Her face fell back quickly as Carmen retreated to a chair in the corner. Her combat boots scrapped the hard wood as she pulled her legs close to her chest, hastily wiping her running nose on her knees.

Sam jumped up, eyes darting around the room, white knuckling the table where he'd been propped up. "Yellow Eyes. He took us, he made us fight, he made us-"

"Sam, it's okay, hey, it's okay." Dean shushed him, putting a comforting hand on his chest and attempting to force him to lie back down. "You're back with us, alright? Look, look around. You're back here, don't worry about Yellow Eyes anymore. He can't get you here."

"I'm not scared of him, I just… Where the hell am I, where did I go?"

"You never went anywhere, Sam, you were unconscious for, like, a day. But it's okay, you're fine now."

Sam shook his head, his hair flopping in front of his eyes. He glanced at Carmen, who was determinedly examining the starry night outside the window. "But I left! I was in this town, this forgotten place…with…"

"It was just a dream, Sam. I promise, you never left us. Just breathe. You never went anywhere."

Sam shook his head, his forehead still creased with worry. He looked at Dean, into his eyes, and glanced over at Carmen, who hesitantly met his gaze. They were real. Her face was real, in front of him, and so was Dean's hand still on his chest. He swallowed hard. "Yeah," he breathed. "Yeah, alright, I get it."

"Good. Jesus, you did scare us though, Sammy. We didn't know what the hell happened."

"Yeah," Sam murmured. He was suddenly so tired. His eyes were attentive, his body alert, but the absolute last thing he wanted was to talk about where he just was. Or thought he was.

"Let's get some food in you, huh?" Dean clapped him on the back and smiled.

And food wasn't such a terrible suggestion. Sam was famished.

Having your mind captured and manipulated for a whole twenty-four hours will do that to a guy, Sam guessed.

"I'll go," Carmen chimed in. Despite her puffy eyes, her voice was strong.

"Shouldn't we be moving?" Sam said fretfully. "Azazel found us once, he can find us here, too."

"Don't worry about Azazel." Carmen ordered, shoving her arms into her jacket and slamming the door behind her.

"Don't worry about anything, Sam, you just had a pretty close bout with death." Dean chuckled out of incredulousness, probably, and a little bit of fear. "Just trust us, things are okay at the moment. No need to be so vigilant, okay, just take a break."

Heaving a very deep, very difficult breath, Sam did his best to quell his racing heart.

"So where are we?" Sam asked through a bite of pork burrito, more out of habit than actual curiosity. Close enough to a Chipotle, obviously.

"Ohio." Dean answered, pocketing his bite in his cheek like a squirrel. "We left Bobby's hideout as soon as Yellow Eyes exited his body, which was right after he magiked you into a coma or whatever."

"Magiked?" Sam raised his eyebrow.

"I carried your giant unconscious ass to the Impala and dropped you into the backseat and then we came here."

Sam nodded. He didn't ask what happened next. He knew if he did, they would ask him what had happened in that town. He wasn't ready to relive it just yet. Or ever.

Sam glanced over at Carmen, who was halfheartedly picking through her bowl of mushy looking lettuce and guacamole. He slid his fingers around her palm and offered a warm smile.

She squeezed his hand once and then wiggled her fingers away.

The next day was rainy and warm. The sun was gone throughout the morning and afternoon, and Carmen guessed it wouldn't show its face again until at least tomorrow morning. Dean said it was a good day to rest.

Carmen couldn't take another minute cooped up in the motel room. She left, and Sam and Dean didn't see her for most of the morning and afternoon.

When she returned, she spied the door to their motel room ajar. Carmen crept to the doorway, both hands braced against the frame for balance. Sam was inside, hunched over his laptop.

Carmen's eyes raked over him. This wasn't the first time she had observed him like this, with the knowledge that she may be leaving constantly tainting her vision. Knowing that their time together was ephemeral, fleeting, gave her gaze such longing that it hurt. This wasn't the first time she tried to memorize every inch of him, drink him in with her eyes, catch every ripple of muscle in his arms, every twitch of his fingers over the keyboard. It wasn't the first time she wished her eyes could see in high definition and felt like they weren't good enough to look upon him.

It wasn't the first time, but Carmen was sure it would be the last.

She stood there probably too long. The problem was, she couldn't bring herself to disturb him, and she was scared to look away. But a tap on her shoulder made her turn. Dean, of course. He didn't give her up, but rather silently nodded for her to follow him farther outside. She quietly closed the door.

