Author's Note: So, when first uploading this, I had no clue how to make one of these, clearly I'm new. Any ways, this is my first TVD fanfiction, actually my first anything since the days of the original American Idol, and the product of my procrastination instead of working on my biopsychology paper. Not smart, I know. But whatever, I really hope you enjoy this as I checked it over and over again in order to make sure it's worthy of being uploaded, and with my need for perfection and slight ADD, it was a very time consuming task.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, settings, or basic TVD magic. All the rights belong to Ms. Plec and the other writters and producers of the show.

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Damon strolls into the dimly lit room with a glass of bourbon in his hand, as always, and watches as Elena stares into the flames that are lit in the fire place. He hears her exhale shakily and he knows she'd been crying again. She'd heard him enter the room and the soft clink of ice against glass clearer than she'd ever heard as a human, even if she isn't fully a vampire yet. She is in transition. And Damon, as irritating as ever, keeps trying to convince her to drink a blood bag. She know's it's the only option, with her not wanting to physically hurt anyone in order to complete her transition, and her being the only one left to take care of Jeremy since every one else that was supposed to do that is dead. You're dead too, she thinks bitterly. Her heart aches more then it's ever ached, even if she thought she was miserable before, this level of emotion completely baffled her. That's why she's been sitting on this couch of the past few hours, hoping that no human walked through the doors of the Salvatore boarding house, and trying to ignore her grumbling stomach. She could now fully understand most of the things that Damon had done… what Stefan had done in order to rid of those feelings. Stefan.

"Where's Stefan?" she asks. She's asked this question plenty of times in the last five hours. She hears his sigh of frustration… anguish? She can't quite tell. It's probably a bit of both… actually a whole lot of both.

"I don't know, Elena," his voice is strained. He's holding back from snapping something like 'how many times do I have to fucking tell you'? She believes him, but she wishes she didn't. She wishes he did know, and that he would just tell her already. So she lets him believe that she thinks he's lying. She stands up and walks towards him.

"What did you do?" she groans, her anger bubbling up inside of her.

"What?" He's clearly baffled.

"What did you do to make him leave? Stefan would never leave me like that in a time that I need him!" she screams. Damon's eyes flicker away from her face and she immediately feels the guilt gnawing at her insides. She can only imagine what he's thinking. It's probably something along the lines of 'why can't you need me? Why can't I ever be enough?' And as he looks back into her eyes, she knows. Yeah, that's probably it. "Answer me, please," she begs. Damon swallows nervously. That's a first, she thinks, Damon nervous. Or maybe I've never noticed it before. Oh, he has done something… "Damon?"

"Elena, I…" his eyes harden. "I told him off. I was just so mad at him that he didn't drag you out first. I wouldn't have cared what you wanted… I would have dragged you out of that car weather you fought me or not. I will always choose you." There it is again. "I'd rather have you alive and well, and hating me for not saving Matt but I'd still know you're … not… turning into something you hate… something that I hate," his voice wavers. Oh, Damon… her emotions pool in her eyes.

"So, he just left?"

"Almost took the security guard out, but yeah…" There is a slight spark of amusement in his eyes, behind all that sorrow as he remembers how Stefan had grabbed the scrawny man and thrown him up against the wall, bearing his fangs in all their glory. The man definitely needed compelling and a lot of coaxing into making him calm down.

"I don't understand… he must be in a lot of pain right now, Damon. I don't want him to do anything he'll regret. We have to find him!" Her tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I think he already regrets a lot…" he mutters, reaching up to wipe them. "Look, Elena," he says, mentally collecting himself. "I don't know what you're decision on turning is, but we have to focus on that now… You don't have too long to make up your inexplicable mind and I'd like you to live… and so does Jeremy." Elena gasps.

"You talked to Jeremy?" she said, her eyes searching his for any deceit. He nods once.

"He wants you to turn. He told me that you probably don't want to see him because you won't trust yourself, but he wants to see you… and he wants you to turn because he'll still love you no matter what you are…" he clears his voice, clearly frazzled. Just as I love you, he thinks. Elena's lips turn up in a smile and more tears roll down her face.

