AN: You should go back and check out chapter 3 if you read it after Saturday. When I updated chapter 4, I accidentally updated chapter 3 instead. Thank you Sara for pointing that out.

AN2: This is the extra scene that I wanted to include in If You Survive, but it doesn't really fit where I wanted it to, so I changed it a little bit. I suppose you could think of it as an epilogue, taking place the following night.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor do I own Mumford & Sons or Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree.

But I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck

- Mumford & Sons, The Cave

Emily and Catherine both get out of Emily's bed. Catherine crosses the room, moving a small table under the window and Emily leaves the bedroom and returns with a bag of tea lights. She looks a little sheepish when she presents them to Catherine who has a raised eyebrow.

"I don't have enough candlesticks," Emily says without preamble.

The two women start putting the candles on the table.

"Do you still have matches Emmy?"

"Yes, but they're in the kitchen," When Emily turns around to leave, Catherine stops her.

"Don't bother, I have a lighter in my bag." Catherine walks over to the end of the bed, unzips her backpack and takes out a silver zippo lighter.

Emily's gaze follows Catherine's movements, "Have you taken up smoking Creirwy (kree-ree)?" Emily asks, both curiosity and censure colouring her voice.

Catherine rolls her eyes, "Of course not Em, Jen would kill me."

Emily gives a slight cough.

Catherine smiles at Emily and amends her answer, "You would kill me as well."

"So why the lighter?" prompts Emily.

"Because fire is pretty," says Catherine in her best 'the answer is obvious' tone (be-cause fi-re is pre-tty).

Emily rolls her eyes.

As Catherine walks back to Emily, her playful nature disappears and is replaced by a solemn resignation.

Emily nods once to Catherine before she turns back to the table and continues to remove the tea candles from the plastic bag.

Catherine and Emily set up the tea lights in three ascending rows of seven. Then they light all twenty-one candles, whispering the name of each person for whom the candle is being lit together, "Matthew, Jessie, Beth, Harry, Cathy," and so on, one for each of the other children who were kidnapped alongside Catherine and who did not return home.

Catherine grabs two extra pillows from Emily's bed and she and Emily sit down on them, facing the lit candles. The two women sit side-by-side, leaning against each other, mesmerize by the flickering flames and caught in their memories.

Catherine leans away from Emily and stands up. She picks up her pillow, holding it against her chest; Catherine looks at Emily with her head slightly tilted.

Emily, who looked up when Catherine moved, nods.

Catherine lies down, her head resting on a pillow, on Emily's lap. She whispers, "I wish I had known you when I was little Emmy."

Emily runs her fingers through Catherine's hair, "I wish I could have been there for you Creirwy (kree-ree)."

Catherine bites her lip, "Do you think Jessie was right? Do you think that I would have grown up knowing you? That you would have been important from day one?"

"I don't know Creirwy (kree-ree)," Emily sighs. "I would like to think that if Jessie had lived, that you would have at least known about me, or even met me a few times."

"Would Jenny have let you see me if she had known?" Catherine frowns, "Does Jenny need to know now?"

Emily looks confused by Catherine's question, "Does she need to know what Creirwy (kree-ree)?"

"Does Jen need to know who you were?" asks Catherine, not expanding on her question or the desired answer.

Emily's brow furrows, "Who I was?"

Catherine sighs, "Who you were to Jessie?"

Emily makes a quiet humming sound before answering, "I don't know Creirwy (kree-ree). What do you think? Put yourself in JJ's shoes, would you want to know?"

Catherine shrugs, "In some ways I guess I would like to know about the connection but Emmy, I never met Jessie. I know about her but I don't know her. I don't know if I'm qualified to decide for Jenny. You should, you knew Jessie and you know Jen."

"I'll think about it Creirwy (kree-ree)," whispers Emily after a few minutes of quiet reflection.

"Emmy?" asks Catherine, breaking the silence.

"Yes Creirwy (kree-ree)?" answers Emily while smoothing Catherine's hair out of her face.

"What did you and Jessie do that day when you went to visit?" asks a curious Catherine.

Emily sighs, "Catherine."

"I wasn't thinking, I shouldn't have asked you that. It's private. I'm sorry Emmy. I-"

Emily cuts Catherine off by tugging on her hair, "Stop that. Maybe one day I'll tell you about what Jessie and I did on the one day we spent together, but not tonight. Okay?"

"Okay Emmy. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," huffs Emily.

"Yes 'um. I'm s-" Catherine sighs.

Emily rolls her eyes and goes back to playing with Catherine's hair.

An hour or so later, Emily's legs have fallen asleep and she wants to get up and go to bed. Unfortunately, Catherine, who is still lying on the floor with her head in Emily's lap, is half asleep and unresponsive.

"Catherine!" says Emily, trying for the third time to get the younger woman's attention.

"Piss off mum," mutters Catherine, still staring at the flickering candles and not paying attention to Emily.

Emily's mouth drops open, "What did you just call me?"

Catherine sits up, blushes and looks away from the candles, "I'm sorry it just slipped out."

Emily closes her eyes and sighs quietly.