"Where've you been?" He asked when they were out of earshot. It wasn't accusing, a simply wonderment.

"Went for a walk. You?"

"There's a library a few miles down." It was a testament to the gravity of the situation that Carmen didn't make a crack about Dean setting foot in a library.

"Didn't know there was anything new for you to research."

"Yeah, well, I had some questions," Dean met her eyes.

"Bout what?"

"You. Figured you wouldn't answer 'em, so I had to do some research on my own-"

"Sorry to put you through that," she said with a fond smile. "Was unnecessary, too. I'll answer any questions you have for me." She held his gaze, noticing that his eyes were especially green today. Hmm, there were even little specks of yellow in them. She'd never noticed.

"Why," Dean breathed.

Carmen scowled. "That's what you want to start with? The question you already know the answer to?"

"No, you're right." Dean had a slight edge to his voice now. "How? Is that better for you?"

She shrugged. "Physically or emotionally?"

"I gathered the process at the library, I know what it took. The crossroads couldn't have been hard to find. I just can't believe…" He raised his eyes to the bright sky.

"I'm not sorry," she whispered.

"I didn't ask you to be." He crossed his arms over his chest like armor. Maybe like a shield. Or a tourniquet.

"Aren't you angry?"

"He's my brother, Carmen. I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost him. I'm grateful." And maybe that should have stung, but somehow it felt like praise. "But…of course I'm angry! I'm pissed. I'm pissed at our situation. I'm pissed that Sam was marked from before he had a choice, I'm pissed that it brought you to this, I'm pissed that we couldn't find another alternative. I'm pissed that I didn't think of making a deal first. I'm pissed that Dad…" Dean cut off, choking on the words. "But none of that matters now, does it?"

"No." Carmen said softly. "It doesn't. It's done, and there's nothing anyone can do about it."

Dean nodded, and Carmen nodded, and they stayed there for a long time. He didn't touch her, didn't comfort her. She didn't need it. They'd been playing with death for a long, long time. Dodging it, escaping it, tempting it. It was ubiquitous, daily, typical even. Natural. All three of them have been friendly with death their whole lives. It was only a matter of time before one of them became intimately familiar with it.

Carmen was somehow okay with being the first of the three of them to meet death. She would do it headstrong, just like everything else in her life. She wasn't running anymore. And if she was going to go? Sacrificing her life for Sam was the way she wanted to do it.

"How long?" Dean asked.

Carmen didn't answer that one. Won't, can't. Eventually Dean gets it.

"Dean…I have to go."

"Go? Again? Where are you going?"

"I don't know yet. It doesn't matter, really. But I'll find someplace that I can stay until…."

"Wait. You mean…Carmen, you're leaving?" And if he wasn't angry before, he certainly was on his way there now.

She bobbed her head. If she spoke, her voice would inevitably betray her. She'd say 'I'm going and there's nothing you can do to stop me' but her voice would tell him 'beg me to stay'.

"Why…Why are you…." Dean's entire face pulled together in disbelief. His hands were halfway extended towards her like he was contemplating jumping on her and holding her and just never ever letting go.

"I have to. Otherwise Sam will find out what I did." She advanced on him, a sudden flame burning behind her eyes. Gripping his arm, she begged, "Dean. He cannot. Find. Out."

Dean's face betrayed his disbelief. "Doesn't all this sound a little too familiar? You, thinking you have to leave for some stupid, misguided," Carmen shot him a glare, "reason and imploring me to keep it from Sam." He shook off her grip. "But you know what happens when Sam finds out? Everything gets better. Things work out. You think he's going to reject you, that he can't handle knowing, but he always proves you wrong."

"Not this time! This time is different and you know it! This is real. This is mortality; this is an actual death sentence. If Sam finds out that I did this for him, to save him? It'll kill him." She huffed a breath that she didn't realize she was holding in. With it, tears sprung to her eyes. "Then I'll have sold my soul for nothing, and we'll all get really pissed off." Because dark humor. Why not.

She forced back the tears and met Dean's eyes again. "Promise me." She demanded. "I need you to swear it. You know it will hurt him. You know he'll do something stupid, try to get me out of it. You have to make him believe I left of my own accord. Because I wanted to. You've got to sell it. You know it's true."

"And you think it will hurt him less if he thinks you wanted to leave him?"

"Yes."

"That you just up and left with no explanation for him, that you're done with him, with me. That you don't lo-" Dean cut off.

