired girl imploringly and was shocked to see the tears welling at the corners of her eyes and the determined look on her face. Anger was everywhere but in her.
She too, had knelled down to his level reached for his hands; the ones stained with the blood he'd never bothered wiping away.
"Why? That should be obvious, Tsu-kun.." her voice was pained and tears were falling down her cheeks; she was crying for him. Not for herself, but for him. "Because I love you."
No. It wasn't obvious at all. He couldn't comprehend it. How could anyone love a monster like him?
She had held his hands together and raised it up, pressing them close to her heart, "You must be in a lot of pain, Tsu-kun.. Everyone else might not see it but I know it, Tsu-kun. Tsu-kun is more afraid than anyone to kill. But for our sake, he would do it without hesitation. That's the kind of person Tsu-kun is.."
Looking up at him, she smiled once more; the smile held promise, promise that she, among everyone else, would definitely not be the one to leave him, "That's why I won't leave you, Tsu-kun. Because I want to protect you too, just like how Tsu-kun does his best to protect me. I'll always be here, Tsu-kun. To greet you when you come home. That's why, Tsu-kun, you don't have to hide your pain from me."
The last thing he'd recalled was reaching out shakily for her and holding his small yet warm body close to himself as he released two years worth of tears. Kyoko had returned the hug gently, one of her hands moving up to smooth through his hair soothingly. She didn't complain at all. Not even when he was close to crushing her with his arms. She had allowed him to cry until he was numb before gently untangling herself from the hug and supporting him for the walk towards their bed to sit down.
Someone, and then someone entered the room. Kyoko had sent a smile of acknowledgement to the person and turned to leave the room to give them some privacy but out of the blasting emotions he had after finaly breaking down, he'd reached out and tried to stop her, wanting her close to him. Kyoko had placed a small kiss on his cheek for reassurance that she was definitely not leaving but only going out temporarily but it wasn't enough. He was beginning to panic as she left until he regconised the other person in the room.
With dazed eyes, he'd turned his head just a little, and whispered out the name of the person who had been just like a father to him ever since he was fourteen, "Reborn.."
He wasn't ready for this, was what he had thought. Reborn, despite a hitman, was unlike other mafiasos. He taught his students things like how to fight, how to use weapons and think strategically, just like others.
But he also thought them morals. The importance of being human. It was what most mafiasos wouldn't have but Reborn made sure it was what his students would have. Reborn, of all people, understood best that no boss could become a true boss if he didn't have his conscience and emotions with him. Care for his family would be what endeared him and the ability to forgive others and give out chances was what would melt the hearts of the other mafiasos who had long frozen theirs and gain their trust.
Reborn was probably disappointed. He was known as the best student of Reborn in this part of the world, yet he had became like this. A cold blooded killer.
He'd felt the heaviness of Reborn shoes touching his shoulders and sighed, trying to remember the feeling of having him standing on them. It would probably be the last time he would get to experience such closeness with his tutor. Until Reborn too, surprised him like Kyoko.
Reborn had reached out with his tiny hands and patted the head he had abused so many times with a rare grin on his face. A proud one. As Reborn spoke the words into his ears, Tsuna felt the urge to start sobbing again.
"It was inevitable, Dame-Tsuna. Stop holding it in. You've done well up till now."
And he did. He had grabbed Reborn off his shoulder and hugged him tightly whilst releasing his sobs again. Reborn had allowed him to do so, even though the usual him would never allow anyone to touch him so easily. Leon had stuck of his tongue repeatedly, licking his tears off. He'd used to be afraid of Leon's licks. After all, getting licked by a shape shifting chameleon wasn't something one would enjoy. But he had found the gesture comforting and cried even harder. That moment, despite how painful it was, was one of the best in his life.
Until Kyoko had burst in worriedly after hearing his sobs.
Because Reborn had reacted instantly and jumped out of his arms, landing a harsh kick at his cheek which slammed him to the ground. As Reborn landed on the floor, he'd pulled down his fedora with a certain glint in his eyes, "Don't touch me so easily, Dame-Tsuna. I'm the world's strongest hitman, all the girls around the world have to queue up to do so."
Tsuna then stared at him in shock, a stupid dazed look on him as he clutched his cheek that was throbbing painfully, not realising the fact that Kyoko had rushed by his side worriedly.
And then he smiled. And giggled. And burst out laughing.
Kyoko had moved backwards in shock while Reborn watched him, pulling his fedora down once more to hide a secretive grin.
When he finally gained control of himself, he smiled at Reborn, "Ah.. That's right. How could I have forgotten that? Thank you, Reborn.."
Kyoko was curious. But she hadn't questioned the fact that Tsuna had used 'thank you' instead of 'sorry'. Because the smile on her husband's lips was more than enough for her at the moment.
Until the next day. Tsuna had realised that things would never returned back to the way it once was.
Kyoko and Reborn's acceptance was given to him and he would treasure it forever.
But his guardian's ones would never come.
Takeshi and Hayato never tried to find out why he had killed, only glared at him with looks that said that they had made the mistake when the first chose to follow him and they would never do so again.
