Gay. Faggot. Homo. Fairy. Pixie. It all hurt the same, no matter what word they used in or out of the classroom. A guy here would say 'That's so fucking gay!' it's not a bad thing, Gay means happy… I'm happy. How can someone take such a good term and contort it like that? In the nineteenth century everyone used it as happy, where did those days go? What generation started making the term Gay so bad?

Yes, I like men in general, that's not odd… I bet I'm not the only one in this school but I don't cover it up, so I get the brunt end of it. Now don't get me wrong, I don't scream it to the world by wearing pink and being a happy go-lucky kind of guy, I generally wear normal clothes just little more fashionable then other guys wear.

Lately it's been getting really bad, the guys in the school know that prom is coming up and they want to see 'what other faggot I'm going to get to go with me' it's horrible. I know there is nothing wrong with it; there is nothing wrong with me. Despite what my parents have tried to tell me; that I have a brain disorder, or that I'm defective. It's horrible and because of it my life has taken a turn for the worse. I'm currently staying at my uncle's house because he and Aunty Kim don't think it's bad, their best friends are a happily married homosexual couple. There's a bit of a custody battle because of it though.

I ran to my aunt and uncles house willingly but my parents think they kidnapped me, apparently I'm being held against my will and brainwashed too. I feel safe there, and safe isn't good apparently; the calming smell of fresh mint, coffee and sometimes an overlying sent of strawberry if aunty Kim is going out with friends that day. The walls are painted warm colors of reds and a few blues in places like the bathroom and kitchen, but the contrast of warm and cold is so nice that it never makes me think of school or home. Their house makes me relax, and the guest bedroom that I'm staying in now is nice because the warm maroon walls help lull me to sleep; I've been having such a bad time getting to sleep recently because of another threat.

"Hey Gay-Boy. How're you doing?" I'm snapped back to my English classroom as Xemnas, the biggest asshole in my grade sits on the edge of my desk. Everyday he says something that gets under my skin, every day he does something to make his friends laugh and me almost cry. He'll make fun and say: 'hey lookit guys, I made the little fag cry!' with a smile on his face.

His last threat was on my life. 'If you ever even look at me again I'll put you three feet under' and I could handle death-threats, I've been getting them for a few years, but that death-threat sounded so much like a: 'they'll never even find a body' and from him, I believe it.

"Thanks for asking Xemnas, I'm annoyed. How does it feel being the biggest asshole in the school today? Anyone beat you in that aspect yet?" I raise an eyebrow at him and smirk a little, I can say whatever I want inside classrooms, but it's when we leave, when lunch time comes and the classrooms close and the principal walks away to make rounds at another part of the school that I need to worry about. It's those lonesome moments in the hallway before he and his group find me.

The violence is only verbal right now, it's not too bad and I can handle it. But I'm scared that it's going to become physical next, there have already been moments when he's tripped me in the hallway or he's flicked my right ear- that I have proudly pierced in the last three weeks since running away from home.

"You Fag! What did you just say to me?" his brows lower and his fists clench at his sides as his friends are still chuckling and giggling at what I've said.

I have a witty come-back, one that might make him shut up. But I won't be able to back it up later so I let out a sigh and rest my left cheek on the heel of my hand and reply "You heard what I said. I don't see special treatment of repeating myself."

"Yeah, but did you call me stupid?" I shake my head, allowing my eyes to quickly wander back down to my homework I have opened on my desk, the pencil poised in my hand to write. I'm just waiting for him to leave so he doesn't copy my answers. "Answer me you-"

"Mr. Hemlock, sit down will you? Talk to your friends some other time." I can't help but scoff, do teachers really not notice, or are they just spurring the bullies on? I've gone to teachers and guidance counselors like all the TV and radio station ads say, but it doesn't work, the principal has even had it in an assembly that any student caught bullying another student because of their sexual orientation would be suspended- but it doesn't work because once they get back they go at it for a different reason.

"I'll see you later then, Gay-Boy." Xemnas' voice is so low I can barely hear it, but fear runs through me nonetheless. And I quickly start jotting down the answers to the questions so I don't have to do the homework once I get home to my aunt and uncles' house.

The bell goes and I pack all of my stuff up as slowly as I can, I know that if I rush they'll just be there waiting, they'll be there anyhow so why should I rush into their clutches of horror and bullying.

