*Disclaimer*: I do not own any of the characters created by Stephanie Meyer and used in her Twilight series.

Always Until Now

Nessie's P.O.V. Diary Entry

Ever since I was a baby, Jacob's always been there for me. When I was little, he was always like a big brother to me. I used to love his stories of when my mom was a teenager, and how they were best friends. He never told me how my dad came into it though, he just told me about the things they would do as friends. When I got older, he was more like a friend to me. I could talk to him casually about everything that happened at school, and he always gave me advice.

But now I'm a teenager, and I can't seem to find Jake's place in my life. I couldn't imagine life without him, he's always been there for me. But lately, he doesn't seem like my friend anymore. It's weird, I just can't explain it. He's always been like a big brother to me. Always. That is, always until now.

Chapter One: Out of Place

Today was the first day of my junior year. It sucked, always having to transfer schools. I started out being home schooled, but my Aunt Alice insisted that I had a proper social life too. I made best friends, and then all of a sudden had to leave unexpectedly. In a few months I'd be enrolling as a senior. To make it worse, I've been waking up in the middle of the night lately to the sound of my parents fighting over what they would do with me.

I may be in the body and looks of a sixteen year old girl, but underneath, my maturity was just forming. My friends always laughed at me telling me how stupid I could be sometimes, and it really hurt. They weren't really true friends, because being friends with a bunch of sixteen year old girls was like being friends with twenty year old women when you're only ten. As I arrived at school, I opened up my locker for the first time and unpacked. I decorated it with a purple outlined vanity. On the outside it was a whiteboard, but when you opened it up there was a huge mirror, with two side ones and blue lights that lit according to motion.

For any middle school-er that would be the greatest thing, but for girls in high school it was just another locker accessory. But I wasn't a normal high school girl. My mind was set in the mind of a middle school-er's education wise. My maturity was the maturity of a sixteen year-old's depending on the situation. Next I put a light purple basket at the bottom of the locker, meant to hold school supplies and such. I opened a pack of bedazzled flower magnets and set them around the locker.

There was a purple, a pink, and a green, all with yellow middles that

set the theme. It looked nice, jazzed the rusty old grey locker up a bit. As I slammed my locker door shut, I jumped a bit at the sight of my friend Megan. Megan was the dumbest out of all my friend's so I related to her the best. We were in all normal on-level classes, and for the few advanced ones we were in, were like accelerated to us. "HEY NESS!" she shouted at me.

I covered my ear at the volume of her voice and said back in the

same tone, "HEY MEGAN!" "Ouch!" she said rubbing her ear. "Was I really that loud? Oh well, sorry! I'm so excited for the first day! I hear David's finally gonna ask me out!"

That was another thing that I was left out on. Boys. Out of the few mature qualities of mine, liking boys was one of them. The only thing is, I never have a crush on someone. Here and there I'll think their cute, but never actually like them. "Helloo?" Megan waved her hand in my face.

"Anyone home?" "Sorry," I said, "just thinking." We started to walk

to homeroom together, and she just wouldn't stop talking! "Oooh thinking about what? Lemme guess is it Johnny? Oh I bet it's Johnny!"

" Y'know I hear that he likes ya!" I let out a sigh and said, "I swear

Meg sometimes you remind me of Pinkie Pie. It was true. Sometimes her voice even sounded like it too. I hated to admit but I was a secret fan of those shows, but all the characters were so annoying and loud. It wasn't even because I was really only a little kid still, it was just so addicting!

"Swearing isn't nice Ness," she teased me. "I always make fun of my brother for watching that show. He actually likes it! I mean it's totally for little girls!" she started to change the subject. "But seriously Ness what were you thinking about?" I hesitated before I finally said, "Jake."

"Ugh!" she said, "What's with you and him? I mean he doesn't even go to school here so what makes him so great?" My friends never understood Jacob's and my relationship. All of the friends I've had at all the different schools didn't understand. I didn't get what there wasn't to understand.

I may have tweaked the story a bit but from what they knew we had been best friends since birth. "What makes you so great Megan? What makes all of our friends so great? He's just a really great guy!" "Whoa there Ness, no need to get all defensive!" she said backing off a bit. "Do you like him or something?" she asked kind of shocked.

"No way!" I demanded. "EW gross!" "Okay, okay!" Megan assured, "sorry I brought it up." I shuddered at the thought and picked up my pace as I walked away from her. The rest of the day was kind of a drag. Just boring teachers telling us boring things.

Besides, all I could think about was Jake. The last time I saw him was yesterday, but it felt like it had been forever. When I finally got home for the day, I noticed my mom and dad weren't there. I walked over to the fridge to get a cup of juice, but the taste was starting to get gross to me, and I knew that soon I wouldn't be able to digest normal things. As I opened the dirty white fridge, I saw a note taped to the jar. It was in green and white stationary that had the name Bella written all over the sides, and in cursive pretty handwriting it read:

Renesmee, your dad and I went out hunting with the family. We'll be back around ten o clock. Do whatever homework you have and we'll be home before you know it!