Ryohei's was similar. He was shocked that he had killed and yelled to Tsuna that he wasn't the little brother he knew to the extreme and that his little brother would never have killed. He'd even tried to convince Kyoko to leave him. But Kyoko never did, she had smiled at him and said that regardless of whatever her brother thought, she would stay by his side.
Lambo, like a kid he was, had never forgotten the scene when he came home all bloodied and had ran away each time Tsuna came near. And that was the same with Chrome.
Mukuro had glared at him and told him that he had became part of the mafia dogs that he despised and that he had disappointed him greatly.
Kyoya, was the only one who had sighed, and begrudgingly forced himself to give Tsuna a small pat on the shoulder as he walked away; the most of a gesture of comfort he could make for anyone. That had made Tsuna smile.
But everyone else treated him like he hadn't existed anymore.
Each time Takeshi and Hayato glared at him, his heart shattered.
Each time Lambo and Chrome ran at the sight of him, he found himself crying deep within.
And each time Mukuro gave him a cold look, he felt like someone had ripped his heart out of him.
But he didn't say anything. Because no one needed to know. A discord within the strongest Famiglia was a chance to every other one and a chance he would never give. He fought to put a facade in front of the public, making it seem like they were still on close terms even though in truth, they were anything but that.
And it became worst when Federico, the Ninth's son who had been found alive a few years back but never tried to fight for the Decimo's place came to stay in the Vongola Mansion.
Federico was nice. Really nice. He was unlike Xanxus and understood Tsuna really well. He understood that Tsuna's famiglia had became important to him and never tried to take it away from him.
And perhaps that was one had drawn his heartbroken guardians to him. He had became the one Takeshi would invite for baseball games, the one Hayato would fuss about all day and glow when given a compliment by him, the one Lambo would treat like a big brother, the one Chrome could rely on and the one Mukuro would make threats to take over his body.
Federico was overwhelmed and shocked when he saw the way Tsuna's guardians had acted as he understood that killing was inevitable in this world, and definitely not Tsuna's fault.
He had tried to persuade his guardians but all of his words fell on death ears.
Federico was enraged and he had told Tsuna that they hadn't deserved him but Tsuna had told him it was alright and he didn't mind. Federico had apologised when his guardians grew close to him but Tsuna had smiled and told him to help him take care of his guardians in his place.
Kyoya was the only one who had told him, "That herbivore is even weaker than you, omnivore. I refuse to crowd with anyone of such."
It comforted him a lot. Even though he knew it was wrong, he grew jealous of Federico greatly.
Perhaps it was his fault that all this happened, Tsuna thought as he looked up at his guardians who sat at the dining table, for giving up his place so easily for Federico. At that end of the table, everyone was glowing and smiling. But none of their smiles were directed at him.
At his end of the table, it was silent. Kyoya, being him, would never chatter. Reborn, understood that Tsuna was in no mood to joke or even receive his torture and kept quiet. That was all.
As he glanced at them once more, he felt anger and pain growing in his heart. Part of him hated Reborn greatly for even organising such a dinner. He was fine with eating in his own room with Kyoko each night. But his hyper intuition told him that Reborn had done this one purpose.
And he was proved right when Reborn spoke nonchalantly from where he sat, "Stop holding it in. Dame-Tsuna. Or have you forgotten what I told you that night?"
Kyoko reached out the touch his hand worriedly but Tsuna didn't respond.
Stop holding it in. You've done well up till now.
Before he knew it, he had released a bitter chuckle and the whole table quieten down and directed their attention towards him.
He didn't flinch when his guardians glared at him. Only chuckled louder, his bitterness filling it.
"Reborn," he had began, with the voice he had used with bosses that he held meeting with, meetings that his guardians never attended aside from Kyoya.
His guardians flinched in surprise.
"What is it, Tenth?" Reborn had replied, twirling his wind glass with his petite hands.
Kyoko seemed to understand what he was doing and smiled in relief. She had had enough of seeing him holding everything in and if this was what Tsuna wanted, she would follow him.
Kyoya on the other hand, simply smirked. He'd never thought that Tsuna would show his carnivorous side to the rest of the herbivores. To him, Tsuna was an Omnivore. A mixture of Herbivore and Carnivore because he was never able to figure out which side was his true nature.
"Remember the last thing I asked you before I took over as Decimo?" Tsuna had questioned.
Raising his eyebrows, Reborn nodded whilst smirking inwardly, "Of course."
Tsuna smiled bitterly, reaching out to touch his own wineglass while he close his eyes in remembrance.
"What should I do if I have to kill no matter what," his guardians had their eyes widened as he repeated the words.
"Ah..." Reborn's eyes hardened just a little, "I told you, "Do it. Because if you don't do it, you'll be the one to get killed and then your guardians will suffer because without a boss, Vongola is vulnerable and your Famiglia is as good as dead." "
Tsuna snorted and then laughed loudly, his laughters echoing throughout the dining room, "Pfft.. Ahahaha!"
They were staring at him in shock, as though regret was beginning to seep through their eyes.