Catherine who is now paying attention looks furtively at Emily's face before answering, "I'm sorry Emmy. Really, I am. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to make you sad."

"It's nothing," says Emily defensively.

Catherine raises one eyebrow, "Really Emmy, it's obviously not nothing."

"Catherine," says Emily, a warning clear in her voice.

Catherine rolls her eyes and ignores Emily's warning, "Double negative Emmy, meaning something is wrong." Catherine gets up from the floor and starts blowing out the candles.

Emily looks thoughtful, "You've never called me mum before. Have-"

Catherine interrupts Emily, "If you don't like it, I won't do it ever again."

Emily raises an eyebrow, "Just like I'm never supposed to call you Dawnie again?"

Catherine makes a face and whines, "Emmy!"

Emily puts a finger to her lips and shushes Catherine, "Have you wanted too before?"

Catherine looks nervous, "Have I wanted to do what before?"

"Call me mum," whispers Emily as she reaches out and wraps her fingers around Catherine's arm.

Catherine flinches a little at the contact but shrugs in response to Emily's half-asked question.

"Creirwy (kree-ree)," sighs Emily.

Catherine pulls away from Emily, "What do you want me to say Emily?"

Emily looks solemn, "I would appreciate the truth Catherine."

"Fine," grounds out Catherine angrily before blushing, "It's how I refer to you in my head when I'm not calling you Emmy."

"Creirwy (kree-ree)," breathes out an astonished Emily.

"I can stop if you want or need me to Emily..." whispers Catherine.

Emily smiles, "No, I don't mind."

Catherine raises an eyebrow.

Emily's grin widens, "I really don't, I was just a little startled."

Catherine shrugs, "I could change the language if you want."

Emily ignores Catherine's comment, tilts her head and asks, "Is there a reason you're not calling me mama?"

Catherine's posture is tense, "I already had a mama. She wasn't the best but she was the only one I had. I'm not trying to replace her…"

"I understand," says Emily.

Catherine huffs, slightly annoyed, "No you don't, you always call your mama Ambassador or mother. So I couldn't call you mother either, you're always formal with her Emmy. Besides I don't like your mother very much Emmy."

Emily smirks, "What about mommy?"

Catherine rolls her eyes, "Really Emily? I'm not five."

Emily chuckles, "I am well aware that you are not five years old." Emily reminds Catherine, "You're still not finished your explanation."

Catherine sighs, "You're half a big sister and half a mom." Catherine pauses, "In some ways you're like the rest of the team. We're family and it's different with all of you."

"Cre-" starts Emily.

"No Emmy let me finish." Catherine rushes on, "Out of the entire team, you are the one most like Jen. She's always worrying about me and making sure I'm okay. You do the same thing."

"No I don't," protests Emily.

Catherine rolls her eyes, "Seriously Emmy, if Spencer notices it often enough to comment, it must be pretty damn obvious. Take it as a compliment."

Emily tries to change the subject, "Why don't you call JJ mom? She raised you, I didn't."

"You could have," shrugs Catherine.

Emily frowns, "But I didn't Catherine. I let Jessie down; I didn't meet you until you were sixteen. I missed so much."

Catherine smiles, "That's one of the reasons you'd make a great mum Emmy."

Emily rolls her eyes, "JJ Catherine, focus please."

"Another reason," teases Catherine. "Okay, so Jenny raised me but she was always my big sister. I never thought of her as a mother until I was a little older and realized just how much she did. I have no idea how she managed, she was twelve Emmy."

Emily purses her lips, "That isn't really an explanation Creirwy (kree-ree)."

Catherine sighs, "Jen was mine."

Emily looks confused and Catherine rushes to explain, "I had Jen to myself for the first four years of my life. When I wasn't calling her Jenny, I was calling her mine. She was mine Emily."

"Yours?" Emily raises an eyebrow.

"Sure, logically I know Jenny was Jessie's little sister first and my mama and daddy's middle child. But Jessie died and my parents were broken so I didn't have to share her with anyone. I was Jenny's and she was mine." Catherine smiles happily, "We were and still are a little possessive of each other."

Emily shakes her head.

Catherine frowns, "I know you don't understand the sibling bit Emmy, but surely you must understand the desire for control?"

Emily looks pointedly at Catherine.

Catherine ignores Emily, "Jenny named me Emmy. I have belonged to her since the day I was born. She has endeavored to protect me my entire life. I owe her so much. About the control thing Emmy, belonging to Jenny gave me a place in the world. I wasn't just the unwanted replacement child, whose parents couldn't stand to look at. I was the faerie princess; I was Jenny's baby sister. I was wanted. I was loved."

"I don't really understand," frowns Emily.

Catherine looks concerned, "Wasn't Jessie yours Emmy? Just like Matthew was?"

"Catherine," the warning is clear.

Catherine rolls her eyes, "I mean friends Emily."

"Catherine let it go," says Emily very firmly.

"Fine," pouts Catherine. She stands up and walks over to the windows. "Can we sit on the fire escape Emmy?"

"Not tonight Catherine, it's too cold. You'll get sick if we sit out there in the snow."