Love, Mom

Mom was really the only one who called me by my full name, regardless of whether I was in trouble or not. Whenever someone called me Nessie her facial expression became blank, and I could tell she was having flashbacks.

I was only thirteen years old on the inside, so I always missed my mom when she left. My whole family was completely oblivious to the fact that I wasn't really sixteen. They treated me older than I really was, and I didn't like it. You wouldn't leave a normal thirteen year old girl alone for six hours. Well, maybe you did, but it wasn't the best idea. I guess I just missed having my family around all the time. Since I didn't have any homework I decided I'd call Jake, to catch up.

I ran down the hallway to my room, and got out my cell phone from my purse. I plopped down on my cotton bed, and grabbed one of the quilted pillows and put it underneath me. I dialed Jake's number, and as it rang, I traced my fingers along the black knitted outline of my bed cover. There were different multi-colored squares along the queen sized bed, that had a very teen feel to it. There was dark purple, dark blue, light blue, light green, hot pink, and a dark bright orange. It sounded tacky, but looked really pretty. It looked kind of vintage, and I was into vintage stuff.

I waited and waited, until I finally got an answer. "Hello?" I heard Jake say. "Hey Jake it's Nessie!" I said cheerfully happy to hear his voice. "Oh hey! I was just about to call you!" "Oh really?" I laughed.

"Well yeah I just wanted to catch up. So what's up?" "I'm sorry what did ya' say?" he asked. "I said what's up?" I repeated a bit louder. "What? Look I can't hear you right now.

"I'll call you back when I can really hear you. So leave me a message after the beep!" –beeep- Another Jake joke. And of course I fell for it. I was so drowned in my thoughts I forgot that I needed to leave a message. "Hey Jake it's Nessie.

"You're a jerk. Call me back bye." I hung up. I didn't know what to do so I walked out of my room and outside. I hopped into my silver convertible and started the engine. My parents didn't really like me driving unless it was for an emergency.

They were worried that my younger mind wouldn't be able to handle it. But this was an emergency. I needed to see Jake and I needed to see him now. I drove on down to La Push and parked my car a mile from Jake's place. La Push was exactly the same as I had remembered it when I was a baby. It had such a welcoming feeling to it, it always made me want to live there.

The calming sound of the ocean, the feel of the sand beneath my toes, I just wanted to lay down a mat that said, "Welcome Home." When I finally reached Jake's house, I saw him walking out the front door to take out the trash. "Jake!" I yelled and started waving. I felt better just seeing him. "Hey Ness!" he yelled back. I was so happy that I started running on over and before I knew it Jake was yelling, "Ness! Watch out for that"- BANG!

I ran into a tree. I put my hand over my eye and forehead hunching over. Jake ran over and was by my side immediately. "Hey," his calming voice said, "Let me see." He removed my hand from eye but by the time he did, the pain was gone.

"Just a minor"- he was cut off as he watched the swelling go away. "I swear Ness that blood suck-I mean vampire healing stuff always creeps me out." "Swearing isn't nice Jacob," I teased him, mocking Megan. "Besides, it happens with wolves too," I scolded. He rolled his eyes and said, "Just be more careful next time, kay?" "Kay," I told him, but I couldn't promise.

He grabbed my hand and started walking with me over to his house. Jake and I had always held hands before, but this time, it felt different. I wasn't sure whether it felt awkward, or if I liked it, but either way I didn't care. I just kept my hand locked in his, swinging our arms in a rhythmic motion. "So what's up Ness?' he asked. "Your voicemail," I said with a big grin spreading across my face.

"Ah," he said smirking, "I knew you'd fall for it." I playfully hit him in the gut with my elbow and laughed. "By the way," he began, "I thought vampires were supposed to be graceful?" I rolled my eyes. "I'm still half way ya' know. Once I stop "growing I'll be perfect," I said with a big grin across my face.

"You're already perfect now," he told me. "Thanks Jake." If it were possible to blush right then, I would've. As we reached his house, he opened the door for me and I walked inside. He plopped himself on the couch leaning against the right side's arm, and turned on the TV to some Animal Planet special on elephants. I gracefully danced over to the pantry, and got a bag of movie theater butter popcorn.

I carefully placed it on the tray in the microwave, fussing with it trying to lay it perfectly straight. "Come on hurry up Ness!" he yelled at me. "It doesn't matter how it's placed it's just going to turn over when you start it up. "Sorry," I quickly replied. "I have O.C.D. about this." "I can tell," he said laughing.

I shut the microwave door softly and hit the POPCORN button. I got out a big white bowl and put it on the dirty granite counter tops to wait until the popcorn would be ready to fill it. I walked over to the rusty burgundy couch and plopped myself on it to fit Jake's position. I sat leaning against the arm on the left side with my legs bended up so our knees met in the middle. When I finally was adjusted, Jake said, "So?" "Your house is gross," I spit out.

He let out a loud chuckle and said, "That's all you have to say?" "No," I started, "just pointing out the facts." "Well thanks," he said. "I'll be sure to have you give me some cleaning tips next time you're here." I rolled my eyes at him and hit him with a pillow. "Why do you still live in the same old house with Billy anyways?" I asked him.