"I'd like to see him when I feel more in control…" she says quietly. Damon's eyes light up.

"Does that mean…"

"Yes," she saids meekly. Damon grabs her and crushes her in his embrace, burying his nose in her hair.

"I didn't want you to hate me forever…" he whispers, his voice strained. Oh, he would have forced me to drink any way, she thinks. Her mouth twists in distaste. Speaking of taste… she can smell him… and it's so much stronger than she'd ever sensed him. His light spray of cologne, his unique Damon smell… she can practically taste it on her tongue. Is that how she would feel around humans, as well? Being so close and so tempted to just sink her teeth into their flesh. She shudders at the thought… or is it because his hands are running up and down her back? She feels a tingling in her gums and her tongue darts out to find her canines ready and sharp. They pierce into the skin of her tongue as she unexpectedly pulls it back with a gasp. Damon pulls away to look at her. His jaw clenches when he notices her vampiric features. She can only guess that he's probably thinking of Katherine and she suddenly whimpers, feeling afraid of him and what he would want to do to her. Torture her, surely… I would.

"Damon?"

"Come," he commands, leading her into the cellar with the fridge full of blood bags. Oh, she can already smell it and she's salivating at the thought. No. That's not right, her conscience yells. You're a monster now! A demon. She glances at Damon. He's not always a demon… Damon, my demon. She giggles internally at the thought, but suddenly scolds herself. He's not yours. You chose Stefan. But where is he now? A small part of her don't really care, and feels the pull towards the darker brother. It's always been there, but not as strong as it is now.

"It's okay to love them both. I did." Ugh. Screw you, Katherine.

"Here," Damon says, snapping her out of her thoughts, holding out a blood bag.

"This is weird," she says, her eyes looking up at him uncertainly. Damon looks surprised at her outburst and chuckles slightly, but then his eyes turn hard again. He's trying to intimidate me, she laughs internally. "Just this once," she states, ripping open the bag. The smell hits her now full force and she almost whimpers. He looks are her questioningly, with his eyes brows doing their thing, but he doesn't have time to ask her what she means before she's devouring the contents of the bag. She doesn't hold back, she can't. She moans deep in her throat as the blood trickles down. She feels some slip down her chin. No, don't waste it. She opens her eyes to see Damon staring at her with dark eyes. He's veining, she notices. Is it because of the blood? With every ounce of self control she rips the bag from her mouth.

"Damon," she moans. That didn't come out right. "You should have one too. You were hurt. You need blood." His jaw ticks.

"Just drink, Elena. Finish it, because I'm not giving you another one," his voice is strained. Elena gasps.

"What? Why?"

"Because we can't have you out of control now, can we?" he threatens. She doesn't retaliate - for once - and brings the bag back up to her lips. She licks them once unconsciously, as Damon takes in a sharp breathe. "I need a minute," he growls, slamming the fridge shut and storming past her quickly. What's his problem, she thinks before she can think no more as the rest of the blood rushes down her throat. Heavenly, is the only thing that crosses her mind… and yum. As soon as she drains the bag of its contents, she looks behind her to see that Damon still hasn't returned. She looks to the fridge and slowly reaches over and lifts the lid. The noise it makes is ridiculously loud. Have fridges always been this loud? Then she realizes that she can hear the creak of the floor boards upstairs as she hears Damon pacing, the hoot of the owl outside on the tree as its leaves brush together in the wind creating a beautiful peaceful sound. Amazing, she thinks. Over the overwhelming smell of blood, she can almost smell the fire that burns upstairs in the pit and the lingering traces of Damon. Wow, is this always how well they can smell? Well, now me too. Oh, no. Her mind races. Every time I was sweaty? Or on my period… or… gassy? Her entire body floods with mortification. Why hadn't I thought of that? All of a sudden she's laughing hysterically, tears streaming down her face for an entirely different reason. Damon's pacing on the floor boards comes to a halt and she feels a gust of wind and knows immediately that it's him. His eyes dart from the opened fridge to her current state with a look of pure confusion in his eyes that turns to concern.