Catherine rolls her eyes at Emily's mothering gesture before her eye is caught by something in between the windows, mostly hidden behind the sheer curtains. She draws Emily's attention to it, "Hey Emmy, these are new, when did you draw them? Who are the girls in your sketches?"

Emily walks up to where Catherine is staring, looking at the framed sketches half hidden behind the curtains in her bedroom. Emily smiles, "I've always had them up there Catherine."

Catherine narrows her eyes, "No you haven't, I would have noticed them."

Emily snickers, "When I repainted the condo, I changed the colour of the curtains."

Catherine lets out an annoyed huff.

Emily points to the sketch on the left, "The little girl is you."

Catherine smiles softly, "Okay, how did you know what I looked like when I was little?"

"Jessie told me what you would look like," murmurs Emily.

Catherine turns around and hugs Emily tightly, "I'm sorry Emmy."

Emily hugs Catherine back before releasing her and half turning Catherine back to the sketch.

"Who's lap am I sitting on?" asks Catherine, clenching the side of Emily's pajama top in her hand.

"Mine," whispers Emily, not looking at Catherine.

Catherine tightens her hold on Emily's shirt, "When did you draw it?"

Emily frowns, thinking back, "I think you would have been three."

Catherine shifts her weight. Her entire body is tense as she asks, "Why did you draw it?"

Emily wraps an arm around Catherine, "I drew it because I wanted to remember what you looked like."

Catherine rests her head on Emily's shoulder.

Emily smiles, "When I submitted it to my art class, the professor thought that the little girl in the sketch was mine."

Catherine looks up with a smile on her face, "Love you Emmy."

Emily wraps her other arm around Catherine, "Love you too Creirwy (kree-ree)."

Catherine frowns, "Why did you put them up now? Who are the other people?"

Emily kisses the top of Catherine's head, "Bed time."

"But Emmy, what about the rest of my questions?" protest Catherine.

Emily yawns, "I'll tell you some other time Creirwy (kree-ree). Right now it's bedtime."

"Okay," says Catherine, she starts to walk away, hand still wrapped up in Emily's shirt.

Emily looks amused, "Creirwy (kree-ree), what are you doing? You have to let go of my shirt so that you can go to bed."

Catherine rolls her eyes, "All in good time Emmy."

Catherine tugs a little bit on Emily's pajama shirt and Emily follows along almost obediently. "Where are we going?" asks Emily as she is pulled out of her bedroom and out into the hall.

Catherine smirks, "To bed silly, you said it was bed time."

"Catherine, my bed is back there," says Emily, pointing to her open bedroom door.

"Yes it is," agrees Catherine amenably.

"So where are we going?" asks Emily.

"To bed," Catherine smiles, "My bed."

Emily snickers, "You want me to tuck you in?"

Catherine's heel accidentally steps on Emily's toes.

Emily cringes, "Ouch."

"Sorry," says Catherine, trying not to smile.

The two women enter Catherine's bedroom, Catherine drags Emily off to the side before spinning around and locking the door.

"Catherine what are you doing?" asks Emily, no longer looking amused.

Catherine smirks, "If you're going to make me go to bed so that I can sleep Emily Prentiss, you are damn well going to do the same. Unlike you, I slept for more than thirty minutes last night."

"Catherine," warns Emily.

"No Emmy. I am going to make sure you sleep, even if I have to handcuff you to the bed. I have the ones that Derek gave me for my birthday last year and Spence lent me his extra set. And if you still don't want to cooperate, I'll leave you cuffed and call Dave and tell him you won't be coming in Monday."

Emily grounds out, "You. Wouldn't. Dare."

Catherine's grin is all teeth when she responds, "Try me."

Emily sighs, looking defeated, her entire body slumps over.

Catherine is across the room in seconds, and holding Emily up soon after. Catherine leads Emily gently across the room and helps her slide into bed, under the blankets. Catherine climbs into the other side of the bed and curls up next to Emily.

"I miss both of them so much Creirwy (kree-ree)," Emily's voice is filled with emotion.

Catherine takes Emily's hand and squeezes it, "I know you do Emmy."

"Does it get better?" whispers Emily.

Catherine swallows, "It gets easier."

Emily sighs.

"You'll tell me when you're ready right?" asks an obviously worried Catherine.

Emily nods wordlessly.

Catherine rests her head on Emily's shoulder, "I'll tell you a story Emmy. It will help you fall asleep."

"I don't want to sleep Creirwy (kree-ree)," protests Emily.

Catherine laces her fingers through Emily's, "I know you don't Emmy but I'll be right here and I'll wake you up if you have a nightmare."

"Promise?" asks a mostly asleep Emily.

"I promise Emmy. Now for that story, 'Once there was a tree… and she loved a little boy…'"

That's what moms are supposed to do.

They're not supposed to be the cause of your pain

they're supposed to make it go away.

They're supposed to hold you and,

tell you everything is going to be all right.

- JJ, Season 6x1, The Longest Night

AN3: Thanks for reading. If you would like to read about what happened in the meeting of Emily Prentiss and Jessica Jareau, that particular scene will be part of my next story, Maybe Baby. The first chapter will be posted Saturday June 16th 2012.

A link for Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree is on my profile.