The last thing to put into my bag is my laptop cord and as I look up I see that there is still a student in the classroom: Axel, he had a million things all going at once this class- I have no idea how he manages to do it, but he's even managing to pull off an A in this class. I'm lucky if I'm working my butt off for a B.

"Hey, see you tomorrow." he gives the salutation and waves as he walks out of the class, his own laptop tucked under his arm with his binder and his backpack on his back. I return the smile and wave awkwardly- mainly because I never get them so it's weird for me to give them, and I finish packing up my bag so I can get to tutorial. The classroom is on the far side of the school, up a hallway and virtually five minutes away.

Now, due to previous 'lessons' lets call them, I have learned several things about being Homosexual and at this school: one, don't go into the bathroom. Two: don't look at the jocks no matter what. And the last important rule: don't bring attention to yourself, that means never smile, never smile at a text from a friend at another school who's trying to cheer you up, and never ever walk around the hall randomly at lunch.

I got to my tutorial classroom easily enough without any problems in the slightest, but it's after tutorial now and lunch is roaring with life. I've debated on spending my time in my art room or the library, and usually that's what I do. But the teachers are having a meeting about the strike that's currently going on so all the classrooms are closed and the library is being used, so I'm currently sitting outside the art room with a book, praying that they wont come this¾

"Hey Faggot! What're ya reading?" I hate so many things about Xemnas, I could name them all now, but I have to think my way out of this as his friends make a semi-circle around us.

"A book. You know, it's about six or seven hundred pages filled with words- those thing you have trouble with in class. They make sentences and by the end of it you've read a story. Do you know what that is Xemnas?" his face fills with rage and the front of my shirt is grabbed and I'm lifted out of my sitting position, my feet almost off the ground and I hiss as my designer jacket cuts into my armpits.

"What was that smart guy?" his face is mere inches away and I debate on kissing him just to shock and scare the shit out of him, but who the hell would want to touch those lips?

"Alright Deaf-Boy… you are stupid, you don't even seem to know what a stupid book is, you are a perpetual jack-ass and you're overly rude. I don't get how any of these stupid louts could think you're a nice or kind person and if I could I would give you all the threats you've given me over the past two years." his eyes are burning with a fire I've never seen before and fear is coursing through me now, his grip is getting just that much tighter on my jacket, he's lifting me a few more centimeters off the ground and his breath seems to be coming in heavy puffs of anger that are covering my face with a putrid onion stench.

"I'll make you regret those words." I doubt that, what's he going to do? Give me a- he jerks me on my feet and my eyes go instantly wide as I stumble and grope the wall for a handhold, something to stop me from moving before he jerks me again and starts pulling me through the school. "I don't know who you think you are; talking to me like that… but I'll show you that I'm too important."

Bull, he plays soccer, sure, he's the schools star shooter (or whatever it's called), gets most of the goals in a game- but that doesn't make him anymore important then me. I've made no accomplishments for this school, my name is no where but under my picture in the yearbook, it doesn't make him important for him to be an athlete.

"You're no more important then me, now let me go."

"The hell I'm no more important then you, and I'm gonna prove it." Xemnas thrusts me backwards and I stumble through a door just to slam into washroom stalls. I don't know what is going on but my heart is racing as Xemnas and his two best friends follow me in before locking the door- the rest of the group probably still outside the door so no one walks in.

I feel like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest and kill me, horrible scenarios are running through my head and I already feel like I'm going to cry, just having to watch as Xemnas walks forward and grabs my jacket again and pushes me into one of the stalls and follows.

Before I actually know what actions he's taken to get me where I am, my face is down around the toilet bowl and Xemnas' hand is fisted in the back of my coat, pushing my face towards the swirling water. My arms are braced against the bowl so he cant push me in without breaking something- I don't know if he cares about that or not. I'm crying and he's yelling and swearing at me, none of this is making any sense. Why the hell did it have to come to this?

My arms let go and I can't help the scream as one of my arms slip and my face is pushed into the water, taking the disgusting water into my mouth as I try and hold the little air I have in my lungs from leaving.

The cycle runs out fairly quickly and I'm pulled up just enough to breathe again. I'm coughing and hacking, causing a mixture of saliva and toilet water to drip down my chin as I fight back tears from my now drenched face. I have to be here, watching the water get closer and closer to my face again as the toilet refills for a second flush. My arms are braced again- this time more like I'm going to get sick -just so he doesn't do it for fun. Even though the strength in my arms is completely gone.

