Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera, or Love Never Dies, or any of the associated characters, and no profit is being made from the publication of this fic.

Summary: AU one-shot. Christine chose to sing for the Phantom, but what if she hadn't?

IF YOU STILL LOVE ME

… He's had us playing his game all along, dear…

Once again, the Phantom had refused to give me up. Once again, he played on my emotions with the same skill that he used to compose the music I sang. Once again, I was faced with a terrible choice.

Raoul loved me; I knew that, even if we had drifted apart over the last decade. Despite what many had said, I was not a fortune hunter seducing the handsome young Viscount for my own financial gain. The rumours that he had gambled away his fortune were only rumours, but he had come close enough that we had decided to take a holiday, away from the gambling dens of Paris. The offer for me to sing once again had only been a bonus.

The Phantom loved me, too, but in a different way. His love was obsessive, selfish, and yet I could never resist. The night I found him hidden under the Opera House, I gave into the physical desire for the man who taught and inspired me, who I did love, if only the love of a lonely girl-child who needed some form of stability in her recently-orphaned life.

The truth was, Gustav may have been the Phantom's son, but with less than a full day between that moonless night and the night I first lay with Raoul (and which I am not ashamed to admit was just as passionate as the forbidden night with the Phantom), I do not know which man was my son's father. He bears the greatest resemblance to me, and his musical skill is at least partly mine, and whatever his paternity, Raoul has been my son's father for all of his life.

I promised the Phantom that I would sing for him, an apology for the pain I had caused him. But by doing so, what pain would I be causing Meg, once my closest friend? Meg, who had faithfully followed the Phantom and the woman who had been mother to us both. Meg, who had never been jealous of my skill, and who had finally become the star she had always deserved to be.

What pain would I cause Madame Giry, who had cared, in her own abrupt way, pushing me to be the best that I could? Pushing too far, it seemed, because now the Phantom placed my value above those who had been loyal from the start. Could I force my surrogate-mother to choose between her daughter and almost-daughter?

And why did I have to be the one apologizing? The Phantom loved me, but he also terrorized me, and the entire Theatre Company. The crowds loved me, but the company feared to associate with me, in case the jealous spectre took his anger out on them. Carlotta was an arrogant, self-obsessed… well; even so, she still didn't deserve what the Phantom did to her, humiliating her on stage, causing near-fatal accidents…

… You need so much, it's true/and I've denied you/you need the man you knew/right here beside you…

I did need the man I knew, but which man? The Phantom had always been a stranger, if a strangely intimate one. Even when I was held in his lair, I learned nothing personal of him, not even his true name. I did not know his dreams, his desires, anything other than the music we shared.

Raoul I had known from childhood, and we had shared everything. We rediscovered each other, the ways we had grown and changed, during our secret courtship. From our picnics in the attic, to the single red rose that always waited for me after a performance, to the arguments that had been so frequent over the last few days, we knew each other.

… He knows his love is not enough/ he knows he isn't what you need/ he knows you're made of finer stuff/ I think on that we're all agreed…

But we were not all agreed.

Perhaps I needed more than only Raoul's love, but I had that. Raoul had never strayed, even after the worst of disagreements, though few would have judged him for it. He knew me, and even before love, we had friendship. The son of a Viscount, and the daughter of a violinist, but whenever people tried to pull us apart, Raoul always found a way back. We had Friendship, Trust, and now renewed Hope for the future. That was enough, and more than enough.

I was hardly blameless, either. There were times when wounded pride caused me to over-react to what had merely been words spoken in temper, stopped me from apologizing and trying to make up, even when I had been the one at fault.

The Phantom had always seen me as flawless, perfect, an Angel. Raoul knew me in all of my flawed, human, reality. The Phantom might believe me to be a fine treasure, but he was the only one.

… You'll have him back, I vow/just ask it of me/ but we must leave here now/if you still love me…

I loved Raoul, and we had both been wrong during our lives together. But our love had never been anything less than right, and Gustav was the very best of us both. I was being offered the Raoul of when our marriage was new, and he deserved the Christine who was no longer a flighty girl, now fully committed, without dreaming of a ghost.

I asked Raoul to try once more to repair our cracked relationship, and he was willing to make the effort. He deserved for me to do the same.

… It's time to leave him in the dust/ it's time to be who you should be/ it's time to do now as you must/ and set the music in you free…

No.

Music had always been in my soul, to the point where my childhood nurse had claimed that my infant cries had been a joy to listen to, even at three in the morning, but that was not all that I was.

I was a mother, a wife, a Viscountess. I had a life that no longer revolved around the Opera, security beyond hoping for a wealthy patron, and love that came without price.

In another time, another life, another choice, perhaps it would have been different. Perhaps I would have chosen the Phantom, perhaps he would have stayed until I awoke after our night together, and perhaps we would be running Phantasma together. I would sing the music he composed, and perhaps we would be happy.

But could, should, would and might all boiled down to a single word: isn't.

I was married to a good man who loved me, and the Phantom had built his own life, separate from me. When he left before the dawn, he had set me free. When I left Coney Island forever, I would set the Phantom free.

I had brought the Phantom pain by choosing Raoul over him, but no matter my choice, one of them would have been hurt. The difference was that Raoul would never have tried to kill the Phantom if I had chosen my 'Angel of Music' over my devoted childhood love.

My love for Raoul had led me to stay by his side even as we drifted apart, though I could have easily left. Now, the man I loved and trusted had begged me for a final chance to start over, to renew the love that still bound us, for the sake of our son. Even if Gustav was the Phantom's natural child, Raoul was his father, and nothing would change that.

The Phantom promised glory, and fearful entrancement urged me to agree, to try and be the idol that he saw me as. But glory was fleeting, and my career as a Diva was over. I had made my choice long ago; I just had not realized it. Raoul was stability, and the freedom to be myself, flawed though I was. Raoul had once said that flaws were what made us beautiful, and perfection was too much of a constant struggle to ever be real.

Even now, he placed the future in my hands, knowing that there was every chance that I would refuse, if only because we had already agreed to a contract.

… Tonight for me/embrace your destiny…

I had promised that we would leave after the aria, and that the Phantom would never see us again. Why would it matter if I let Meg sing the song in my place? She had always been as entranced with the idea of the Phantom as I, though I knew him first, and she was not married, and had not sworn fidelity, love and obedience to another man.

The Atlantic Queen left in an hour, and my family would be on it.

… Leave this place behind…

lnd

poto

lnd

poto

A/N: Officially my 100th fic on this site! That's actually kind of scary.

Anyway, this came to me while listening to the Love Never Dies soundtrack and refused to leave me alone until I wrote it. Hopefully now my creative streak will let me go to sleep, given the time of night over here.

Constructive Criticism is very much appreciated, even if it is only to tell me what I did wrong.

Thanks,

Nat