"I mean, your practically an adult now, so you should get your own place." "Well I would," he said, "but I can't for two reasons." "Why not?" I questioned him. "Well I-…" he started to talk, when the timer went off. "Just a sec," I stopped him. I got up from the couch and began to walk over to the open kitchen.

I couldn't help but feeling his eyes staring at me while I walked. I opened the microwave and pulled out the bag of popcorn. I opened it from the two corners up, and turned my head away as the steam came out. I poured in the fatty, buttery pieces of popcorn into the big bowl, and carried it over back to the couch. I sat back in the same position, and put the bowl on top of our feet in the center. Jake immediately grabbed a hand of popcorn and shoved it in his mouth as he talked.

"Anyways," he began, "since I'm staying in the body of a sixteen year old boy, I have to hide from the people who's left from the last generation. And if there was a new house they'd go check it out. Second of all, with that old frog still living in this house, I can't just leave him alone. I gotta take care of the old man." I giggled a bit at the frog joke, although it was quite cruel. "Billy's not an old frog," I protested.

"And it's not polite to talk with your mouth full," I said smirking as I grabbed the handful of popcorn he was about to eat from his hand. "So I hear your prom's coming up," Jake quickly changed the subject. "Yeah," I said, "how'd you know?" "Oh please!" he said. "In a small town like Forks, it's pretty hard to not know about everything that's going on. I saw some signs posted up near the school."

"There's not very much that goes on either," I added. He made a sound of agreement, and said, "Anyways, back to the prom. Did anyone ask you?" I knew he was asking, but something told me he already knew the answer to it. I felt like being stubborn so I said, "Yes." His face lit up like a Christmas Tree, and then it turned into a panicked look.

"I'm just kidding!" I re-assured him, throwing a piece of popcorn at him. Immediately his face calmed down and he relaxed. "Do you want someone to ask you?" he asked, getting a bit worried. Something told me he knew the answer to that too. "No," I told him, "all the guys are jerks and stupid at school." "They can't tell the difference from a cheerleader and a skunk."

That made Jake laugh. "Well," he began, "All those guys are stupid. And they don't know what their missing out on." "Jacob Black, are you, hitting on me?" I asked laughing. "What?" he said, "a guy can't give a girl a compliment without it being assumed as a pick up line?" "I guess your right," I agreed.

But the way he sounded seemed like there was more to it. I looked at the time. It was 7:00. "Let's go swimming," I blurted out. "What?" Jake laughed, "It's 7'o clock at night." "So?" I said, "we can go night swimming."

I walked up from the couch and slapped his head. "Oww!" he said rubbing where I hit him. "Oh be a man!" I scolded. "Alright, alright we can go swimming!" he said. "Yay!" I clapped my hands in excitement. "Ugh but I don't have a bathing suit."

"You could always go naked," Jake offered. I slapped him on the head again. "Sorry," he said blushing. "You know, I think Leah left her bathing suit here last week," Jake told me. I gave a curious look and he quickly confirmed, "We all went swimming but Sam was calling so we had to change to see what he was up to. She left her bathing suit here and I've been meaning to return it to her."

With that I ran to the laundry room and saw a purple and white striped bikini. I stripped off my clothes and replaced them with the girly bathing suit. It was weird for Leah to have such a brightly girl bathing suit. She was usually more tom-boy. I walked out back to the living room and saw Jake come out of his room wearing his shorts and holding two towels in his hand. He tossed me one and said, "Let's go!"

I ran behind him outside and jumped on his back and laughed. I took my hands and placed them over his eyes as he ran. "Hey!" he shouted trying to pry them off, "I can't see!" "That's the point," I laughed. I moved my hands from his eyes, and he put his back around my legs to support me. He carried me all the way up to the cliff where the guys always jumped from. "Ready?" he asked as he set me down. I moved my hair out of my face with my hand and held it there as I looked down. "I, I don't know," I said worriedly. It was dark out, and it was a pretty big jump.

It's not like I could die, cause I already half was. It was just, scary. "Maybe I'll just walk in…" I said as I started to go back down. Too late. Before I knew it Jake had grabbed me. "Let me down! Let me down! Seriously Jake this isn't cool! Aaaah!" I turned to look at him, and then we were staring face to face, silent, frozen. The wind blew a strand of hair into my face, and Jake reached his hand over to move it. "You sparkle in the moonlight too," he whispered. I thought about how this would be one of those perfect, stupid chick flick movie moments.

As he would carefully move the strand of hair out of her face, he would slowly lean in, and press his lips against hers passionately. As this would surprise her, but she would press her lips back, sparkling in the moonlight.

But this wasn't a movie. It was a reality. As I quickly turned my head away, I tried to change the mood. "Please just let me walk in." He shook his head realizing I had rejected the moment and resumed what he originally was doing. He walked over to the edge and swung his arms, then threw me over the edge. I originally would've screamed. But as I fell down into the water, I thought about the moment. If I hadn't turned my head, Jacob probably would've kissed me. And that's exactly what I feared.