"So… do you still think we're on the same level?"

"No-n-no I don't."

"Ha… I'm higher then you, admit it, Faggot."

"Y…" I take a moment to breathe, I'm still trying to get the air regulated in my lungs. It can all stop- I know it can and will if I just say it, all I'd have to do it turn my back on myself- but it's so wrong and I cant turn my back on myself. "You're right Jacob; I am higher then you."

"Faggot!" his voice rips through the bathroom and I take a deep breath as he pushes my head back down. I can take it I know I can, I'm a good swimmer I just have to think of it like swimming: soft rolling waves against my skin as I swim through the open waves of the Californian beach I traveled to last winter with my aunt and uncle, it was so nice there. No one cared there. I'll just think of this as those waves, maybe jumping off the high board: the instant wedgies, the water incasing me quickly and me sinking, deeper and deeper, not stopping and I'm drowning- shit-shit! I need air!

The water in the toilet is still now and I'm still being held under water, what the hell is going on? I try and grapple for Xemnas behind my head but that doesn't work so I do the next best thing: I punch backwards. I do it a few times, waiting as my head starts to feel dizzy and my muscles more weak, but my fist connects with something and Xemnas lets out a scream and I push myself up out of the water.

Air fills my lungs and I cant help but gasp and cough, actually getting sick in the toilet this time. I'm so fucking scared as Xemnas swears and yells behind me that I don't know what's going to happen anymore. I turn around and sit down on the wet linoleum and keep coughing as Xemnas hobbles around, going right and then left.

"You fucking bitch!" the words mean nothing to me, but him slamming my head from the left side and into the right side of the stall does and the tears keep spilling; I don't know what to do anymore. All the threats are coming true and I'm scared, I cant do anything anymore. The only thing going through my mind is 'stay alive' until he curses again and I hear the bathroom empty itself.

I've been left on the bathroom floor, my head is bleeding and my mouth tastes horrible from vomit and toilet water. And I don't know what to do; I cant take this anymore. All of the vocal threats and bullying was hard enough, this is too much, I cant take it… there is no way I can go through another day of this.

I stand up and grab my bags that have been strewn all over the hallway. I find my book in the hallway and pick it up, tears still streaming down my face as I try and hide from the looks and laughs I'm getting.

I head right for the next door but bump into something, I flinch but no hit comes, no nasty sarcastic comment, no demeaning slang term. I look up and open my eyes in time to see Axel, his red hair going out in crazy spikes behind his head and his large almost acid green eyes opened wide in shock. His mouth is hanging open and I just push him out of my way as I start on my way again. He cant honestly think this isn't normal, the whole school knows I'm the living punching bag.

Nothing can make this better, there will be no helping me after this; no one does anything! How many students had seen Xemnas grab me? How many teachers had seen it? I don't care anymore, I cant get over this, it's who I am and I'm not changing! I thought that if I just stayed true to myself and didn't let others sway me I'd be fine, I'd still be me and I'd be worth the air I breathe. But if people are so scared and homophobic that they'll willingly let something like that happen…

I don't know what I'll do, but I cant live like this.

A one story above-ground and one story below-ground house with pale yellow walls, slightly brighter then pastel and not yet lemon. The grass in the front yard is freshly cut, bright green and smells divine. I walk up the steps, tears still burning my cheeks after the half hour walk from the school and I stick the annoying key into the lock, trying to get it to work properly.

With a jiggle of the handle and a shove of my shoulder on the navy blue door it burst open and I go right for my Aunts medicine cabinet, I know what I need will be there. The fact that most of the research I've done has all told me that overdose is the best way to go.

I grab a bottle of my Aunts Oxyneo and take it into my bedroom at the end of the main hallway. I push the door open easily enough, but it sticks when closing so I shoulder it closed and walk over to my pristinely made bed. Tears are streaking down my face as I grab up one of my favorite notebooks¾ the one I use for writing down all the horrible things that have happened to me, in hopes that one day someone will ask me seriously and if I forget anything I could refer to it.

I re-write the events of today and add a small 'I'm sorry' at the end of the page before closing the book, laying it down on the pillow next to where I put my head every night.

My expensive sleeve dries the tears from my face as I open the bottle, flinching with the sound of the resounding 'pop' and I shiver as set both bottle and cap down on my nightstand. I don't want to hear that sound again, but I cant handle the silence. I take my iPod out of my pocket and plug it into the dock that doubles as my alarm clock for the morning and hit play and the song that comes on is so fitting: Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade.

