The letter arrived in the morning at October 2nd, 1916.

I remember it as was it only yesterday. My father and my older brother read it together in our dining room. I remember my mother reading the letter afterwards when my father handed it over to her, and I remember her making a loud moan and tears falling down her face. The woman, who I'd never in my childhood seen cry once, was breaking down for perhaps the first time of her entire life.

They forgot all about me in the coming days. Even though I had a small idea of what the letter was about, still my parents hadn't felt it important enough to involve me in a case which apparently brought them unhappiness and sadness.

It was about the war, no doubt. We'd all feared the letter to show up outside of our apartment door one day, and now our worst nightmare had finally turned into reality: Dan was expected to turn himself into the english military and fight for our country against the germans as all the other young men in his age were.

I literally thought I was going to die. My beloved older brother, who I'd swear my mother loved more than life itself - even more that she loved me - and who I loved more than anything, was going to put his life into danger because of some ridiculous war which had started in the eastern Europe. I felt like crying my eyes out and sometimes, when my eyes were excruciating sore blamed of days of crying and had weakened my sight, it felt like they already had fallen out of my head. I wouldn't have been surprised if someday a pair of deep brown eyeballs had been laying on my pillow next to me.

It took my parents exactly 13 days and three hours to tell me.

They decided to do it the day before he was picked up by the large truck among twenty other young men who'd left behind all of their loved ones and now drew into war and the open fire of the german cannons. If Dan was only that lucky that he ended up in Germany...

I found him in the courtyard. He was sitting underneath the elderflower-tree and was sipping water from a glass bottle. A book was laying in his lap, which undoubtedly was one of Goethe's masterpieces, and ironically I thought that maybe it would be good for him to be in Germany and learn some of the language. At least enough to read the poems in the original form.

As I walked closer I thought about how calmed he looked. It honestly tore my heart a little. How could he be so calm and uncaring when I was about to say goodbye, maybe for the last time, to the man I loved and adored the most? How was I ever going to be happy again if my brother died before I got the chance to tell him that I was finally okay on my own and that I would never had survived without him by my side?

"Dan?"

I stood right in front of him and blocked the late autumn sun's rays which made his mahogany curls look like silk. I sat down next to him and leaned my head on his brood shoulders.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, you know that, right Blair?", he told me softly and the only thing I could do was to nod my head. It was unbelievable hard not to cry, but I did my best not to let the tears fall and let him see how much I was hurting. I was unsure of my voice, but I finally managed to let out a few words.

"I'm gonna miss you, too. So, so much, Dan!"

I couldn't restrain myself any longer. The warm tears kept flowing and flowing out of my eyes and I blamed God himself for taking away my only happiness and the only light in my life. Dan was the only one who ever understood all of my pain and knew the reason why.

"Please, Blair; don't cry! You are making this extremely hard for me. I have to go - it's my duty, and you know I've always considered turning myself into the military at some point."

"Yes, but I'd never thought that you'd leave me behind like this! I can't do this without you, Dan. I need you too much to do this on my own!"

My voice was becoming more and more hysterical and I knew that it wasn't adorable nor did I change his mind by telling him all nonsense and begging him to stay, but I knew that he didn't wanted to leave me alone to myself. He knew that I had no one else beside him and Serena, but that he was the one I needed the most.

"Take good care of yourself, Blair. And please; take good care of Serena as well! You know I love her, and I want her to be happy while I'm gone." He looked over at me and he captured my head between his hands. "And I love you. You two are the things I care most about in this world and nothing is going to change that fact. Nothing else really matters."

He got up from where we were sitting and went back inside.

When I went back as well about an hour later, my mother told me he'd already retired for the night, and the next morning when I woke up, I was told he had left. I found Serena sleeping next to me as she always did when she was here. She must had sneaked in last night to say goodbye to Dan.

I knew that he did it to save the both of us the pains of a goodbye. I may never forgive him for that, but that doesn't mean I didn't understand why he did it. Serena was crying in her sleep and I lay my arm around her body and soothed her by running my hand over her hair. When she woke up it was all wet like she'd taken a bath in my tears. She simply hold me, and she promised me that she would always be there for me - we were sisters, and I had to admit that I cared nearly as much about her as I did about Dan. She was without a doubt my best friend. And my only friend, for that matter, but it didn't change the fact.

I knew what I had to do. I wasn't going to stay around and become miserable and alone, even though I still had my best friend. She had tons of other friends. I was going to tell Serena about it as soon as she woke up, but I didn't have time for that and it didn't make a difference anyways. She was only going to change my mind about it, and I was all set.

There was no time to waste!