"I've always thought that everything you taught me was right, Reborn," Tsuna spoke, his voice hard, "But it seems that I was wrong."
Taking no offense, Reborn simply hummed lightly, "Hmm.. Is that so?"
"Ah.." Tsuna tightened his grip around the glass and unconsciously lit his Dying Will flames, watching as it shattered in his hands while everyone else flinched. "That night, that damn Calogero Sangue had threatened that he had placed bombs around the party my guardians were attending and that he would activate them if I didn't kill him. He was testing my limits, thinking that I would never dare to stain my hands with blood. That I wouldn't have the courage to do so.."
He wondered how his guardians were feeling, facing the truth. He didn't care. Not anymore.
"He was wrong. The me at that time, would do anything, even if it meant killing so long it kept my guardians safe and sound."
Smiling bitterly, "Truth to be told, I really thought it was okay. It didn't matter that they were glaring at me like I was the biggest enemy of theirs because I was satisfied. Because I had kept them alive and I was glad. Even if I had blood on my hands, at least theirs was clean. And I thought I could continue living like this. Turns out that I was wrong."
"I had thought myself of too high of a calibre," his voice became pained, "I had thought that it was alright for Takeshi and Hayato to hate me. I treated it as though they weren't killing me inside out at all. I thought it was alright for Chrome and Lambo to be afraid of me. That I wasn't breaking at all whenever they stared at me like I was a murderer. I even thought that it was okay from Mukuro to want to kill me. Because they were safe. And everything was alright because they were safe."
"Turns out everything really was alright," Tsuna smiled, and then his voice hardened, "For them."
"Without me, life went as well as usual. They found another sky to replace me and they continued smiling as though nothing was wrong, while I," he gritted his teeth, "Became more and more like the living dead, crying each day about how I lost them whilst forcing myself to continue to be strong because I knew that if I didn't handle the job properly, Takeshi, Hayato, Lambo and everyone else would be the ones forced to take the painful missions that I had hidden away and completed myself because I didn't want them to face the harsh and cruel faces in this world."
"Was it worth it?" he questioned himself out loud, finally looking up into the faces of his shocked guardians, "Yes. That's what I answered myself each day."
"But, you know what, Reborn?" Tsuna asked and without waiting for a reply, he chuckled bitterly, "Nowadays, I can't say that to myself anymore."
As he stood up, his chair made a creeking sound. With a fluid movement, he removed the Vongola ring from his finger and threw it, making it land in the middle of the table.
He smiled at them, a smile of resignation, disappointed acceptance and pain, resignation and acceptance that he would never be their sky anymore and pain that he could no longer be a family with them, he spoke "You win, mia Famiglia. You will no longer have me in your presence."
They watched in shock as he turned and walked away, his shoes clicking against the floor. Kyoko stood up instantly, reaching out to hold his hand as she followed him without hesitation.
Reborn smirk as he too, jumped down the chair and walked behind him at him own pace.
Kyoya raised his eyebrows at Tsuna's retreating figure and smirked and he proceeded to remove his own ring, announcing, "If the omnivore is leaving, then there's no meaning for me to continue to stay here and crowd with you herbivores."
Everyone watched in shock, along with the maids and cooks who stood by the side of the room as Kyoya placed his ring down and walked out, in the opposite direction, no doubt leaving to be the aloof cloud he was now that the sky was gone.
As Tsuna finally disappeared out of the door, Reborn stopped just a few steps away from it and turned back to them with a dark look, "You should have seen this coming, Vongola Guardians. Tell me, what exactly were you thinking when you had pledge this silent war on him without even consulting his reasons? Did it ever occur to you that he had a reason? Or was he, in your eyes, someone capable of killing on mere impulse?"
He narrowed his eyes and glared at all of them before turning and walking out.
The dining room was completely silent except for Federico's sigh. He had seen this coming. With a smile, he thought, At least now, Tsuna is free.
Turning back to the guardians, he gave them a look, "I told you. I told you that you would regret this. Too bad none of you chose to open your ears and listen."
With another sigh, he stood up and told one of the maids to make preparations for his visit to the Ninth. He knew from the small meaningful glance Tsuna had sent him before he left that he trusted him and was depending on him to pick up the rest of the Famiglia. And he would do as so.
As he shot one more look towards the guardians, he thought, The rest of them can go to hell. He had only treated them so nicely because Tsuna had asked anyway.
With that, he too, turned and left.
As the dining room turned silent once more, a small choked sob was heard.
"Jyuudaime.."
"Tsuna.."
They had won the war. But they would never have him by their side anymore. What was it that they were so insistent about? Why were they so persistent in fighting this war against him even though all it brought was pain? By then, no one could answer that question.
The sky is gone.
~Fin~
1) Tadaima - Welcome Home
2) Mia Famiglia - My Family.
Did I miss out any? Leave a review if I did.
Omg! Its times like this when I remember why I love fanfiction so much! Nothing more fun then typing away furiously at your computer at three am while everyone else is sleeping.
I sort of have an idea for a sequel. Or should I just stop here? Leave a review and tell me how you feel!
Ciao~
Raita.