"Yes. Less than if I was dead because of him."

It took him a long time. Carmen let him stew in silence for a while, because she was maybe a little bit cruel but she needed him to be on her side.

Finally, he focused on her gaze and said, "Okay. I promise."

She let herself have one more night. It was selfish, she knew, and it would probably do more damage than it was worth. Make it harder for Dean to sell Sam the story that Carmen left of her own volition.

It was difficult to care with her hands tangled in Sam's sweat-damp hair and his hands gripping her waist.

She followed them for a while from afar. Made sure Dean kept his word to try to convince Sam. Although, she supposed, there was nothing she could do at this point if he sold her out.

It wasn't pretty. There was a lot of yelling, some shoving, and a lot of disbelief. But not the bewildered kind, when something happens and you're just so freaking stunned that your mouth drops open and it takes your brain a second to catch up. Nope. More like the "No no this isn't happening no you're lying tell me the truth where did she go you're lying Dean stop doing this to me you're LYING," kind. The denial when you fell like two seconds ago your life was fine and now your entire world is crumpling around you and your staring down a life that is vastly different from the one you thought you'd be living. It was that hit by a bus feeling.

There was more silence than tears. Sam didn't really say anything once he realized that this was, in fact, actually happening to him. He did stand firm on one point though.

He didn't want to leave the motel. It was a long, rough road for Dean to convince Sam that they needed to move on.

Sam acquiesced. And that's when Carmen left them for good.

Five months. Dean made it five months without caving.

Sam was…Sam took a while to adjust, but he was mostly okay now. He seemed to have adopted Carmen's insomnia in her absence, but other than that, he was dealing.

(Dean ignored the nights when Sam woke up screaming his throat raw and clutching his hands like he was afraid they would be stolen from him. Because really, what was he supposed to do. Take him to a shrink? They'd lock him up.)

But it was near five months and two weeks that she was gone when Dean had a dream about her. Not that he had forgotten her during his waking hours. Quite the opposite. She colored every one of his thoughts, was constantly in the back of his mind. He dialed her number regularly, even though he knew she had disconnected her phone. He typed out texts just to backspace them into nonexistence. But it was the day after he dreamed about her that he began tracking her down.

It was tedious, because she obviously didn't want to be found. Dean made an excuse to visit Bobby alone, spitting some bullcrap to Sam about how he needed someone to talk to about the situation, and telling Bobby he was craving a homemade meal. While the older man flipped a couple of frozen burgers in the kitchen, Dean scrolled through his contacts. It wasn't until he perused the list a second time did the name give him pause.

Emma Orlando.

Hah. He was surprised he had to look at it twice. He was sure that it was Carmen, and didn't question himself until he found out that she was working at a grocery store. Carmen would never, in a million years, not even on her deathbed (Dean flinched as he thought it) work at a grocery store.

But Emma, apparently, did.

The supermarket was brightly lit, bustling, and very, very cold. Dean wondered if he had run into some kind of spirit, but turns out the whole goddamn store was bone-chilling. Seriously, it had to be like forty degrees in here. In September, in New York. He was smacked in the face with the burning aroma of ammonia, and located the smell when he spotted a maintenance kid with gauges and a septum piercing mopping the floors. Somehow, they were still streaked with dirt.

Customers shuffled around through the isles, an eclectic mix of people from men in filthy construction garb to kids running around with sticky fingers to groups of after-school high school cliques buying way too many Twizzlers and Doritos. One soccer mom with a shopping cart full of healthy snacks shot Dean a hooded gaze full of desire.

He shuddered. This place was the epitome of the cookie-cutter life that he so despised.

The store was pretty big, and there was no point in getting the police called on him for being that creepy guy lurking around the grocery store (Soccer mom's gaze became less pornographic and more suspicious as he accidently ventured closer to her children). There was a giant sign hanging in the center of a line of cash registers that boasted CUSTOMER SERVICE. He approached the empty counter and peered into the apparently deserted circular area beyond.

Well, it wasn't empty. He got an eyeful of ass. Actual human ass. It was half covered with white leggings that were two sizes too small and penetrated by an eggshell-colored thong. Seriously, the thing was staring him right in the face in broad daylight, and it was more terrifying than some monsters he'd faced in his lifetime.