I take a deep breath as I grab the bottle up again, sitting on the edge of my bed and I'm listening to the song, the piano medley so soothing as I count them out one by one. Neither my aunt or uncle will be home for a few hours, so I know I have time.

Five, six, seven, eight. How many of these do I need to do it? I'm not sure if I even need this many, my aunt keeps telling me how dangerous they are because they're a narcotic, but I've researched them and I know their lethal.

Ten, eleven, twelve¾ oops, three came out ¾fifteen. I think this is enough. Lungs are fickle things, and hearts too. I feel so constricted right now, like I'm going to suffocate just breathing.

My hand raises to push the handful of tiny white pills with little number tens on them when I pause as the next song comes on: New Religion by Black Veils Brides. The pills are just centimeters from my lips but I hear the words and it sinks in right away: 'Welcome to your life we've got you in our sights, and thoughts of God are better left alone! It's in your head black and blue what they told you wasn't true, come along and fly with the unknown!'

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I didn't know it was that bad, but seeing Roxas stumbling out of the bathroom completely soaked. I'm not going to lie, I knew what was happening to him I just didn't-don't know how to help, so I've been doing nothing.

But I'm sitting here now, not even ten feet away from Xemnas, reading over my facebook page and I don't know what to do. There are such horrible things written about what happened. The school only found out this morning via facebook, but no one's done anything about it- about Xemnas! He's sitting there, laughing his fool head off and writing more and more, adding more and more comments that are worse then the last.

I don't know how a human being can do this, it's not registering how or why. This is unacceptable and it has to stop, Xemnas- he can't think that he's better then the rest of the world anymore!

I scroll to the top of my iPod and I go into the menu so I can create a new event, I doubt some of the student body will be behind me- I doubt any of them will, but I can at least try cant I?

When I read on facebook that Roxas had tried to commit suicide my jaw dropped. We're not best friends… he never tries to reach out and be friends with me, but having people posting shit like 'He shouldn't have chickened out' and crap like 'It would have been better if he'd done it'.

Yesterday I stopped by his house to see if he was there, and his parents started screaming and yelling at me to screw off and stop kidnapping their boy. I left not knowing what to do or where to go.

English ends and I put my headphones over my head, Black Veil Brides playing in my ears, screaming about all the things that this situation calls for. I stuff my hands into my pocket, shouldering Xemnas as I pass him on my way out of the room.

If I wasn't such a pansy and stayed in the closet this wouldn't happen. Roxas is cute and all, but I'm scared about what he goes through… I don't want it to happen to me because I'm scared that it'll make me break. God, even Roxas broke and he's a million times stronger then me.

"Watch it Red." I ignore him even though it's just a muffled sound through the headphones and continue on my way to advisory- tutorial -whatever you wanna call it.

I'm so fucking sick that shit like this happens, I'm in the closet and scared out of my mind, and Roxas- the guy I've had a crush on and basically made me scream at myself that I'm gay -is going through all this shit on his own, no one else in the school is going to stop it and I feel like shit because I didn't.

"I'm talking you to shit-head!" my headphones are ripped off my head and I jerked back, trying to keep them in place before whirling around and grabbing them, Xemnas' hand under mine and a glare on my face.

"Let them go Xemnas."

"What if I don't want to."

"Then I'll give you my fist instead." he only smirks, who does no one think I'll actually fucking punch them? Because I swear, I've just been waiting for an opportunity to… and this shit with Roxas has made that perfectly clear that I'm going to.

"Do it then, you don't have it in you to-" I cut him off with my fist, grabbing his shirt so he doesn't stumble backwards too much and pull him forward so my mouth is by his ear, he's close enough that he can probably see the piercing in the helix of my right ear now too.

"You know what, all that shit you've been doing to Roxas… it's really pissed me off. So how about you fucking try it with me? Wanna see how far you get with your stupid tricks?"

"B-but-"

"But nothing you shit-fuck. If you ever touch him again, I'll kill you for it." I let him go and see the smirk on his face, playing like he's got the upper hand.

"Well, I could always give you the same treatment." I shrug as I put my headphones down around my neck.

"Like I said, try it. I fucking dare you." he raises his hands and I turn back around, I'm expecting him to attack me, but he doesn't.

