Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own.

A/N: Just something a little funny I thought of. Sorry if it offends, rated M for a reason!

The first thing Pavel Chekov feels when he wakes up is the familiar hand of Hikaru Sulu splayed across his stomach. Equally familiar is Sulu's morning erection pushing into his back. It is only Hikaru's deep breathing that assures Pavel that his bed partner is still asleep.

As consciousness begins to flow through him he quickly realizes that his leg is slung over something warm and firm. His arm is holding onto this odd pillow too and he lets his hand travel up until it encounters a breast. Pavel's eyes shoot open.

And he looks straight into the face of Lieutenant Commander Spock.

Now that his eyes are open the world seems to crash around him and he's able to see Spock's hand cupping the side of Uhura's face as she lies between them, her legs completely open, allowing Pavel's knee to sit between her thighs.

Over the head of Spock is Doctor McCoy who looks to be propped up on too many pillows, his face smashed into the side of Spock's, the pointy Vulcan ear between his teeth. A heavy weight shifts across Pavel's legs and he looks down to see Scotty shifting, lying across the vast number of entangled legs.

Pavel realizes then that a hand is resting on his shoulder and as he can feel both of Hikaru's hands, he theorizes that this must be the Captain. And taking into consideration that the rest of the occupants of the enormous bed were naked, and that Jim Kirk took any excuse he could to walk around naked (including a horrifying casual Friday), it is a safe assumption that his captain is naked too.

Light is beginning to stream into the bedroom and even though Pavel can't remember how he got into this bed he knows he must get out of it. He decides that his best course of action would be to pull himself up with the headboard and step on the pillows scattered about the top to exit the bed. He can dress, exit the room, and claim to have gone to bed hours before McCoy had broken out the Romulan Ale.

A flaw in his plan becomes immediately apparent when he take's his hand away from Uhura's breast. She moans at the loss of contact, pushing Spock, who turns towards her. McCoy's head starts to fall from his perch and a kick of his legs shifts Scotty, who turns onto his stomach, his hot breath pushing down between Hikaru and Pavel. Hikaru reacts to this by pushing away into the arms of Jim. These actions only take a moment and ends with several angry bed mates.

"What the hell?" came the sleepy voice of Jim Kirk from behind Pavel.

"What's going on here?" McCoy asks, his words slurring together. "Why can't I feel my arm? Who woke me?"

"It was me," Pavel squeaks out, his plans utterly useless as Uhura begins to blink awake, her eyes growing wide. "I was trying to escape from this bed."

"Oh my god!" Uhura screams out, trying to roll away but realizing that, as the one in the middle, she didn't posses a good hiding spot.

"What the hell happened?" Kirk repeated, more alert this time.

"I don't care what happened," Hikaru says. "Let's just get out of this damn bed."

"Scotty, get off our legs," Uhura screams, moving like she would kick him out.

"I can't get up, lassie," Scotty barks back. "That boyfriend of yours has my hips pinned down."

Pavel looked and it was true, Scotty had somehow managed to land under Spock.

"Then just roll Scotty," Kirk says. "Hikaru's pinning me down with his leg."

"I can't roll," the Scottish man argues. "There's no where to go thanks to this huge footboard."

"Well I can't roll out I managed to get pinned against a wall," Kirk says. "McCoy, move!"

"What do you think I've been trying to do?" McCoy snaps back. "I'm pinned down by the Vulcan and Scotty."

"Uhura, wake Spock up," Kirk orders. "How is he the only one still asleep? I thought Vulcans didn't sleep or something."

"Well they sleep very heavily when certain captain's slip them chocolate," Uhura responds, obviously furious. Feeling awful, Chekov reaches up to grab one of the large pillows that littered the bed and pulls it down over Uhura's naked body.

"Thanks Pavel," she says, the anger draining out of her voice.

"You are welcome," he answers. "I am sorry I woke up by putting my hand on your breast."

"Okay, Pavel, way to be awkward," Hikaru mutters.

"Oh, yes," Pavel says back, managing to keep his voice from sounding snarky. "This is not awkward at all."

"Well someone needs to do something," Kirk says. "I have to take a leak."

"Fantastic," Hikaru says, burying his head into Pavel's shoulder. "I'm the one with his dick in my ass."

"Thank you for sharing Lieutenant," McCoy says. "Can anyone think of a way out? Or at least to wake the Vulcan?"

"Hang on," Pavel says. He is sure now that his plan of escape would work, even if now most of his commanding officers would see him naked. Sure enough after a few minutes of wiggling he was able to grasp the handle bars of the headboard and start pulling himself towards the top.

"I am very sorry," he says his not soft dick being pulled into Uhura's face.

"Not your fault," she says in a clipped voice. "I'm just going to keep my eyes closed."

"Thank you," he says and then he's free of the strange orgy pile that's on the bed. After he's loose it's short work to pull out Hikaru, then Kirk. Scotty, his arms now free, is able to disentangle himself, pulling Uhura with him. They all hop off the bed and stand around it.

"Okay, now what about me?" McCoy asks. Now that Pavel's off the bed, he can see the problem. Though Spock had his arms around Uhura, his entire lower body was laying on the doctor who had somehow managed to twist himself up around the Vulcan. "Someone pull me out, I can't do this alone."

"You know Bones," Jim says, looking much more confidant now that he was free from the wall. "He's bound to wake up eventually."

Uhura rolls her eyes and slips on a robe, muttering something about trying to get clean. Scotty's already left for the bathroom and Pavel can hear him emptying out the contents of his stomach.

A red faced Hikaru glances up at Pavel and the Russian can feel his guilt before he even speaks. Without allowing Hikaru to embarrass himself, Pavel merely shrugs and looks towards the empty ale bottles that litter what should have been the Captain's room. Hikaru smiles; after this wordless exchange the two help each other dress as the Captain continues to tease McCoy about his predicament.

The last words Pavel hears as he and Hikaru exit the room are McCoy's angered shouts, indicating that Jim should "damn well just jump up here and join in" followed by a perfectly droll "fascinating" from Spock.