The woman attached to the aforementioned ass stood up and turned toward him. Her crunchy blond hair hung long over her chest and she flipped it over her shoulder. Muddy brown eyes became wide as they encountered Dean. Her nose looked like it had been broken at least once in her past, and there was a nice big wart pulsing on her chin. Although her attire said she was twenty-two, her skin said she was at least double that.

"Uh," Dean stammered when she didn't say anything. Weren't they supposed to start with, "How can I help you" or something?

The woman started, then smiled with crooked teeth. "Yes, hi, how can I help you sir?" There it was.

Hold on a second….Sir?

"Yeah, I'm uh. Looking for someone who works here." He took a step back from the counter when she leaned against it, batting her eyelashes.

"We're not supposed to give out information about employees," she said in what she probably thought was a sultry voice. "But, what's their name? I can page them to the desk for you." She picked up a phone on the counter and looked expectantly back to him.

"Emma." Dean said without hesitation.

"Emma?" She sneered "Oh. Yeah, Emma." She put the phone back in its place. "She's in isle 13. Why are you looking for her?"

"She's an old friend," Dean muttered as he turned away from the counter and towards the isles. There were a freaking lot of them.

"That way," the hag offered, a red talon appearing in his periphery next to his shoulder.

He shuddered.

A young woman crouched down to put away a few dozen boxes of macaroni and cheese on the lowest shelf. Her back was facing Dean and she had chopped off all of her hair, but it was undoubtedly the woman he was looking for. Someone asked her roughly, "Ma'am where da mac & cheese at?" Dean smirked; he couldn't see her face but he could picture her rolling her eyes. She thrust a box above her head without looking up so the customer could take it and continued to pack out the shelf. Dean went over to her, pausing to observe her for a moment.

"Excuse me, ma'am," he tried to disguise his voice. "Could you point me in the direction of the butcher?"

"Yeah, he's at the back of the-" but she stopped short when she stood and saw who was speaking to her. "Store," she finished lamely. She was frozen, eyes wide, arm extended toward the meat department, mouth ajar. After a full thirty seconds of this, Dean laughed at her.

She broke out of her stupor and rushed to throw her arms around him in a death grip.

"Dean! How are you here right now?" She cried. "Why are you here right now? What are you… where's Sam?"

"He's fine, don't worry. He's not here." Dean said. "He's working a case, actually. I told him I was working one, too, but I just came to see you. I didn't want to bring him. I didn't know if you would want me to."

"No, no, I'm glad you didn't."

"I kept my promise, Carmen. I didn't tell him anything."

She nodded her head. "Thank you." Her eyes fell downcast for a moment. "Oh, and it's Emma in here." She pinched her nametag. "Don't blow my cover."

"Right, right, sorry, Emma. Couldn't have picked a more obvious alias, could you? Your mother would be proud."

"Yeah, I guess using her name was obvious." Carmen scratched the back of her head sheepishly. "How did you know I was born in Florida?"

Dean shrugged. "Dad must've mentioned it over the years. I can't believe you chose to work in a grocery store." He flicked her nametag. "What the hell gave you that idea? I would have pictured you in some bar or something."

"Bars mostly have hours at night. Can't hunt in the middle of the day."

"You're still hunting?"

"Of course, Dean. I'm not dead yet."

"Carmen." Dean shook his head at her. "Come on. I didn't come all the way here to hear you talk like that."

"You're right. This isn't the place, anyway."

"Mmm. So, that woman at the customer service desk. The forty-five-year-old, fake blonde one? Is she a friend of yours?"

"Why?"

"Well, she's a little…she's just kind of…"

"Awful? Horrible? A complete and total bitch? So bad that we may actually need an exorcism because she might be the devil reincarnate?"

"So you like her?" Dean chuckled.

"Her name is Sky, and I hate her. And she especially hates me."

"Couldn't be because of your naturally sunny and pleasant deposition, now, could it?" Carmen shoved him. "I wouldn't take offence anyway, she probably hates anyone who's not the ugliest woman on the planet. And what's with the white leggings? It's," Dean gagged. "Repulsive."

Carmen laughed, for the first time in a long time, a hearty, belly deep laugh. It was so good to see Dean, and what's more? He hated that truly awful woman without her even telling him to.

Damn, she had missed him.

"The worst part?" Dean continued. "She was flirting with me! My standards are pretty low, but this woman…not with a thousand condoms."

Again, Carmen laughed like she hadn't in a long time. When she caught her breath, she checked her watch. "My shift ends in five minutes. Wanna do something fun?"

"Always."

"Okay, here's the plan."