It's after school and I'm on my way home, but I don't get far before I'm tackled from behind and my face is pushed into the dirt.

I flip myself around easily enough and it's Xemnas, now straddling my waist, hands fisted in my shirt and his face so close to mine I cant help but freeze for a moment. "I guess I should take you up on the offer Axel."

My wide eyes narrow and I punch up at him, hitting him surprisingly enough. I guess he can dish it out to the weaker but cant take an opponent who's evenly matched.

We grapple and scuffle for a bit on the ground, but I finally get the upper hand, and with one black eye and a possibly fractured rib I swing my right fist into his face as many times as I can. The lyrics to the Black Veil Brides song is playing through my headphones and I cant bring myself to stop as Andy Sixx screams.

'Awake at night you focus, on everyone who's hurt you. You write a list of targets, you're vilant lack of virtue. LEAVE US ALONE! YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN!' it's so fitting and I cant bring myself to stop right now, he deserves it too much.

My arm hurts too much to move anymore now. He's whimpering on the ground and it's just me, on top of him and glaring down at the puddle of whimper I've made.

"Just because I'm gay, doesn't make me weak. The fact that I've hit you makes me weak. The fact that Roxas didn't fight back- the fact that he's dealt with your shit this long -means that he's stronger then either of us will ever be. And if you touch him again, I wont stop next time.

A crowd has gathered and I only notice now, as Sora takes a step forward despite both his best friends; Riku and Kairi, try to hold him back. "I uh… know where Roxas is stay, if you want to tell him that yourself." I'm bloody and look like I've gone through a blender most likely, but I nod my head anyways.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As soon as I got the information I stood up and took off running, before any school officials that Xemnas' friends went to go get got there, I'm almost there now. The instructions were simple enough and I'm just looking for the yellow house now, my eyes are scanning but because of my black eye I cant see as clearly.

I stop at the end of the street, seeing the yellow house with navy blue door. I rush up the steps and knock on the door enthusiastically, hearing what sounds like a small dog barking from the inside.

"Be quiet Boogie, it's just the door." Roxas sounds normal, he hasn't come to school since it happened, god I feel so bad about that- at least he's opening the door though.

As soon as a crack appears in the door my breath stops, I never thought of what I was going to say… I just ran over here like an idiot. God- why do I never think things like this through?

The door is open fully and he's standing there with wide eyes, his mouth open slightly and I'm probably mirroring the face because he looks better then I thought he might. There are rings around his eyes, indicating he's been crying recently, but I don't care.

My body feels like it's moving on it's own as I move forward and press my lips against his. He goes tense as I reach a hand up and cup his face, feeling his gravity-defying hair with my finger tips and breaking the kiss for a moment to press a more gentile one to his lips while moving slightly closer to him.

I break the kiss again and move back slightly, not moving my hand from his face even though I probably should. My face is probably red, and I didn't notice until now but it seems that my lip is split because there's a bit of blood on his lip now that I rub off with my thumb.

"I'm really sorry. But I've wanted to do that for so fucking long, um… I'll leave you alone now. Again, I'm really sorry." shit! What the hell did I just do! He looks mortified! Like being bullied by Xemnas wasn't enough, now I just rape-kissed him… IS THAT EVEN A THING? GOD, I'M SUCH A STUPID MOTHER FUCKING-

"Uh, Axel… what-what was that for?" I stop walking and turn back around so I can see him, his hand is placed in front of his lips- probably touching them.

"It's kinda a long story… wanna maybe take your dog for a walk and I'll tell you?" I hope he says yes, I want to tell him everything, and if we're out walking; he'll be able to walk away if he wants and I wont follow.

"I guess… but you'll have to excuse him, he's a puppy." I just smile and nod my head, maybe this'll be a good bonding experience, maybe I'll be able to tell him how I feel and what I've done, that I was as lowly as Xemnas and hurt someone, I can do that- maybe.

AN:

Me: wow… I really hope you guys liked. I actually originally started this as an Essay for English class. It was supposed to be a story with a moral and my teachers a Homophobe, so I went with this. It got too long though so I wrote a new one of the same story line for her and decided to post this one. I will continue it if you guys want, but I think it's alright as a oneshot.

I hope you all liked, and I promise, no Roxas' or Axels' were harmed in the making of, only Xemnas was kinda harmed- not too badly though.

I hope to hear what you think, and if you want me to continue it. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day.