"Elena?" he speaks carefully.

"Oh, Da… Damon…" she says between breaths, holding her stomach. "I wanted more blood, but then I ran way with my thoughts," she manages. Damon looks at her with a fake smile.

"Don't go insane on me here… I'm not exactly used to this."

"I know," she says walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I know and I love that." She buries her face into his neck.

"I wasn't expecting that."

"What?"

"The laughing… or the hug…" he says, still a little weary.

"Me neither," she smiles, looking up into her clear blue eyes. His pupils suddenly dilate. "I thought I was going to flip. Not be able to handle the blood… any thing at all really… I can't believe I'm not throwing you out of the way to get to the fridge. I think my brain is just haywire right now."

"Trust me, you couldn't manage to throw me anywhere, even if you wanted to," he says, his voice low. It makes her tingle with anticipation. For what? Oh, you know what you want. Wait! What the hell? Do I have some sort of Katherine alter-ego? Gross, she huffs mentally. "Let's get you upstairs," he says, grabbing her wrist. Her eyes widen and she freezes.

"Damon…" she hesitates. His eyes sparkle with mischief.

"Away from the blood," he chastises, with a smirk.

"Oh," she feels the heat rush to her cheeks.

"What did you think I meant, Elena?" He smiles with false innocence. She rolls her eyes and goes to punch him in the arm, and for the first time he actually winces. She smiles in triumph. "I'm glad my pain is your pleasure…" he mutters with a smile.

"Not my only pleasure," she says, lowly. Oh, wow. What just came out of your mouth? His eyes widen in surprise, and his pupils dilate once more. But before he can say away thing, Elena rushes up the stairs, using her newly found vampire speed, into the foyer. She gasps, the wind knocking the air out of her. That was weird. So, I'm still going to have to get used to that. She feels another gust of wind and suddenly her back is up against the wall and Damon is glaring into her eyes, his vampiric features out.

"Don't you dare say something like that and just run off, Elena," his tone threatening. Her eyes wide and shining, she whimpers as his hands leave her shoulders and move to either side of her head, her dead heart pounding furiously as his knee slips between her legs and his body presses up against her.

"I'm… sorry," she says between ragged breaths.

"You better be," he growls, slowly lowering his eyes to her pouty lips. Her hips jerk against his without her permission, causing a hiss to leave her lips and a groan to leave his. He leans down and she feels his tongue running up her chin to her lips, licking off the small trail of blood she had forgotten about when feeding on the blood bag. "Delicious," he murmurs and their breath mingles as her lips part, and her eyes close automatically. Her hips jump against his once more, hearing his breathing become laboured. She opens her eyes to see him pull away slightly, feeling only disappointment at this point. "Elena," he sighs, before suddenly pushing himself off of her completely. She awkwardly stands there, aroused, with her hands clenched and her back pressed against the wall, and even with all her new found strength, she feels as though her legs might give out on her. Damon lets out a frustrated sigh and runs a hand through his messy hair, before turning away from her and walking towards the stairs.

"Damon?" she whispers, knowing he'll hear it.

"Not now," he snaps, rushing to his room and slamming the door behind him.

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Fuck.

That's all Damon can think right now.

Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck. His fist flies out, punching the wall and splintering the wood. He screams out in pain and frustration. He was supposed to be teaching her - training her to become what he know's she could be. He knows her compassionate heart and knows that she'll probably have more strength when it comes to not attacking humans, but she's still a newbie, with her emotions clearly going haywire, and he'd almost fucked her up against the wall. Oh, but she had been so pliant and willing.

"Damn it!" he groans, picking out the splinters in his hand. There was no way he would take advantage of her arousal right now. On the first night that she's even a vampire. He looks outside the window as he sees the dark sky growing lighter. Well, morning now. He sighs as he hears her finally move from the wall and start ascending the steps. In a second he finds him self looking at her as she bursts through the room, her long hair flying all around her as she sucks in a deep breath. Her wide eyes meet his and he can't help but smile a bit. "Take it easy, kiddo," he mumbles, looking back down at his hand.