"Excuse me, Miss," Dean said in his most seductive voice. Sky looked up and came over to him.

With a voice that was completely different from the screech she usually used to address Carmen, she said, "Yes, Sir, how may I help you…again?" And fluttered her clumped up eyelashes.

"Well, I'm sort of new in town and, well, I know of this beautiful woman, who just happens to work here." At this he leaned casually on the counter toward her. "And I would really love to take her out for dinner and maybe to a cool club. And then after that… well, I guess you never know what can happen after that." Here, Dean inserted his most charming wink. Sky practically swooned, and Carmen, from where she was watching out of sight behind a gum display, practically vomited. Dean dropped his voice down to a savory whisper so Sky had to lean in closer to him to hear. Her mouth hung open as she stared into his eyes and he said, "Would you happen to know any places around here where a guy and a girl could have that kind of fun together?"

"Yeah," Sky said breathlessly. "I might know of a few."

"Great." Dean flashed her a smile. "Why don't you write them down for me?"

Sky obediently printed out some receipt tape and retrieved a pen from her apron, quickly scribbling on it. She flashed her mud colored eyes at Dean and slid the paper toward him.

"My number's on the bottom," she cooed. Oh, priceless.

He shrugged away from the counter. "Well," he said, tearing the bottom of the page off and crumpling it up. "I really don't need that." All traces of charm were gone.

Carmen came out of her hiding spot and walked casually past the desk. "Hey, Emma," Dean smiled. "I got some suggestions on where we can go tonight."

"Great. I'm so excited." And then, without thinking about it, Carmen threw her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. When they came out of it, Carmen threw a vengeful glare at Sky, who quickly looked away as if she hadn't been watching. Carmen took Dean's hand and pranced past the service desk.

"Bye, Sky." She chimed with a wicked grin. "Oh, by the way." Carmen tore her name badge off and tossed it in Sky's face. "I quit."

"Holy crap, did you see the look on her face? HAH! I've wanted to do that the minute I started at that shithole." Carmen's face was alight with the kind of joy that only comes from shoving the finger to one's superiors. "I hope she gets possessed."

"Then you'd have to save her," Dean reminds.

"Nope. I'd happily let her rot."

"Wouldn't."

"Would."

Dean put a hand in her face. "Shut up, you know you wouldn't! Any good food places around here?"

"Errr, get off! Yeah take a left," she bit his finger.

"Hey! WE'RE GETTING FOOD stop biting!"

Carmen scoffed and propped her foot up on the headrest of the Impala next to Dean's ear.

Carmen directed Dean to her favorite pizza joint, and they both got meat lover's slices. Carmen had become quite the carnivore while she was on her own. Protein and all that.

"So you've been hunting?" Dean asked, sleeving some grease from his chin. "Anything exciting?"

"Always."

"Anything to do with…you know…."

"No. And if I hear that you've been-"

"I haven't Carmen, I told you I kept my promise. But…" He let his pizza flop to his plate. "Carmen, why can't you just come back with me? I'll take you to Sam, we'll explain what happened, or we won't, whatever you want, but-"

"Dean."

"I know what you're going to say. But we need you, Carmen, Sam needs you. It would be easy to come back, to spend time with us, hunt with us again. Things haven't been the same without you."

"For how long? Even if I come back with you now, that time has an expiration date." Carmen didn't break eye contact. "Life being different is something you're going to have to get used to."

It looked like she had slapped him in the face.

"What about you. Don't you want to be with us when it…Don't you want to spend the last few…"

"I know you want me to. I miss you, I do. And Sam I miss him so much. But I've never been on my own. It's something I've wanted to experience, being independent! To find out who I am without you and Sam with me all the time. Sam got to do it when he was at Stanford. I never got that."

"Neither did I, and I am perfectly okay with that! I never wanted to be on my own if it meant I was without you and Sam!" People had begun to look at them now. This wasn't exactly good for Carmen's cover.

"Calm down, Dean."

"Don't tell me to calm down, I'm perfectly calm!"

"Don't make this something that it isn't. Of course I would rather be with you, I'd rather not die in six months-"

At that, all the air escaped from Dean's lungs. Six months? That's all she had left, six freakin months?! He almost lost his pizza all over the floor.

"You know what, Carmen? You're right. You should be on your own. I'll leave you to it. Try not to possess anyone one you kick the bucket."

He took the keys and left, without once looking back. Carmen cried in the middle of the pizza parlor.