a/n: ...Um, no, I didn't expect this either...Needless to say, here it is. My grasp on the characters is a little bit rusty - it's been a long time since I've written anything for CG, and even longer since I've watched it.

disclaimer: Nope.

Spoilers for the entire series.

She loves him, of course she does. She loves him and she hates them, hates their slimy blood with a hatred she didn't know she possessed until her irises were lined in red and she held a gun in her hands.

Euphemia hates them in the same way she loves Lelouch: easily, without thought, with a knowledge that simmers in her marrow.

The bathroom door was solid against her back. Shirley sunk to the floor, staring at the cabinets, at the toothpaste-flecked mirror, observing every little detail she'd never noticed before. It helped a little. The way the faucets shone and the fluorescent lights shook distracted her from the fact that a huge chunk of her memory was a lie. It was false, fake, and fabricated, and what was she supposed to do with it now?

She loved Lelouch. Even now, she does - she loves him in a basic way, a rudimentary way, in a way that if you stripped her down to the basics of what make her Shirley the love of Lelouch would still be there. It was sickening. It made her want to hate him, but she couldn't, not even a tiny bit.

I hate him.

Her hands curled into fists, and her nails cut into her palms. Kallen set her jaw. The entire thing made her sick to her stomach and madder than hell, and not being able to do anything was the worst part. He was up there, regal, refined, not a blemish on his conscience - and why should there be? It wasn't like he gave a damn about any of them anyway. It wasn't not like they were people, that they were important, that they were his allies or even that they were his friends.

She kissed him. The memory made her want to bite her lips off.

C.C. could almost hate Lelouch for leaving the world in such a state of chaos. She didn't hate many people or things - she'd lived too long for that - but she was getting close to hating him.

Things had been interesting at first, and C.C. had liked that. The world didn't know how to orient itself. It didn't know whether to mourn the Emperor or rejoice in his passing. The spectacles that he'd left in his wake had been fascinating, but now the issues were settling into peace talks and negotiations, and the riots and revels had died down in the streets. It had begun to get boring.

C.C. yawned, and covered her mouth with a hand. The scenery blurred outside the train as she left his mess behind.

"Are you sure?" Zero's flat voice had issued out of the helmet earlier today. Nunnally had been annoyed with him for asking, for a moment - after all, she was his queen. Her orders were questioned by everyone else, and they shouldn't be questioned by him, too. Then the ire had faded, and she had remembered it was him who had pushed the sword through Lelouch's chest, and she had nodded.

Her brother's grave collected no flowers. It was a royal edict. The tombstone read: Lelouch vi Britannia,, 99th ruler of the Holy Britannian Empire. There was no Beloved Son or Dear Brother or Sorely Missed Friend. She hadn't thought he'd deserved them. She wasn't sure if she still did or not, but it was the first time she'd visited, and, well - that was a big enough step for now.

Lelouch's bones are beneath my feet. Nunnally shivered, and drew herself up to her full height. She touched the marble and traced the letters in his name. Her stomach was full - as it always was when she thought of him - with anger and regret and love and hate. That was the way it would always be. She was the hundredth ruler of this empire, and it was up to her to fix his mistakes. There wasn't any time left for figuring out how she should feel about Lelouch.

Nunnally turned away from the grave and began to walk back towards the car. After a few steps, she realized Zero was no longer with her, and looked over her shoulder.

One hand was clenched the top of the tombstone, and his head was bowed. His shoulders were stiff. If it were anyone else, she would have said they were tense with frustration, but Zero...Who knew what was going through his head?

"Zero?" she called. "We shouldn't keep the driver waiting."

"Of course, your majesty. My deepest apologies."

She nodded, and didn't look back twice.