"Damon," she breathes. Don't, he thinks. Don't pull that breathy, gaspy stuff on me now.

"Elena," he responds, with a quirk of his eye brow.

"Your hand…" she mumbles, reaching over and looking at it with concern. She pulls out a large splinter from his wrist and he hisses. She looks at the small piece of wood carefully, her thumb running down it's length. It burns as she feels the tiny prickles of the splinters going into her skin, causing her to lightly bare her teeth.

"You're going to be a lot easier to train than either Vicky or Caroline," he states. "You know all the basics of being a vampire."

"And a little more," she says softy, looking up into his eyes. He sighs.

"Elena… look… I'm sorry about earlier."

"I'm not." Both of their eyes widen in surprise. She blushes. "Apparently I have a motor mouth now." Damon chuckles and shakes his head.

"I kind of like it," he winks, causing her to turn an even darker shade of red.

"I just wanted to say something," she said, feigning confidence.

"Okay…" he says wearily.

"I obviously care about you, Damon. I do. And down there… we both wanted that, but I chose Stefan and just because he's ran off, it doesn't mean that he's completely out of the picture. I love him and… I just can't give up on him. But I agree with you. I have to learn to deal with… this new person that I am and then we can find him. But just so you know, I haven't forgot what you said."

"What did I say?" he asks, halfheartedly.

"To remember us, when Stefan comes back… when he was gone last year. And I'll do the same this time too. I just… I'm honestly so confused," she sighs. Damon clenches his jaw.

"Well, good for you but what does that matter if you still chose Stefan?" he says, trying miserably not to glare at her. Elena looks down.

"I thought it would mean something to you… that I haven't tossed our memories aside. That I cherish every memory. That I remember us." Suddenly, there seems to be an underlying meaning to her words. Damon's jaw drops slightly as it dawns on him that she does remember everything. Once she died, all the compulsion wore off. Elena swallows nervously, waiting for him to say something. Anything really. Damon nods briefly.

"Okay, Elena." He steps around her and rushes downstairs.

Elena tip toes down the stairs, hoping her vampire skills can help her with getting around the house quietly. She can hear the flip of a page coming from the great room and she slowly pads her way over there.

"Damon," she calls softly. "Please talk to me." He rolls his eyes from his spot on the couch.

"There's nothing to say, Elena," irritation seeping into his tone. Something inside Elena quickly snaps and she can't hold herself back as she barges towards him.

"Why are you avoiding me? Why are you shutting me out now? You certainly didn't have a problem telling me all of your secrets when I was normal! Or is it because you can't hide behind your cowardly mask of compulsion anymore?" she fumes and the minute it comes flying out of her new motor mouth, she regrets it. Damon snaps the book shut and glares are her, eyes blazing.

"If you haven't forgotten, Elena," he looms, "you chose Stefan. And because you chose him, I decided it was better for you to not have some of those memories."

"You couldn't have known I was always going to choose him! You must have had some semblance of hope," she says.

"Make up your fucking mind, Elena!" he roars, "Because I don't know what to take of this conversation or the reason behind it. You told me yourself that you chose Stefan, so just give it up! I'll teach you to control your urges, your blood-lust, and emotions for however long it takes for St. Stefan to come back. Once he does, you'll beg him for his alternative life style, fall back into his arms, and I can leave and won't have to deal with either of you when you fall off the wagon. You'll just have to sort out your own shit!" Elena gaps, taken aback.

"You'll leave?" Her voice quiet.

"Yes. Stefan -" he stops. Don't rat him out, let her come to you on her own terms, his conscience tells him. Elena looks down. Stefan probably wanted Damon to leave if she would have chosen him, yet Damon hadn't wanted to… She doesn't exactly blame Stefan for wanting an arrangement like that, although she can't help but feel that was a little selfish of him. Damon would have wanted to stay no matter what… probably to protect her from her own stupid choices. She feels her heart being split again. Yes, she had chosen Stefan. But that was before she knew about all the things that Damon had confessed to her.

"And it's because I love you, that I can't be selfish with you."

Oh, god.

So... How'd I do?

Reviews are appreciated.