Ch. 1 Damage

Olivia swore under her breath. She kicked a stool that crashed painfully loud on the ground. Papers flew and a bug seemed to fly nervously away from the tension in the air. She crumbled to her knees and began to cry. She balled even, like the little girl who scraped her skin on the sidewalk. She lay on her office floor moaning in pain. She hated how far things went. Furthermore, she hated herself for caring about him, both of them. She rubbed her stomach and began to crack a little smile.

"It's going to be ok. Mama's here." She whispered to her baby.

She didn't have the strength to shake him off. All of a sudden, Olivia is so vulnerable. Her heart was just too much bigger than her words. She remembered the rose and the picture they took together when they were lovers. The anger suddenly boiled and Olivia ripped through her desk draws and tossed the rose out of her sight. He betrayed her! He didn't care about what they had, so why should she? Why couldn't she just let go? She admitted she loved him, but she wasn't so sure of that because he changed. The man she fell in love with was a fun person who lived life to the fullest. The one she just met was a drunken bastard who nearly killed her. How did her life turn out like this? What was the press going to think when they discover the affair? Never would anyone believe that The Olivia Pope is crying because she is pregnant by the President, who almost stabbed her.

"When did I become soo weak?" She stood up in front of her full length mirror.

"You have got to get this together" She paused to fix her hair.

"You are freaking Olivia Pope, head of the crisis firm, top problem solver, and one of the brightest women in DC. You are not some inferior whore who satisfied the president, and you are certainly not a widow. You are powerful and independent. Get it together liv!"

She was pacing by now. Her hands shook, so she turned on the faucet to freshen up.

At that moment, Liv would've killed to have a drink, but her baby deserved far more than she could even provide. Olivia curled up on the overnight couch and turned the radio on. "Shake it Out" by Florence screamed at her. She didn't shed one tear, but when it finished she wailed. She pulled out the plug. That made her depressed, but what made her feel worse was that she knew she had to let him go. She just wasn't going to tell the truth. Not now at least.

FLASHBACK:

2 months ago

"Hey! Liv? You awake?" Fitz wondered.

She stirred lightly. "Yeahhh…what's wrong?"

"I just want you to know that I love you. No matter what happens I've always loved you, and that I wish I married you. I'm tired of hiding who I am. Aren't you?"

She kissed him. Long and passionate, but it seemed to distract him.

"I love you too, but how will the country react if they found out that their leader is off sleeping with some mistress when everyone else is expecting him to make important decisions? You can't…ruin what we've built because of your feelings Fitz, and I won't let you."

He rubbed his eyes and she leaned over to kiss his cheek tenderly.

"Now..breakfast?" She wrapped a sheet around her as she got out the bed anxiously staring her day.

"Breakfast.." He watched her as she left. He was so grateful Mellie was gone for a week. He couldn't go another week without being with Liv. He loved her, and that's why he made up him mind. He knew what he had to do and no one could stop him. He rushed out of bed hungry for more than food.

END FLASHBACK: